Maplewood Counseling
Mindful Relationships | Mindfulness Deepens Connections

Mindful Relationships | Mindfulness Deepens Connections

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Mindful Relationships NJ

How Mindfulness Can Help

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Mindfulness and Mindful Relationships

Mindfulness Strengthens Marriages & Relationships

Mindful relationships are more connected, loving and compassionate. Mindfulness is the state of being open and aware of something in the present moment. It is a therapeutic technique which helps people observe and accept their feelings and thoughts without judging them as good or bad. Developing mindfulness as a way of life helps individuals and couples communicate in more positive and peaceful ways. Mindful relationships enjoy more love, intimacy and connection in their relationships.

Mindful relationships help couples communicate with more compassion & understanding.

There is scientific evidence that back up how the brain actually is changed by developing a more mindful approach to life. I won’t get into all of that here, but will give a general idea of how this can help you and your relationship.

Mindfulness reduces negative emotional reactivity and helps people regulate their emotions.

The more a person practices mindfulness, the more they pay attention to their own thoughts and feelings, they start to understand their triggers and hooks. We all know how others can trigger painful feelings based on past experiences. Reflecting on triggers (our own thoughts and feelings – in a gentle way) will eventually help you understand the true source of your trigger, which are unconscious seeds based on conditioning. When you spend time looking inward and reflecting instead of lashing out in anger at the person who triggers your old pain, you can become more aware of the true source and work through it. You don’t have to keep reliving it. Reliving it in your present relationship will cause damage, disconnect and the unhappiness for both people.  Ultimately, you can reduce your negative, angry, controlling reactions and feel more calm, accepting and peaceful. This will help you can become more present, understanding and compassionate.

Mindfulness helps people become better listeners, attentive, compassionate, and loving

Mindful people relate in very different ways. They do not try and change their partners – they do not criticize, judge or avoid dealing with issues. They are more accepting, kind and compassionate.  Want a more connected, meaningful relationship? See how mindfulness can help you and your relationship.

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Improving Communication Skills

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Improving Communication Skills

Couples Therapy NJ

Maplewood Counseling

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Need Help Improving Communication Skills?

Need help improving communication skills in your relationship? Have you given up on trying to do it yourself? Do you want to change things for the better in your marriage or relationship? Do you realize you have to stop trying to change the other person and change yourself?

What happens when you get triggered? Does this sounds familiar?

  • you or your spouse put up a wall and withdraws in silence to protect yourself since you don’t feel safe
  • one (or both of you) get critical and devaluing trying to get your spouse or partner to listen
  • you get defensive instead of listening and trying to understand
  • there seems to be eye rolling ( contempt) or you mock your partner

When you get upset – and we all get upset in our relationships in one way or another – it is importunity to understand the “hook” and what to do about it rather than blaming the other person. This will help in improving communication skills and make a huge difference in your relationship – if you can both get better at this.

Accepting you cannot change another person ( as much as we all think we can and are compelled to keep on trying ) – is extremely important. It is necessary in order to make things better in any relationship. Look at what you need to work on instead of blaming someone else for “triggering” sadness, anger, anything unpleasant is not going to get you anywhere and could damage your relationship, sometimes beyond repair.

Are you ready to work on improving your communication skills? If you’re in Essex County NJ and need a couples therapist to help you, get in touch.

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Unhappy Marriage or Relationship?

Help After Marital Infidelity

Help After Marital Infidelity

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Need Help with Marital Infidelity?

Help With Betrayal & Trust

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Coping with Relationship and Marital infidelity

Are you a couple dealing with marital infidelity? Are you feeling desperate to get help after an affair? Do you realize you made a huge mistake and don’t know what to do?

Many people involved in an affair feel trapped in lies, covering up for selfish reasons and for fear losing their relationship. Even though it is initially painful and devastating once an affair comes out, most couples can work through these issues if both are open and willing to the healing process. It does take time.

After Marital infidelity

It’s never an excuse, but most affairs are usually a symptom of a problem in a relationship – a lack of connection or not communicating what you need and feel. This is not an excuse, but feeling disappointed, neglected, angry or alone can make up a couple very vulnerable in this way. Sometimes it is other issues and many times we hear “I don’t know why I did it” and for many people, this is true.

Honesty is certainly the best policy when it comes to many things in life and marital infidelity is no exception. Most people fear coming clean and will lie and hide things even when their spouse or partner senses something is wrong. Some people actually will say “you’re crazy” or “you’re paranoid” or “you are ridiculous”, when questioned and accused. Lying can do a number on both people – and the betrayal is very damaging to the relationship.

So it is harmful for you to lie and harmful to your relationship to not be honest and tell your spouse about the marital infidelity. It’s understandable because you certainly don’t want to risk losing the marriage or relationship over it, but the damage done by the lying makes things much more painful and harder to work through when the truth is revealed.

Finally, admitting the affair – how did your partner find out?

Sometimes people feel so guilty and want to be honest they tell their partner about the affair. Other times, the affair is discovered by seeing something on your cell phone bill, credit card charges or just tracking device or even private investigators. Even worse, the person you are or had an affair with has threatened to email or call your wife or husband and tell them – and followed through on that threat.

When you find out from the person who your spouse or partner has been having an affair with, You literally feel shocked, numb, devastated, in a rage – any number of things. As a result, your marriage or relationship is truly in crisis for a period of time and you’re not sure what to do. Also, relationship and marital infidelity causes such extreme pain when it is discovered. Maybe your wife or husband might even demand you take a polygraph or lie-detector test since they have lost all trust in anything you say and cannot trust even themselves.

Most couples turn to a trained and experienced therapist the help them get through the shock, anger, sadness, need for space – a range of intense emotions. They need help with the next steps.

If you need counseling for relationship and marital infidelity, feel free to get in touch.

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling

 

 

Can We Survive Marital Infidelity

Can Our Relationship Survive?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Can Our Relationship Survive?

Helping Couples in NJ

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Can Relationship Therapy Help Us Work it Out?

Couples that are disconnected or in crisis often consider splitting up usually ask this question: Can we work it out?

All couples have to deal with issues. Some much more difficult and painful than others. Couples that do not have skills to repair “ruptures” will struggle and over time the result is a disconnect. That lack of connection can cause tremendous damage, loss of hope, feeling alone and make couples feel very unhappy. They sometimes decide to go their separate ways.

Couples that are open (both people) and committed to trying to understand one another and reflect on their own triggers have a much better shot at making it work. This takes a deeper awareness and level of presence and consciousness, which is not easy to achieve if defense mechanisms kick in, which happens for most people.

Effective Relationship Therapy

There are many things that can hep couples repair their conflicts in more effective ways. Level of conscious – understanding you own part it the conflict and where your partner or spouse is coming from is critical. Consciousness will take reflecting on your past, understanding how earlier relationships (neglect, abuse, feeling like you don’t matter) can be the downfall of any relationship. Once painful experiences and feelings from the past get triggered (and there is no awareness of this connection only the pain) by your spouse or parnter, anger – sometimes aggression causes a reaction. As if to say “how dare you trigger my pain”.

What happened when that pain gets triggered is any number of things.

  • Angry reactions – yelling, screaming, name calling
  • The silent treatment (favorite weapon of some which is emotionally abusive and not a good way of dealing with anger)
  • Confusion: The couple that does not understand these issues – cause and effect, will struggle with sadness and confusion.
  • Infidelity and a loss of Intimacy:
  • Feeling alone, unhappy and disconnected

When you don’t have the communication skills to resolve important issues, your relationship will suffer. You’ll feel disconnected, like you don’t matter, are not appreciated – you or your partner can become vulnerable to splitting up, separation and divorce.

Want to know if there is anything you can do to get better and communicating with one another? Are you both committed to working on the relationship or trying to decide if you should go your separate ways, as painful as that is? Marriage and relationship therapy can help you figure out the next step.

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling

 

Relationship Therapy- Struggling and Need Therapy?

Need a Pre-Marriage Counselor?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Pre-Marriage Counseling

Premarital Therapy
New Jersey

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Pre-Marriage Counselor | Premarital Counseling

Find Counseling Before Getting Married

Do you need pre-marriage counselor to discuss some things with your fiancé? Are you engaged and scared about getting married? Are you having doubts about the relationship and fear about this level of commitment? As your wedding date approaches are you arguing a lot more and feeling more disconnected and distant? Do you need a pre-marriage counselor to help you both figure things out?

It is not unusual when you are engaged to feel a level of fear and stress is your wedding date approaches. Feeling unsure, ambivalent and just fear about getting married can get played out and make the relationship worse.

Does this sound familiar?

  • You or your fiancé are getting cold feet
  • You or your significant other are afraid of commitment
  • Fear and doubt are causing you or your partner to feel very insecure
  • You are really unhappy about the unpleasant feelings that are coming up and are not sure what to do
  • You do not have the ability to communicate what you need tohelp you feel more confident

Couples that are looking for help with pre-marriage counseling or pre-marital therapy have questions they need help bringing up and discussing openly about the relationship.

If you are at a place where you need help with this if you’re in doubt, feel free to get in touch and let us know how we can help.



Need Relationship Help?

Marriage Counseling NJ , Couples Therapy New Jersey

Premarraige Counseling NJ

Are you engaged and in need of pre-marriage counseling with your fiancé? Have some things you’d like to work through before you get married?

Premarital Therapy

Premarital therapy can help you discuss some important things before marriage. Have some concerns you want to talk about regarding relationship or family issues?

Engaged Couples

If you are engaged and are having cold feet, counselings can help? Did your partner do something that upset you and now you are concerned about getting married?

Help with Communication

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Help with Communication?

Help for Relationships

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Need help with communication?

Improve communication in your marriage or relationship

Most couples call looking for help with communication.

However, even an affair and infidelity are often a symptom of a problem – lack of connection- stemming from poor communication skills.

What is really important in a relationship is getting better at listening. True listening is one of the greatest gift you can give your partner or spouse. It means trying to reallyunderstand what your spouse needs.

Everyone in a relationship may have different needs in terms of what makes them feel like they matter and what makes them feel important. Many times their feelings and needs can be discounted or dismissed leaving to further problems and disconnect. Learning to pay attention to and respond what they are feeling and the expression of that struggle rather than getting caught up in all of the details of what the other person is saying. It can come out as a complaint, but the feeling underneath might be feeling alone or misunderstood resulting in sadness, anger or distancing. It is si important to learn how to help your spouse or partner feel safe to show he or she mateers and that you are really trying to there ( in the way the other person really needs) emotionally.

If you are in a relationship that needs to get better at communication – to really really be there ways that your partner needs – find a therapist that can help you get the message across.

A well trained therapist can help. Feel free to reach out via phone or email if you’d like to discuss your situation. It’s a step in the right direction to understanding one another to make your relationship better and more satisfying.

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How Does Marriage Counseling Work