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Debra Feinberg, LCSW
Essex County New Jersey

Maplewood Counseling
Debra Feinberg LCSW
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
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Relationship Deal Breakers

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Relationship Deal Breakers

Relationship deal breakers, according to Terry Real, relationship expert and founder of RLT Relational Life Therapy, can make or break your relationship. It is important to understand these if you are going to be able to improve your marriage or relationship. As a result, you will want to know what gets in the way of creating a healthy and more connected relationship. More importantly, if certain issues are not addressed it may lead to divorce or a break-up. There is only so much one person can do on their own to fix things.

What are Relationship Deal Breakers?

Firstly, if one partner has an untreated mental health issue.  Possibly depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD or another mental diagnosis can be causing that person to suffer. As a result, it can affect the relationship. Also, you or your spouse or partner may not know there is a diagnosis or may not want to ask about it. Maybe you think your wife or husband suffers and it affects the relationship, but he or she is not willing to get help. It is not an easy subject to broach since no-one wants to feel like the “identified problem”. However, untreated mental health issues can make it very difficult to effectively work on your marriage or relationship.

Secondly, if one partner has an substance abuse or other addiction. If one (or both of you) struggle with alcoholism, alcohol dependence or other substance abuse. Maybe there is another addiction such as pornography ( a porn addiction), sex addiction or issue with gambling, which will also make it difficult to work on your relationship unless these problems are addressed and treated. If you or your spouse does not think there is a problem or is not willing to get treatment, that will impact your ability to improve your relationship. Your marriage may not survive if you or your partner is not willing to get help.

Thirdly, if one partner acts out sexually or is aggressive physically. Couples therapy is contraindicated and should not be used when there is domestic violence. If your partner acts out physically, then he or she needs to get help through a domestic violence program to address acting out anger in physically aggressive ways. Domestic violence is a legal issue, not a relationship issue. You cannot resolve your issue if it is not safe enough for both people to express their honest feelings about issues. Also, if your spouse or partner acts out sexually with infidelity, prostitutes, massage parlors, or online cheating, this must stop if the relationship can heal.

Finally, if you don’t or never loved your partner or want out.  So, if you got married young, to please a parent, your spouse or because of a pregnancy, and you never loved your spouse, it may not be possible to create a loving connection. Terry Real says he would rather see one partner let go of the other so he or she can find someone that can love them.  Also, if one person wants out and they are 100% done, they may come to therapy to get help ending the relationship. Maybe they feel badly about the pain they are causing by wanting to separate and get divorced, but it is a relationship deal breaker if both people are not invested in the trying to make it work.

Call us if you need help figuring out how to handle any of these relationship deal breakers.

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