Do you struggle with honesty in your relationship? Are there things you don’t share with you spouse or partner? Are you afraid to tell things with your spouse or partner something?
Being dishonest does not necessarily mean your are deliberately lying – in the case of someone directly asking if something is wrong or sensing something is wrong and directly asking. But lying to avoid getting caught in something potentially very damaging to your relationship – an affair, is a different type of dishonesty. Men and women are dishonest for different reasons sometimes.
Is this you?
You’re having an affair and are feeling stuck in a very bad situation
You’re texting other women or men and flirting and it’s hard to stop
You don’t tell your spouse or partner important things because you don’t want to hurt him or her
You don’t say how you really feel about sex and end up going through the motions and feeling unhappy
You don’t feel you can share what you want or need because you’re spouse won’t understand or care
You’re afraid your husband or wife will get angry if you say how you really feel about something
Lack of honesty will eventually lead to bigger problems, A couples can get very disconnected over time if they don’t share how unhappy they are about certain things and just accept it will never change. To deal with the disconnect, sometime one partner will find some relief in the attention from someone else. Disconnection and unhappiness at home can make many people very vulnerable to the smallest amount of attention from the outside.
It is important to be honest more now to reduce bigger problems down the road. If you need help to prevent bigger problems or if have already crossed over into infidelity or other bigger problems, get in touch.
Strengthening Your Marriage During Stressful Times
There is nothing like the stress of a new baby, children and managing work and family responsibilities. The demands of your job and feeling pulled in so many ways can put the relationship on the back burner. If you don’t feel like a priority or struggle making your relationship a priority, the result may be anger, ongoing conflict and disconnect. This stress can cause one partner to find ways of coping, which sometimes means online cheating, an affair and infidelity. Disconnect and anger is never an excuse for having an affair, but most of the time this level of betrayal is a symptom of a problem in your relationship that needs attention.
Common complaints for people seeking marriage or couples counseling:
Not feeling like a priority
An affair, infidelity, online cheating and other betrayal
Communication problems
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed managing work and family responsibilites
Feeling like you don’t matter to your spouse
Feeling like you can’t count on your partner
Feeling alone and disconnected
Lack of sex and intimacy
It is certainly understandable that balancing things at home and work is very challenging for most families these days. Not feeling like you can communicate in a productive ways can only make matters worse. Maybe you feel like you don’t matter, like you’re not important. Maybe you feel like you can’t count on your partner or spouse to be there for you emotionally and otherwise.
What is an very important – and we will discuss these things in counseling- is reflecting on all the things that influence the way you relate to one another. This includes what you’ve been through in your early significant relationships – how your role models treated each other and treated you will influence your behavior and expectations to a great extent. Is important in understanding your present day dynamic to understand how these have influence the way you communicate, respond or react to your significant other. The same will be for them, so understanding that your spouse or partner has their own paradigm and issues will significantly impact your dynamic and not necessarily in a positive way.
Strengthening Your Marriage During Stressful Times
Need couples or marriage counseling to help in strengthening your marriage or relationship!? See how therapy can help you understand your spouse and get better at responding to their needs rather than reacting. Learn how to communicate in ways that your spouse or partner will be more likely to hear rather than get defensive. Get in touch if you are looking for a skilled and experienced therapist in Northern New Jersey.
Relationship in trouble? When is it time for relationship therapy?
Many couples consider therapy early on when they start having issues with communication and other difficult issues. Others wait a long time hoping things will get better trying to fix things themselves. It is only when one person has just about given up hope do they call a therapist for help. All relationships take work – even loving, healthy ones. Getting outside help from a professional is a big step for some couples, but when you’ve tried to fix things on your own and it hasn’t helped, it is time to consider marriage or couple therapy before you call it quits.
When therapy can help. Here are a few indicators….
1. Frequent finger pointing – problems are always your fault and your spouse does not understand his or her part
No matter what is done, somehow you cannot seem to get through to your spouse or partner. It may be hard to listen an understand one another without feeling defensive and blaming.
2. Communication styles vary and make it difficult yo resolve issues
The relationship seems to be out of whack when it comes to one person’s ability to express anger and the other just shutting down or putting up a wall. It’s hard to express yourself in a way that your spouse can take it in.
3. One of you is working harder at the relationship than the other
You are always the one that is trying and putting all the effort into the relationship. Not only do you feel drained and exhausted, but you feel very underappreciated. For all the effort you put in, you feel you deserve something in return, yet it never comes.
4. Afraid to express yourself if it causes your spouse or partner to get angry
Even though there may be issues, you prefer not to argue or fight because you are so worried about your partner reacting instead of responding. A good therapist can help many couples get better at listening and responding rather than reacting and make it safer to express yourself.
5. Trust and betrayal Do you feeling insecure in your relationship? Does it feel like your spouse or partner is hiding something? Did you find out about an affair? When a couple struggles with trust for any reason it is important to find ways to create more trust and a security for relationship to improve.
If you struggle with one or more of these issues, therapy can help. Many couples can improve their relationship if they are open to working with an experienced couples therapist.
If you’re at a point in your marriage or relationship where you just cannot resolve things on your own, relationship therapy may help. Therapists will often try and create a safe place for couples to work on resolving their issues. According to Daniel Siegel, MD and therapist, the 4 S’s are needed to create more secure and healthier relationships…to feel SEEN, SAFE, SOOTHED and SECURE. Areas where one or more of these are not met will cause a couple to really struggle.
Is this you?
you can’t seem to discuss anything without fighting
you feel your spouse or partner just won’t listen to you
you escalate into name calling in an attempt to feel heard and understood
you put up a wall to protect yourself from what feels like a constant attack
you feel incredibly sad and alone
you feel desperate to feel heard and understood and can’t seem to make your spouse be there for you
you’re feeling hopeless about repairing the damage
Relationships are about rupture and repair. We all experience some type of rupture at times. No relationship is immune from dealing with problems. What is important is knowing how to repair the ruptures. To get better and making your spouse feel seen, safe, soothed and secure.
Relationship Therapy Can Help Repair Ruptures
Find ways to help your spouse or partner
feel seen by becoming better at listening and understanding the internal experience of the other rather than getting defensive. Feeling felt is very important to connection.
create safety by listening and taking in the other person’s experience and reflecting on what each of you may be feeling
soothe one another by joining rather than feeling alone and withdrawing from one another
feel secure and be open and flexible to areas and issues that may be causing insecurity (and also exploring earlier attachment issues that may be getting triggered)
Secure, happy relationships can create such joy as well as improve to your overall health and wellness. You and your spouse or partner can learn how to repair your relationship ruptures better to create a closer connection. If you need relationship therapy in Essex County, NJ, please contact us.
You feel sad and alone in your marriage or relationship You are not a priority or last on the list You feel your partner is not there for you There is little to no intimacy or sex anymore Your spouse does not talk to you for days (or weeks) when you’ve had a fight You are exhausted trying to manage everything and you never get enough help You’re ready to call it quits because it feels hopeless You have a new baby and things are so much worse now You’re wondering if your relationship or marriage can be saved We hear from many men and women trying to find help for their relationship. They are so upset, sad, angry or frustrated and don’t know what to do. They have so much invested emotionally and financially, so it’s understandable they’re searching for ways to change patterns that are not working – or making things a lot worse, for that matter.
If you and your spouse or partner are at a point where you just can’t seem to resolve your differences, or are feeling so angry and distant that you are miserable, therapy may help.
If you’re looking for relationship therapy in NJ, Feel free to contact us at 973-902-8700 or email us if that’s easier.
Getting married soon? Need premarital counseling? There are few undertakings more critical than premarital counseling. This insightful and proactive step can help cement the foundation of your marriage, setting the stage for a lifetime of understanding, communication, and shared growth. If the notion of counseling seems foreign or intimidating, put those fears aside. This is not about fixing something that’s broken; it’s about enhancing what’s already beautiful. So, let’s embark on an exploratory journey that could very well transform your relationship in profound ways.
Premarital counseling is a deliberate process of exploration and growth. It’s designed for couples who desire a deep understanding of each other and are committed to building a robust partnership. The benefits are numerous and the insights are invaluable. Let’s explore the pillars that make premarital counseling a must for those on the marital path.
Improved Communication Skills
Communication is far more than mere words—it’s the lifeblood of any successful relationship. In premarital counseling, couples are equipped with practical tools to improve the art of listening, speaking honestly, and understanding non-verbal cues. These skills are transformative, laying the groundwork for a relationship where no thought is left unexpressed and no feeling is misunderstood.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Conflicts are an inevitable part of marriage, but how you navigate them can make all the difference. Premarital counseling offers a safe space for couples to identify and practice healthy ways to resolve disputes. Learning to embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat to the relationship is a powerful revelation.
Understanding Expectations and Roles
Every individual carries a unique set of expectations and perceptions into marriage, often shaped by experiences, upbringing, and cultural influences. Premarital counseling facilitates open discussions that clarify each partner’s hopes, dreams, and the roles they envision in their shared life. By aligning on these aspects, you’ll significantly reduce the potential for future misunderstandings and resentment.
Strengthening Intimacy and Connection
Emotional and physical intimacy are at the heart of a fulfilling marriage. Premarital counseling delves into the intricacies of intimacy, fostering a richer connection between partners. Through discussion and exploration, couples can deepen their bond and build a relationship that is a source of security and happiness.
Selecting the Right Premarital Counselor
The partnership with your premarital counselor is one of trust and guidance. Finding the right person to facilitate this journey is crucial. Look for professionals who not only have the credentials and experience but also possess qualities like empathy, cultural sensitivity, and a non-judgmental approach.
Qualities to Look For in a Premarital Counselor
Your counselor should be a skilled facilitator, adept at guiding you through difficult conversations. Look for those who are licensed, experienced in marriage counseling, and have a track record of working with diverse couples. Compassion and a neutral stance are also essential attributes that create a safe and welcoming environment for open dialogue.
What to Expect in Your Premarital Counseling Sessions
The structure and content of premarital counseling sessions can vary, but there are overarching themes that most sessions will cover. Understanding what’s ahead can alleviate any apprehension and help you approach the process with an open mind and ready heart.
Typical Premarital Counseling Session Structure
Sessions are typically weekly or bi-weekly, lasting from 60 to 90 minutes. Your initial session may involve an assessment of your relationship, after which a custom plan of discussion topics and exercises will be outlined. Subsequent sessions will delve into these areas to foster growth and understanding.
Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling
Healthy premarital counseling will touch on various topics, including individual values, roles as partners, family-of-origin matters, communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy. Each of these is dissected to reveal complexities and opportunities for unity, ensuring that no stone is left unturned before the wedding.
Addressing Common Challenges
Premarital counseling shines a light on potential hurdles that might arise in the course of your marriage, most of which have their roots in unspoken or misaligned expectations. By bringing these issues into the open, couples can devise strategies to meet challenges head-on and emerge stronger.
Financial Management
Money is a leading cause of marital strife. Through premarital counseling, couples explore their financial attitudes, anxieties, and long-term objectives. The aim is not just to create budgets and savings plans but to lay a financial groundwork that reflects the couple’s shared values and future aspirations.
Family Dynamics and In-Laws
Families are the tapestries from which we are cut and, as such, play a significant role in a marriage. Premarital counseling helps couples navigate potentially tricky family dynamics, boundaries, and the role of in-laws. The goal is to find harmony that respects the relationship without alienating the familial support structure.
Decision-Making and Goal-Setting
Mutual decision-making and goal-setting are key components of a successful marriage. Counseling encourages couples to constructively work towards common aims, ensuring that each partner feels heard and valued in the process. This shared approach lays the groundwork for a unified life.
Real-Life Transformations Through Premarital Counseling
To truly understand the potential of premarital counseling, let’s look at a couple who benefited from the experience. Julie and Michael entered counseling with excitement about their upcoming wedding but soon realized that their communication styles were vastly different, causing repeated misunderstandings. Through counseling, they learned to listen with empathy and express their needs more clearly. The result was a relationship with a newfound depth of understanding that served them well in both joys and trials.
Embracing the Investment in Your Relationship
The decision to partake in premarital counseling is an investment in your relationship’s future. It’s an ally and a guide that champions the strengths of your union while providing tools to navigate the challenges that will inevitably arise. As you embark on the beautiful journey of marriage, embrace the opportunities for growth that come with premarital counseling. In doing so, you honor not just the institution of marriage, but the unique love and bond you share with your partner.
Schedule Your Premarital Counseling Session Today
The wisdom gained from premarital counseling is immeasurable, and the time to act is now. Take the leap and schedule your first session. Your commitment to this process is a testament to the strength and promise of your love. It’s a step that opens the door to a lifetime of fulfillment in marriage. The journey begins with a single session—make it count.
If you need help with premarital counseling in NJ, please feel free to get in touch.
