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Maplewood Counseling
Debra Feinberg, LCSW
Essex County New Jersey

Maplewood Counseling
Debra Feinberg LCSW
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 902-8700


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Spiritual Relationships

by

Mindful & Spiritual Relationships

There is an Insights at the Edge podcast with Elizabeth Lesser, author and spiritual teacher. She has tremendous wisdom and when asked what does it meant to be spiritual, she simply responded “to be generous, calm, loving and fearless”. Couples and individuals that are committed to this process can greatly improve the way they feel . Applying all of these to relationships with love ones will create stronger bonds and deeper connections.  Another positive outcome for many people that practice mindfulness is health benefits that go beyond peace of mind and happier relationships. You do not have to be spiritual or religious to benefit from becoming more generous, calm, loving and fearless.  

Be generous – being generous does not mean only being generous financially. It includes really listening and generously giving someone your time and full, loving attention. Generosity also includes noticing the positive and actually verbalizing with compliments, appreciations,. etc…. Pay attention to and appreciate the nice things others do for you. someone and the things they do, offering help and support, and paying genuine, authentic compliments. You can also be generous by way of service, volunteer work and helping others. Being generous is giving from the heart without expecting anything in return.  This can be challenging in relationships if you are focused too much on getting what you want or angry if you don’t get what you need. It can take work to develop a more generous way of relating. 

Be Calm – Emotional reactivity in relationships often leads to anger, resentment and conflict. Paying attention and becoming more aware of what you feeling and experiencing can help you change your level of reactivity over time. If there are certain triggers that can make you go from 0-60 in a heartbeat, understanding the triggers will help you reduce negative reactions. Childhood experiences, trauma, painful events and the like can still be unconsciously present and cause painful reactions. Reflecting on those experiences and the “hook” will help you approach present relationships and situations in a more mindful way. Also, life is a series of challenges and there are so many things we cannot control. If, over time, you understand this there will be less resistance and more acceptance of difficult situations and a more calm approach. 

Be loving – there are many words that describe being more loving in a relationship. Respectful, supportive, kind, affectionate, forgiving, gentle, compassionate, Also, prioritizing family and relationship over work or other things. It can mean a simple smile and loving attention. Listening is also one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person. Not listening to fix their problems, but rather listening to show you are there and you care. 

Be fearless – This takes work to become less fearful. For example, if you are used tp abiding conflict and putting up a wall, it will take eventually trying to approach rather than avoid. Fear of being hurt, emotional discomfort, worrying can all make it challenging to risk becoming more vulnerable. Fear of what will happen might hold you back, but changing some negative reactions and patterns will mean having the courage to face the pain, emotional discomfort and find ways to be less fearful of what will happen. A confidence comes when you can step by step work on you own fear of what will happen if you are vulnerable, kind, respectful and don’t avoid emotionally uncomfortable feelings. 

It takes patience to work on booming more generous, calm, loving and fearless over time, but it will eventually bring you more peace and closer to loved ones .

If you want help with developing all of these important mindful qualities, please contact us.

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