Am I a Narcissist? Understanding the Signs and Finding Growth

By Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Robert Jenkins, LCSW (Reviewed by Senior Level Therapists)

Have you ever paused in the midst of a disagreement and wondered, “Is it something I’m doing? Am I at the heart of this issue?” Maybe a loved one or friend has used the word “narcissist” during a heated moment, or perhaps you’ve caught yourself struggling to celebrate others’ successes.

Asking, “Am I a narcissist?” can feel overwhelming. The term carries a lot of weight—and stigma. But here’s a reassuring truth: being reflective enough to ask is a strength, not a flaw. Genuine narcissism often blocks people from seeing themselves clearly. Your willingness to look inward and ask honest questions is a powerful step toward self-growth and more fulfilling relationships.

This guide isn’t here to judge or label anyone. Instead, it’s an invitation to explore certain traits with curiosity and kindness, so you can better understand yourself and strengthen your connections—whatever your background or experience.

Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Traits: What’s the Difference?

The label “narcissist” often gets thrown around as a blanket term for self-focused behavior. In reality, there’s a big difference between showing occasional narcissistic traits and meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis. It describes a pattern of thinking and behavior marked by an inflated sense of self-importance, a persistent need for admiration, and challenges with empathy toward others.

Narcissistic traits, on the other hand, are behaviors anyone might display from time to time. Everyone has moments of craving attention, struggling to listen, or putting their own needs first. These patterns can be shaped by stress, life history, or cultural influences.

Holding some of these traits doesn’t mean someone is “bad.” Instead, it may signal patterns that create challenges in relationships—and possibly for personal well-being too.

The “Am I a Narcissist?” Self-Assessment Checklist

Only a qualified mental health professional can make a diagnosis, but this checklist is designed to encourage honest self-reflection. Consider these questions gently and truthfully, knowing there are no right or wrong answers.

Are any of these familiar?

• Spotlight Seeking: Do you feel bored or frustrated when conversations aren’t focused on you? Do you often redirect attention to your own stories or achievements?
• Empathy Difficulties: When someone you care about is upset, do you find it hard to relate or validate their feelings? Do you sometimes view their struggles as overreactions?
• Craving Approval: Do you feel unappreciated if you aren’t regularly praised or validated?
• Reacting to Feedback: If you receive criticism, do you immediately feel defensive or hurt? Do you tend to shut down or push back, rather than listening fully?
• Beliefs of Superiority: Do you sometimes feel like you’re more capable or deserving than others? Do you expect special consideration?
• Avoiding Responsibility: When things go wrong, do you find it difficult to own mistakes? Is apologizing a challenge?
• Relationships as a Means: Have you ever relied on a connection primarily for personal gain, a goal, or increased status?

Reflect: If several of these resonate, it isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a starting point for considering areas where growth may be possible.

How Narcissistic Traits Impact Relationships

These patterns rarely exist in isolation—they affect those around us. Recognizing their influence is a meaningful step toward repair and more satisfying connections.

1. The Emotional Barrier

One common challenge is practicing empathy—a core part of any healthy relationship. When it’s hard to fully understand or honor another person’s feelings, the other person may feel left out, lonely, or unimportant. Over time, this can make it harder for them to share openly.

2. Cycles of Disagreement

If self-esteem depends on being “right” or avoiding mistakes, conflict can feel unwinnable. As a result, disagreements may become battlegrounds rather than opportunities to work through issues together. Behaviors like gaslighting (making someone question their reality) or resisting compromise can keep problems unresolved.

3. Fragility in Connection

When a bond is built on a need for continued admiration, it’s often unstable. If someone feels responsible for maintaining another’s self-esteem, intimacy can become transactional—less about equality, and more about validation. That blocks authentic closeness and vulnerability.

Turning Traits Into Growth: What Steps Can I Take?

Recognizing challenging patterns is courageous. Changing them takes practice, but growth is absolutely possible. Here’s how to begin:

Practice Active Listening

In your next conversation, challenge yourself to truly listen—not just wait to respond. Try asking, “How did that experience feel for you?” or “What would you like me to understand?”

Shift from “I” to “We”

When faced with partnership or group challenges, envision the issue as “us versus the problem,” rather than one person versus another. Before making a decision, pause to consider how your choices may affect others. Empathy builds trust and a deeper sense of belonging.

Embrace Vulnerability

Narcissistic behaviors can act as a shield for insecurity. Practice gently naming your feelings or admitting mistakes: “I’m feeling unsure right now,” or “I want to do better, and I’m sorry for how I handled that.” Openness builds trust and brings people closer together.

Pause Before Reacting

When you sense criticism, use the STOP method:

• Stop and pause.
• Take a breath.
• Observe your feelings without judgment (Is it embarrassment? Anger? Sadness?).
• Proceed with kindness toward yourself and those around you.

Considering Therapy: Steps to Finding Support

If these patterns feel deeply ingrained or if relationships are suffering, therapy can be a powerful path forward. Here’s how to approach seeking help:

• Be Honest from the Start: It can be tempting to present yourself in the best possible light, but being sincere helps the process. Saying, “I’m concerned about some of my behaviors and want to work on building empathy,” can open meaningful conversations.
• Find the Right Fit: Seek a therapist who understands personality dynamics and values inclusion, cultural sensitivity, and your lived experience.
• Explore the Why: Therapy is about more than surface changes; it’s about understanding where these patterns came from. Self-compassion is a key ingredient for deeper change.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Narcissistic Traits

What does it mean if I notice narcissistic traits in myself?
Noticing these traits is an act of self-awareness, not a judgment against you. Many people have experienced these patterns, especially under stress. The important piece is your openness to reflection and growth.

Can narcissistic traits change?
Yes. With practice, self-reflection, and sometimes support from a counselor, people of all backgrounds can learn healthier ways of connecting. Change is always possible.

How do these traits affect my relationships?
They may create distance, misunderstandings, or hinder trust and closeness. Addressing them can pave the way for deeper, more mutually satisfying relationships.

Is it possible to build healthy relationships if I have these traits?
Absolutely! Openness to feedback and a willingness to work toward growth are the keys to meaningful change—no matter where you’re starting from.

What if I think someone I care about has narcissistic traits?
Prioritize your own well-being and boundaries, and communicate openly about how certain behaviors affect you. Encouragement to seek professional support can help, but remember that each person is responsible for their own growth.

When does seeking help make sense?
If your relationships feel strained or you find yourself repeating patterns you want to change, a compassionate counselor can help you explore the roots and guide you toward healthier skills for connection.

You Are Capable of Change

No one is defined by a single label. Self-awareness, in all its forms, invites freedom—not limitation. Whether you’re working through a few difficult patterns or facing more complex challenges, remember: growth is possible. All people deserve the opportunity to learn new skills, build empathy, and form genuine, lasting connections.

It takes courage to look at yourself with honesty and hope. If you’re ready for support, you don’t have to walk this road by yourself. We’re here—with guidance, compassion, and understanding—whenever you’re ready to reach out.

Helpful Resources

• Individual Therapy: Personalized support for managing depression and stress.
• Understanding Anxiety: Learn how therapy can help manage anxiety.
• Grief Counseling: Support for processing loss and navigating grief.
• Guide to Self-Esteem: Build confidence and self-worth.
• Trauma-Informed Therapy: Support for Couples healing from past trauma.