Simple, Loving Attention

Relationship Need Attention?

Feeling Neglected & Unhappy?

Couples Counseling NJ

Attention is the Key to a Connected Relationship

Simple, loving attention is the very thing that most people need in their relationship. So, what makes it so difficult for most people to give this to their spouse or partner?

What Makes it Difficult

Habit and conditioning get in the way of giving your partner positive attention. As a result, most men and women sincerely struggle with knowing how to do this. Maybe something about this does not feel right or “normal”. Also, it’s possible that fear about other issues get in the way, such as trying to provide for your family. Some people sincerely think they’re doing their job if they’re making money. That’s what they learned growing up, and that’s the way they think it supposed to be done.

As a result, you may be working like crazy and spending all of your time trying to provide for your family. The problem is, you are not paying enough attention to your spouse and family. The result is unhappiness all the way around.

What (You and) Your Partner Really Needs

Your partner needs your attention. It’s what will help both of you feel closer and more connected. Attention by way of appreciation, noticing the smallest things and expressing your gratitude.

How you both benefit from this type of attention and appreciation:

When you notice your wife or husband had a hard day, whether at home or work. When you actually listen to your partner about his or her day…the good and the bad. Really listening and being there. Maybe responding with:

“I’m sorry you had a bad day at work. Is there anything I can do to help? I really appreciate how hard you work and everything you do for us. I know it’s not always easy. ” If you are paying attention and aware enough, notice a what your partner has done around the house, new blouse, haircut or long commute. Also, consciously paying your partner a complement or commenting on things that are not easy. It also takes noticing if your partner is struggling and conveying that “I am here, how can I help? “.

If you are in a pattern of feeling neglected in alone, learning to be more attentive will help. It’s not easy to change patterns, progress takes steady, hard work. But, if you can move in this direction, you will have much more happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.

If you need help with positive attention and your relationship, get in touch

How Attention Helps Us To Succeed

Argue All the Time?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Argue All the Time?

Couples Counseling | Communication

New Jersey

Do you argue all the time?

If you argue all the time, it can result in feeling emotionally drained, lonely, and angry. For that reason, you might feel depressed and hopeless especially if you constantly get stuck in this place.

Even more, it can make you grow so far apart that you end up feeling alone and disconnected. Probably, you wonder if it’s time to split up since you can’t break this pattern.

Learning to Listen

If you and your spouse are willing and open, you can learn how to connect in healthier ways. It will take listening, compromising, negotiating and getting better at controlling your own negative emotional reactions. On addition, It is important to make it safe enough so you both can express your true feelings and thoughts without fear of verbal insults, interruption, defensiveness and criticism.

Petty Arguments and Trivial Complaints

Petty arguments are usually about something deeper. Its never the small stuff that really matters and most couples know it.. So, understanding the feelings that get triggered under the arguments will help you both do a better job changing to create healthier communication. Most importantly, knowing how to heal will include listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving one another to heal.

If you need help because you argue all the time, get in touch.

Being There During Hard Times

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

NJ Counseling for Challenging Times

Couples, Individuals, Families

Essex County New Jersey

Being There – How to Support Your Loved One

Wondering the best ways to be there for a family member that is going through a hard time? Maybe you’re not clear on how what to do if a spouse, partner or child needs support. For that reason, there are some helpful things you can do to help a loved one going through a hard time.

Maybe you think it is best to try to “fix” their emotional or physical pain. Seems like some advice or suggestions about what will help is what he or she needs. Certainly, it’s not easy to when someone you love is suffering. Even more, it feels pretty awful to feel so powerless when a family member struggles.

Best Ways to Be There

First of all, one of the best ways to be there is to be present and listen. So, allowing your loved one to talk and share without interruption will help. Secondly, you can ask what if there is anything you can do rather than offer advice. Because most people just want someone to listen and make it safe to share.

In contrast, how can you really be there when someone is struggling and not open to help. After all, some men, women and children do not want to talk. Whether he or she is suffering with depression, anxiety, some people are not open to help. Therefore, you have to know what to do with your own fear, feeling of powerlessness and emotional pain. Certainly, these situations are incredibly painful.

Getting Help for Your Own Feelings and Fear

There is something that will help deal with fear, worrying, judgment and struggle with acceptance of your circumstance and what your loved one is dealing with. Mindfulness is a very effective way of working with all of the thing that you can’t control and find more peace even in the most difficult circumstance. Furthermore, developing a better way of dealing with your own emotional and physical pain will help you manage all of life’s challenges.

If you want help developing the skill of mindfulness, get in touch.

Mindfulness Deepens Connections

Can We Reconcile?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Can We Reconcile?

Marriage Counseling | Couples Therapy

Essex County New Jersey

Can We Reconcile ?

Can we reconcile and get back together? So, are you wondering if you and your partner or spouse can get back together after splitting up? Maybe you have you been living apart for months or even longer? For that reason, you want to explore what wasn’t working before to see if there’s anything you can do to make the relationship work?

Certainly, there are many couples that need help revisiting the idea reconciliation. As a result they seek counseling. Hence, if both people are open and willing to examine what happened and why, it is possible to make the relationship work even after you’ve divorced.

Does this sound familiar?

You separated because a painful event such as infidelity.
You split up due to long standing disconnect and unhappiness
You made mistakes and understand more about you part in your problems
You want to forgive and are having trouble trusting your spouse or partner

Can We Reconcile and Work Things Out?

Seems like talking about past experiences is causing anger, resentment, hurt, and whatever else might still make it difficult to trust things can be different. Therefore, an experienced therapist can help you discuss in a safe place.

As a result, marriage or couple therapy can help sort through and assess what you both would need to do to get back together. Because It would take understanding where each person is at now, In addition, it is important to assess how open and willing you are to work on past anger, hurt, resentment and mistakes. Finally, it takes understanding your own part in your marital or relationship problems. Besides that, understanding triggers, disrespect, criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and any other patterns that led to your split.

Can we reconcile ? Get in touch to see if it is possible to repair your relationship and change patterns that led to your split.

Need Help with Forgiveness?

Helping Couples Reconnect

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Helping Couples Reconnect

Marriage Couples Therapy NJ

Relationship Counseling

Helping Couples Reconnect

Helping couples reconnect

Helping Couples with Disconnect

Couples get disconnected for a number reasons. Some are unable to communicate effectively, others are dealing with infidelity and betrayal, and many argue over parenting, in-law or other family issues.

What to Do If You’re Disconnected

Disconnected relationships can be extremely painful. What you do with that pain can make things worse even if you’re just trying to make connection. Some men and women can get verbally abusive and attack their partner with name calling and criticism. Others are unable to listen to concerns and needs of a partner or spouse if they feel blamed. More often than not, people that feel blamed will respond by getting defensive which can make matters worse.

Some couples really struggle when one person wants to talk and discuss issues ( “I want you to hear me!”) in an attempt to be understood and the other person may not want to deal with any kind of conflict whatsoever because they don’t know what to do. Definitely not a great combination, but a lot a couples struggle in this way.

The key is trying to make the relationship safe enough, trying to get better at listening – really listening and staying present – trying to understand the other person. It first takes understanding your pattern or dynamic – what isn’t working. You can get reconnected if you are both open and willing to learn what will help. It’s also important learn what habits and patterns get in the way of listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving.

If you’re a couple that needs help reconnecting, get in touch.

Helping Couples Reconnect – Counseling for Marital Problems

Should We Stay or Split up?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Stay or Split?

NJ Marriage & Discernment Therapy

Maplewood Counseling

Should We Stay or Split Up?

Can We Resolve Our Issues?

Not sure if you can work things out in your marriage or relationship? Should you get divorced, separated or break-up? Have you been been through too much and not sure you can feel good about each other again?

Does this sound familiar?

You’re struggling with forgiving infidelity or an affair
You can’t seem to get over your spouse or partner not being there for you
You’re unable to forgive your spouse for choosing his or her family over you
You can’t seem to forget and accept things that have happened in the past that have caused you pain.

Do you need help working through painful events in your relationship? Do you need help forgiving your husband, wife or partner or making another decision about your relationship?

It is important to understand forgiveness and how complicated it can be. Forgiveness is so important for your own sake. Does this always mean you can work out your differences? Not for all couples, but if you are both willing to really work through painful events and are open and honest, you may be able to heal and work things out.

If you need help and you feel stuck in a painful place, get in touch. We can help your explore your next step in a safe place

In a Disconnected Relationship?