Maplewood Counseling

Help with Communication

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Help with Communication?

Help for Relationships

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Need help with communication?

Improve communication in your marriage or relationship

Most couples call looking for help with communication.

However, even an affair and infidelity are often a symptom of a problem – lack of connection- stemming from poor communication skills.

What is really important in a relationship is getting better at listening. True listening is one of the greatest gift you can give your partner or spouse. It means trying to reallyunderstand what your spouse needs.

Everyone in a relationship may have different needs in terms of what makes them feel like they matter and what makes them feel important. Many times their feelings and needs can be discounted or dismissed leaving to further problems and disconnect. Learning to pay attention to and respond what they are feeling and the expression of that struggle rather than getting caught up in all of the details of what the other person is saying. It can come out as a complaint, but the feeling underneath might be feeling alone or misunderstood resulting in sadness, anger or distancing. It is si important to learn how to help your spouse or partner feel safe to show he or she mateers and that you are really trying to there ( in the way the other person really needs) emotionally.

If you are in a relationship that needs to get better at communication – to really really be there ways that your partner needs – find a therapist that can help you get the message across.

A well trained therapist can help. Feel free to reach out via phone or email if you’d like to discuss your situation. It’s a step in the right direction to understanding one another to make your relationship better and more satisfying.

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How Does Marriage Counseling Work

Need Relationship Help in New Jersey?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Relationship Help?

Unhappy & Disconnected?

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Need Relationship Help?

Learn what it means to be there for your spouse or partner

Over and over I hear from couples about the struggle with one (or both) people feeling alone in the marriage or relationship. Feeling sad or angry about your spouse not responding the way you need them to – with empathy, understanding and compassion. Maybe they even put up a wall, dismiss your feelings, criticize you, distance or check out. I’ve heard people describe hearing “get over it” or “don’t be weak” or “you’re too sensitive” from their partner if they are feeling sad or upset.

The result? The relationship suffers. There is disconnect, distance, unhappniness, less sex, more arguing or other symptoms. What most people really need is for their partner to listen to them, to be there, to be present and not judge your feelings as good or bad. All too often I work with couples where the wife or husband want to express sadness, disappointment and/or anger. Instead of understanding, the response is eye rolling, “don’t be weak”, “get over it”, or just dismissing the feelings completely. This is where couples find they grow very far apart and really need relationship help to reconnect.

As a relationship therapist who works with many couples, I see this pattern quite often. What I’m hoping to achieve in couples therapy is helping each person understand the importance of being there and what it actually looks like.

I assess what each person brings to the relationship from their past. Reflecting on the past helps men and women understand why they respond (or don’t respond) in certain way. For people that grew up in a household where it was hard for a mother or father to be there for them, someone who told him to stop crying, made them feel shame for expressing emotions, it is natural to defend against feeling this in your relationship as an adult. Becoming aware of how past relationships influence your ability or lack of ability to be there is where a good couples counselor can help.

If you want a loving, healthy and more secure marriage or relationship, you will need to learn how to be there. Be there in ways your spouse really needs. You want to let your partner or spouse know they matter, and let them know that they can count on you to be there. If you can do this successfully an ongoing, your connection will be and remain strong.

You will still have disagreements and not always be on the same page, all couples have to deal with these types of things. But knowing how to really respond rather than react is key. KNowing how to be there in ways that your partner needs is important.

Need Realtionship Help in NJ?

Are you looking for an experienced therapist in New Jersey? Feel free to get in touch.

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Therapy as a Last Resort

Relationships

 

Professional Therapy

Online or In-Person

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Need Relationship Therapy ?

Why did it take so long? So many times it seems someone in a relationship or marriage has been asking to go to counseling for so long and their spouse or partner was not willing. Some think everything is ok or we can fix things ourselves. Others think “you need therapy not us.”

The problem with this (and as a therapist I’ve seen it so much over the years) is by the time someone is really ready it’s sometimes too late. The wake up call and realization that your spouse or partner is about done puts you in overdrive. Maybe you’ve heard threats of divorce and “I’m not happy” a lot, but never believed it. At a certain point, when someone feels beyond sad and angry – completely hopeless, there is a reality that really hits home. She (or he) is emotionally gone. Checked out. And the fear of being abandoned gets very real. It’s hard work and can be done sometimes to bring a couple back from the brink, but not every couple can make it.

What couples have a shot at recovery? Well it does depend on what you’ve been through in the relationship (and past painful issues) and each person’s willingness to work on things. It depends how high the wall is up – just how many months or years you’ve tried. One partner my feel “why now after I’ve asked you forever to go to counseling?” Feelings of anger and resentment for knowing you needed help – at least one of you was very unhappy and wanted professional help. Possibly pleasing with your wife, husband or partner to go talk to someone.

It seems only when the unwilling spouse starts to feel pain and fear are they finally ready – sometimes even picking up the phone to find a therapist asap.

It is an important first step to make that call, but know if you are the one who was not willing for a long time, your parents may be angry and not as willing now. I see many couples in this place and work to help them come together on this issue so they can go work on the deeper, longstanding problems plaguing the relationship.

If you are both ready or at least want to see if you can come back from a very bad place in your relationship, contact us at 973-902-8700.

Relationship Therapy

Counseling as Last Resort

Stressed and Overwhelmed

Online Cheating Threatens Relationships

Relationships

Online Cheating & Cyber Affairs

Dealing with Betrayal

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Online Cheating, Affairs and Cyber Infidelity


When a husband, wife or partner has an affair, the betrayal can be devatating. Online cheating can also cause a tremendous amount of pain in a relationship.  So seductive and easily accessible,  the Internet and mobile devices are an opportunity anytime, anywhere to fill a void and get attention you are not getting elsewhere.

Is this you?

  • you hide your phone because you are sending inappropriate texts at all hours
  • you suspect your spouse or partner is connecting with other men or women online or on their phone
  • you feel guilty about cyber cheating and need help ending something that could ruin your relationship
  • the attention is so seductive, tempting and it’s so easy to start something with a coworker or friend
  • you want to come clean and admit the cyber affair before it’s too late
  • it’s hard to stop because it makes you happy and feels very good
  • your spouse or partner keeps accusing you and feels insecure
  • you don’t think it’s all that serious and deny anything is going on
  • you clearly see how it is hurting your relationship and need help

If online cheating is hurting your relationships, get in touch.

Online Cheating

Betrayal & Trust Issues

Caught Your Spouse?

Dealing with An Online or Emotional Affair?

Relationships

Need Help with
An Emotional Affair

Online Cheating
With Social Media?

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Having an emotional or online affair?

Have you been sensing distance in your relationship? Do you feel like your spouse or partner has been acting unusually cold and distant? Do you suspect they might be having an emotional or online affair? Maybe more?

Men and women can usually tell when something’s not right. It can cause tremendous amount of insecurity and suspicion. Some people resort to checking emails, texts and cell phone records and even purchasing programs that try and help them make sense of what’s going on. Confronting your spouse or partner with your suspicions can be met with “you’re crazy” or “that’s ridiculous”, which can make you feel crazy and really doubt yourself. It can cause frequent fights and arguments that never get resolved.

Are you having an emotional or online affair?

If you’re having an emotional affair and you don’t know what to do, you’re going to need help if you want to save your relationship or marriage. It’s not easy to let go. Most likely the emotional or online affair happened gradually and innocently. It felt good to get some attention, to be noticed. But then things developed and got out of control and now the connection is difficult to let go of, but you don’t want to lose your marriage or relationship because if it.

There are many couples that come in trying to cope with an emotional affair or online affair. Emotional affairs can certainly trigger intense emotions and feelings of rage, anger, sadness and betrayal as a full-blown sexual affair. Your spouse or partner loses trust in you and you certainly can feel pretty lousy about yourself as well.

Letting go of an emotional or online affair and reconnecting and your marriage or relationship.

It’s going to take patience. It’s going to take understanding. It’s going to take to working through the pain and finding out how to repair things and rebuild trust.

If you need help dealing with an emotional affair or online affair, let us know. We are located in Northern New Jersey in Essex County and we also offer online therapy if you are located anywhere in NJ.

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Need a Marriage Counselor?

Relationships, Therapist

Need a Marriage Counselor?

New Jersey Therapy
Get in Touch

Marital Therapy to Help You

Do you need Marriage Therapy?

 

New Jersey Marriage Counselor | Marital  and Family Therapy to Help You and Your Spouse

Are you unhappy in your marriage or relationship? Have you given up on trying to fix things on your own? You are not alone.

Couples that are facing problems in their relationship may benefit from sessions with an experienced marriage counselor. Whether it’s an affair or infidelity, communication problems and understanding one another, not feeling like a priority or fighting about money, sex or children, a few sessions can make a difference.

Dealing with An Affair and Infidelity :

Is this you?

  • your marriage is in crisis and you’re not sure you can save it after finding out about an affair
  • you need emergency marital therapy because of the devastation of an affair or infidelity
  • you feel very guilty about cheating and want to come clean, but not lose your marriage
  • you recently saw inappropriate texts or phone messages and are not sure what to do

Feeling Like Your Spouse or Partner is Not There for You :

Is this you?

  • you’re going through a difficult time and you spouse or partner is not there for you
  • you’re dealing with serious health or mental health issues and need help as a couple
  • you had a miscarriage and it has caused a tremendous amount of sadness and you feel alone
  • you feel like you can’t count on your spouse in many ways and don’t know what to do
  • you or your spouse shuts down and puts up a wall and you can’t seem to resolve anything

Feeling Like You Don’t Matter and are Not a Priority :

Is this you?

  • you fight about so many things – even small things – and you don’t know why
  • you don’t feel important and like a priority and it makes you sad and/or angry
  • work or friends seem so much more important and we have drifted apart

Feeling Misunderstood and Want Your Spouse to Understand and Listen to You :

Is this you?

  • you don’t know how to communicate effectively when you are angry at each other
  • you or your spouse resorts to name calling (or worse) and it causes a lot of damage
  • when you try and talk your spouse shuts down and you get angry or give up trying to resolve things
  • there is so much disrespect and criticism in your relationship and you can’t take it anymore
  • you fight about parenting over someone being too harsh or the other being too easy on the kids
  • you’re not sure if your marriage has reached the point of no return, but still want to try

When couples struggle and argue in their relationships, it is usually about the following:

  • I don’t feel like I matter – I don’t feel important
  • I feel like you’re not there for me
  • I don’t feel like I count on you

Trying to understand one another is an important step in reconnecting.  Being open and responding to the needs of one another emotionally is one of the most important ways you can not only improve your relationship, but have a more loving, healthy and satisfying marriage.

Need marital therapy? Let us know how we can help you.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling