The 7 Stages of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a term that is used to describe a unique kind of emotional abuse and manipulation. It involves making someone question their reality and sanity through systematic psychological tactics. Understanding the stages of gaslighting is critical in recognizing and addressing this form of abuse, whether it’s happening to you or being perpetuated unknowingly by yourself.
Stage 1: Lie and Exaggerate
The gaslighter starts with lies and exaggerations to set a foundation for doubt.
Example: You’re made to feel unreasonable when expressing concerns about your partner’s sudden lack of communication by being accused of being suffocating.
Stage 2: Consistent Repetition
Repetition is used to assert dominance and control the narrative.
Example: Your employer continuously criticizes your performance despite evidence to the contrary, causing you to question your competence.
Stage 3: Escalate
When challenged, the gaslighter increases the intensity of their manipulation.
Example: Confronting a friend about their hurtful behavior only leads to denial and counter-blaming, leaving you feeling guilty for being ‘too sensitive’.
Stage 4: Wear Down the Victim
The victim’s resistance lowers due to the ongoing psychological strain.
Example: Persistent denials from a family member start to make you doubt your recollection of events.
Stage 5: Codependence
The gaslighter fosters an environment of emotional dependency by controlling the victim’s sense of autonomy.
Example: A partner’s unpredictable responses leave you feeling insecure and overly reliant on their approval.
Stage 6: False Hope
Intermittent positive reinforcement gives the victim moments of misguided optimism.
Example: A sudden outpouring of affection from the gaslighter makes you hope that the relationship is improving.
Stage 7: Dominate and Control
The ultimate goal is achieved when the victim is fully under the gaslighter’s influence.
Example: You find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions due to the gaslighter’s manipulation, making you dependent on their guidance.
Awareness and Self-Reflection
If you suspect you may be gaslighting others, it is important to reflect on your behavior and seek feedback from those around you. Gaslighting is often a behavior that originates from deep-seated emotional issues stemming from one’s past.
Example of Unawareness: You might not realize that by routinely dismissing your partner’s feelings as ‘overreactions,’ you’re invalidating their experience and potentially engaging in gaslighting.
Understanding these stages and examples can help victims recognize when they are being gaslighted and also aid potential gaslighters in identifying their own toxic behaviors. Healing childhood emotional wounds through therapy and self-reflection can prevent these patterns from perpetuating.
Recognizing gaslighting can be profoundly challenging, as it often happens gradually. If you find yourself relating to these stages, it’s critical to seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide perspective and validation of your experiences. Remember, you are not alone in this experience. It takes courage to face the truth and begin your journey towards healing and self-empowerment. So don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. You deserve a healthy and respectful relationship with yourself and others.
Do you need help with how to handle gaslighting? Get in touch.
How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting