Maplewood Counseling

Steps for An Unfaithful Spouse

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Unfaithful Spouse
Help with Infidelity

Counseling After An Affair

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Unfaithful Spouse in Need of Help?

Are you an unfaithful spouse or partner that wants to save your marriage or relationship? This can be very painful and many some relationships may not recover. Therefore, it is very important to understand the steps you can take and things to avoid if you want to help your partner heal over time.

Most importantly, the affair must stop for any healing to begin. You must stop seeing your lover immediately and if you need help doing this, seek professional help. If you continue the affair there can not be any authentic healing.

What can an Unfaithful Spouse do?

Answer any questions you wife, husband or partner may have. Because, it is not an easy process and will take time. Some couples want a safe place such as a therapy office to help navigate the emotions that will get triggered by answering the questions in an honest way. Besides, some questions may not help the relationship heal so there are certain ways to approach these conversation.

Listen and validate, validate, validate. Listening and showing empathy is very important. Because it will not help your marriage if you defend yourself. You want to listen to your partner talk about his or her anger, sadness, disbelief, and any other feelings. Most importantly creating a very safe space for these emotions to be expressed, heard and validated.

An example of validation and this has to be done each and every time your partner brings up the affair. if your relationship can heal, it will be a process and it will take a tremendous amount of patience.

“I can’t believe you cheated. I am so angry”

Validation
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I screwed up and I’m very sorry. What do you need from me? Is there anything I can do?’

“What do you mean? This is your fault, you betrayed me and lied”

Validation
“I did and I’m so sorry. You have every right to be angry and hurt. I don’t know what else to say, but I do want us to work through this together”

How long does it take?

Don’t expect your spouse to forgive you right away. Besides=, If you can recover, forgiveness will take a long time. The grief from the affair is going to come up for a long time for most people. Therefore, You want to take responsibility and be there by listening to your partner take about his or her feelings and make sure you don’t convey you are tired of hearing it that will lead to greater disconnect than you are both already experiencing. Most importantly, Be there, listen and show empathy and understanding as long as it takes.

Continue to check in and ask your spouse or partner what they need, how they are doing, what they need from you. Initially you might hear ” what do you mean? you did this” and want space from you. Therefore, understand that as well and yeah out for professional help if you are both struggling to heal.

If you are an unfaithful spouse in need help get in touch.

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 Help After Marital Infidelity

Relationship Skills for Couples

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Skills for Couples

NJ Couples Counseling

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Relationship Skills for Couples

Important Relationship Skills – The Gift of Listening

There are some very important relationship skills that will help couples communicate in more effective ways to create a more meaningful and satisfying connection.

Listening is a rare skill and one of the most important gifts you can give another person. Therefore, If you are not good at listening too one another, it can cause painful disconnect over time. Most importantly, if you both are open and willing, there are some things you can do now that will help you improve your relationship and do what you spouse or partner really wants instead of what you think he or she wants.

Do you have a tendency to give advice and try to fix things when your spouse or partner is sad, upset or angry? Do you just want to vent about your concerns and have your partner just be there and listen? Because, when he or she tries to “fix” your situation rather than listen, you know how bad that really feels. When your partner or spouse or even child is struggling, do you feel like you have to fix something?

The problem with giving advice

Most people do not want advice – it is different if they are actually asking for advice. Therefore, listening – really listening without trying to fix anything is what most people need and want. The minute you decide the person needs your advice can be extremely painful for that person and lead to feeling misunderstood or feeling alone.

The Gift of listening

Listening – true listening is a rare skill and one of the greatest gift you can give another human being. When a person comes to you with any type of struggle, the best way to be there is to listen. To actually make it safe enough for them to express a range of emotions or concerns without interruption and advice, is what will make a huge difference in any relationship. Listening and allowing space for the person to really express their struggle with an empathetic, attentive ear ( rather than trying to solve a problem) is all you need to do for one another.

If you need help developing one of the most important relationship skills – listening instead of advising, get in touch. You may mean well by advising, but if you really want to be there, you can learn what the other person really wants from you.

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Helping Couples Connect with Relationship Skills

Can We Reconcile?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Can We Reconcile?

Marriage Counseling | Couples Therapy

Essex County New Jersey

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Can We Reconcile ?

Can we reconcile and get back together? So, are you wondering if you and your partner or spouse can get back together after splitting up?  Maybe you have you been living apart for months or even longer? For that reason, you want to explore what wasn’t working before to see if there’s anything you can do to make the relationship work?
Certainly, there are many couples that need help revisiting the idea reconciliation. As a result they seek counseling. Hence, if both people are open and willing to examine what happened and why, it is possible to make the relationship work even after you’ve divorced.
 Does this sound familiar?
  • You separated because a painful event such as infidelity.
  • You split up due to long standing disconnect and unhappiness
  • You made mistakes and understand more about you part in your problems
  • You want to forgive and are having trouble trusting your spouse or partner

Can We Reconcile and Work Things Out?

Seems like talking about past experiences is causing anger, resentment, hurt, and whatever else might still make it difficult to trust things can be different.  Therefore, an experienced therapist can help you discuss in a safe place.

As a result, marriage or couple therapy can help sort through and assess what you both would need to do to get back together. Because It would take understanding where each person is at now, In addition, it is important to assess how open and willing you are to work on past anger, hurt, resentment and mistakes. Finally, it takes understanding your own part in your marital or relationship problems. Besides that, understanding triggers, disrespect, criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, contempt and any other patterns that led to your split.

Can we reconcile ? Get in touch to see if it is possible to repair your relationship and change patterns that led to your split.

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Need Help with Forgiveness?

When Should We Consider Marriage Counseling

Relationships

When to Get Marriage Counseling

NJ Marital Therapy

Experienced Couples Counselors

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When to Get Marriage Counseling

Not sure when to get marriage counseling? Have you tried to work things out on your own? It may be time for marriage counseling if you and your spouse been unable to get to a better place?
Because we work with so many couples, we see situations where one person – it can be a wife or husband  – has been pleading with their spouse to get  marriage counseling.  If you don’t listen or haven’t listened to this plea for help, things may deteriorate significantly.
Ideally, if you’re unable to resolve issues  and either one or both of you was feeling sad, angry and disconnected, it might be best to reach out to experienced marriage therapist in your area sooner than later. Waiting too long make cause irreparable damage to your

When to get marriage counseling

 

 Does this sound familiar?
  •  You’re on able to communicate effectively and argue constantly
  •  One or both of you are feeling neglected and are pretty shut down
  •  One or both of you are being disrespectful because you can’t get what you need
  •  You or your wife or husband are feeling very disrespected
  •  One or both of you avoid talking and put up a wall to protect yourself.
  •  You haven’t been able to heal from infidelity or another painful issue
  • You’re not even sure if you want to stay in the marriage anymore

When to Get Marriage Counseling | How to Know

When you’re stuck. Effective marriage counseling can help you understand and work on changing some of the patterns, triggers and cycles that keep you stuck in a bad place.
If you’d like to sit down with an experienced marriage counselor, get in touch.

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

Trying to Save Your Marriage?

Marriage Counseling by Yourself?

Marriage Counseling by Yourself?

Relationships

NJ Marriage Counseling by Yourself

Helping Individuals with Relationships

Maplewood Counseling

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Can you do marriage counseling by yourself?

Relationship or Marriage Counseling by Yourself

Does this sound familiar?

  • You are unhappy and do not know what to do
  • You’ve tried to get your wife or husband t go to therapy for a long time and they brushed it off
  • You’re having an affair and need help telling your spouse or partner
  • You’re scared you’re going to have to get divorced or separated due to your problems
  • You want to leave your marriage or relationship and are not sure what to do
  • You need a safe place to discuss your issues and concerns
  • Your spouse or partner just found out about an affair and your fear the end of the marriage
  • You wife, husband or partner wants out and you’re not sure what to do.

There’s a reason you want to talk to professional – maybe to discuss how unhappy or scared you are, infidelity that hasn’t been discussed yet, an affair or other issues that have never been resolved and you are just feeling like you need some kind of direction. Maybe you’re at a point that you know something has to change and you’re not sure what to do.

Need marriage counseling by yourself?

If you need to sort through some issues in your marriage or a relationship and you want a compassionate, experienced and non-judgmental professional to help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Unhappy Relationship or Marriage?

Helping Couples Reconnect

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Helping Couples Reconnect

Marriage Couples Therapy NJ

Relationship Counseling

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Helping Couples Reconnect

Helping couples reconnect

Helping Couples with Disconnect

Couples get disconnected for a number reasons. Some are unable to communicate effectively, others are dealing with infidelity and betrayal, and many argue over parenting, in-law or other family issues.

What to Do If You’re Disconnected

Disconnected relationships can be extremely painful. What you do with that pain can make things worse even if you’re just trying to make connection. Some men and women can get verbally abusive and attack their partner with name calling and criticism. Others are unable to listen to concerns and needs of a partner or spouse if they feel blamed. More often than not, people that feel blamed will respond by getting defensive which can make matters worse.

Some couples really struggle when one person wants to talk and discuss issues ( “I want you to hear me!”) in an attempt to be understood and the other person may not want to deal with any kind of conflict whatsoever because they don’t know what to do. Definitely not a great combination, but a lot a couples struggle in this way.

The key is trying to make the relationship safe enough, trying to get better at listening – really listening and staying present – trying to understand the other person. It first takes understanding your pattern or dynamic – what isn’t working. You can get reconnected if you are both open and willing to learn what will help. It’s also important learn what habits and patterns get in the way of listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving.

If you’re a couple that needs help reconnecting, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Helping Couples Reconnect – Counseling for Marital Problems