Maplewood Counseling

Made a Mistake?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Made a Relationship Mistake?

Relationship Counseling NJ

Infidelity, Affairs, Cheating

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

When a Mistake Causes Suffering

Have you made a huge mistake in your life that’s causing you and another person in a lot of pain? Seems like you may have screwed things up so much that you’re not sure if the relationship will survive?

What should you do now? Maybe you lied and betrayed your spouse and know a sincere apology just won’t be enough. We are human and we all make mistakes. However, some can lead to devastating consequences.

If the relationship its going to heal there are a few things that will help. First of all, A genuine, empathetic apology is important. Admit you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness. Also, you must take responsibility. So if you were thoughtless, selfish, admit it. Your partner may not be ready to hear anything and you must respect the pace he or she needs.

In addition, this is not a one time deal when it comes to repairing broken trust. Healing is going to take time and patience. Even if you are both willing to work on things, progress will take steady, hard work. Over time, reflecting on the understanding prior relationship problems is important. But, not at first.

Repair After a Mistake

Many good people make mistakes. Sometimes you end up doing something you never thought possible. You were never the type of man or woman that would have an affair or betray your spouse. Maybe you judged others harshly thinking it would never happen to you. Then, you realize it can happen to good people – with strong family values.

Most couples need help recovering from such a painful event. If you need help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 
 Find a Relationship Counselor in NJ

Argue All the Time?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

 

Argue All the Time?

Couples Counseling | Communication

New Jersey

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 Do you argue all the time?

 
If you argue all the time, it can result in feeling emotionally drained, lonely, and angry.    For that reason, you might feel depressed and hopeless especially if you constantly get stuck in this place.
 
Even more, it can make you grow so far apart that you end up feeling alone and disconnected. Probably, you wonder if  it’s time to split up since you can’t break this pattern.
 

Learning to Listen

 
If you and your spouse are willing and open, you can learn how to connect in healthier ways. It will take listening, compromising, negotiating and getting better at controlling your own negative emotional reactions. On addition, It is important to make it safe enough so you both can express your true feelings and thoughts without fear of verbal insults, interruption, defensiveness and criticism.

Petty Arguments and Trivial Complaints

Petty arguments are usually about something deeper. Its never the small stuff that really matters and most couples know it.. So, understanding the feelings that get triggered under the arguments will help you both do a better job changing to create healthier communication.   Most importantly, knowing how to heal will include listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving one another to heal.
 
If you need help because you argue all the time, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Steps for An Unfaithful Spouse

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Unfaithful Spouse
Help with Infidelity

Counseling After An Affair

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Unfaithful Spouse in Need of Help?

Are you an unfaithful spouse or partner that wants to save your marriage or relationship? This can be very painful and many some relationships may not recover. Therefore, it is very important to understand the steps you can take and things to avoid if you want to help your partner heal over time.

Most importantly, the affair must stop for any healing to begin. You must stop seeing your lover immediately and if you need help doing this, seek professional help. If you continue the affair there can not be any authentic healing.

What can an Unfaithful Spouse do?

Answer any questions you wife, husband or partner may have. Because, it is not an easy process and will take time. Some couples want a safe place such as a therapy office to help navigate the emotions that will get triggered by answering the questions in an honest way. Besides, some questions may not help the relationship heal so there are certain ways to approach these conversation.

Listen and validate, validate, validate. Listening and showing empathy is very important. Because it will not help your marriage if you defend yourself. You want to listen to your partner talk about his or her anger, sadness, disbelief, and any other feelings. Most importantly creating a very safe space for these emotions to be expressed, heard and validated.

An example of validation and this has to be done each and every time your partner brings up the affair. if your relationship can heal, it will be a process and it will take a tremendous amount of patience.

“I can’t believe you cheated. I am so angry”

Validation
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I screwed up and I’m very sorry. What do you need from me? Is there anything I can do?’

“What do you mean? This is your fault, you betrayed me and lied”

Validation
“I did and I’m so sorry. You have every right to be angry and hurt. I don’t know what else to say, but I do want us to work through this together”

How long does it take?

Don’t expect your spouse to forgive you right away. Besides=, If you can recover, forgiveness will take a long time. The grief from the affair is going to come up for a long time for most people. Therefore, You want to take responsibility and be there by listening to your partner take about his or her feelings and make sure you don’t convey you are tired of hearing it that will lead to greater disconnect than you are both already experiencing. Most importantly, Be there, listen and show empathy and understanding as long as it takes.

Continue to check in and ask your spouse or partner what they need, how they are doing, what they need from you. Initially you might hear ” what do you mean? you did this” and want space from you. Therefore, understand that as well and yeah out for professional help if you are both struggling to heal.

If you are an unfaithful spouse in need help get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

  

 
 Help After Marital Infidelity

Relationship Skills for Couples

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Skills for Couples

NJ Couples Counseling

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Relationship Skills for Couples

Important Relationship Skills – The Gift of Listening

There are some very important relationship skills that will help couples communicate in more effective ways to create a more meaningful and satisfying connection.

Listening is a rare skill and one of the most important gifts you can give another person. Therefore, If you are not good at listening too one another, it can cause painful disconnect over time. Most importantly, if you both are open and willing, there are some things you can do now that will help you improve your relationship and do what you spouse or partner really wants instead of what you think he or she wants.

Do you have a tendency to give advice and try to fix things when your spouse or partner is sad, upset or angry? Do you just want to vent about your concerns and have your partner just be there and listen? Because, when he or she tries to “fix” your situation rather than listen, you know how bad that really feels. When your partner or spouse or even child is struggling, do you feel like you have to fix something?

The problem with giving advice

Most people do not want advice – it is different if they are actually asking for advice. Therefore, listening – really listening without trying to fix anything is what most people need and want. The minute you decide the person needs your advice can be extremely painful for that person and lead to feeling misunderstood or feeling alone.

The Gift of listening

Listening – true listening is a rare skill and one of the greatest gift you can give another human being. When a person comes to you with any type of struggle, the best way to be there is to listen. To actually make it safe enough for them to express a range of emotions or concerns without interruption and advice, is what will make a huge difference in any relationship. Listening and allowing space for the person to really express their struggle with an empathetic, attentive ear ( rather than trying to solve a problem) is all you need to do for one another.

If you need help developing one of the most important relationship skills – listening instead of advising, get in touch. You may mean well by advising, but if you really want to be there, you can learn what the other person really wants from you.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

  

Helping Couples Connect with Relationship Skills

Can We Reconcile?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Can We Reconcile?

Marriage Counseling | Couples Therapy

Essex County New Jersey

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Can We Reconcile ?

Can we reconcile and get back together? So, are you wondering if you and your partner or spouse can get back together after splitting up?  Maybe you have you been living apart for months or even longer? For that reason, you want to explore what wasn’t working before to see if there’s anything you can do to make the relationship work?
Certainly, there are many couples that need help revisiting the idea reconciliation. As a result they seek counseling. Hence, if both people are open and willing to examine what happened and why, it is possible to make the relationship work even after you’ve divorced.
 Does this sound familiar?
  • You separated because a painful event such as infidelity.
  • You split up due to long standing disconnect and unhappiness
  • You made mistakes and understand more about you part in your problems
  • You want to forgive and are having trouble trusting your spouse or partner

Can We Reconcile and Work Things Out?

Seems like talking about past experiences is causing anger, resentment, hurt, and whatever else might still make it difficult to trust things can be different.  Therefore, an experienced therapist can help you discuss in a safe place.

As a result, marriage or couple therapy can help sort through and assess what you both would need to do to get back together. Because It would take understanding where each person is at now, In addition, it is important to assess how open and willing you are to work on past anger, hurt, resentment and mistakes. Finally, it takes understanding your own part in your marital or relationship problems. Besides that, understanding triggers, disrespect, criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and any other patterns that led to your split.

Can we reconcile ? Get in touch to see if it is possible to repair your relationship and change patterns that led to your split.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

Need Help with Forgiveness?

When Should We Consider Marriage Counseling

Relationships

When to Get Marriage Counseling

NJ Marital Therapy

Experienced Couples Counselors

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

When to Get Marriage Counseling

Not sure when to get marriage counseling? Have you tried to work things out on your own? It may be time for marriage counseling if you and your spouse been unable to get to a better place?
Because we work with so many couples, we see situations where one person – it can be a wife or husband  – has been pleading with their spouse to get  marriage counseling.  If you don’t listen or haven’t listened to this plea for help, things may deteriorate significantly.
Ideally, if you’re unable to resolve issues  and either one or both of you was feeling sad, angry and disconnected, it might be best to reach out to experienced marriage therapist in your area sooner than later. Waiting too long make cause irreparable damage to your

When to get marriage counseling

 

 Does this sound familiar?
  •  You’re on able to communicate effectively and argue constantly
  •  One or both of you are feeling neglected and are pretty shut down
  •  One or both of you are being disrespectful because you can’t get what you need
  •  You or your wife or husband are feeling very disrespected
  •  One or both of you avoid talking and put up a wall to protect yourself.
  •  You haven’t been able to heal from infidelity or another painful issue
  • You’re not even sure if you want to stay in the marriage anymore

When to Get Marriage Counseling | How to Know

When you’re stuck. Effective marriage counseling can help you understand and work on changing some of the patterns, triggers and cycles that keep you stuck in a bad place.
If you’d like to sit down with an experienced marriage counselor, get in touch.

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

Trying to Save Your Marriage?