Maplewood Counseling

In An Estranged Relationship?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

 

In a Estranged Relationship?
Need Counseling NJ

Couples and Individual Therapy

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Coping with an Estranged Relationship?

What is an estranged relationship? Estranged implies a loss of affection, distance and instead of turning to your spouse or partner, turning away. If you have been feeling unhappy and disconnected for a long time, it can create a tremendous amount distance and even hostility.

Are you living under the same roof and feeling trapped? Feeling there are no good options for dealing with your disconnect? Most importantly, it is having a huge impact on everyone’s emotional and physical well-being?

Estranged Relationship | Still Living Together?

Are these your circumstances?

  • We sleep in separate rooms and have for a long time
  • We hardly speak to one another
  • You are estranged from a child, parent or other family member
  • Our children are fully aware of how bad things are
  • We argue and there are verbal insults and hostility
  • At times, we fight in front of our children
  • I don’t love my spouse anymore and even feel like I hate him/her
  • It’s so obvious to everyone we can’t stand each other anymore
  • We cannot afford to separate now
  • We stay together for the sake of the children

So, what should you do? At the very least, you can seek counseling to talk about and process your feelings about the disconnect. Understanding what you can and cannot do is important. Some relationships can be repaired eventually of both parties – whether with a spouse, child or other family member. And other situations may take working with you r own sadness and anger to process and finally come twosome type of acceptance if the situation so you can feel more peace.

An estranged relationship can cause a lot of pain and be challenges for both parties. Forgiveness takes one and you will do this for your own sake, but reconciliation takes two. You cannot reconcile and estranged relationship unless the other person is open. In the meantime, if you are struggling with this type of situation, it might help to talk to a professional.

Get in touch with us if you need to talk.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

On the Brink of Divorce?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

On the Brink of Divorce

Marriage & Discernment Counseling

Essex County NJ

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Marriage on the Brink of Divorce ?

Is your relationship on the brink of divorce? Are you at a serious point and know something has to give. Do you wonder if you can break out of these negative patterns or if you need to split up? Certainly, you know you need to make a change – one way or the other.

If you’re at this point, it makes sense to sit down with a professional before you make matters worse.   Marriage counseling is a good option when both people are open and willing to work on the relationship. In contrast, discernment counseling is an option for couples stuck in bad place and not sure they are committed to working on the marriage. Both parties may not be open and willing to work on the marriage or feel hopeless, so that’s what discernment counseling can help with. It helps a couple sort through issues in a safe place so you can make some decisions.

On the Brink of Divorce

You’re not alone if you’ve had trouble turning things around on your own. Possibly you waited too long before getting help even tough your partner asked repeatedly to go to couples therapy. You may not have been ready at that time. Maybe you tried therapy once or twice before – it might have helped a little or not at all.   Regardless, your both ready to take the next step.

Questions and Concerns about Divorce

  • How will it affect the kids
  • How will it affect our lifestyle and finances
  • I’m scared of being alone and fear the end of the marriage
  • I still love my spouse and don’t want a divorce
  • I don’t love my spouse anymore (or maybe you never really did)
  • I don’t love my partner anymore and wonder if I should stay for the sake of the kids

Stay Together or Separate?

Is it at all possible to feel good about each other again? Is it possible to get back to a good place again? Maybe there has been too much damage, neglect, abuse over time. If the disconnect has gone on too long or one spouse does not want to work on the relationship anymore, it is important to see what to do at this point.

A good therapist can make it safe enough for both people to really be open and honest discussion about the next step. If you need help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Simple, Loving Attention

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Need Attention?

Feeling Neglected & Unhappy?

Couples Counseling NJ

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Attention is the Key to a Connected Relationship

Simple, loving attention is the very thing that most people need in their relationship. So, what makes it so difficult for most people to give this to their spouse or partner?

What Makes it Difficult

Habit and conditioning get in the way of giving your partner positive attention. As a result, most men and women sincerely struggle with knowing how to do this. Maybe something about this does not feel right or “normal”.  Also,  it’s possible that fear about other issues get in the way, such as trying to provide for your family.   Some people sincerely think they’re doing their job if they’re making money. That’s what they learned growing up, and that’s the way they think it supposed to be done.

As a result, you may be working like crazy and spending all of your time trying to provide for your family. The problem is, you are not paying enough attention to your spouse and family.  The result is unhappiness all the way around.

 What (You and) Your Partner Really Needs

Your partner needs your attention. It’s what will help both of you feel closer and more connected. Attention by way of appreciation, noticing the smallest things and expressing your gratitude.

How you both benefit from this type of attention and appreciation:

When you notice your wife or husband had a hard day, whether at home or work. When you actually listen to your partner about his or her day…the good and the bad. Really listening and being there. Maybe responding with:

“I’m sorry you had a bad day at work. Is there anything I can do to help? I really appreciate how hard you work and everything you do for us.  I know it’s not always easy. ”  If you are paying attention and aware enough, notice a what your partner has done around the house, new blouse, haircut or long commute. Also, consciously paying your partner a complement or commenting on things that are not easy. It also takes noticing if your partner is struggling and conveying that “I am here, how can I help? “.

If you are in a pattern of feeling neglected in alone, learning to be more attentive will help. It’s not easy to change patterns, progress takes steady, hard work.  But, if you can move in this direction, you will have much more happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.

If you need help with positive attention and your relationship, get in touch

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How Attention Helps Us To Succeed

Fighting About Money

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Fighting About Money

NJ Relationship Counseling
Couples Therapy

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Fighting About Money in Your Relationship?

Are you struggling in your marriage or relationship with financial issues? Do you have conflict about your different approaches to saving and spending? Maybe your arguments have been leading nowhere?

A lot of couples argue about money.  For that reason, you both may feel angry and frustrated. When ongoing issues are not resolved, it can create more and more distance over time.  So what can you do?

Couples counseling can help you both move away from bickering and resolve you repeated arguments about money.

When You Feel Stuck Fighting About Money

Does this sound familiar?

one of you was a saver and the other is a spender.

there is a fear regarding financial security that isn’t fully understood and discussed.

one of you needs a lot of control to manage your anxiety and fear of financial insecurity.

you can’t stand that you can’t count on your spouse or partner in this way

you end up feeling alone and sad

Better ways to discuss, listen and understand

Issues regarding money that cause the most problems in relationships is having a very different approach and feelings about security. Possibly, one of you grew up in a family situation where money was really tight and there was obvious and ongoing financial struggle. So, if you went through some difficult experiences growing up, you may fear that same type of financial deprivation. As a result, you may be very controlling about money, which causes more problems.

In contrast, you may have grown up in a situation where your parents were not responsible with finances, or struggled with job loss, made irresponsible choices or dealt with other circumstances that were very challenging. Maybe, your roles models never valued money and did not teach you how to mange finances, create a budget or save money.

As a result, it’s important to really understand what’s at the heart of your arguments regarding money. In addition, communicating from this place of vulnerability can help both of you understand and work together more on issues related to finances.

If you keep getting stuck in this place and need help, get in touch

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Made a Mistake?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Made a Relationship Mistake?

Relationship Counseling NJ

Infidelity, Affairs, Cheating

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When a Mistake Causes Suffering

Have you made a huge mistake in your life that’s causing you and another person in a lot of pain? Seems like you may have screwed things up so much that you’re not sure if the relationship will survive?

What should you do now? Maybe you lied and betrayed your spouse and know a sincere apology just won’t be enough. We are human and we all make mistakes. However, some can lead to devastating consequences.

If the relationship its going to heal there are a few things that will help. First of all, A genuine, empathetic apology is important. Admit you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness. Also, you must take responsibility. So if you were thoughtless, selfish, admit it. Your partner may not be ready to hear anything and you must respect the pace he or she needs.

In addition, this is not a one time deal when it comes to repairing broken trust. Healing is going to take time and patience. Even if you are both willing to work on things, progress will take steady, hard work. Over time, reflecting on the understanding prior relationship problems is important. But, not at first.

Repair After a Mistake

Many good people make mistakes. Sometimes you end up doing something you never thought possible. You were never the type of man or woman that would have an affair or betray your spouse. Maybe you judged others harshly thinking it would never happen to you. Then, you realize it can happen to good people – with strong family values.

Most couples need help recovering from such a painful event. If you need help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 
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Argue All the Time?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

 

Argue All the Time?

Couples Counseling | Communication

New Jersey

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 Do you argue all the time?

 
If you argue all the time, it can result in feeling emotionally drained, lonely, and angry.    For that reason, you might feel depressed and hopeless especially if you constantly get stuck in this place.
 
Even more, it can make you grow so far apart that you end up feeling alone and disconnected. Probably, you wonder if  it’s time to split up since you can’t break this pattern.
 

Learning to Listen

 
If you and your spouse are willing and open, you can learn how to connect in healthier ways. It will take listening, compromising, negotiating and getting better at controlling your own negative emotional reactions. On addition, It is important to make it safe enough so you both can express your true feelings and thoughts without fear of verbal insults, interruption, defensiveness and criticism.

Petty Arguments and Trivial Complaints

Petty arguments are usually about something deeper. Its never the small stuff that really matters and most couples know it.. So, understanding the feelings that get triggered under the arguments will help you both do a better job changing to create healthier communication.   Most importantly, knowing how to heal will include listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving one another to heal.
 
If you need help because you argue all the time, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling