Need Relationship Therapy ?
Why did it take so long? So many times it seems someone in a relationship or marriage has been asking to go to counseling for so long and their spouse or partner was not willing. Some think everything is ok or we can fix things ourselves. Others think “you need therapy not us.”
The problem with this (and as a therapist I’ve seen it so much over the years) is by the time someone is really ready it’s sometimes too late. The wake up call and realization that your spouse or partner is about done puts you in overdrive. Maybe you’ve heard threats of divorce and “I’m not happy” a lot, but never believed it. At a certain point, when someone feels beyond sad and angry – completely hopeless, there is a reality that really hits home. She (or he) is emotionally gone. Checked out. And the fear of being abandoned gets very real. It’s hard work and can be done sometimes to bring a couple back from the brink, but not every couple can make it.
What couples have a shot at recovery? Well it does depend on what you’ve been through in the relationship (and past painful issues) and each person’s willingness to work on things. It depends how high the wall is up – just how many months or years you’ve tried. One partner my feel “why now after I’ve asked you forever to go to counseling?” Feelings of anger and resentment for knowing you needed help – at least one of you was very unhappy and wanted professional help. Possibly pleasing with your wife, husband or partner to go talk to someone.
It seems only when the unwilling spouse starts to feel pain and fear are they finally ready – sometimes even picking up the phone to find a therapist asap.
It is an important first step to make that call, but know if you are the one who was not willing for a long time, your parents may be angry and not as willing now. I see many couples in this place and work to help them come together on this issue so they can go work on the deeper, longstanding problems plaguing the relationship.
If you are both ready or at least want to see if you can come back from a very bad place in your relationship, contact us at 973-902-8700.