In a Controlling Relationship?

Are you controlling? Is it Causing Problems?

The need for control. Many people feel like they need to control things around them to reduce discomfort and negative emotions, will find it much more difficult to manage expectations and disappointments when things don’t go the way you want. Does this sound familiar?

• Do you get upset when things don’t go the way you expect?
• Are you getting great others Dash spouse, partner or children – when they don’t do what you want them to do?
• Do you get more angry, anxious or depressed when you can’t control certain things?
• Are you on the receiving end of someone who is very controlling and it’s driving you and the rest of the family crazy?

Controlling and Need Help?

Understanding the need to control can help you and others around you feel more peace.

Taking a look at what happened internally is very important. For example, do you get much more anxious and worried and fearful when you cannot make things happen? Knowing how to work with these fears and emotions will help you instead and taking a look at what happened internally is very important.

For example, do you get much more anxious and worried and fearful when you cannot make things happen? Knowing how to work with these fears and emotions will help you reduce them rather than fighting to maintain control – especially of external circumstances. There are so many things we cannot control and continuing to attempt to control others will only make you suffer.

Controlling External Circumstances and People?

Do parenting challenges drive you (and your kids and spouse) crazy?  Children not doing what you want them to do when you want them to do it?  Kids don’t always do what you want them to do, behave in ways that you want them to behave and accomplish what you think they should. Understanding your own triggers regarding fear of their future for fear of being judged by others is a lousy parent can help you make some changes so your need for control doesn’t negatively impact your relationship with your children when you’re trying to force certain things to happen.  If you are too controlling, it can have the reverse effect by causing anger and resistance from kids and others. 

Another good example is financial fear. Getting angry when your spouse or partner doesn’t do what you want them to do regarding saving, spending or finances in general. Fear of uncertainty, fear of financial security and understanding where this comes from will help you communicate your feelings in a different way. The way that might be heard by the other person and more effective.

Also, in your marriage or relationship if you are demanding certain things happen – (i.e. clean the house, sex, wanting your partner to want to spend time with you) and your partner does not respond then you have a few choices. You can get angry and push harder to try and force things to happen (which usually will be met by resistance and make things worse for everyone ) or you can try to get counseling to understand what is really going on so you can communicate much more effectively.   Demanding certain things from others will not only frustrate you when you don’t get what you want, but can cause a lot of distance in the relationship.

If you would like to understand why you have such a strong need to control things and work on reducing controlling behavior, please reach out.