Dealing with Shame

Shame Issues and Getting Help

Shame Issues and How to Get Help

Shame. Such a very complicated and painful feeling. Dr. Brené  Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher, and she has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, shame, courage, and worthiness. She defines shame as “is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.”

It is such an awful place to be. On the one hand, you desperately want to connect with others and get their support (something we ALL need). On the other hand, you don’t dare risk becoming vulnerable because it does not feel (or never has never felt) safe.  The end result? You end up feeling isolated and very, very alone.  According to Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, shame can destroy lives.

Dr. Brené Brown: “Shame Is Lethal”

Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives. Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow—and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks.

This next video is on of the most popular TED talks

Listening to Shame

Common Shame Issues:

Is this you? You’re ashamed of:

• the way you are treated by your spouse, partner or others.
• the way you treat your spouse, partner or others.
• a failed relationship, being single, going through a divorce, making bad relationship choices.
• the way you look (weight issues, too short, too tall, not attractive or desirable enough, etc..).
• losing your job, financial struggles or making enough money to make ends meet.
• your intelligence or not feeling smart enough.

Shame makes us feel like we’re not good enough- a general sense of being unlovable and unworthy. If you need help dealing with shame, therapy can help. You may also find these books and resources by Dr. Brene Brown very helpful.

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brown, Brene(Sep 11, 2012)
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brown, Brene(Sep 20, 2010)
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” by Brown, Brene(Feb 1, 2007)

We hope you find this information helpful. Contact us if we can help you in Essex County, NJ at 973-902-8700.