Do You Fight Over Your In-Laws?

Problems With In-Laws?

Family & Marital Therapy

Fights over in laws?

Do you need help resolving in-law issues?

You’re not alone if you struggle and fight about your parents or your spouses parents. Even if in-laws mean well, it doesn’t always translate into their actions.

So many couples struggle dealing with a mother-in-law or father-in-law. It can be so complicated and cause one spouse to feel like they’re in the middle and they want their partner to get along with their parent (s)

Easier said than done.Are you constantly hearing “you didn’t protect me”, “ you didn’t stand up for me me “, “Your mom or parents are awful to me and you say nothing”. Do you feel your wife or husband does things that offend your family? Do you fear saying something to your family even though you can understand what your spouse feels? Do you struggle understanding and see what your parents are doing that might bother your wife or husband? It does make sense if you are used to the way your parents do things and your spouse is not, then you might not really understand why they are having such a hard time. These situations are delicate and you can work through them so that there isn’t so much pain and anger and disconnect.

There are somethings you both can do to get better at understanding and being there for each other through these in-law ups and downs. Discussing in a safe place with a trained and experienced marital therapist (or coupes counselor) for starters. A place where you can get help listening and understand and validating the experience rather than defending against or arguing.

Get in touch if you’re having a lot of problems dealing with a mother-in-law or Other in law’s. It’s common in relationships and there is something you can do.

In a Disconnected Relationship?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Disconnected Relationship ?

Couples & Marriage Counseling

Maplewood Counseling

In a Disconnected Relationship?

Unable to listen or understand one another?

What causes disconnect?

When you resort to constant criticism when you can’t get through and feel heard
If you feel like you don’t matter and are not important
Because you don’t feel safe enough emotionally to hang in there when one of you are upset and argue
If you hold back and do not share how you feel since it seems gets you nowhere
When you defend yourself instead of really trying to understand and listen to you partner’s concerns
Since you need help approaching rather than avoiding dealing with issues
Because you are not kind, empathetic and compassionate

The Disconnected Relationship

If you understand what makes it difficult it will help you do a better job in your relationship. Maybe there is a lack of awareness of how past experiences and role models are influencing the way relate today. So if you are both open and willing, you can get better at these very important things…listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving.

Most importantly, the very things that helps couples feel more connected are feeling important, safe, and comforted in times of need. Therefore, this is what will help improve communication, intimacy, heal from infidelity and many other difficult issues. Also this will hep you deal with parenting, in-law or other family conflict. Understanding your patterns and breaking habits will help you move in the right direction. It is not an instant process and takes work learn how be there (in ways your partner needs not what you think they need), be open (listen, reflect on the past to become more aware, and try to understand) , be honest (saying how your really feel in ways the other person will be more inclined to hear it) and be kind (see what makes it difficult to be kind, empathetic and compassionate) .

From disconnected relationship to secure, connected relationship.

If you are willing and open, you can work on the things that will make you feel more connected and “wanted”. It will be very worthwhile in connecting in your relationship in ways that feel good to both of you.

Need help making this happen? Are you both open to change? Get in touch and let us know. We’re here when you’re ready.

Need Help With Forgiveness?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Help With Forgiveness

Families, Couples, Individuals

Maplewood Counseling

Relationship Forgiveness is Important

Forgiving Your Spouse or Partner
Are you having trouble forgiving your spouse or partner?

Does this sound familiar?

You recently found out about an affair
You’re still struggling with infidelity that happened in the past
You’re unable to forgive your husband or wife for not being there in important ways
You’re struggling and feel stuck in anger and resentment

Relationships can be very painful and challenging fir every couple, at times. We all make mistakes and some mistakes are very difficult to forgive. Forgiveness, however, is more for the person they get stuck in those negative emotions. When you forgive, you are actually freeing yourself from something that ultimately is bad for you.

Forgiving and letting go

When your spouse or partner has done something that has hurt you deeply, finding peace again through forgiveness is important. We also know how challenging and difficult it can be.

We all make mistakes

Understanding that people do the best they can and their behavior may cause others tremendous pain. It’s really a matter of understanding what to do – how to handle things yourself when you feel that pain, hurt, the trail in anger.

Can the relationship be saved?

This is up to you and your significant other. Some situations – many – can be worked through and healed. Some cannot. If your partner or spouse is willing to learn what it takes to help you heal, your relationship will have a good chance of surviving. If your partner does not seem willing – it doesn’t mean that you don’t work on forgiveness for yourself, but it means you may have to make some decisions about staying in or leaving the relationship or marriage.

If you are feeling stuck in a bad place and unable to move in one direction or the other, get in touch. We are very experienced with helping couples heal and forgive if you’re committed too the process. We also help other couples and individuals (married and partnered) decide if they can work things out,

Get in touch and let us know how we cab help you.

Need Couple Counseling in NJ?

Honesty in Your Marriage and Relationship

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Honesty

Helping Couples Build Trust

Maplewood Counseling

Relationships and Honesty

Do you struggle with honesty in your relationship? Are there things you don’t share with you spouse or partner? Are you afraid to tell things with your spouse or partner something?

Being dishonest does not necessarily mean your are deliberately lying – in the case of someone directly asking if something is wrong or sensing something is wrong and directly asking. But lying to avoid getting caught in something potentially very damaging to your relationship – an affair, is a different type of dishonesty. Men and women are dishonest for different reasons sometimes.

Is this you?

You’re having an affair and are feeling stuck in a very bad situation
You’re texting other women or men and flirting and it’s hard to stop
You don’t tell your spouse or partner important things because you don’t want to hurt him or her
You don’t say how you really feel about sex and end up going through the motions and feeling unhappy
You don’t feel you can share what you want or need because you’re spouse won’t understand or care
You’re afraid your husband or wife will get angry if you say how you really feel about something

Lack of honesty will eventually lead to bigger problems, A couples can get very disconnected over time if they don’t share how unhappy they are about certain things and just accept it will never change. To deal with the disconnect, sometime one partner will find some relief in the attention from someone else. Disconnection and unhappiness at home can make many people very vulnerable to the smallest amount of attention from the outside.

It is important to be honest more now to reduce bigger problems down the road. If you need help to prevent bigger problems or if have already crossed over into infidelity or other bigger problems, get in touch.

Unhappy Marriage or Relationship?

Mindful Relationships | Mindfulness Deepens Connections

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Mindful Relationships NJ

How Mindfulness Can Help

Mindfulness and Mindful Relationships

Mindfulness Strengthens Marriages & Relationships

Mindful relationships are more connected, loving and compassionate. Mindfulness is the state of being open and aware of something in the present moment. It is a therapeutic technique which helps people observe and accept their feelings and thoughts without judging them as good or bad. Developing mindfulness as a way of life helps individuals and couples communicate in more positive and peaceful ways. Mindful relationships enjoy more love, intimacy and connection in their relationships.

Mindful relationships help couples communicate with more compassion & understanding.

There is scientific evidence that back up how the brain actually is changed by developing a more mindful approach to life. I won’t get into all of that here, but will give a general idea of how this can help you and your relationship.

Mindfulness reduces negative emotional reactivity and helps people regulate their emotions.

The more a person practices mindfulness, the more they pay attention to their own thoughts and feelings, they start to understand their triggers and hooks. We all know how others can trigger painful feelings based on past experiences. Reflecting on triggers (our own thoughts and feelings – in a gentle way) will eventually help you understand the true source of your trigger, which are unconscious seeds based on conditioning. When you spend time looking inward and reflecting instead of lashing out in anger at the person who triggers your old pain, you can become more aware of the true source and work through it. You don’t have to keep reliving it. Reliving it in your present relationship will cause damage, disconnect and the unhappiness for both people. Ultimately, you can reduce your negative, angry, controlling reactions and feel more calm, accepting and peaceful. This will help you can become more present, understanding and compassionate.

Mindfulness helps people become better listeners, attentive, compassionate, and loving

Mindful people relate in very different ways. They do not try and change their partners – they do not criticize, judge or avoid dealing with issues. They are more accepting, kind and compassionate. Want a more connected, meaningful relationship? See how mindfulness can help you and your relationship.

Need Couples Counseling in New Jersey?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Couples Counseling?

Feeling Unhappy?

Need Couples Counseling in New Jersey?

Looking for couples counseling in New Jersey? Stuck in a bad place and ready for some help? Not in love anymore? Are you feeling unhappy in your relationship and wondering if there’s anything you can do to reconnect to make things better? Wondering if you should split up our divorce?

So many couples end up in this place and wonder what to do. Some get “stuck” in like this for an extended time and end up being very vulnerable to infidelity due to the disconnect. Others just are very depressed and unhappy.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve arguing a lot about the smallest things
You can’t seem to do anything right
You feel like your partner or spouse doesn’t listen or understand you
You’ve given up trying to get what you need
You’ve tried to initiate sex and intimacy for so long and can’t deal with the rejection so you’ve stopped trying
You feel like your spouse or partner is not interested in you and just interested in sex
You’re not even sure if the relationship is worth saving
You’re staying together only for the sake of the children

If you are at a point in your marriage or relationship where you’re trying to make some important decisions – do we work on trying to make the relationship better or do I just divorce or break up?

Couples counseling in New Jersey with an experienced marriage or couples therapist can help you figure this out. Your counselor can also help you navigate the steps you need to take to improve things if it’s possible, or respectfully and gently work on ending the marriage or relationship.

If you are at a point you are ready to figure this out, get in touch. We’re here to help.