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Couples & Marriage Counseling NJ

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Maplewood Counseling

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Maplewood Counseling
Debra Feinberg, LCSW
Essex County New Jersey

Maplewood Counseling
Debra Feinberg LCSW
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
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Hope After The End of A Relationship

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“I just can’t believe it,” said Emily. She was shocked that Rob wanted a separation. Her feelings alternated between grief and rage, which was not easy to hide from her two children.  She could not understand… “How could he do this to me?”

It was not a surprise to their family and friends when Rob and Emily separated. Emily criticized and devalued Rob more and more over time. He never felt like he could do anything to please her and it was impossible to make her happy.

Everyone witnessed their misery….for years. Actually witnesses (including their children) were relieved when Rob left.

Staying together is better for the kids. Isn’t it? No. It can do much more harm than good. After all, you are teaching your children how to treat or be treated in a relationship.  As much as she loved her children and wanted the best for them, Emily could not see how sad they were because of her own pain and anger. Rob’s leaving helped her step back to see how their relationship had affected their kids. It was painful to recognize how little she had appreciated Rob, and even more painful to admit that the relationship was hurting their kids. She was determined to do whatever it took to make things better for them – and herself.

After some work in therapy, she saw several connections between her parents’ relationship and her own. She had learned well how to hurl insults, snipe and endure misery. With that awareness, she was able to make some very important changes in her life over time. She even came to understand how Rob must have felt, and after an initial period of rage and nastiness between them, they were able to speak and maintain respectful interactions, which was better for everyone.

Over time, Emily became more aware of their unhealthy and destructive dynamic and her part in it. She felt confident that understanding was going to help her change and would lead to more successful relationships (love and otherwise) in the future.


If you need help coping with the end of a relationship or marriage contact a licensed and experienced therapist in your area.

note: This end of a relationship story is fiction and not based on actual facts or events.

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