Maplewood Counseling
Marriage Counseling by Yourself?

Marriage Counseling by Yourself?

Relationships

NJ Marriage Counseling by Yourself

Helping Individuals with Relationships

Maplewood Counseling

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Can you do marriage counseling by yourself?

Relationship or Marriage Counseling by Yourself

Does this sound familiar?

  • You are unhappy and do not know what to do
  • You’ve tried to get your wife or husband t go to therapy for a long time and they brushed it off
  • You’re having an affair and need help telling your spouse or partner
  • You’re scared you’re going to have to get divorced or separated due to your problems
  • You want to leave your marriage or relationship and are not sure what to do
  • You need a safe place to discuss your issues and concerns
  • Your spouse or partner just found out about an affair and your fear the end of the marriage
  • You wife, husband or partner wants out and you’re not sure what to do.

There’s a reason you want to talk to professional – maybe to discuss how unhappy or scared you are, infidelity that hasn’t been discussed yet, an affair or other issues that have never been resolved and you are just feeling like you need some kind of direction. Maybe you’re at a point that you know something has to change and you’re not sure what to do.

Need marriage counseling by yourself?

If you need to sort through some issues in your marriage or a relationship and you want a compassionate, experienced and non-judgmental professional to help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Unhappy Relationship or Marriage?

Helping Couples Reconnect

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Helping Couples Reconnect

Marriage Couples Therapy NJ

Relationship Counseling

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Helping Couples Reconnect

Helping couples reconnect

Helping Couples with Disconnect

Couples get disconnected for a number reasons. Some are unable to communicate effectively, others are dealing with infidelity and betrayal, and many argue over parenting, in-law or other family issues.

What to Do If You’re Disconnected

Disconnected relationships can be extremely painful. What you do with that pain can make things worse even if you’re just trying to make connection. Some men and women can get verbally abusive and attack their partner with name calling and criticism. Others are unable to listen to concerns and needs of a partner or spouse if they feel blamed. More often than not, people that feel blamed will respond by getting defensive which can make matters worse.

Some couples really struggle when one person wants to talk and discuss issues ( “I want you to hear me!”) in an attempt to be understood and the other person may not want to deal with any kind of conflict whatsoever because they don’t know what to do. Definitely not a great combination, but a lot a couples struggle in this way.

The key is trying to make the relationship safe enough, trying to get better at listening – really listening and staying present – trying to understand the other person. It first takes understanding your pattern or dynamic – what isn’t working. You can get reconnected if you are both open and willing to learn what will help. It’s also important learn what habits and patterns get in the way of listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving.

If you’re a couple that needs help reconnecting, get in touch.

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Helping Couples Reconnect – Counseling for Marital Problems

Surviving Infidelity With Effective Relationship Therapy

Surviving Infidelity With Effective Relationship Therapy

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need help surviving infidelity and Healing from Betrayal ? We offer in person session in Maplewood near South OrangeWest OrangeLivingstonMillburnSummitSpringfieldMaplewoodWest CaldwellMontclairBloomfieldCranfordChathamCliftonNewarkShort HillsRoselandJersey CityUnion. We can also provide therapy wherever you are located in New Jersey.

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Therapy for Couples After Infidelity

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Help Surviving Infidelity Maplewood Counseling

8 Ways to Heal and Move Forward After Infidelity

Infidelity can disrupt the very foundation of a relationship, leaving deep emotional wounds that may feel insurmountable. Whether discovered through confession or happenstance, the pain is profound for everyone involved. But here’s the truth you need to hold onto: healing is possible. You can move forward, and you don’t have to do it alone.

This guide shares eight thoughtful steps for processing the hurt, rebuilding trust, and determining the best path forward—whether that leads to repair or turning the page. However you’re feeling right now, know that your emotions are valid, and recovery is within reach.

Understanding Infidelity

Infidelity comes in many forms and is rarely straightforward. It can be physical, emotional, or even stem from breaches of trust that don’t fit neatly into traditional ideas of cheating. Understanding the causes behind infidelity, though painful, often provides clarity and helps both partners make sense of the betrayal.

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

While there’s never an excuse for breaking trust, understanding the reasons can sometimes open the door to healing. Common causes include:

  • Lack of emotional connection: Feeling unheard or invisible in the relationship can drive one partner away.
  • Unresolved personal struggles: Low self-esteem, stress, or unmet needs can lead someone to seek external validation.
  • Temptation and opportunity: Loose boundaries may create opportunities for unfaithful behavior.
  • Relationship challenges: Ongoing conflict, lack of intimacy, or unmet expectations can strain a partnership.

It’s imperative to recognize that while external factors may play a role, infidelity is ultimately a choice. Accountability lies with the partner who broke the trust, and healing requires addressing these actions head-on.

Immediate Steps After Discovering Infidelity

The moment infidelity comes to light is often filled with overwhelming emotions such as heartbreak, anger, and confusion. Here are three steps to ground yourself in the immediate aftermath:

1. Pause and Breathe

Take a moment to process what’s happened. Your emotions are valid, but resist acting impulsively. Giving yourself time for reflection can pave the way for meaningful conversations and decisions later.

2. Establish Open Dialogue

If both partners are ready, start talking about the infidelity—but set boundaries for respectful communication. Focus on expressing feelings rather than placing blame. Kindness can be an anchor in even the stormiest conversations.

3. Delay Major Decisions

It’s tempting to make snap decisions about whether to stay or leave, but big choices need time and thoughtful consideration. Take time to weigh your feelings and evaluate the long-term health of your relationship.

Seeking Professional Support

A neutral third party can make a world of difference when emotions are running high and the road to understanding feels blocked. Counseling offers a safe space to unpack the issues and begin the healing process.

Why Therapy Helps

  • Express yourself freely: Share feelings honestly in a space that prioritizes understanding and avoids judgment.
  • Identify root issues: Work through personal or relational factors that contributed to the situation.
  • Learn tools to rebuild: Gain strategies for communication, trust-building, and emotional healing.

Remember, therapy isn’t just for couples. Individual sessions can help you process your personal emotions and uncover what you need to move forward, alone or together.

Rebuilding Trust

The foundation of healing a relationship after infidelity is trust. Restoring it is hard work that demands vulnerability, consistency, and grace—from both partners.

4. Be Transparent

The partner who broke trust must commit to openness. This includes clarity around intentions, consistent communication, and, if needed, a willingness to share access (e.g., passwords) to rebuild confidence.

5. Celebrate Progress

Rebuilding trust is not an overnight process. Look for small wins, like open conversations or moments of shared vulnerability, and celebrate the steps toward healing.

Practicing Self-Care

Healing from infidelity isn’t just about fixing your relationship; it’s about nurturing yourself, too. Prioritize your emotional and physical well-being during this challenging time.

6. Address Your Emotional Health

  • Allow yourself to grieve fully.
  • Explore your feelings through journaling to better understand and release them.
  • Lean on trusted friends or family for support in moments of vulnerability.

7. Care for Your Body

Physical wellness can have a surprisingly strong influence on emotional healing. Eat well, stay active, and prioritize rest. Simple self-care habits can help you find strength and stability within.

Deciding the Future of Your Relationship

Infidelity often leads to a crossroads. Determining whether to stay and rebuild or move on separately is deeply personal, and there’s no single “right” answer. What matters is making a decision rooted in what’s best for both partners in the long run.

8. Evaluate the Relationship’s Foundation

Ask yourself tough but necessary questions:

  • Are both partners committed to healing and moving forward?
  • Can forgiveness be genuine, or will resentment linger?
  • Is this relationship built on a foundation that can be strengthened, or do deeper issues run too deep?

Both reconciliation and separation can lead to growth and happiness. For some couples, working through infidelity can solidify a stronger bond. For others, moving apart opens the door to healthier opportunities for the future.

Finding Hope After Infidelity

Infidelity doesn’t have to define your relationship or your life. Healing is an ongoing process that requires patience, honesty, and both partners working toward a brighter future. And remember, recovery doesn’t happen in isolation. Whether through counseling, loved ones, or trusted resources, support is always available.

If you’re struggling to find the next step forward, a licensed counselor or relationship therapist can guide you. Infidelity may feel like the end, but it can also mark a new beginning for growth, understanding, and hope.

You are not alone. Healing is possible. Trust in the next step, wherever it leads.

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Helpful Resources 

Should I Break Up? Relationship Counseling for Couples | NJ

Should I Break Up? Relationship Counseling for Couples | NJ

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Navigating the Crossroads: Should You Stay or Go?

Navigating the Crossroads: Should You Stay or Go?

Deciding the future of a relationship is one of life’s most challenging crossroads. You might feel caught in a loop of uncertainty, weighing happy memories against present pain. Questions like, “Can we fix this?” or “Is it time to let go?” can feel overwhelming, leaving you feeling stuck and alone. Whether you’re in a marriage or a committed partnership, this period of questioning is a sign that something needs to change.

Feeling uncertain is a valid and common experience. Perhaps you are grappling with the aftermath of an affair, trying to heal from broken trust. Maybe you feel a deep sense of disconnect, as if you and your partner are living separate lives. These moments of pain and confusion deserve to be met with compassion and clarity. This guide is here to help you explore your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental way, empowering you to find the path that is right for you.

Understanding the Doubts in Your Relationship

When a relationship is in crisis, it’s natural to question everything. The path forward feels foggy, and you might not be sure if you can find your way back to each other.

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • You are struggling to forgive your partner for infidelity or a betrayal of trust.
  • You feel a lingering hurt from times your partner wasn’t there for you when you needed them most.
  • You find it difficult to move past old arguments or painful events that keep resurfacing.
  • There’s a constant feeling that your needs are not being met, or that you’ve been deprioritized for other people or obligations.

These are significant emotional hurdles. They create a heavy burden that can make it hard to feel positive about your partner and your future together. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing them. The pain you feel is real, and it’s important to acknowledge it without judgment.

The Complex Path of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often discussed as a key to moving forward, but it’s rarely a simple act. It is a complex, personal journey. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or condoning the actions that caused you pain. Instead, it is a process of releasing the hold that anger and resentment have on you, primarily for your own well-being.

Can forgiveness save a relationship? Sometimes. When both partners are willing to engage in honest, open, and sometimes difficult conversations, it is possible to heal and rebuild. It requires a shared commitment to understanding each other’s perspectives and working collaboratively to create a new foundation.

However, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. You can forgive someone for your own peace of mind and still decide that the healthiest choice is to end the relationship. The goal is to make a decision that honors your well-being, whether that means staying together and healing, or parting ways with mutual respect.

What is Discernment Counseling?

When you’re on the brink of a major relationship decision, Discernment Counseling offers a unique and supportive path. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which is often aimed at fixing the relationship, discernment counseling helps you gain clarity and confidence about the future of your partnership.

This short-term approach is designed for couples where one person is leaning towards ending the relationship while the other wants to save it. The primary goal is not to solve your problems, but to help you decide if your problems can be solved.

Over one to five sessions, a therapist will help you and your partner:

  • Look honestly at your relationship, including what has worked and what hasn’t.
  • Understand each person’s contributions to the current challenges.
  • Explore three potential paths forward: ending the relationship, committing to six months of intensive couples therapy, or maintaining the status quo.

Discernment counseling provides a safe, structured space to slow down and make a thoughtful, deliberate decision, free from pressure. It empowers you to move forward with a clearer understanding of your own needs and the dynamics of your relationship.

Finding Your Way Forward

Feeling stuck in a painful place is exhausting. You don’t have to navigate this uncertainty alone. Seeking professional support can provide you with a safe, confidential space to explore your feelings, understand your options, and find the clarity you need to move forward.

Whether you choose to work on your relationship or decide it’s time to part ways, therapy can help you process your emotions and develop the tools for a healthier future. We are here to support you in exploring your next steps with empathy and guidance. Reaching out is a brave and powerful step toward finding peace and resolution.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: How do I know if my relationship is truly over?
A: There is no single sign, but consistent indicators include a lack of emotional or physical intimacy, feeling indifferent rather than angry during conflicts, imagining a future without your partner that brings relief, and feeling that your core values and life goals no longer align. If attempts to communicate and reconnect consistently fail, it may be a sign that the relationship has run its course.

Q: My partner doesn’t want to go to therapy. What can I do?
A: This is a common challenge. You can start by expressing your feelings in a non-blaming way, explaining that you want to go to therapy to improve the relationship for both of you. If they remain resistant, consider individual therapy. Working on yourself can still positively impact the relationship dynamics and provide you with the clarity and support you need to make decisions about the future.

Q: Is it normal to still love someone but know you have to break up?
A: Yes, it is very normal. Love is complex and doesn’t just disappear. You can deeply care for someone while recognizing that the relationship is unhealthy or no longer serving your well-being. Ending a relationship in this context is a difficult but often necessary act of self-compassion.

Q: How can we break up amicably, especially if we have children?
A: An amicable split requires mutual respect and a commitment to open communication. Focus on shared goals, like co-parenting effectively. Agree to communicate respectfully, avoid blaming each other, and set clear boundaries. A therapist or mediator can be incredibly helpful in facilitating these conversations and creating a healthy post-breakup plan.

Q: How long will it take to get over a breakup?
A: There is no set timeline for healing, as it’s a deeply personal process. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned. Factors like the length of the relationship, the circumstances of the breakup, and your support system will influence your healing journey. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.

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Helpful Resources for Couples Seeking Counseling

Honesty in Your Marriage and Relationship

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Honesty

Helping Couples Build Trust

Maplewood Counseling

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Relationships and Honesty

Do you struggle with honesty in your relationship?  Are there things you don’t share with you spouse or partner?  Are you afraid to tell things with your spouse or partner something?

Being dishonest does not necessarily mean your are deliberately lying – in the case of someone directly asking if something is wrong or sensing something is wrong and directly asking. But lying to avoid getting caught in something potentially very damaging to your relationship – an affair, is a different type of dishonesty. Men and women are dishonest for different reasons sometimes.

Is this you?

  • You’re having an affair and are feeling stuck in a very bad situation
  • You’re texting other women or men and flirting and it’s hard to stop
  • You don’t tell your spouse or partner important things because you don’t want to hurt him or her
  • You don’t say how you really feel about sex and end up going through the motions and feeling unhappy
  • You don’t feel you can share what you want or need because you’re spouse won’t understand or care
  • You’re afraid your husband or wife will get angry if you say how you really feel about something

Lack of honesty will eventually lead to bigger problems, A couples can get very disconnected over time if they don’t share how unhappy they are about certain things and just accept it will never change. To deal with the disconnect, sometime one partner will find some relief in the attention from someone else. Disconnection and unhappiness at home can make many people very vulnerable to the smallest amount of attention from the outside.

It is important to be honest more now to reduce bigger problems down the road. If you need help to prevent bigger problems or if have already crossed over into infidelity or other bigger problems, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 
 
 
Unhappy Marriage or Relationship?

Can This Marriage Be Saved? Counseling to Find Your Way

Can This Marriage Be Saved? Counseling to Find Your Way

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Trying to Save Your Marriage? Counseling Can Help You Find a Way

 

Trying to Save Your Marriage? Counseling Can Help You Find a Way

Are you lying awake at night, wondering if your marriage is over? Does it feel like your partner has completely shut down, or that every conversation turns into the same, exhausting fight? Maybe you feel like you are the only one trying, holding onto the last sliver of hope while your spouse seems to have one foot out the door.

This is a painful, lonely place to be. Many couples arrive at our practice feeling stuck in this exact cycle. One person may have been asking for counseling for years, feeling unheard and disconnected. By the time the other partner finally agrees to therapy, the one who was asking has often lost hope.

It’s a heart-wrenching dynamic: one partner is finally ready to fight for the marriage, while the other is ready to give up. At Maplewood Counseling, we understand this crisis point. Our first step isn’t to force a solution but to help you both find clarity. Before you can decide whether to save your marriage, you need a safe space to understand what broke and if it can be repaired.

The Tipping Point: When Does a Marriage Reach a Crisis?

Relationships don’t break overnight. They erode over time, often due to a series of unresolved issues. You may be at a tipping point if you recognize these patterns:

  • Communication has completely broken down. You either argue constantly or live in a heavy silence, avoiding any topic that might lead to conflict.
  • One partner seems “done.” They have emotionally withdrawn, stopped trying to connect, and may have already mentioned separation or divorce.
  • You feel like roommates, not partners. The emotional and physical intimacy is gone, and you are living separate lives under the same roof.
  • You’re only staying together for the children. You fear that separating would be worse for them, but you are miserable in the current environment.
  • Trust has been shattered. Whether due to infidelity or a long history of broken promises, the foundation of your relationship feels damaged beyond repair.

If this sounds familiar, it’s easy to feel hopeless. But recognizing the problem is the first step toward finding a solution.

What Does It Really Take to Save a Marriage?

Saving a marriage isn’t about grand romantic gestures; it’s about the small, consistent efforts to rebuild. It requires both partners to be willing, even if that willingness looks different for each person. Here are the core pillars of a successful repair process.

1. Radically Honest Communication

The communication that led you into crisis won’t lead you out. You need to learn a new way of talking and listening. This means moving away from blame (“You always…”) and toward expressing your own feelings (“I feel hurt when…”). A therapist acts as a guide, helping you have these difficult conversations without them devolving into another fight.

2. A Willingness to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t about condoning hurtful behavior. It’s about releasing the resentment that keeps you chained to the past. This process is complex and often requires professional guidance, especially after a deep betrayal like an affair. It’s a choice you make for your own peace, as much as for the relationship.

3. Re-Prioritizing the Relationship

In the chaos of life, work, and parenting, many couples stop investing in their partnership. Saving your marriage means intentionally carving out time for each other again. It’s not just about “date nights.” It’s about finding small moments to connect—a shared cup of coffee in the morning, a phone-free conversation, a simple “thank you.”

4. Taking Ownership of Your Part

It’s rare for a relationship breakdown to be entirely one person’s fault. A crucial step in healing is the ability to look inward and acknowledge your role in the dynamic. This isn’t about taking all the blame, but about understanding how your actions or inactions contributed to the disconnect.

A Safe Space for All Relationships

Every relationship has its own unique strengths and challenges. At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive, affirming care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. We create a judgment-free space where you can explore what a healthy future looks like for you.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Saving a Marriage

Q: Can a marriage be saved if only one person wants to try?
A: This is one of the most challenging situations. While it takes two people to build a healthy marriage, one person’s commitment to change can shift the entire dynamic. We often recommend individual counseling in this case. It can help you find clarity and strength, and sometimes, seeing one partner make positive changes inspires the other to re-engage.

Q: Is it too late for us? My spouse says they aren’t in love with me anymore.
A: Feelings of love often fade when connection is lost. The phrase “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” usually means “I’ve lost the emotional connection we once had.” Counseling can help you explore whether that connection can be rebuilt. It’s often possible to find a new, more mature love on the other side of a crisis.

Q: We fight about the same things over and over. Can that really change?
A: Yes. Recurring arguments are usually a sign of deeper, unmet needs. You might be arguing about the dishes, but the underlying issue could be a feeling of being unappreciated or unsupported. A therapist helps you uncover and address these root causes, so you can finally break the cycle.

Q: How do we know if we should try to save the marriage or just separate?
A: This is a profound and difficult question. Discernment Counseling is a specific type of short-term therapy designed to help couples on the brink of divorce gain clarity. The goal isn’t to fix the marriage but to help you decide whether to (1) commit to six months of intensive couples therapy, (2) move toward separation, or (3) maintain the status quo. It helps you make a thoughtful, well-informed decision.

You Don’t Have to Make This Decision Alone

Feeling like your marriage is falling apart is overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this uncertainty by yourself. Whether you are looking to save your relationship or seeking clarity on the best path forward, support is available.

An experienced therapist can help you assess where your relationship truly stands and guide you toward a future that brings peace, whether that’s together or apart.

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