Relationship Mistakes

Common Relationship Mistakes

Affairs and Communication Problems

Common Relationship Mistakes

There are several mistakes people make in their relationship. There are the big and obvious mistakes like betrayal and infidelity. This can range from emotional affairs, online cheating or physical and sexual infidelity.

These bigger relationship mistakes are much more challenging to heal and repair and many couples seek professional couples therapy to find to best ways to get through such a painful mistake.

Other relationship mistakes include name-calling, disrespect, inability to express and communicate your anger, sadness and disappointment in healthy ways. Also neglecting your relationship by not making it a priority can cause serious disconnect and hurt.

Does this sounds familiar?

You turned to someone outside your relationship
You did not listen when your spouse or partner wanting to go to counsleing
You frequently criticized and disrepsectfed your spouse
You preferred spending time doing activities instead of with your partner
You do not know how to communicate, listen or understand one another
You had an affair or betrayed your partner with secrecy and lies

Have you made one or more relationship mstakes? Do you need professional marriage or couples therapy to see if you can turn things around? Get in touch.

In a Disconnected Relationship?

Relationships

Disconnected Relationship?

NJ Couples and Marriage Counseling

Maplewood Counseling

Disconnected Relationship?

A lot of couples struggle with in a disconnected relationship. Some are not able to enjoy time together and feel alone and miserable, Maybe you’ve tried to fix things on your own or asked your spouse or partner to go to counseling, but he or she refused. Are you feeling unhappy in your marriage or relationship and wondering what to do?

We see many couples who are feeling very unhappy and disconnected.

In a disconnect ted relationship? Does this sound familiar?

Things are only getting worse and you’re not sure you want to stay in the relationship.
You’ve asked or even begged your spouse or partner to go to counseling and the answer was always “no”.
You feel very sad, depressed and or alone.
Things have devolved to the point where you either argue all the time or avoid talking to each other
You really want to know if you can reconnect and resolve your issues.
You’re not sure there’s anything left to salvage and wonder if you should break up or divorce.

Living in a disconnected relationship?

Are you an individual or couple looking for help, even if your partner is not willing? It might be helpful to talk to a licensed, experienced and compassionate marriage or a couples therapist to see what to do about your situation.

If you need help, get in touch

Problems with In-Laws?

Relationships

Problems with In-Laws?

Family and Marital Conflict?

Maplewood Counseling

In-Law Problems?

Are you and your partner having in-law problems? Do you get mad at your wife or husband for not standing up for you? Maybe you feel like you’re in the middle between your spouse and your family?

Family dynamics and problems with a mother-in-law or father-in-law can cause a couple to feel hurt, angry and misunderstood. Trouble understanding each other‘s perspectives can make matters worse.

Does this sound familiar?

Your in-laws expect your spouse to put make them a priority and put them number one.
Your in-laws expect you to visit often or spend certain holidays with them.
You feel very angry at your partner for not standing up to his or her parents or other family members.
You hate when your spouse gets quiet rather than confronting his or her family when they don’t handle things well.
Maybe you dislike your in-laws and would prefer not seeing them, to the extent that you want your spouse to cut them off
You hate the way your in-laws treat you and get angry at your partner for not protecting you
You feel like you’re in the middle between your spouse and parents or siblings.

Many couples experience struggles with extended family, at times. In order to resolve issues more effectively, it might be helpful to sit down with an experienced therapist that understands many perspectives and what to do about complicated family dynamics.

You’re not alone when it comes to complicated situations with in-laws. It can be very helpful to work together to manage these situations so it doesn’t impact your marriage or relationship.

If you need help dealing with your in-laws more effectively, get in touch.

Contempt is the Biggest Predictor of Divorce

Relationships

Contempt Hurts Relationships

Marital & Couples Therapy NJ

Maplewood Counseling

Contempt is the Biggest Predictor of Divorce

Marriage in trouble? Understanding contempt and how it poisons your relationship.

According to relationship expert John Gottman, contempt is the single biggest predictor of divorce. It’s very hard to have a healthy, connected relationship when you disregard, mock, and disrespect your significant other. Name calling, mean, sarcastic joking, eye rolling and things like mocking your spouse, end up being poisonous to the relationship – and if don’t learn how to stop, it will most likely lead to divorce.

It’s understandable that most people feel anger in their relationship. You can learn to express anger without contempt and it will be very worthwhile.

What is contempt?

Contempt is a combination of anger and disgust and can takes things to a much more destructive place. Contempt is so damaging because it conveys “you are beneath me”. It is an arrogant way of seeing your partner as worthless and deserving of your disrespect and disdain. Often men and women use name calling such as “you’re stupid”, “you’re fat” , “you’re ugly” (and sometimes this behavior is directed at your children a well). Contempt makes it difficult for you to take your spouse or partner’s (or children) feelings into account and conveys you are disgusted and sometimes hate your spouse – basically gives the message ” I don’t care about you, your feelings or what you have to say”.

Why is Contempt Poisonous to the Marriage?

Contempt is so harmful because over time it erodes your relationship. It is defeating and destructive. Contempt conveys an attitude of arrogance, superiority and disgust. I can make one partner feel superior and give the impression that we are not equals and I am better than you, smarter than you, etc. if this is the case, you’re disregarding and dismissing your partner because you really don’t value his or her thoughts and feelings.

Empathy is the opposite of contempt. If you were not willing to empathize with your partner or spouse‘s experience, you will be unable to have a healthy and satisfying relationship.

Examples of Contempt

Name calling
Sarcasm
Mocking and mimicking
Eye rolling
Hostile humor
Smirking

The cure for contempt, according to John Gottman, is cultivating more respect and appreciation of one another. Sometimes reflecting on the positive aspects of your past (fondest and admiration) will help you make changes. You ability access fondness and admiration helps your therapist measure your ability to reduce contempt over time. Don’r wait until it’s too late to start working on breaking this pattern. If you need help moving in this direction, get in touch.

Don’t Wait to Get Counseling

Relationships

Don’t Wait To Get Counseling

Couples & Marriage Therapy NJ

Maplewood Counseling

Don’t Wait to Get Marriage or Couples Counseling

Some Couples Wait Until it’s Too Late

This can apply to so many things in life, but when it comes to relationships, it’s important to know when you need help. If you are reluctant and feel like you can fix things on your own – it’s important to listen to your partner or spouse if he or she thinks you will benefit from professional help. Waiting too long can make it hard for you to stay together.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve asked ( or begged) your spouse to go to counseling with you and he or she won’t go.
You’re feeling stuck and don’t think you can get to a better place without help even though your partner doesn’t agree.
You’re getting increasingly unhappy and worried if something doesn’t change you’re going to end the relationship
Maybe you’re the one who thinks you can fix things yourselves even though your partner disagrees.

Many couples and marriage counselors see couples that wait a very long time before getting help. When one person is suggesting counseling, it’s important to listen to him or her. That person is most likely feeling unhappy and in pain. Some people are aware that making positive changes and breaking bad patterns won’t happen without help.

Relationship therapists also see many couples who waited too long. Sometimes it’s too late when your wife or husband is completely shut down. Hopefully you can listen to your spouse sooner and take the steps to get couples counseling if you are stuck in a bad place.

Denying an Affair?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Denying An Affair?
Scared to Tell The Truth?

You or Your Partner Denying An Affair?

Is denying an affair causing causing pain and mistrust? Does this sounds familiar?

Are you lying repeatedly when your partner or spouse questions you?
Are you gaslighting your spouse ( “ you’re crazy, nothings going on. It’s all in your head” )?
Is it making you feel lousy about lying and hurting your partner?
Is it hard to let go of something that feels good?
Are you worried what will happen when you and the affair ( Will the person act out and contact your partner or spouse? )
Do you need help ending the affair and the fear of being honest with your partner?
Do you worry about losing your relationship or marriage?

There are so many problems that arise from an affair. Living a double life and secretly texting, calling and meeting the person you’re having an affair with – and lying about it causes damage on many levels. There are some men and women that want to stop the affair and don’t know how. There are others that know that they’ll feel loss when they give up whatever the affair is making them feel ( not wanting to let go of the attention or feeling special or maybe you fear what will happen when you do come clean).

On the other hand, maybe your spouse or partner finally came forward with “proof” after denying an affair and there’s no disputing it. What do you do then?

It depends. According to sex therapist and infidelity specialist Esther Perel, there are three main reasons people seek out affairs

it’s a wake up call to a relationship that has been disconnected and needs some changes here
The relationship has been so bad and unhappy for so long that an affair can be the last straw for a relationship that’s already “dying on the vine “
Sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with the relationship and it’s more of personal Journey Or something meaningful about the relationship.

Are you feeling insecure and sense your husband or wife is involved with a coworker or someone else? Do you have a strong gut feeling and know that your partner or spouse is doing something inappropriate. Do you feel betrayed and confused? Are they very protective about their phone or email? Do you need help with what to do about this situation for yourself?

Or are you a wife or husband that is stuck and feeling trapped in a bad situation regarding an emotional or physical affair. Do you fear that being honest about the infidelity will end your marriage or relationship? Do you want it to end?

If you are denying an affair ( or feel your spouse is denying the affair ) and need help sorting through feelings and steps to take, get in touch

&nbsp:

Trying to End An Affiar?

Relationship Mistakes

Common Relationship Mistakes