Secure attachment depends on the caretaker/mom’s ability to be attuned and emotionally responsive is apparent. According to Daniel Segiel, MD, secure attachment is about feeling Seen, Safe, Soothed and Secure. The ideal parenting will do all of these as much as possible and help a child grow into a adult with secure attachment and search for the same from a spouse or partner.
However, many children do not grow up feeling seen, safe, soothed and secure. They will most likely struggle in their adults relationships. Feeling invisible, unsafe, unnurtured and insecure as a child will often cause great pain, disappointment, anger and frustration in adult relationships. Different types of attachment styles develop as a result – anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment can make your marriage and family relationships very difficult.
The good news is, with the right kind of therapy you make sense of the past and work toward secure attachment. You can understand what it takes to feel understood (seen) on a deep level and what it takes to feel safe (emotionally and physically) in your relationship.
Emotional responsiveness is very important in healthy, secure relationships. You can learn how to be there and “soothe” one another in your relationship.
Even if you did not have a loving and nurturing childhood – maybe even a parent or parents that were neglectful and/or abusive – you can work toward secure attachment as an adult.
Find a therapist experienced with attachment issues (many are) to help you. If you’re looking for a therapist in Essex County, NJ, give us a call at 973-793-1000 or email us if that’s easier.