Maplewood Counseling
Adult Consequences of Parenting & Attachment Styles

Adult Consequences of Parenting & Attachment Styles

Relationships

Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationships

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. Our therapists bring lived experiences and specialized training to create a safe, affirming space for all.

Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationships

Our early experiences with caregivers shape how we connect with others as adults. These patterns, known as attachment styles, influence our relationships, communication, and emotional well-being. At Maplewood Counseling, we help individuals and families understand their attachment styles and create healthier patterns.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles are patterns of behavior and emotions that develop in childhood based on how caregivers respond to our needs. These styles often carry into adulthood and affect how we form and maintain relationships.

The Four Attachment Styles

  1. Secure Attachment

    • Feels safe, loved, and supported.
    • Leads to healthy relationships based on trust and empathy.

  2. Avoidant Attachment

    • Feels emotionally neglected by caregivers.
    • May struggle with intimacy and commitment as an adult.

  3. Ambivalent Attachment

    • Feels anxious and uncertain about caregiver support.
    • May experience self-doubt and difficulty trusting others.

  4. Disorganized Attachment

    • Experiences chaotic or inconsistent caregiving.
    • May struggle with emotional regulation and forming secure bonds.

How Parenting Styles Shape Attachment

Parenting styles play a significant role in shaping attachment patterns. Here’s how different approaches can impact children:

1. Authoritative Parenting

  • Combines warmth with clear boundaries.
  • Encourages confidence, independence, and responsibility.

2. Authoritarian Parenting

  • Focuses on strict rules and control.
  • Can lead to anxiety, rebellion, or insecurity.

3. Permissive Parenting

  • Lacks structure and discipline.
  • May result in impulsive behavior and poor self-control.

4. Neglectful Parenting

  • Provides little emotional or physical support.
  • Can lead to low self-esteem and difficulty forming relationships.

The Long-Term Effects of Attachment Styles

Attachment styles influence many aspects of adult life, including mental health, relationships, and parenting. Here’s how:

1. Mental Health

  • Secure Attachment: Linked to higher self-esteem and better coping skills.
  • Insecure Attachment: Associated with anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.

2. Relationships

  • Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
  • Insecure attachment can lead to trust issues, communication problems, and emotional distance.

3. Parenting

  • Attachment styles often influence how we parent our own children.
  • Breaking unhealthy patterns can create a positive cycle for future generations.

Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Attachment

It’s never too late to change. With self-awareness and support, you can break unhealthy patterns and develop healthier relationships. Here’s how:

  • Seek Therapy: Work with a counselor to explore your attachment style and its impact.
  • Practice Self-Reflection: Identify patterns in your behavior and relationships.
  • Learn New Skills: Develop healthy communication, emotional regulation, and coping strategies.
  • Model Healthy Behaviors: Show children how to build trust and express emotions.

Ready to Build Healthier Connections?

Your past doesn’t have to define your future. Understanding your attachment style can help you create stronger, more meaningful relationships. Let us guide you on this journey toward emotional growth and connection.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

 

1. What is an attachment style?

An attachment style is a pattern of behavior and emotions that develops in childhood based on how caregivers respond to your needs. It influences how you connect with others as an adult.

2. Can attachment styles change over time?

Yes, attachment styles can change with self-awareness, therapy, and healthy relationships. It’s possible to move from an insecure to a secure attachment style.

3. How do attachment styles affect relationships?

Attachment styles influence trust, communication, and emotional intimacy. Secure attachment leads to healthier relationships, while insecure attachment can cause challenges.

4. Can therapy help with attachment issues?

Absolutely. Therapy provides tools to understand your attachment style, address past experiences, and build healthier connections.

5. How do parenting styles impact attachment?

Parenting styles shape how children view themselves and others. Supportive and consistent parenting fosters secure attachment, while neglectful or inconsistent parenting can lead to insecure attachment.

6. What are the signs of an insecure attachment style?

Signs include difficulty trusting others, fear of abandonment, emotional distance, or a need for constant reassurance.

7. How can I break unhealthy attachment patterns?

Start by seeking therapy, practicing self-reflection, and learning healthy communication and coping skills. Building secure relationships can also help.

Why Choose Maplewood Counseling?

At Maplewood Counseling, we specialize in helping individuals and families understand and improve their attachment styles. Here’s what we offer:

  • Experienced Therapists: Skilled in attachment theory and relationship dynamics.
  • Inclusive Care: Welcoming clients from all backgrounds, including LGBTQ+ individuals and families.
  • Flexible Options: In-person sessions in Maplewood, NJ, and telehealth services across New Jersey.
  • Proven Strategies: Evidence-based approaches to foster secure attachment and emotional well-being.

Take the First Step Toward Healthier Relationships

Understanding your attachment style is the first step toward building stronger, more fulfilling connections. Contact us today to schedule a session.

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Helpful Resources

 

The 7 Stages of Gaslighting | Help for Individuals and Couples

The 7 Stages of Gaslighting | Help for Individuals and Couples

Relationships

The 7 Stages of Gaslighting

Gas Lighting Puts Relationships at Risk
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The 7 Stages of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a term that is used to describe a unique kind of emotional abuse and manipulation. It involves making someone question their reality and sanity through systematic psychological tactics. Understanding the stages of gaslighting is critical in recognizing and addressing this form of abuse, whether it’s happening to you or being perpetuated unknowingly by yourself.

Stage 1: Lie and Exaggerate

The gaslighter starts with lies and exaggerations to set a foundation for doubt.

Example: You’re made to feel unreasonable when expressing concerns about your partner’s sudden lack of communication by being accused of being suffocating.

Stage 2: Consistent Repetition

Repetition is used to assert dominance and control the narrative.

Example: Your employer continuously criticizes your performance despite evidence to the contrary, causing you to question your competence.

Stage 3: Escalate

When challenged, the gaslighter increases the intensity of their manipulation.

Example: Confronting a friend about their hurtful behavior only leads to denial and counter-blaming, leaving you feeling guilty for being ‘too sensitive’.

Stage 4: Wear Down the Victim

The victim’s resistance lowers due to the ongoing psychological strain.

Example: Persistent denials from a family member start to make you doubt your recollection of events.

Stage 5: Codependence

The gaslighter fosters an environment of emotional dependency by controlling the victim’s sense of autonomy.

Example: A partner’s unpredictable responses leave you feeling insecure and overly reliant on their approval.

Stage 6: False Hope

Intermittent positive reinforcement gives the victim moments of misguided optimism.

Example: A sudden outpouring of affection from the gaslighter makes you hope that the relationship is improving.

Stage 7: Dominate and Control

The ultimate goal is achieved when the victim is fully under the gaslighter’s influence.

Example: You find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions due to the gaslighter’s manipulation, making you dependent on their guidance.

Awareness and Self-Reflection

Maplewood Counseling New Jersey for Couples, Individuals and Families

If you suspect you may be gaslighting others, it is important to reflect on your behavior and seek feedback from those around you. Gaslighting is often a behavior that originates from deep-seated emotional issues stemming from one’s past.

Example of Unawareness: You might not realize that by routinely dismissing your partner’s feelings as ‘overreactions,’ you’re invalidating their experience and potentially engaging in gaslighting.

Understanding these stages and examples can help victims recognize when they are being gaslighted and also aid potential gaslighters in identifying their own toxic behaviors. Healing childhood emotional wounds through therapy and self-reflection can prevent these patterns from perpetuating.

Recognizing gaslighting can be profoundly challenging, as it often happens gradually. If you find yourself relating to these stages, it’s critical to seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide perspective and validation of your experiences. Remember, you are not alone in this experience. It takes courage to face the truth and begin your journey towards healing and self-empowerment. So don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. You deserve a healthy and respectful relationship with yourself and others.

Do you need help with how to handle gaslighting? Get in touch.

 

Get in touch now with Maplewood Counseling

 

Family Adult Child Issues? We Can Help with Adult Child Problems

Family Adult Child Issues? We Can Help with Adult Child Problems

Anxiety, Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships

Adult Child Issues Causing Pain?

Struggling with Parent-Child Relationship Problems?
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Dealing with Family Problems Involving Adult Children

Navigating the complexities of family dynamics can be one of life’s greatest challenges, especially for parents with adult children. Relationships that have evolved through childhood and adolescence can face unexpected turbulence and trials as adult offspring carve out independent lives. Every family unit encounters its unique set of problems, ranging from financial disagreements to lifestyle disparities and everything in between. This in-depth exploration is designed to equip parents and their adult children with strategies to overcome common hurdles, seek support, and foster enduring, healthy relationships.

Understanding the Dynamics of Change

The transition from raising children to relating with them as adults is a dynamic process laden with change. Parents often grapple with the shift from providing guidance to learning to step back. This psychological detachment is essential for adult children to grow and find their own paths. However, the struggle to redefine roles and expectations can lead to significant tension.

Communication Styles

One of the most apparent shifts in the parent-child relationship is in communication. The talks that once revolved around school and friends now encompass more significant matters like career choices, life partners, and financial freedom. However, a breakdown in these discussions can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships.

Conflict Resolution

The ability to resolve conflicts maturely and effectively is an area many families face challenges with. Parents who are used to laying down the law can struggle when their children assert their independence or make choices they don’t agree with. Understanding the new dynamics and finding common ground is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship with an adult child.

Common Family Issues

Navigating the minefield of adulthood can bring up a multitude of issues that commonly cause friction between parents and their grown children.

Not Understanding and Judging Your Child’s Choices

Parents often have a vision of what they believe their children should do or be. When those expectations are not met, it can lead to disappointment and conflict. It is essential to acknowledge that your child is an individual with their own goals and interests.

Financial Dependence

As adult children move towards financial independence, some may face challenges in managing their finances or finding stable employment. This can put a strain on the parent-child relationship, particularly if financial support is needed or expected.

Different Values and Beliefs

As individuals grow and experience new things, their values and beliefs may change. It can be challenging for parents to accept these changes in their adult children, especially if they differ from their own. Open communication and mutual respect are key to navigating this issue.

Financial Disagreements

The nexus of financial support and independence often presents significant conflict. Whether it’s about living at home rent-free or seeking monetary assistance for career changes, these challenges can strain the parent-child bond.

Lifestyle Differences and Choices

The way adult children choose to live their lives can sometimes clash with what their parents expected or find acceptable. It could be about relationships, religious beliefs, or personal values. Respecting each other’s life choices while staying true to one’s principles is a delicate balance.

Career Choices and Independence

Career paths are deeply personal, and support or lack thereof from parents can be a critical point of contention. Adult children may feel pressure to follow a particular profession or pathway, while parents often worry about the practical implications of their choices.

Not Getting Along with (or liking) Son or Daughter-in Law

As adult children get married or enter into serious relationships, the dynamics of their relationship with their parents may change. Conflicts can arise if there is a lack of compatibility between the in-laws or if one side feels left out. It’s essential to maintain open communication and respect boundaries for a healthy parent-child relationship.

Maintaining Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for any relationship, especially between parents and adult children. It’s essential to establish clear expectations and respect individual spaces, both physical and emotional.

Parental Involvement in Grandparenting

As adult children have children of their own, parents may find themselves navigating a new role as grandparents. The level of involvement can be a source of tension if not discussed openly and honestly. It’s important to communicate and respect each other’s boundaries as grandparents while prioritizing the well-being of the grandchildren.

Different Generational Perspectives

As generations evolve, so do ideologies and beliefs. What may have been acceptable or common during a parent’s upbringing may not align with their adult child’s values. It’s crucial for both parties to understand and respect each other’s perspectives, even if they may differ.

When Your Adult Child Won’t Talk to You

It can be disheartening for parents when their adult child withdraws from communication or avoids them altogether. While it may not always be easy, taking a step back and giving them space can often help. It’s also essential to reflect on your own actions and words and see if there is anything that may have caused the distance.

 

Navigating Tough Situations

When dealing with these issues, there are practical steps that can be taken to maintain family harmony and work through conflicts.

Setting Boundaries

Clarifying and respecting boundaries is an essential step in any adult child-parent relationship. Parents need to allow for their child’s independence, while children need to maintain a level of respect and understanding about the family unit they originated from.

Handling Emotional Stress

Difficult conversations and conflicts can trigger intense emotions. It’s crucial for both parties to recognize and manage their feelings constructively, seeking the right support when needed.

Practicing Patience and Understanding

Change doesn’t happen overnight, and neither does the resolution of complex family issues. Patience, coupled with genuine effort to understand the other’s perspective, can be the bridge to overcoming differences.

Seeking Support and Guidance

It’s important to note that seeking professional support, such as family counseling, is not a sign of defeat but rather an affirmation of the importance of the relationship.

Benefits of Family Counseling

Counseling sessions offer a structured, neutral space to address underlying issues. With the help of a trained professional, families can learn to communicate more effectively and work through deep-seated conflicts.

Importance of Open Dialogue and Empathy

Developing a communication style that is both open and empathetic can transform how problems are addressed within the family. Active listening and articulating feelings can be powerful tools for resolution.

Conclusion

Dealing with family problems involving adult children requires patience, understanding, and often, outside guidance. It’s a complex and ongoing process, but investing in the effort to strengthen family ties can yield profound rewards. By taking practical steps, engaging in open dialogue, and seeking support when necessary, it is possible to build resilient, healthy relationships that stand the test of time. Whether you are a parent or an adult child, remember that the desire to work through familial issues is a testament to the love and care that lies at the heart of every family.

If you need help with healing issues with an adult child or children, get in touch. We can help.

 

Get in touch now with Maplewood Counseling

 

Need Counseling By Yourself?

 

Helping My Child With Anxiety | Best Ways to Help

Helping My Child With Anxiety | Best Ways to Help

Anxiety, Relationships, Therapist

Helping My Child with Anxiety

Best Ways to Help Your Child with Anxiety
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Helping My Child with Anxiety

Is Your Child Suffering with Anxiety?

Anxiety is a common mental health issue that affects children of all ages. It can manifest in different ways, such as excessive worrying, physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches, and difficulty sleeping. As a parent, it can be challenging to see your child struggling with anxiety. However, there are ways you can help your child cope with their anxiety and manage their symptoms.

Common symptoms of anxiety in your child are :

  • Restlessness and irritability
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Avoidance of certain activities or situations
  • Excessive fear or worry about everyday things
  • Perfectionism and self-criticism

As a parent, it is essential to understand that anxiety in your child is not something they can just “get over.” It is a real mental health condition that requires support and understanding from those around them.

What are the best way to help my child with anxiety?

How Can You Help Your Child with Anxiety?

  1. Educate Yourself: It is essential to learn as much as you can about anxiety and how it affects children. This will help you understand what your child is going through and how to best support them.
  2. Be Patient and Understanding: Children with anxiety may have difficulties expressing their emotions or articulating their thoughts. It is crucial to be patient, validate their feelings and provide a safe space for them to talk about their anxiety.
  3. Encourage Open Communication: Create a warm and open environment where your child feels comfortable talking about their worries and fears. This can help them feel heard, understood, and supported.
  4. Teach Relaxation Techniques: Anxiety often manifests in physical symptoms, such as muscle tension or restlessness. Teaching your child relaxation techniques, like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises, can help them manage these symptoms.
  5. Celebrate Small Victories: Children with anxiety may struggle with everyday tasks that others find easy. It is essential to celebrate their efforts and progress, no matter how small it may seem.
  6. Seek Professional Help: If your child’s anxiety is significantly impacting their daily life or causing them distress, it may be necessary to seek out professional help. A therapist can provide specialized support and techniques to help your child cope with their anxiety.

Supporting a child who is dealing with anxiety requires patience, understanding, and proactive strategies. Begin by creating a calm and reassuring environment at home where open communication is encouraged. Listen attentively to your child’s fears without judgment, and acknowledge their feelings as valid. It’s also beneficial to equip your child with simple relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or guided imagery. Additionally, maintain a consistent routine to provide a sense of structure and security. If anxiety persists, seeking the guidance of a qualified mental health professional can provide tailored support for your child’s needs. Remember, fostering resilience is a gradual process, and with your support and care, your child can learn to manage their anxiety effectively.

Dealing with anxiety can be challenging for anyone, but it can be especially difficult for children who may not fully understand their emotions. As a parent, it’s natural to want to protect your child from any discomfort or distress. However, it’s essential to remember that experiencing and managing anxiety is a normal part of life.

One crucial aspect of supporting your child through their anxiety is to educate yourself about the condition. This can help you better understand your child’s experiences and how best to support them. It may also be valuable to seek out resources or support groups for parents of children with anxiety.

In addition to creating a supportive environment, it’s essential to teach your child coping skills that they can use when they are feeling anxious. These could include positive self-talk, engaging in activities they enjoy, or using relaxation techniques. Encouraging your child to express their emotions and providing them with healthy outlets can also help them manage their anxiety.

Lastly, it’s important to practice self-care as a parent when supporting a child with anxiety. This could include setting aside time for yourself to recharge, seeking support from friends or family, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to better support your child.

Managing anxiety in children requires patience, understanding, and support from parents and caregivers. By educating ourselves about the condition and teaching our children coping skills, we can help them develop resilience and manage their anxiety effectively. Remember to also take care of yourself during this process as it will enable you to be the best support system for your child. Let’s work together to create a safe and supportive environment for children with anxiety. So, let’s continue educating ourselves and our children about mental health and supporting one another through open communication and understanding. Remember, managing anxiety is an ongoing process, but with love, patience, and proper support, we can help.

Looking to help your child with anxiety?

 

Get in touch now with Maplewood Counseling

Stress Management Tips

Caught in the Middle?

Relationships

Caught in the Middle?

Get Couple or Individual Counseling

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Are you caught in the middle?

Does this sound familiar to you?
  • Your spouse and your parents and/ or don’t get along
  • Your spouse wants you to choose him/her or your family
  • Your partner does not like your family and does not want to visit
  • You struggle with trying to make things manageable when there are family gatherings
  • You don’t feel you spouse or partner protects you or stands up for you
  • You don’t feel like a priority or your spouse complains of the same
  • You don’t agree with how your partner handle things with your children and feel “split”
  • You end up fighting a lot befor, during or after family gathertings

 

Whether you are caught in the middle with your family and spouse/partner or children, the end result is feeling awful. Feeling pulled and unable to bring the two sides together can cause anger, depression, sadness and frustration.

 

Maybe your parents feel they should be a priority and can be unreasonable. Maybe you’ve been conditioned to take care of your parents and you don’t know how to manage your relationship and make everyone happy.

 

Sorting through expectations, and evaluating better ways to approach confusing and challenging situations can help you and your partner and or spouse do a better job witho thoughtful and understanding communication.

 

If you feel like you’re caught in the middle, get in touch.

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Hard Time Coping?

Hard Time Coping?

Relationships

Need Help Coping?
Mindfulness Counseling Can Help

NJ Couples, Families, Individuals

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Coping with Hard Times | Mindfulness

When Things Don’t Go According to Plan

All of us have to deal with the unexpected and sometimes very unpleasant circumstances in our lives. As much as we try, we cannot control so much of what happens. Sometimes coping with health issues ( you or your child or other family member ), a change to your family situation such as divorce, death of a loved one, infidelity, a struggling child, loss of a job, and financial hardship to name a few.

How you handle these situations is important if you want to reduce the amount of suffering you go through. Resisting and pushing away from these circumstances “this shouldn’t be happening”, etc… will only make matters worse. What you resist will persist and end up making you feel worse. SO what can you do?

Developing the skill of mindfulness can help you deal with difficult circumstances by learning how to accept what you can’t change and navigate difficult circumstance in a more calm, peaceful way.

Dealing with challenges past and present

There are so many things that we cannot control. Maybe when you were young you had deal with hardship such as divorce, poverty, neglect or even death of a parent.  Other Children have to deal with an abusive household growing up and having no say or ability to deal because they are children. These painful experiences can affect the way you cope with difficult times as an adult.

Having a Hard Time Coping?

Feeling helpless and out of control? Does this sound familiar?

  • You are going through a divorce
  • A loved one is dealing with health issues
  • Your own unexpected health issue has you scared and devastated
  • You’ve lost your job or are dealing with financial uncertainty
  • Your child has a mental health issues that has been challenging
  • You’re in a marriage or relationship that’s not been going well

There is so many challenges we all face at time. Developing coping mechanisms and developing a mindful approach to challenges will help you tremendously. Instead of resisting and getting angry or stuck in the painful experience, find ma therapist that can help you develop tools and skills in how are you related to present and future challenges.

Life is about how you handle Plan B, and you will have many opportunities to handle Plan B better and better over time.
If you need help developing on mindful way of dealing with challenges, please feel free to reach out to us.

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 
 
 
Mindfulness Helps Improve Your Life