Maplewood Counseling

Improving Communication Skills

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Improving Communication Skills

Couples Therapy NJ

Maplewood Counseling

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Need Help Improving Communication Skills?

Need help improving communication skills in your relationship? Have you given up on trying to do it yourself? Do you want to change things for the better in your marriage or relationship? Do you realize you have to stop trying to change the other person and change yourself?

What happens when you get triggered? Does this sounds familiar?

  • you or your spouse put up a wall and withdraws in silence to protect yourself since you don’t feel safe
  • one (or both of you) get critical and devaluing trying to get your spouse or partner to listen
  • you get defensive instead of listening and trying to understand
  • there seems to be eye rolling ( contempt) or you mock your partner

When you get upset – and we all get upset in our relationships in one way or another – it is importunity to understand the “hook” and what to do about it rather than blaming the other person. This will help in improving communication skills and make a huge difference in your relationship – if you can both get better at this.

Accepting you cannot change another person ( as much as we all think we can and are compelled to keep on trying ) – is extremely important. It is necessary in order to make things better in any relationship. Look at what you need to work on instead of blaming someone else for “triggering” sadness, anger, anything unpleasant is not going to get you anywhere and could damage your relationship, sometimes beyond repair.

Are you ready to work on improving your communication skills? If you’re in Essex County NJ and need a couples therapist to help you, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

Unhappy Marriage or Relationship?

Help After Marital Infidelity

Help After Marital Infidelity

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Need Help with Marital Infidelity?

Help With Betrayal & Trust

Get in Touch

Coping with Relationship and Marital infidelity

Are you a couple dealing with marital infidelity? Are you feeling desperate to get help after an affair? Do you realize you made a huge mistake and don’t know what to do?

Many people involved in an affair feel trapped in lies, covering up for selfish reasons and for fear losing their relationship. Even though it is initially painful and devastating once an affair comes out, most couples can work through these issues if both are open and willing to the healing process. It does take time.

After Marital infidelity

It’s never an excuse, but most affairs are usually a symptom of a problem in a relationship – a lack of connection or not communicating what you need and feel. This is not an excuse, but feeling disappointed, neglected, angry or alone can make up a couple very vulnerable in this way. Sometimes it is other issues and many times we hear “I don’t know why I did it” and for many people, this is true.

Honesty is certainly the best policy when it comes to many things in life and marital infidelity is no exception. Most people fear coming clean and will lie and hide things even when their spouse or partner senses something is wrong. Some people actually will say “you’re crazy” or “you’re paranoid” or “you are ridiculous”, when questioned and accused. Lying can do a number on both people – and the betrayal is very damaging to the relationship.

So it is harmful for you to lie and harmful to your relationship to not be honest and tell your spouse about the marital infidelity. It’s understandable because you certainly don’t want to risk losing the marriage or relationship over it, but the damage done by the lying makes things much more painful and harder to work through when the truth is revealed.

Finally, admitting the affair – how did your partner find out?

Sometimes people feel so guilty and want to be honest they tell their partner about the affair. Other times, the affair is discovered by seeing something on your cell phone bill, credit card charges or just tracking device or even private investigators. Even worse, the person you are or had an affair with has threatened to email or call your wife or husband and tell them – and followed through on that threat.

When you find out from the person who your spouse or partner has been having an affair with, You literally feel shocked, numb, devastated, in a rage – any number of things. As a result, your marriage or relationship is truly in crisis for a period of time and you’re not sure what to do. Also, relationship and marital infidelity causes such extreme pain when it is discovered. Maybe your wife or husband might even demand you take a polygraph or lie-detector test since they have lost all trust in anything you say and cannot trust even themselves.

Most couples turn to a trained and experienced therapist the help them get through the shock, anger, sadness, need for space – a range of intense emotions. They need help with the next steps.

If you need counseling for relationship and marital infidelity, feel free to get in touch.

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling

 

 

Can We Survive Marital Infidelity

Can Our Relationship Survive?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Can Our Relationship Survive?

Helping Couples in NJ

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Can Relationship Therapy Help Us Work it Out?

Couples that are disconnected or in crisis often consider splitting up usually ask this question: Can we work it out?

All couples have to deal with issues. Some much more difficult and painful than others. Couples that do not have skills to repair “ruptures” will struggle and over time the result is a disconnect. That lack of connection can cause tremendous damage, loss of hope, feeling alone and make couples feel very unhappy. They sometimes decide to go their separate ways.

Couples that are open (both people) and committed to trying to understand one another and reflect on their own triggers have a much better shot at making it work. This takes a deeper awareness and level of presence and consciousness, which is not easy to achieve if defense mechanisms kick in, which happens for most people.

Effective Relationship Therapy

There are many things that can hep couples repair their conflicts in more effective ways. Level of conscious – understanding you own part it the conflict and where your partner or spouse is coming from is critical. Consciousness will take reflecting on your past, understanding how earlier relationships (neglect, abuse, feeling like you don’t matter) can be the downfall of any relationship. Once painful experiences and feelings from the past get triggered (and there is no awareness of this connection only the pain) by your spouse or parnter, anger – sometimes aggression causes a reaction. As if to say “how dare you trigger my pain”.

What happened when that pain gets triggered is any number of things.

  • Angry reactions – yelling, screaming, name calling
  • The silent treatment (favorite weapon of some which is emotionally abusive and not a good way of dealing with anger)
  • Confusion: The couple that does not understand these issues – cause and effect, will struggle with sadness and confusion.
  • Infidelity and a loss of Intimacy:
  • Feeling alone, unhappy and disconnected

When you don’t have the communication skills to resolve important issues, your relationship will suffer. You’ll feel disconnected, like you don’t matter, are not appreciated – you or your partner can become vulnerable to splitting up, separation and divorce.

Want to know if there is anything you can do to get better and communicating with one another? Are you both committed to working on the relationship or trying to decide if you should go your separate ways, as painful as that is? Marriage and relationship therapy can help you figure out the next step.

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling

 

Relationship Therapy- Struggling and Need Therapy?

Need a Pre-Marriage Counselor?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Pre-Marriage Counseling

Premarital Therapy
New Jersey

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Pre-Marriage Counselor | Premarital Counseling

Find Counseling Before Getting Married

Do you need pre-marriage counselor to discuss some things with your fiancé? Are you engaged and scared about getting married? Are you having doubts about the relationship and fear about this level of commitment? As your wedding date approaches are you arguing a lot more and feeling more disconnected and distant? Do you need a pre-marriage counselor to help you both figure things out?

It is not unusual when you are engaged to feel a level of fear and stress is your wedding date approaches. Feeling unsure, ambivalent and just fear about getting married can get played out and make the relationship worse.

Does this sound familiar?

  • You or your fiancé are getting cold feet
  • You or your significant other are afraid of commitment
  • Fear and doubt are causing you or your partner to feel very insecure
  • You are really unhappy about the unpleasant feelings that are coming up and are not sure what to do
  • You do not have the ability to communicate what you need tohelp you feel more confident

Couples that are looking for help with pre-marriage counseling or pre-marital therapy have questions they need help bringing up and discussing openly about the relationship.

If you are at a place where you need help with this if you’re in doubt, feel free to get in touch and let us know how we can help.



Need Relationship Help?

Marriage Counseling NJ , Couples Therapy New Jersey

Premarraige Counseling NJ

Are you engaged and in need of pre-marriage counseling with your fiancé? Have some things you’d like to work through before you get married?

Premarital Therapy

Premarital therapy can help you discuss some important things before marriage. Have some concerns you want to talk about regarding relationship or family issues?

Engaged Couples

If you are engaged and are having cold feet, counselings can help? Did your partner do something that upset you and now you are concerned about getting married?

Help with Communication

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Help with Communication?

Help for Relationships

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Need help with communication?

Improve communication in your marriage or relationship

Most couples call looking for help with communication.

However, even an affair and infidelity are often a symptom of a problem – lack of connection- stemming from poor communication skills.

What is really important in a relationship is getting better at listening. True listening is one of the greatest gift you can give your partner or spouse. It means trying to reallyunderstand what your spouse needs.

Everyone in a relationship may have different needs in terms of what makes them feel like they matter and what makes them feel important. Many times their feelings and needs can be discounted or dismissed leaving to further problems and disconnect. Learning to pay attention to and respond what they are feeling and the expression of that struggle rather than getting caught up in all of the details of what the other person is saying. It can come out as a complaint, but the feeling underneath might be feeling alone or misunderstood resulting in sadness, anger or distancing. It is si important to learn how to help your spouse or partner feel safe to show he or she mateers and that you are really trying to there ( in the way the other person really needs) emotionally.

If you are in a relationship that needs to get better at communication – to really really be there ways that your partner needs – find a therapist that can help you get the message across.

A well trained therapist can help. Feel free to reach out via phone or email if you’d like to discuss your situation. It’s a step in the right direction to understanding one another to make your relationship better and more satisfying.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How Does Marriage Counseling Work

Need Relationship Help in New Jersey?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Relationship Help?

Unhappy & Disconnected?

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Need Relationship Help?

Learn what it means to be there for your spouse or partner

Over and over I hear from couples about the struggle with one (or both) people feeling alone in the marriage or relationship. Feeling sad or angry about your spouse not responding the way you need them to – with empathy, understanding and compassion. Maybe they even put up a wall, dismiss your feelings, criticize you, distance or check out. I’ve heard people describe hearing “get over it” or “don’t be weak” or “you’re too sensitive” from their partner if they are feeling sad or upset.

The result? The relationship suffers. There is disconnect, distance, unhappniness, less sex, more arguing or other symptoms. What most people really need is for their partner to listen to them, to be there, to be present and not judge your feelings as good or bad. All too often I work with couples where the wife or husband want to express sadness, disappointment and/or anger. Instead of understanding, the response is eye rolling, “don’t be weak”, “get over it”, or just dismissing the feelings completely. This is where couples find they grow very far apart and really need relationship help to reconnect.

As a relationship therapist who works with many couples, I see this pattern quite often. What I’m hoping to achieve in couples therapy is helping each person understand the importance of being there and what it actually looks like.

I assess what each person brings to the relationship from their past. Reflecting on the past helps men and women understand why they respond (or don’t respond) in certain way. For people that grew up in a household where it was hard for a mother or father to be there for them, someone who told him to stop crying, made them feel shame for expressing emotions, it is natural to defend against feeling this in your relationship as an adult. Becoming aware of how past relationships influence your ability or lack of ability to be there is where a good couples counselor can help.

If you want a loving, healthy and more secure marriage or relationship, you will need to learn how to be there. Be there in ways your spouse really needs. You want to let your partner or spouse know they matter, and let them know that they can count on you to be there. If you can do this successfully an ongoing, your connection will be and remain strong.

You will still have disagreements and not always be on the same page, all couples have to deal with these types of things. But knowing how to really respond rather than react is key. KNowing how to be there in ways that your partner needs is important.

Need Realtionship Help in NJ?

Are you looking for an experienced therapist in New Jersey? Feel free to get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling