Maplewood Counseling
Trying to Save Your Marriage?

Trying to Save Your Marriage?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Trying Save Your Marriage?

Need to Talk?

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Trying to Save Your Marriage?

 

Can your relationship be saved?

 

How to Save Your Marriage or Relationship

Are you struggling to keep your marriage or relationship from falling apart? Are you constantly fighting with your partner and feel like you’re at your wit’s end? Don’t lose hope just yet. With some effort and dedication, it is possible to save your marriage or relationship.

In this guide, we’ll discuss some practical tips that can help you strengthen your relationship and bring back the love and happiness in your marriage or partnership.

Communication is Key

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is due to a lack of communication. It’s important to openly and honestly communicate with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Be willing to listen to their perspective as well. Often, misunderstandings arise from miscommunication, so make an effort to clearly express yourself and actively listen to your partner.

Work on Forgiveness

Resentment and grudges can slowly poison a relationship. It’s essential to learn how to forgive and move forward in order to save your marriage or relationship. This doesn’t mean you should ignore serious issues or sweep them under the rug, but it’s important to let go of past mistakes and focus on building a better future together.

Prioritize Quality Time

In the midst of busy schedules and responsibilities, it can be easy to neglect spending quality time with your partner. However, making time for each other is crucial for maintaining a strong relationship. Set aside dedicated time for date nights or simply spend some uninterrupted time talking or doing activities together. This will help keep the spark alive and strengthen your bond.

Trying to Save Your Marriage?

Does this sound familiar?

  • your spouse is completely shut down and/or asking for a divorce
  • your wife or husband has given on trying
  • you and your partner argue all the time
  • you are both feeling very alone and disconnected
  • you are only staying together for your children
  • you want to save the marriage but your spouse seems 95% done

Many couples struggle when they get stuck in this painful place. They wonder what direction they can go – especially when one person wants to save the marriage and one person feels hopeless and wants to move on.

In many of these situations, one person has been asking to go the marriage counseling or couples therapy for years. Knowing there was no way they could fix problems on their own. The problem is, when one person’s requests for going to counseling has been ignored for a long time….it feels like the other person did not car e about their pain, their needs. The person ends up feeling alone and over time…very disconnected.

Then, when the other person starts to feel the pain of the disconnect, they are ready to go to therapy. Sometimes when it is too late since you can only save your marriage if both people are committed to this process. A good marriage therapist can assess this situation thoroughly since divorce is a painful option. How far gone is the wife or husband? Are they 100% sure they cannot reconnect? 90%, 80%? Is there any sliver of hope left? That’s what an experienced therapist will help with.

Reasons you may not be able to save your marriage are:

  1. Lack of Communication: One of the biggest reasons why marriages fail is because of lack of communication between partners. When there is a breakdown in communication, it becomes difficult for both parties to understand each other’s needs and concerns. This can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts and ultimately, a breakdown of the marriage.
  2. Unresolved Conflicts: Every relationship has its fair share of conflicts and disagreements. However, if these conflicts are left unresolved, they can pile up and create a rift between partners. Over time, this can cause resentment, bitterness and even lead to separation.
  3. Lack of Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If there is no trust between partners, it becomes difficult for them to build a strong and lasting bond. Lack of trust can stem from past betrayals, constant lying or even just a feeling of insecurity in the relationship.
  4. Differences in Values and Beliefs: While it’s natural for individuals to have different values and beliefs, when these differences are too extreme, they can cause conflicts in a marriage. For instance, if one partner is extremely religious while the other is not, it can lead to disagreements and a lack of understanding between them.
  5. Neglecting the Relationship: With busy work schedules, children and other responsibilities, it’s easy for couples to neglect their relationship. They may stop prioritizing quality time together, physical intimacy or even just simple acts of affection. Over time, this can cause a strain on the relationship and lead to a breakdown.
  6. Financial Issues: Money is often a major source of conflict in marriages. Disagreements over spending habits, financial goals or even unequal contributions to household expenses can create tension between partners. If these issues are not addressed and resolved, they can cause a breakdown in the marriage.
  7. Lack of Intimacy: Physical intimacy is an important aspect of any marriage. When there is a lack of physical intimacy, it can lead to feelings of neglect and frustration in one or both partners. This can result in arguments and even infidelity.
  8. External Influences: In some cases, external influences such as family members, friends or cultural expectations can cause conflicts in a marriage. These outside pressures can create tension between partners and affect the dynamics of the relationship.
  9. Communication Issues: Effective communication is crucial in a marriage. When communication breaks down, it can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts and resentment between partners. This can ultimately lead to a breakdown of the marriage if these issues are not addressed.
  10. Lack of Effort: A successful marriage requires effort from both partners. When one or both partners stop putting in the effort to maintain the relationship, it can lead to feelings of neglect and dissatisfaction. This lack of effort can ultimately result in a breakdown of the marriage.

So is marriage counseling worth it? Absolutely. While it may seem daunting to face these challenges and work on them, marriage counseling can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to address their issues and improve their relationship. It can also help couples develop healthy communication skills, learn effective conflict resolution techniques, and strengthen their emotional connection.

In addition to addressing specific issues within the marriage, marriage counseling can also benefit couples by providing them with tools and strategies to maintain a happy and healthy relationship in the long term. Through therapy, couples can learn how to better understand each other’s needs, support each other through difficult times, and grow together as individuals and as a couple.

Marriage counseling can also be beneficial for couples who are considering divorce. Counseling can provide a neutral space for couples to discuss their concerns and explore their options. It can also help couples make informed decisions about the future of their relationship.

In conclusion, marriage counseling is a valuable resource for couples who are struggling in their relationship. It offers a supportive and non-judgmental environment for couples to address their issues, improve communication, and strengthen their bond. With effort and commitment from both partners, marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for creating a happy and fulfilling marriage. So if you’re facing challenges in your marriage, don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional therapist. Your relationship is worth it.

Moreover, even if your marriage is currently strong and healthy, counseling can still be beneficial. It can serve as a preventive measure to address any potential issues that may arise in the future. By learning effective communication skills and conflict resolution techniques, couples can better navigate challenges and strengthen their emotional connection.

Can all marriage be saved?

While every situation is unique, marriage counseling can be a beneficial tool for many couples. It provides a safe and supportive space for couples to work through their issues and find solutions that work for both partners. However, it’s important to note that therapy requires effort and commitment from both individuals in order to be effective.

In some cases, despite the best efforts of both partners, marriages may still end in separation or divorce. In these situations, marriage counseling can still be helpful in facilitating a healthier and more amicable breakup. It can also provide support for individuals as they transition to a new chapter in their lives.

If you are ready to see if you can save your marriage and have a thorough relationship assessment, get in touch.

 

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 

Marriage in Crisis?

Short Hills Counseling in NJ for Couples, Individuals, & Families

Short Hills Counseling in NJ for Couples, Individuals, & Families

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Expert Therapy and Counseling for Short Hills & Millburn Residents

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW at Maplewood Counseling

Expert Therapy and Counseling for Short Hills & Millburn Residents

 

Supportive Counseling for Individuals, Couples, and Families Near You

Life brings changes and challenges that can feel overwhelming. Whether you are navigating difficult transitions, experiencing disconnect in your relationship, or struggling with personal issues, seeking support is a sign of strength. Many people in the Short Hills and Millburn communities look for a local, trusted therapist to guide them through these times.

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide a safe and supportive space just a short drive away. Our experienced and licensed therapists are here to help you, your partner, or your family find a path forward. We offer both in-person sessions at our nearby Maplewood office and convenient virtual therapy to fit your life.

Do You Feel Like It’s Time for a Change?

It can be painful when you’ve tried everything you can think of and still feel stuck. Perhaps you recognize yourself in some of these situations:

  • You need a couples counselor to help navigate relationship, family, or parenting issues.
  • You’re going through a divorce or breakup and need support managing grief, anxiety, or depression.
  • Infidelity, an emotional affair, or online cheating has broken trust in your relationship.
  • You want your spouse or partner to join you in therapy, but they are hesitant.
  • You feel disconnected from your partner and fear losing your relationship.
  • Communication problems and constant conflict are making daily life difficult.

If any of these resonate with you, please know you are not alone. Our dedicated therapists are here to help you transform these challenges into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. We empower you with the tools to resolve conflict, improve communication, and rebuild your bond.

Conveniently Located to Serve the Short Hills Community

Maplewood Counseling is proud to serve our neighbors in Short Hills, Millburn, Springfield, Summit, Union, Livingston, and West Orange. Our office is easily accessible, providing a local option for high-quality mental health support.

Maplewood Counseling
169 Maplewood Ave, Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040

Call Now: (973) 902-8700

We understand the unique dynamics of our community. Below, you can explore an interactive map highlighting the Short Hills area, including local neighborhoods and schools, to see just how close support really is.

Book Your Appointment Today!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What types of therapy do you offer?
We provide counseling for individuals, couples, and families. Our services cover a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, relationship conflicts, infidelity, parenting challenges, grief, and life transitions.

Are your sessions in-person or virtual?
We offer both! You can choose to meet with our therapists for in-person sessions at our comfortable Maplewood office or opt for the convenience and flexibility of secure online video therapy (telehealth).

How do I know if therapy is right for me?
If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to resolve issues on your own, therapy can provide the professional guidance and non-judgmental support needed to move forward. It’s a dedicated space to work on your personal and relational well-being.

What if my partner is hesitant to try couples counseling?
This is a very common concern. Our therapists are skilled at creating a safe environment where both partners feel heard and respected. We often start by addressing these hesitations to ensure the process is comfortable for everyone involved.

How long does therapy take?
The duration of therapy is unique to each individual or couple. Some clients find resolution for specific issues in a few months, while others benefit from longer-term support. We will work with you to create a plan that meets your specific goals.

Take the First Step Toward a Brighter Future

You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Let our experienced therapists provide the guidance and support you need to build a happier, healthier life and stronger relationships.

Book Your Session Today!

See the Helpful Resources for Couples

 

 

At Maplewood Counseling, we are dedicated to supporting individuals, couples, and families in achieving mental wellness. Based in Maplewood, NJ, we proudly serve the Essex County, NJ community and offer statewide telehealth services to ensure accessible care for all. Whether you’re seeking help for anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, or personal growth, our experienced team is here to guide you every step of the way.

📍 Location: 169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4 Maplewood NJ 07040
📞 Phone: 973-902-8700
🌐 Website: Maplewood Counseling

We Use HIPAA Compliant Telehealth Platform SimplePractice for our Telehealth Sessions

Marriage Therapist | Are You in Crisis?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Find a Marriage Therapist

Help Improving Your Relationship

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Searching for a Marriage Therapist in NJ?

Has your spouse or partner been asking to go to therapy? Did you feel like you could handle things on your own? Did you not realize how much pain and disappointment your partner has been feeling sometimes for years? Are you feeling pain now and decided it’s time to go to therapy? Are you the one who’s been feeling pain for a long time – show this to your spouse or partner so they don’t wait until it’s too late. It’s important to try and get into therapy sooner and not wait until things are in crisis and it’s hard to come back from feeling so sad, alone, angry and disappointed for so long.

This happens all too often when I hear from someone looking for marriage or couples therapy. They are no the one feeling tremendous pain and, as a result, very motivated to go to counseling – finally. What they are feeling most likely is what their spouse or partner has been feeling for sometimes a very long time. That’s where it gets difficult.

In a way – in a big way,  you can sense how distant and checked out your partner is. Maybe they’re even saying they want a divorce and that they’re done. You can somehow sense how much you don’t matter anymore. So at this point, the wall is up very high. I do see a lot of couples that are in this place – some can come back and some cannot. It’s hard for me to know unless I meet with each person and the couple to assess what has been going on in the relationship and how both people are feeling at this point. I carefully assess the person that has had to build up a wall to protect themselves from ongoing pain in a relationship. Feeling like he or she doesn’t matter, they i’ve been feeling very alone in the  relationship. And feeling like they have not been able to count on their spouse or partner to be there emotionally for a very long time.

So if this is where you’re at right now in your relationship – not sure how this is going to end up, but desperately trying to save your relationship, counseling can help you figure out what the next step is in a safe place. Safe for both people.

If you are looking for marriage therapist in NJ or couples counseling to help you figure this out, feel free to reach out to me to see how therapy can help.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Relationships

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

How it Can Help

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How does marriage counseling work?

If you’ve never done marriage or couples counseling, you might wonder how it works. The way I work with couples is this – I like to take the first session and meet with a couple together. I assess the way you interact, listen, respond or react and the reasons you are coming to therapy. I want to understand each person’s perscpective and get a sense for the issues you are struggling with. At the same time, I will assess what happens when you are discussing the problems and to see if you interrupt, agree, disagree and understand. The second and third appointments I like to meet with each person individually to get a sense for their background and experience. It helps me to connect one-on-one to learn more about what each person feels and needs and what they are not getting in the relationship.

I also like to understand what each person experienced growing up when it comes to roll models for relationships. I will often ask how did your parents or other significant caretakers treat one another and how did they treated you. It gives me a good idea of how each person was “conditioned” to relate and how tow people from different backgrounds can have different views and expectations around relationships. You may want to repeat or avoid they way people treated each other when you were growing up. It is impoprtnt to undestanding how the past affects the present when it comes to relationships.

Many people that have gone through traumatic experiences growing may face have more challenges in their love relationships and therefore may need more help creating a more satisfying and stable relationship. I do want to understand attachment style and how secure or insecure you felt growing up how secure or insecure you feel in your marriage or relationship now. Understanding all of this and then helping you both understand the patterns and dynamic of your relationship is what we work on in the couples therapy.

Many people ask how long is couples therapy or how long will it take. Without knowing each of you and your dynamic…without knowing what each of you bring to the relationship from your past, it’s hard for me to answer that question other than to say the work that we do is short term in nature. Anywhere between 8-20 appointments for most couples. Some couples are in therapy longer. Typically session one is together with the couple so your therapist can assess you communication style and dynamic. Then th therapists will meet with each person individually to assess each person to leanr more about each person. Then the couples will meet together again session 4 on to work on issues. So I hope this helps as you’re searching for a couples therapist and trying to understand how therapy works if you are new to the process.

Just know that changing patterns and behavior takes time, awareness and consistent effort. Pain is a great motivator and usually people are much more willing to change something when there is a threat of losing your spouse or partner. Ultimatums like “i want a divorce” or “I can’t do this anymore” will make many people very scared and ready for counseling. The real challenge is staying what is most importnat to your partner or spouse – learning what they really need and responding rather than reacting. We do this together to help each person really understand and respond to needs of the other person without discounting, neglecting, defending, criticizing or invalidating when you don’t understand. Understanding and responding to each other rather than reacting is critical to building a stronger and ongoing connection with one another. I hope this helps as you’re searching for a therapist to understand the process of marriage counseling or couples therapy.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Find us on Psychologytoday.com and see some helpful info on the Psych Central Blog

Mental Health Resources in the LGBTQ+ Community

Pornography and Marriage

Relationships

Pornography and Marriage

The Impact on Relationships

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Pornography and Marriage | How Porn Affects Relationships

Recent advances in technology have made pornography remarkably available; the days of X-rated theaters, adult bookstores, and video cassette rentals are long gone. What does this mean for our relationships? Many people have come to terms with porn, concluding that it is just part of society and brushing it off as if it is not a big deal at all. Others, on the other hand, feel distraught about this addictive, self-esteem shattering “hobby.”

The truth, like most things in life, it is neither black nor white; pornography can have negative or positive effects on a relationship. Here are a few insights on why people turn to pornography and how you can use porn to improve your relationship instead of destroy it. You may want to think twice before hiding your secret stash to avoid being caught by your significant other. According to recent studies, people who are upfront with their partners about watching pornography have better, happier relationships. According to Dr. Fran Walfish, “Being honest about pornography use with a partner indicates that the person is comfortable with their own sexuality and the things that sexually titillate, stimulate, arouse, and turn on their excitation.”

In relationships, honesty and openness between partners is what brings them closer together and helps to yield a happier relationship. On the other hand, when one of the two members choose to hide their porn use and keep it secret, Walfish explains that this could be seen as “betrayal and raise mistrust, suspicions, and put a wedge of distance between the partners.” Disclosing your secret porn use to your significant other is certainly not easy.

Partners who want to come clean about their use of pornography may not know how to begin to approach it.

Here are a few questions that Dr. Walfish suggests asking yourself:

1. Why did you keep in secret in the first place?”

2. Is it because your partner is inhibited and might judge you for this type of behavior?

3. Do you feel shame about your pornography usage?

The responses to these questions will help to assess if it will be easy to talk to a partner or spouse about these issues. In addition, while not everyone is the same, men and women tend to hold different views about pornography. According to Psychology Today, “Men and women tend to disagree on two issues: How porn is watched (alone, in groups, with a sexual partner); and how often it is watched.”

If you are in a relationship where you and your partner do not agree about the use of pornography, the following questions can help you understand your partner’s point of view. The partner who is in favor of porn, ask yourself…

1. Does watching porn cause trauma in my partner?

2. How does watching porn influence my day-to-day emotions and how does it cause me to approach my relationship.

3. When does watching porn harm my relationship?

The partner who is against porn, ask yourself…

1. Why does my partner’s participation in watching porn trigger trauma in me?

2. Why do I experience trauma from porn while others may not?

3. How do my feelings about my partner watching porn affect my relationship?

It is very important that both partners understand how the other feels about the use of porn and arrive at a mutually acceptable conclusion. The alternative can create significant problems. Among other things, partners who object to their mate’s use of pornography often experience fear, anxiety, a feeling of not belonging, and feeling emotionally on edge. The other partner, who wants to view porn but feels compelled to stop, may experience feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness, which lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

If your relationship is stuck in the middle of this quandary, what can you do?

1. Two is better than one Couples who participate in viewing porn together and who come to a mutual agreement of what is acceptable and what is not, have much more satisfaction in their relationship because of the high levels of communication and honesty. According to Walfish, “When both partners are equally open sexually and emotionally pornography can be an ‘exciting wonderful foreplay’. Often, watching can stimulate ideas, themes, and scenarios that can elicit spontaneity and adventure for the couple.”

2. Honesty is the best policy Many of the negative feelings experienced by those who do not agree with watching pornography stem from the idea that doing so is akin to infidelity. According to reseachers Marley N. Resch and Kevin G. Alderson, “Female partners may find pornography to be a source of competition in that they may not be satisfying their partners’ needs.” Opening up the lines of communication can help address these concerns. However, it is important to address these issues as early as possible. Later disclosures about previously hidden porn use can not only affect trust, but also affect one partner’s sense of who it is they are with.

3. Ask For Help All these questions and feelings can be extremely hard for couples to navigate on their own. More often than not, it takes a skilled professional to assist with these issues by doing a thorough background history with each partner to help them assess both themselves and each other, preliminary to bringing them to a happier, healthier place in their relationship.

If you’re in New Jersey, call Maplewood Counseling at 973-793-1000 to help you and your partner begin this journey.

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Improve Your Marriage

Improve Your Marriage

Relationships, Therapist

Improve Your Marriage in NJ

See What Will Help

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Want to Improve Your Marriage or Relationship?

What do the most healthy and connected marriages have in common? Partners consistently emotionally respond to one another.

Emotionally responsiveness is one of the most important things you can do for a few very important reasons. It shows you are truly listening, you care about and validate their feelings. This allows the person to confirm these very important things –

  • I feel like I matter to you
  • I feel important to you
  • I feel like I can count on you
  • I fee like you’re there for me

What does it look like to emotionally respond? Here are some examples:

“I am angry you didn’t pick up the groceries”

Emotionally responding – “I’m so sorry” (this validates the other person’s emotions and shows you care about their feelings), I understand your feelings and I want you to be able to count on me” (this make the other person feel like they matter and you want the person to be able to count on you)
Opposite of emotional responsiveness – “Stop complaining, you forgot to get my dry cleaning last week” – this leads to disconnect, more anger, sadness, feeling alone, and makes the other person feel like they can’t count on and do not matter to you.

“I am feeling so sad and overwhelmed”
Emotionally responding – “I’m so sorry you’re feeling sad and overwhelmed” (this validates the other person’s emotions and shows you listening and care about their emotional experience), “I’m here for you – what can I do to help you?” (this make the other person feel like they matter even if they just want you to be present and listen and not fix anything)
Opposite of emotional responsiveness – “you’re too sensitive”, “stop crying”, ” you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed if you…” people want you to be present and not fix anything…

The best way you can be there for you spouse, partner (child, friend or other family member for that matter is – Listen and don’t try to fix anything

You can improve your marriage or relationship by improving

Find a therapist experienced with attachment issues (many are) to help you. If you’re looking for a therapist in Essex County, NJ, give us a call at 973-793-1000 or email us if that’s easier.