Can This Marriage Be Saved? Counseling to Find Your Way

Trying to Save Your Marriage? Counseling Can Help You Find a Way

Are you lying awake at night, wondering if your marriage is over? Does it feel like your partner has completely shut down, or that every conversation turns into the same, exhausting fight? Maybe you feel like you are the only one trying, holding onto the last sliver of hope while your spouse seems to have one foot out the door.

This is a painful, lonely place to be. Many couples arrive at our practice feeling stuck in this exact cycle. One person may have been asking for counseling for years, feeling unheard and disconnected. By the time the other partner finally agrees to therapy, the one who was asking has often lost hope.

It’s a heart-wrenching dynamic: one partner is finally ready to fight for the marriage, while the other is ready to give up. At Maplewood Counseling, we understand this crisis point. Our first step isn’t to force a solution but to help you both find clarity. Before you can decide whether to save your marriage, you need a safe space to understand what broke and if it can be repaired.

The Tipping Point: When Does a Marriage Reach a Crisis?

Relationships don’t break overnight. They erode over time, often due to a series of unresolved issues. You may be at a tipping point if you recognize these patterns:

Communication has completely broken down. You either argue constantly or live in a heavy silence, avoiding any topic that might lead to conflict.
One partner seems “done.” They have emotionally withdrawn, stopped trying to connect, and may have already mentioned separation or divorce.
You feel like roommates, not partners. The emotional and physical intimacy is gone, and you are living separate lives under the same roof.
You’re only staying together for the children. You fear that separating would be worse for them, but you are miserable in the current environment.
Trust has been shattered. Whether due to infidelity or a long history of broken promises, the foundation of your relationship feels damaged beyond repair.

If this sounds familiar, it’s easy to feel hopeless. But recognizing the problem is the first step toward finding a solution.

What Does It Really Take to Save a Marriage?

Saving a marriage isn’t about grand romantic gestures; it’s about the small, consistent efforts to rebuild. It requires both partners to be willing, even if that willingness looks different for each person. Here are the core pillars of a successful repair process.

1. Radically Honest Communication

The communication that led you into crisis won’t lead you out. You need to learn a new way of talking and listening. This means moving away from blame (“You always…”) and toward expressing your own feelings (“I feel hurt when…”). A therapist acts as a guide, helping you have these difficult conversations without them devolving into another fight.

2. A Willingness to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t about condoning hurtful behavior. It’s about releasing the resentment that keeps you chained to the past. This process is complex and often requires professional guidance, especially after a deep betrayal like an affair. It’s a choice you make for your own peace, as much as for the relationship.

3. Re-Prioritizing the Relationship

In the chaos of life, work, and parenting, many couples stop investing in their partnership. Saving your marriage means intentionally carving out time for each other again. It’s not just about “date nights.” It’s about finding small moments to connect—a shared cup of coffee in the morning, a phone-free conversation, a simple “thank you.”

4. Taking Ownership of Your Part

It’s rare for a relationship breakdown to be entirely one person’s fault. A crucial step in healing is the ability to look inward and acknowledge your role in the dynamic. This isn’t about taking all the blame, but about understanding how your actions or inactions contributed to the disconnect.

A Safe Space for All Relationships

Every relationship has its own unique strengths and challenges. At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive, affirming care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. We create a judgment-free space where you can explore what a healthy future looks like for you.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Saving a Marriage

Q: Can a marriage be saved if only one person wants to try?
A: This is one of the most challenging situations. While it takes two people to build a healthy marriage, one person’s commitment to change can shift the entire dynamic. We often recommend individual counseling in this case. It can help you find clarity and strength, and sometimes, seeing one partner make positive changes inspires the other to re-engage.

Q: Is it too late for us? My spouse says they aren’t in love with me anymore.
A: Feelings of love often fade when connection is lost. The phrase “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” usually means “I’ve lost the emotional connection we once had.” Counseling can help you explore whether that connection can be rebuilt. It’s often possible to find a new, more mature love on the other side of a crisis.

Q: We fight about the same things over and over. Can that really change?
A: Yes. Recurring arguments are usually a sign of deeper, unmet needs. You might be arguing about the dishes, but the underlying issue could be a feeling of being unappreciated or unsupported. A therapist helps you uncover and address these root causes, so you can finally break the cycle.

Q: How do we know if we should try to save the marriage or just separate?
A: This is a profound and difficult question. Discernment Counseling is a specific type of short-term therapy designed to help couples on the brink of divorce gain clarity. The goal isn’t to fix the marriage but to help you decide whether to (1) commit to six months of intensive couples therapy, (2) move toward separation, or (3) maintain the status quo. It helps you make a thoughtful, well-informed decision.

You Don’t Have to Make This Decision Alone

Feeling like your marriage is falling apart is overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this uncertainty by yourself. Whether you are looking to save your relationship or seeking clarity on the best path forward, support is available.

An experienced therapist can help you assess where your relationship truly stands and guide you toward a future that brings peace, whether that’s together or apart.

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Need Couples Counseling in New Jersey?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Couples Counseling?

Feeling Unhappy?

Need Couples Counseling in New Jersey?

Looking for couples counseling in New Jersey? Stuck in a bad place and ready for some help? Not in love anymore? Are you feeling unhappy in your relationship and wondering if there’s anything you can do to reconnect to make things better? Wondering if you should split up our divorce?

So many couples end up in this place and wonder what to do. Some get “stuck” in like this for an extended time and end up being very vulnerable to infidelity due to the disconnect. Others just are very depressed and unhappy.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve arguing a lot about the smallest things
You can’t seem to do anything right
You feel like your partner or spouse doesn’t listen or understand you
You’ve given up trying to get what you need
You’ve tried to initiate sex and intimacy for so long and can’t deal with the rejection so you’ve stopped trying
You feel like your spouse or partner is not interested in you and just interested in sex
You’re not even sure if the relationship is worth saving
You’re staying together only for the sake of the children

If you are at a point in your marriage or relationship where you’re trying to make some important decisions – do we work on trying to make the relationship better or do I just divorce or break up?

Couples counseling in New Jersey with an experienced marriage or couples therapist can help you figure this out. Your counselor can also help you navigate the steps you need to take to improve things if it’s possible, or respectfully and gently work on ending the marriage or relationship.

If you are at a point you are ready to figure this out, get in touch. We’re here to help.

Emergency Marriage Counseling NJ: Is It Too Late?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Emergency Counseling NJ: Finding Clarity When Your Marriage Is in Crisis

Is my marriage over? Can we still fix this? Or is it time to let go?

These are some of the heaviest, most painful questions you will ever ask yourself. When you are in the middle of a relationship crisis—whether it’s the shock of discovering an affair, the exhaustion of fighting for years, or the sudden realization that you feel like strangers—it can feel like the ground is crumbling beneath you.

At Maplewood Counseling, we know that when you are in this space, you don’t just need advice; you need a lifeline. You might feel panicked, hopeless, or numb. You might be desperate to save the relationship, or you might be looking for permission to leave.

Emergency marriage counseling isn’t just about “fixing” things instantly. It is about slowing down the crisis so you can breathe, think, and make decisions that honor your future—whatever that future looks like.

When to Seek Emergency Counseling

Most couples wait an average of six years after problems start before seeking help. But sometimes, a specific event or realization pushes a relationship to the breaking point. You might need urgent support if:

You’ve discovered infidelity: The breach of trust feels insurmountable, and you don’t know if you can (or should) stay.
A separation is on the table: One partner has asked for a divorce or suggested a trial separation, and you are scrambling to understand what that means.
The fighting has become toxic: Arguments are escalating to a point where you feel unsafe, emotionally battered, or constantly on edge.
You feel totally disconnected: You are living parallel lives, and the silence between you feels louder than any argument.
You’ve lost hope: You’ve tried everything you can think of, and nothing has worked. You feel like giving up, but a part of you is terrified of the finality of divorce.

How Emergency Counseling Works

When you are in crisis, traditional weekly therapy might feel too slow. Emergency counseling is designed to be more intensive and focused.

1. Stopping the Bleeding

The first goal is de-escalation. We create a safe, neutral space where you can stop the cycle of attack and defense. We help you manage immediate volatility so you can actually hear each other, often for the first time in a long time.

2. Assessing the Damage

We take a hard, honest look at the relationship. What is really broken? Is it a communication issue, a lack of intimacy, or deep-seated resentment? We help you understand the root causes of the crisis, not just the symptoms.

3. Determining the Direction

Not every marriage can—or should—be saved. Emergency counseling helps you gain clarity. We guide you through the difficult process of deciding whether to commit to the hard work of rebuilding or to separate with dignity and respect.

Practical Steps You Can Take Right Now

If you can’t get into a session immediately, here are a few steps to help manage the crisis today:

Hit the Pause Button: If a conversation is turning into a shouting match, agree to take a timeout. Walk away for 20 minutes to let your nervous system calm down before returning.
Avoid Big Decisions in High Emotion: Don’t file for divorce, move out, or post on social media while you are in a state of panic or rage. Give yourself 24 hours to cool off.
Focus on “I” Statements: Instead of saying “You ruined this,” try “I feel hurt and scared when this happens.” It lowers defensiveness and invites empathy.
Prioritize Self-Care: It sounds cliché, but you cannot navigate a crisis on an empty tank. Eat, sleep, and reach out to a trusted friend for individual support.

Inclusive Support for All Couples

Crisis doesn’t look the same for everyone. At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families.

Our therapists bring lived experiences and specialized training to create a safe, affirming space for all. Whether you are navigating cultural differences in your marriage, dealing with external family pressures, or facing challenges unique to LGBTQIA+ relationships, we are here to support you without judgment.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Crisis

Q: Can emergency counseling really save a marriage after an affair?
A: Yes, it is possible. Infidelity is a massive trauma to a relationship, but many couples do recover and build a stronger, more honest marriage on the other side. However, it requires total transparency from the unfaithful partner and a willingness to heal from the betrayed partner. It is hard work, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Q: What if my spouse refuses to come to counseling?
A: This is a common and painful situation. You cannot force your partner to attend, but you can come for individual counseling. We can help you clarify your own feelings, set boundaries, and decide how you want to move forward, regardless of your partner’s participation. Sometimes, seeing one partner make changes inspires the other to join later.

Q: Is “staying together for the kids” a good idea?
A: It is a complex question. While stability is important for children, living in a home filled with chronic conflict, coldness, or resentment can be more damaging than a healthy separation. We help parents weigh these factors carefully, focusing on the long-term emotional health of the entire family.

Q: How quickly can we be seen?
A: We understand that when you are in crisis, you need help now. We prioritize emergency requests and do our best to schedule you with a therapist as soon as possible, often within a few days. We also offer virtual sessions to make scheduling easier.

Q: Does going to counseling mean we are failing?
A: Absolutely not. Seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment. It means you value your relationship enough to fight for it, or at least enough to give it the respect of a thoughtful examination. Ignoring the problem is usually where the real “failure” lies; facing it takes courage.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Storm Alone

If you are asking “Is my marriage over?”, you are already in a lonely, frightening place. But you don’t have to stay there. Whether the path forward leads to reconciliation or separation, clarity and peace are possible.

Let us help you find your footing.

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Healing After Marital Infidelity: A Path to Rebuilding Trust

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Healing After Marital Infidelity: A Path Forward

The discovery of infidelity can feel like a seismic event, shaking the very foundation of your partnership. In an instant, the world you built together feels foreign and unsafe. You might be overwhelmed by a storm of emotions—shock, rage, profound sadness, and a dizzying sense of confusion. Where do you go from here? Is it even possible to find your way back to each other?

While the pain of betrayal is immense, it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Healing is possible, but it requires a willingness to look beyond the act of infidelity itself. It calls for a deeper exploration of your relationship’s dynamics and a commitment to rebuilding connection, piece by piece. Whether you are navigating this crisis in a marriage, a long-term partnership, or as an LGBTQ+ couple, the path to healing starts with understanding.

Beyond Betrayal: What Leads to Infidelity?

The existing page on our site touches on the immediate crisis of an affair. Here, we want to explore a different angle: the subtle, often invisible, cracks that can form in a relationship’s foundation long before infidelity occurs. An affair is rarely just a simple mistake or a sudden impulse. More often, it is a symptom of deeper, unaddressed issues.

Thinking about infidelity this way is not about excusing the behavior or placing blame on the betrayed partner. It is about understanding the relational context in which the affair happened. This perspective shift is crucial for genuine healing.

Consider these common relational dynamics:

Emotional Distance: Did you stop sharing your inner worlds? When partners cease being each other’s primary confidants, a void is created. This emotional distance can leave one or both partners feeling lonely, unseen, and vulnerable to seeking connection elsewhere.
Unresolved Conflict: Do you avoid difficult conversations or find yourselves stuck in the same arguments? Persistent, unresolved conflict erodes intimacy and creates a constant state of tension. Over time, this can make a partner feel that escape, rather than resolution, is the only option.
Neglected Intimacy: Intimacy is more than physical; it’s the shared laughter, inside jokes, and quiet moments of understanding. When life gets busy, it’s easy to let this emotional and physical connection fade. Without intentional effort to nurture it, a relationship can begin to feel more like a partnership of logistics than one of love.
Unmet Needs: We all have core needs for affection, validation, and security. If a partner feels their needs are consistently ignored or dismissed, they may, consciously or unconsciously, look for someone who will meet them.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing the root cause of the crisis, allowing you to not just recover from the affair, but to build a stronger, more resilient partnership.

The Journey of Rebuilding: Can You Trust Again?

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a slow, often painful process that requires immense courage from both partners. The path forward is not linear; there will be good days and days where the pain feels as fresh as it did at the discovery.

For the Betrayed Partner:
Your world has been turned upside down. You are grappling with a profound sense of loss—the loss of the relationship you thought you had, the loss of the future you envisioned, and the loss of trust in the person you loved most. Your feelings are valid. You have the right to be angry, to ask questions, and to need time. Healing for you involves reclaiming your sense of safety and learning to trust your own reality again.

For the Partner Who Was Unfaithful:
You may be wrestling with deep guilt, shame, and regret. You might also be confused about your own actions. Your journey involves taking full responsibility for the pain you caused, without excuses. It requires radical honesty, transparency, and a commitment to understanding the “why” behind your choices. True remorse isn’t just saying “I’m sorry”; it’s demonstrating through consistent action that you are dedicated to healing the wound you created.

The process of rebuilding involves several key stages:

Ending the Affair and Ensuring Transparency: The affair must end completely and unequivocally. The unfaithful partner must be willing to be transparent—answering questions honestly and providing reassurance to help the betrayed partner feel safe again.
Making Space for All Feelings: The betrayed partner will experience a wide range of intense emotions. It is crucial for these feelings to be heard, validated, and held with compassion, not defensiveness.
Exploring the “Why” Together: This is where professional support becomes invaluable. A therapist can create a safe space for you to explore the relational dynamics that contributed to the affair without it turning into a blame game.
Re-Committing to the Relationship: Healing requires a conscious choice from both partners to reinvest in the relationship and work toward creating a “second” relationship—one built on honesty, mutual respect, and a new, stronger foundation.

The Role of Professional Support in Healing

Navigating the aftermath of infidelity on your own can feel impossible. The emotions are too raw, the conversations too explosive. This is where couples counseling can make all the difference.

At Maplewood Counseling, our therapists provide a structured, non-judgmental space to guide you through this crisis. We help couples:

Manage the Initial Crisis: We provide tools to de-escalate conflict and create a safe environment for difficult conversations.
Facilitate Honest Dialogue: We help you talk about what happened in a way that promotes understanding rather than further injury.
Uncover Underlying Issues: We guide you in exploring the relational dynamics that left your partnership vulnerable to infidelity.
Develop a Plan for Rebuilding: We work with you to create concrete, actionable steps to rebuild trust and rekindle your connection.

We understand that every relationship is unique. We provide inclusive, affirming care for all couples, including LGBTQ+ partnerships, recognizing the specific contexts and challenges you may face. Our goal is to empower your partnership to transform this profound challenge into an opportunity for growth.

FAQs: Navigating Complexities of Infidelity

1. How do cultural differences impact the recovery process after infidelity?
Cultural backgrounds often shape beliefs about marriage, commitment, gender roles, and forgiveness. Partners may experience differing expectations around disclosure, privacy, or acceptable paths to healing. Working with a therapist who values cultural humility ensures both partners feel understood and supported in honoring their unique backgrounds as they rebuild trust.

2. What steps can we take to rebuild intimacy after betrayal?
Restoring intimacy after infidelity requires both emotional and physical reconnection, but it’s normal for trust and vulnerability to feel shaky for a while. Together, you can start by creating a safe space for honest conversations about your needs and fears. With patience, empathy, and guided exercises from a therapist, intimacy can be gradually rebuilt—starting with small gestures of affection and slowly allowing space for closeness to grow at your own pace.

3. How can we address infidelity in a non-monogamous or open relationship?
Infidelity isn’t limited to monogamous partnerships—breaches of trust in consensually non-monogamous or open relationships can be just as painful and confusing. Recovery often begins by clarifying boundaries, rebuilding communication, and understanding where agreements were broken. Affirming therapeutic support can help all parties involved navigate strong emotions, clarify expectations, and re-establish trust, no matter the relationship structure.

4. What if our friends or family don’t support our decision to stay together?
Navigating other people’s opinions can add extra stress to an already difficult situation. Remember, your journey is deeply personal, and only you and your partner know what’s right for your relationship. A therapist can help you set boundaries with loved ones, strengthen each other’s confidence, and focus on what truly serves your healing process.

5. How do we support children or other family members affected by infidelity?
Infidelity can affect more than just the couple involved. If children or family members are impacted, it’s important to approach conversations with honesty that is age-appropriate and reassurance that their well-being is a priority. Family counseling can provide guidance on how to communicate and rebuild a sense of security for everyone involved.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

The path forward after infidelity is challenging, but you do not have to walk it alone. Rebuilding your relationship is possible when both partners are committed to understanding, healing, and creating a new future together.

If you are ready to begin this journey, we are here to support you. Reach out to Maplewood Counseling today to schedule a confidential consultation. Let us help you transform this crisis into a new beginning.

Explore Our Counseling Services Today

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FAQs: Navigating Complexities of Infidelity

How do cultural differences impact the recovery process after infidelity?
Cultural backgrounds often shape beliefs about marriage, commitment, gender roles, and forgiveness. Partners may experience differing expectations around disclosure, privacy, or acceptable paths to healing. Working with a therapist who values cultural humility ensures both partners feel understood and supported in honoring their unique backgrounds as they rebuild trust.

What steps can we take to rebuild intimacy after betrayal?
Restoring intimacy after infidelity requires both emotional and physical reconnection, but it’s normal for trust and vulnerability to feel shaky for a while. Together, you can start by creating a safe space for honest conversations about your needs and fears. With patience, empathy, and guided exercises from a therapist, intimacy can be gradually rebuilt—starting with small gestures of affection and slowly allowing space for closeness to grow at your own pace.

How can we address infidelity in a non-monogamous or open relationship?
Infidelity isn’t limited to monogamous partnerships—breaches of trust in consensually non-monogamous or open relationships can be just as painful and confusing. Recovery often begins by clarifying boundaries, rebuilding communication, and understanding where agreements were broken. Affirming therapeutic support can help all parties involved navigate strong emotions, clarify expectations, and re-establish trust, no matter the relationship structure.

What if our friends or family don’t support our decision to stay together?
Navigating other people’s opinions can add extra stress to an already difficult situation. Remember, your journey is deeply personal, and only you and your partner know what’s right for your relationship. A therapist can help you set boundaries with loved ones, strengthen each other’s confidence, and focus on what truly serves your healing process.

How do we support children or other family members affected by infidelity?
Infidelity can affect more than just the couple involved. If children or family members are impacted, it’s important to approach conversations with honesty that is age-appropriate and reassurance that their well-being is a priority. Family counseling can provide guidance on how to communicate and rebuild a sense of security for everyone involved.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

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Helpful Resources

The Role of Forgiveness in Rebuilding Trust: “Forgiveness plays a crucial role in the healing process. Learn more about how forgiveness can help rebuild trust.”
Trust-Building Exercises for Couples: “Once you’re ready to take actionable steps, explore these trust-building exercises for couples.”
How to Rebuild Self-Trust After Betrayal: “Rebuilding trust in yourself is just as important. Discover how to rebuild self-trust after betrayal.”
The Science of Trust: “Understanding the science of trust can help you navigate this journey.”
7 Steps to Rebuild Trust After a Betrayal “Understand the 7 steps couples can take to rebuild trust after a betrayal.”

Couples Therapist in New Jersey

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Couples Therapist NJ

Find Relationship Therapy Here

New Jersey

Couples Therapist in New Jersey

Need a Couple Therapist to Help You?

Feeling disconnected? A good marriage or couples therapist can help you figure out what to do if you stuck a painful situation. Whether you’re partnered for a short time or married over 20 years, an experienced therapist can help you if you are both open to it.

How can a good therapist help? By help you do learn to do a better job of listening, understanding and responding (rather than reacting) to your partner. When you realize you can’t do things on your own and have to change your approach, seeking help from the right couples therapist is important. If you’re open to it, counselling can help you learn to listen and understand in ways that you haven’t been able to achieve on your own.

Professional Marriage and Relationship Counseling

Does this sound familiar? You are

- feeling alone and scared of losing your marriage or a relationship?
- terrified your wife or husband because your spouse has emotionally checked out and is now asking for a divorce.
- stuck in a bad place in your marriage or relationship.
- feeling disconnected.
- coping with online cheating, infidelity or an emotional affair.
- upset because you asked your spouse or partner for counseling and he/she ignored your requests.
- the one who has ignored your spouse or partner’s pleas for help from the couples therapist because you thought things were fine and now you realize ( and are feeling really scared) because they are not.
- feeling like there’s only a sliver of hope left your marriage or relationship will survive.

When to Get Help

If you have come to accept that you cannot change certain things on your own, an experienced couples therapist can help. Are you willing to get help and to see what can be done before calling it quits? If you are in a bad place in your relationship, counseling can help you figure what to do.

The distance and disconnect a couple experiences – feeling alone and hopeless, is very painful. Can you reconnect and get to a better place?

If it is possible to reconnect, you can learn what will really help you bring down walls, listen, understand and give your partner what they really need (not assuming what you think they need). This applies with serious issues like infidelity and difficult arguments and communication problems. It does depend on each person and their willingness and ability to work through and heal that painful disconnect.

If you are in need of counseling, a good marriage or couples therapist can help you sort through and figure out your next step. If you’re looking for a couples therapist in New Jersey, get in touch.

Not enough sex and intimacy in your marriage or relationship?

Struggling to Stay in Your Marriage or Relationship?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Marriage In a Bad Place?

Some married couples have grown so disconnected overtime that one or both people are ready for a split. You either have been grieving for a long time quietly, maybe alone… and you’ve agonized about this decision for a long time – maybe sharing the Divorce word over and over with your spouse or keeping all of those thoughts to yourself.

It is more rare that both people are on the same page when it comes to ending the marriage.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve tried for so long to deal with your negative feelings about your spouse
There has been so much disconnect over a long period of time that it’s hard to come back and connect again
You’ve been on the receiving end of so much emotional, mental, verbal abuse or neglect that you just feel done and need help figuring out the next step.
You’ve been working so hard to try and make things better and to make those feelings go away
You feel guilty and don’t want to hurt your husband or wife and tell them you want to divorce
You don’t know what to do and need some help to discuss things in a safe place with a therapist to guide you

Divorce and Breaking up whether you’re married or partnered is painful. Even if you’re with the one that feels like you need to separate, it is not easy.

If you need help from a nonjudgmental, safe relationship or marriage counselor to discuss your feelings and concerns, feel free to get in touch.

Is Your Marriage in Trouble?

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