7 Things to Never Say to Someone Who is Struggling

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

How to Support Someone Who is Struggling

7 Things to Never Say

7 Things to Never Say to Someone Who is Struggling

It’s natural for us to want to provide comfort and support when someone we care about is going through a difficult time. However, there are certain things that we say with good intentions that can actually cause more harm than help. Whether it’s due to our lack of understanding or simply not knowing how to respond, here are 5 things to never say to someone who is struggling.

“It could be worse”

This phrase may seem like a way to put things into perspective or minimize the person’s struggles, but it can actually invalidate their feelings. Everyone experiences and copes with difficulties differently, so comparing their situation to others’ does not lessen the impact of what they are going through. Instead, try acknowledging their struggles and offering support.

“Just be positive”

While positivity can be helpful in some situations, it is not a cure-all for someone who is struggling. Telling someone to just “be positive” can make them feel like they are not allowed to express their negative emotions or that their struggles are a result of their own attitude. Instead, encourage them to talk about their feelings and offer to listen without judgment.

“I know how you feel”

Even if you’ve been through a similar experience, it’s important to remember that everyone’s struggles are unique and can never be fully understood by someone else. Saying “I know how you feel” may come from a place of empathy, but it can also minimize the person’s individual experience. Instead, offer to listen and validate their feelings without comparing them to your own.

“Just get over it”

Telling someone to just “get over” their struggles can make them feel like they are not allowed to take the time they need to heal and move forward. It can also imply that their struggles are not valid or that they are not trying hard enough to overcome them. Instead, offer support and encourage them to seek professional help if needed.

“You’re overreacting”

Invalidating someone’s feelings by telling them they are “overreacting” can make them feel ashamed or embarrassed for expressing their emotions. It can also cause them to doubt themselves and their ability to cope with their struggles. Instead, try to understand where their emotions are coming from and offer support without judgment.

“Just think positive thoughts”

While cultivating a positive mindset can be beneficial, it is not a quick fix for someone who is struggling with mental health issues. Telling them to just “think positive thoughts” can add pressure and make them feel like they are failing if they cannot do so. Instead, offer to help them find healthy coping mechanisms and remind them that it’s okay to have negative thoughts.

“You should be grateful”

It’s important to acknowledge and express gratitude for the good things in life, but telling someone they “should be grateful” can dismiss or minimize their current struggles. It can also make them feel guilty for not feeling happy or thankful. Instead, offer them your support and remind them that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions.

“You have nothing to be depressed about”

Depression and other mental health issues are complex and can stem from a variety of factors. Telling someone they have “nothing to be depressed about” implies that their struggles are not valid or real. It can also make them feel ashamed or guilty for their feelings. Instead, listen to their struggles and offer empathy and understanding.

“Everyone goes through tough times”

While it’s true that everyone faces challenges in life, comparing someone’s struggles to others can minimize the severity of their situation. It can also make them feel like they are not allowed to feel overwhelmed or seek help because others may have it worse. Instead, validate their struggles and offer support without making comparisons.

So what are the best things to say to someone who is going through a hard time?

Validate their Feelings

It’s important to let someone know that their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to not be okay. You can say things like:

“I’m here for you.”
“Your feelings are completely understandable.”
“It’s okay to not be okay.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Offer Support and Help

Letting someone know that you are there to support and help them can make a world of difference. You can say things like:

“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I’m here to listen if you need to talk.”
“Let me know if you want me to come over and keep you company.”
“We’ll get through this together.”

Avoid Minimizing or Comparing

Instead of minimizing someone’s struggles or comparing them to others, try to understand and empathize with their feelings. You can say things like:

“I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
“Your struggle is unique and valid.”
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.”
“You

It’s important to remember that everyone copes with tough times differently, so be respectful and patient with their choices.

Ultimately, the best thing you can do is be there for them and let them know that they are not alone in their struggles. So when supporting a loved one or friend going through a difficult time, remember to be mindful of the language you use and offer genuine support and empathy. This can make a huge difference in their journey towards healing and recovery.

If you need help understanding how to be there for someone who is struggling, reach out.

Mindfulness Helps You Navigate Life & Relationship Challenges

8 Causes of Narcissistic Personality

Relationships

8 Causes of Narcissistic Personality

How Narcissism Impacts Relationships

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8 Causes of Narcissistic Personality

First there is healthy narcissism – healthy narcissism is a natural and necessary part of human development. It allows individuals to have a positive self-image, healthy self-esteem, and the ability to form healthy relationships with others.

However, when narcissism becomes excessive it can lead to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – a psychological condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others.

There are many factors that can contribute to the development of NPD, including:

Narcissistic personality disorder manifasts when a person striggles a deep need to be admired by others, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a lack of empathy for others. It is a complex disorder that can be caused by a combination of different factors.

Here are 8 potential causes of narcissism:

Genetics: Studies have shown that genetics play a significant role in the development of narcissism. People with a family history of narcissistic personality disorder are more likely to exhibit symptoms of the disorder themselves.
Childhood trauma: Traumatic experiences during childhood, such as abuse or neglect, can lead to the development of narcissistic traits. Children who have been constantly praised and admired by their parents may also develop a sense of entitlement and superiority.
Overindulgence: Children who are raised in an environment where they are constantly indulged and never face consequences for their actions may develop narcissistic traits. This is because they grow up believing that they are special and entitled to special treatment.
Unrealistic expectations: People with narcissism often have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. This can stem from childhood experiences of being praised and admired, leading to a belief that they are superior to others.
Cultural factors: In some cultures, narcissistic traits may be encouraged or even rewarded. For example, in individualistic societies where success and achievement are highly valued, people with narcissism may thrive due to their excessive self-confidence and drive for success.
Social media: With the rise of social media, narcissism has become more prevalent. The constant need for validation and attention on social media platforms can feed into the narcissistic desire for admiration and self-importance.
Traumatic life events: People who have experienced a significant trauma or loss may develop narcissistic traits as a way to cope with their feelings of vulnerability and low self-worth.
Personality development: While there is debate among psychologists, some believe that narcissism can develop as a defense mechanism in response to a difficult or traumatic childhood. In this case, it serves as a protective shield for the individual’s fragile self-esteem.

If you are struggling with narcissism and need help, therapy can be a beneficial tool for how to handle a narcissist as well as understanding and addressing the underlying causes of your behavior. It can also help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and improve your relationships with others. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness.

When You are Coping With Someone who Struggles Narcissistic Persononality Disorder

Dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging and overwhelming at times. Here are some tips to help you cope in these situations:

Educate yourself: It is essential to understand narcissism and how it affects a person’s behavior. This will give you insight into why the person may act the way they do and how to handle their behaviors.
Set boundaries: Narcissists often have difficulty respecting boundaries and may try to manipulate or control others. It is crucial to establish and maintain clear boundaries to protect your well-being.
Practice assertiveness: When interacting with someone who has narcissistic traits, it is essential to be assertive and stand your ground. This does not mean being aggressive or confrontational, but calmly expressing your needs and feelings.
Focus on yourself: When dealing with a narcissistic individual, it is easy to get caught up in their drama and lose sight of your own needs. Make sure to prioritize self-care and focus on your well-being.
Seek support: Dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder can be emotionally draining. It is crucial to have a support system of friends, family, or a therapist who can provide you with guidance and understanding.
Don’t engage in arguments: Narcissists thrive on conflict and may try to engage you in arguments or debates. It is best not to engage and instead focus on setting boundaries and taking care of yourself.
Avoid trying to change them: It may be tempting to try and change the narcissist’s behavior, but this is not your responsibility. Focus on managing your own reactions and behaviors instead.
Stay true to yourself: In relationships with those who have narcissistic traits, it can be easy to lose sight of your own values and beliefs. Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t compromise your integrity for someone else.
Set consequences: If the narcissist continues to disrespect your boundaries or manipulate you, it may be necessary to set consequences. This could include limiting contact or ending the relationship altogether.

In conclusion, while there may be various factors that contribute to the development of narcissism, it is important to remember that you cannot change someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Instead, focus on setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support from others. Remember to stay true to yourself and prioritize your well-being in any relationship or interaction with a narcissist. So take care of yourself first and foremost, and remember that it is not your responsibility to fix or change the narcissist’s behavior. Seek support and guidance from trusted individuals and prioritize your own well-being above all else. With these strategies in mind, you can navigate any relationship with a narcissist with more understanding and confidence. Take care of yourself and don’t let the narcissist’s behaviors negatively impact your self-worth or happiness. Remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships. Keep practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support, and you will be able to maintain your sense of self and well-being while dealing with a narcissist in your life. Remember that you are not alone and there is always help available if needed. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Finally, it is important to recognize that managing relationships with narcissistic individuals can be emotionally draining and challenging. It is always okay to prioritize your own well-being and make choices that are best for you. Do not feel guilty or obligated to continue relationships with toxic individuals. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who value and respect you. And most importantly, practice self-love and self-compassion as you navigate through any interactions with narcissistic individuals. Remember that you are worthy and deserving of healthy, fulfilling relationships. Trust yourself and your instincts, and know that you have the strength to handle any situation with grace and resilience. Keep growing and learning, and continue to prioritize your own well-being above all else. You deserve it.

If you need help knowing how to handle someone with narcissitic personality or for yourself, reach out.

8 SIgns of Narcissistic Abuse

10 Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love & How to Reconnect

Relationships

Falling Out of Love: 10 Reasons Why & How to Reconnect

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. Our therapists bring lived experiences and specialized training to create a safe, affirming space for all.

Is the person sitting across from you at dinner starting to feel like a stranger? Do you find yourself looking at old photos and wondering where that spark went? Falling out of love is a quiet, often heartbreaking realization. It doesn’t usually happen with a bang, but rather a slow fade.

If you are feeling this distance, please know that you are not alone. It is a common season in many long-term relationships, and it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your story. In fact, recognizing the disconnect is often the first brave step toward finding your way back to each other.

We want to help you understand why this happens. By identifying the root causes of the drift, you can begin to bridge the gap and rebuild a relationship that feels safe, connected, and vibrant again.

10 Common Reasons Couples Drift Apart

Understanding why the love feels like it’s fading is crucial for fixing it. Here are ten common reasons relationships lose their luster, along with compassionate steps to turn things around.

1. The Silence of Poor Communication

When you stop talking about the real things—your fears, your dreams, your hurts—you stop knowing each other. Conversations become purely logistical (“Did you pay the bill?” “Who’s picking up the kids?”), leaving no room for emotional intimacy.

How to Reconnect:
Start small. Set aside ten minutes a day to talk about anything except logistics. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” Active listening is love in action.

2. Loss of Priority

Life gets busy. Careers, children, and aging parents can all demand your attention, pushing your partner to the bottom of the list. When your partner feels like an afterthought, resentment builds.

How to Reconnect:
Schedule it. It might sound unromantic, but putting “date night” or even “coffee together” on the calendar signals to your partner that they matter. Treat this time as sacred.

3. The Intimacy Gap

Intimacy is the glue of a romantic relationship. When physical touch, sex, or emotional vulnerability dries up, you can start to feel like roommates rather than lovers. This lack of affection can lead to deep feelings of rejection.

How to Reconnect:
Focus on non-sexual touch first. A hug that lasts a few seconds longer, holding hands while walking, or a gentle touch on the arm can begin to rebuild that bridge of safety and desire.

4. Unresolved Conflict

Sweeping issues under the rug doesn’t make them disappear; it makes them trip you up later. Unresolved arguments create a wall of tension and defensiveness that blocks love from getting through.

How to Reconnect:
Try to resolve one lingering issue, but do it differently this time. Use “I” statements (“I feel hurt when…”) instead of blaming. If the conflict feels too big, a couples counselor can provide a safe container to unpack it.

5. Taking Each Other for Granted

In the beginning, you likely thanked your partner for everything. Over time, those expectations shift. When kindness becomes expected rather than appreciated, the warmth leaves the relationship.

How to Reconnect:
Revive the habit of gratitude. verbalize what you appreciate. A simple “Thank you for making coffee this morning” can shift the entire energy of your home.

6. Erosion of Trust

Trust isn’t just broken by major betrayals like infidelity; it can be eroded by small, broken promises or little lies. Without trust, there is no safety.

How to Reconnect:
Rebuilding trust is a slow process that requires consistency. Be transparent. Keep your word, even on small things. If a major betrayal has occurred, professional guidance is often necessary to navigate the healing path safely.

7. Growing in Different Directions

You are not the same person you were ten years ago, and neither is your partner. Sometimes, personal growth leads partners down different paths with diverging values or interests.

How to Reconnect:
Get curious about who your partner is now. Support their new hobbies or interests. Find new shared activities that you can discover together, creating a new “us” that fits who you are today.

8. Lack of Emotional Support

We turn to our partners for a safe harbor during storms. If your partner consistently dismisses your feelings or isn’t there when you need them, you will eventually stop turning to them.

How to Reconnect:
Practice empathy. When your partner shares a struggle, simply validate their feelings. “That sounds incredibly hard, and I’m sorry you’re going through it” is often more powerful than trying to fix the problem.

9. Financial Stress and Values

Money is rarely just about math; it represents security, freedom, and values. differring views on spending and saving can cause chronic stress and drive a wedge between partners.

How to Reconnect:
Have calm, non-judgmental money dates. Discuss your financial goals and fears openly. Creating a shared vision for your future can turn money from a battleground into a team project.

10. Blurred Boundaries

Healthy relationships need healthy boundaries. If one partner feels suffocated or disregarded, or if family members are allowed to intrude on the relationship, intimacy suffers.

How to Reconnect:
Discuss what you need to feel safe and respected. Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing your partner away; it’s about defining the space where you can love each other best.

Is It Too Late to Save Your Relationship?

This is the question that keeps many people up at night. The truth is, if both partners are willing to do the work, it is rarely too late. Relationships go through seasons. Winter can feel long and cold, but it doesn’t mean summer won’t come again.

Reconnecting requires courage. It requires vulnerability. It requires looking at the person you fell out of love with and deciding to try to fall in love with them again.

If you are feeling stuck, you don’t have to navigate this terrain alone. Sometimes, having a neutral, compassionate third party can help you see the path forward when you are lost in the woods. At Maplewood Counseling, we are dedicated to helping couples rediscover their connection.

You deserve a love that feels alive.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: Can you fall back in love with the same person?
A: Absolutely. Love is often a practice as much as a feeling. By changing the dynamic, resolving old hurts, and injecting new energy into the relationship, many couples find their second phase of love is even deeper than the first.

Q: How do I know if I should stay or leave?
A: This is a deeply personal decision. If there is abuse, safety is the priority. However, if the issue is drift or conflict, consider if both of you are willing to try. Often, seeking therapy can provide the clarity needed to make this decision with confidence.

Q: My partner refuses to go to therapy. Can I go alone?
A: Yes. Relationship dynamics can shift even if only one person changes their behavior. Individual therapy can help you clarify your needs, set boundaries, and communicate more effectively, which often positively impacts the relationship.

Q: How long does it take to reconnect?
A: There is no set timeline. It took time to drift apart, and it will take time to come back together. Focus on small, consistent steps rather than immediate transformation. Patience is a key part of the process.

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Helpful Resources

Individual Therapy: Personalized support for managing depression and stress.
Understanding Anxiety: Learn how therapy can help manage anxiety.
Grief Counseling: Support for processing loss and navigating grief.
Guide to Self-Esteem: Build confidence and self-worth.
Trauma-Informed Therapy: Support for Couples healing from past trauma.

7 Toxic Relationship Signs

Relationships

Recognizing 7 Toxic Relationship Signs

Seven Behaviors that Ruin Relationships

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Recognizing 7 Toxic Relationship Signs

Nurturing a healthy, loving relationship is one of life’s greatest joys. But often, amidst the bliss, signs of toxicity can slip in unnoticed, casting a shadow over what should be a source of positivity and growth. Recognizing these telltale indicators is essential—without awareness, we may find ourselves mired in a situation that hinders rather than fosters our well-being. In this comprehensive guide, we explore seven critical signs that can suggest a relationship has turned toxic, and we offer strategies to address them.

1) The Silent Screamer Within: Lack of Communication

Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. When this pillar begins to wobble, it’s usually a sign of deeper issues. In a toxic dynamic, communication can evolve from open dialogue to simmering resentment and the silent treatment. Conversations become rare, or worse, they devolve into shouting matches or aggressive monologues.

Ominous Omerta

If your partner or you find it challenging to share thoughts, feelings, or even trivial daily occurrences, the relationship may be in the throes of a silent crisis. Couples therapy or structured dialogues can be the first steps towards thawing this icy barricade. Remember, the most profound changes often arise from the simplest of exchanges.

Constructing Bridges, Not Walls

The solution lies in fostering an environment where expression is not only welcomed but expected. Start with non-confrontational topics that encourage dialogue rather than provoke defense. Empathy and active listening are indispensable tools in rebuilding communication from the ground up.

2) Beyond Compromise: Controlling Behavior

In any partnership, finding middle-ground is essential. Yet, when one partner consistently demands their will be done, controlling behavior takes root, eradicating individual autonomy and mutual respect.

Lines in the Sand

Patterns to watch for include making decisions unilaterally, isolating one partner from their support network, or monitoring their every move. If these behaviors feel familiar, recognizing that they are both harmful and unsustainable is the first step toward reclaiming agency over your life.

Reclaiming Autonomy

Open, non-confrontational discussions about each other’s needs and boundaries can help reestablish a balanced dynamic. Professional help, in the form of therapy or counseling, can guide the couple towards a more equitable partnership, where compromise is a shared responsibility.

3) When Love Hurts: Constant Criticism

Critique, when constructive, can be a force for growth. However, relentless, unproductive criticism is never a sign of love—it’s a tool of oppression. When partners begin to undermine each other’s self-esteem through harsh judgment, trust and intimacy are eroded.

The Poisoned Compliment

Criticism camouflaged as helpful advice or a compliment can be particularly insidious, as it cripples self-esteem under the guise of support. It’s crucial to recognize that a supportive partner encourages growth with love, not reproach.

Nurturing Encouragement

An environment that fosters positivity through encouragement and affirmation is key to counteracting constant criticism. Couples must learn to celebrate each other’s strengths and support one another through constructive and compassionate feedback.

4) Lack of Mutual Respect: A Core Relationship Tenet

For a relationship to thrive, both parties must maintain respect for each other’s autonomy, feelings, and boundaries. When this aspect fractures, the very fabric of the partnership weakens.

The Erosion of Dignity

Disrespect in a relationship can manifest in various overt and subtle ways—from ignoring each other’s feelings to undermining decisions. No matter the form, it chips away at a person’s dignity, leaving them vulnerable and hurt.

Building Blocks of Admiration

Mutual respect is built upon a foundation of genuine admiration and recognition of each other’s worth. Through consistent positive reinforcement and setting—and adhering to—mutual boundaries, partners can restore and reinforce respect in their relationship.

5) The Dimming of Reality: Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to make the victim doubt their thoughts, feelings, and even their sanity. It’s a particularly harrowing sign of toxicity, causing the victim to feel isolated and misunderstood.

Redefining Truth

Recognizing gaslighting can be challenging, as the abuser’s tactics are often subtle and insidious. It’s crucial to trust your instincts and keep a journal if you suspect your partner is altering your perception of reality.

Shedding Light on Gaslighting

Seeking outside perspectives, such as those from friends or professional counselors, is a critical step in addressing this behavior. Establishing a sense of ‘self’ through self-care and activities that build self-esteem is also key to combat gaslighting’s damaging effects.

6) The Inexcusable Act: Emotional or Physical Abuse

One of the most undeniable signs of a toxic relationship is the presence of abuse—whether it’s emotional manipulation or outright physical harm.

The Unmistakable Red Flags

Abuse often starts subtly, with small insults or a gentle push. Over time, it escalates, leaving victims in a cycle of fear, confusion, and self-blame. It’s vital to recognize that abuse is never justified and that seeking help is an act of courage, not weakness.

The Path to Independence and Healing

In these situations, safety is paramount. Reaching out to support organizations, family, or law enforcement can provide the necessary reassurance and protection. Professional therapy becomes a critical tool for both healing and understanding the dynamics at play.

7) The Pillar of Partnership: Lack of Trust

Trust, the belief that your partner acts with your best interests in mind, is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. When it’s shattered, the foundation begins to crumble, leaving insecurity and doubt in its wake.

The Trust Tax

When partners consistently break promises or exhibit secretive behavior, trust dissipates, leaving the innocent party to pick up the pieces. It’s crucial to address these transgressions head-on, with open, honest conversation.

Rebuilding the Pillar

Patience, transparency, and a commitment to following through on promises are the tools that rebuild trust. This process is gradual and requires both parties to show understanding and a willingness to change their behavior to restore faith in the relationship.

The Impact of Toxic Relationships

Understanding the gravity of toxic relationship signs is crucial. They can have far-reaching effects, impacting not only the emotional well-being of partners but also their mental health and personal growth.

The Emotional Quagmire

Being in a toxic relationship often feels like wading through an emotional minefield. The persistent state of stress can lead to anxiety and depression, while the loss of self-respect can hamper personal and professional development.

Stagnation and Growth

In such a stifling environment, it’s challenging—if not impossible—for individuals to thrive and grow. Recognizing and addressing these signs is not just about the relationship but about one’s broader life trajectory.

How to Address Toxic Relationship Signs

The road to addressing toxic behavior in a relationship begins with deep self-reflection and an honest inventory of the signs at play.

Talking it Out

Initiating open, honest discussions are the most direct way to address issues in a relationship. This should be done in a constructive, non-confrontational manner, with the goal of finding mutual understanding and resolution.

Professional Mediation

In many cases, the guidance of a relationship therapist or counselor is indispensable. These neutral parties can help untangle complex issues and provide methodologies for change.

Setting Boundaries and Sticking to Them

Defining and upholding personal boundaries is vital when navigating a relationship’s complexities. This can mean setting limits on unhealthy behaviors and standing firm in their defense.

Seeking a Healthier Relationship? Start Here

In conclusion, the critical signs of toxic relationships we’ve explored are not just red flags—they’re an opportunity for growth and transformation. By recognizing these signs and taking decisive action, individuals can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. If these issues resonate with you, it’s time to engage in open dialogue, seek professional guidance, and take concrete steps toward a relationship that empowers and uplifts.

Navigating the intricate web of a partnership can be complex, but understanding and addressing toxic relationship signs is a critical skill for anyone invested in their relational well-being. By doing so, you not only salvage a floundering partnership but also gain the insight and tools to foster a connection that is resilient, supportive, and deeply rewarding.

If you need help changing toxic relationship behavior, reach out.

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Empathy & Responsibility: 2 Keys to a Strong Relationship

Relationships

Empathy and Responsibility: The Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Have you ever felt like you and your partner are speaking completely different languages during an argument? Or perhaps a small mistake spirals into a standoff where no one wants to be the first to apologize? If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. These moments of disconnection can feel incredibly isolating, but they also point us toward the exact tools needed to fix them.

Two essential ingredients often determine whether a relationship struggles or thrives: empathy and taking responsibility. While they sound simple, practicing them when emotions run high is a profound act of love.

We are here to help you unpack these concepts. By understanding how to deepen your empathy and courageously take ownership of your actions, you can transform conflict into connection and reignite the bond with your partner.

The Healing Power of Empathy

Relationships are beautiful, but they are also complex. Navigating two different perspectives requires effort, patience, and above all, empathy.

Empathy is the ability to step outside of your own experience and truly understand—and validate—the feelings of your partner. It isn’t about agreeing with everything they say; it is about acknowledging that their feelings are real and valid to them. When your partner feels deeply seen and heard, the walls of defensiveness often crumble, making room for genuine intimacy.

Why Is Empathy So Difficult Sometimes?

If empathy is so important, why do we struggle to offer it to the person we love most?

For many, empathy feels vulnerable. It requires us to set aside our own “rightness” and sit with uncomfortable emotions. If you are feeling hurt or defensive, pausing to consider your partner’s pain can feel counterintuitive.

Additionally, our past plays a significant role. If you experienced trauma, betrayal, or emotional neglect in the past, your brain might be wired to protect yourself first. Opening up to truly feel someone else’s emotions can feel unsafe. Recognizing this struggle is not an excuse, but it is a compassionate explanation that can help you be patient with yourself as you learn new skills.

How to Cultivate Deeper Empathy

Empathy is a muscle that strengthens with practice. Here are actionable ways to build it:

Practice Active Listening: When your partner is speaking, resist the urge to formulate your response. simply listen. Focus entirely on their words and their body language.
Get Curious, Not Furious: Instead of assuming you know your partner’s intentions, ask open-ended questions. “Can you help me understand what felt hurtful about that moment for you?”
Validate, Validate, Validate: You don’t have to agree with the facts to validate the feelings. A simple phrase like, “It makes sense that you felt ignored when I walked away,” can be incredibly soothing.
Step into Their Shoes: Take a moment to visualize the situation from their perspective. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

The Courage of Taking Responsibility

If empathy is the heart of connection, taking responsibility is the backbone of trust. In any partnership, owning our actions—both the good and the bad—is a sign of maturity and respect.

Taking responsibility isn’t about accepting blame for everything or admitting defeat. It is about acknowledging your role in the dynamic. It says, “I care more about our relationship than I care about being right.”

Why Ownership Builds Safety

When we refuse to take responsibility, conflicts escalate. We get stuck in a cycle of “he said, she said,” where both partners feel victimized. However, when one person courageously says, “I messed up, and I am sorry I hurt you,” it changes the entire energy of the conversation.

It Promotes Growth: Acknowledging mistakes allows us to learn from them. It prevents history from repeating itself.
It diffuse Conflict: It is hard to keep fighting with someone who has already owned their part. It invites your partner to drop their armor as well.
It Builds Trust: Consistency in owning your behavior proves to your partner that you are safe, honest, and accountable.

Overcoming the Fear of Being Wrong

Why is it so hard to say “I was wrong”?

Fear of Consequences: We often worry that admitting a mistake will lead to rejection, punishment, or being loved less.
The Ego Trap: For some, admitting fault feels like weakness. We might believe that we need to be perfect to be worthy of love.
Defensiveness: If we feel attacked, our instinct is to deflect blame onto others to protect our self-esteem.

Growth happens when we realize that taking responsibility doesn’t diminish our worth—it enhances our integrity.

Creating a Cycle of Connection

Empathy and responsibility work best together. Empathy allows you to understand the impact of your actions on your partner, which motivates you to take responsibility. Conversely, taking responsibility clears the air, making it safe for empathy to flourish again.

You don’t have to navigate this journey perfectly. You just need to be willing to try.

If you are feeling stuck in a cycle of blame or disconnection, remember that you don’t have to figure it out alone. At Maplewood Counseling, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space to help you and your partner build these essential skills. We are here to support you as you move toward a healthier, more loving partnership.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: Can empathy be learned if I’m naturally not very empathetic?
A: Absolutely. Empathy is a skill, not just a personality trait. Like learning a new language, it takes practice. With specific tools and conscious effort—often guided by therapy—you can significantly increase your capacity to connect with your partner’s emotions.

Q: Does taking responsibility mean I have to apologize even if I think I’m right?
A: Not necessarily. Taking responsibility isn’t about lying or accepting blame falsely. It’s about owning your contribution. You might believe your point was valid, but you can still take responsibility for how you delivered it (e.g., yelling or being dismissive).

Q: What if I take responsibility but my partner never does?
A: This can be very frustrating and draining. A healthy relationship requires effort from both sides. If you find yourself in a one-sided dynamic where you are the only one apologizing, couples counseling can be a powerful way to address this imbalance and improve communication.

Q: How do we stop the “blame game” during arguments?
A: Try using “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try “I feel lonely and unheard when I share my day and don’t get a response.” This reduces defensiveness and invites empathy rather than attack.

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Is Your Relationship at Risk? Know What to Look for and Change

Relationships

Is Your Relationship at Risk?

7 Ways Your Marriage or Relationship Could Be at Risk

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Is Your Relationship at Risk?

Is your relationship at risk? Wonder if you your marriage or relaitonship will survive? If you’re feeling unsure about where your relationship stands, here are a few signs that might suggest it’s worth revisiting how things are going and figure out your next steps.

Is Your Relationship at Risk?

7 Ways Your Relationship Could Be at Risk

Marriage and long-term relationships require dedication and work. Like any profound commitment, they come with their own set of challenges. Here are seven ways your relationship might be in jeopardy and how to steer back onto the path of love and understanding.

Lack of Communication

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. When channels of honest and open dialogue break down, it can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. “Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it…it dies.” – Tony Gaskins. Ensure that you actively listen to your partner and express yourself clearly to maintain a healthy relationship.

Trust Issues

Trust forms the foundation of any strong partnership. To build and preserve it is critical, but it’s also fragile; once damaged, it can be incredibly hard to repair. It’s essential to address and resolve trust issues swiftly within a couple through transparency and consistency.

Neglecting Quality Time

Quality time is not just about being in close proximity; it’s about connecting and engaging with one another. Make concerted efforts to carve out meaningful interactions amidst busy schedules.

Financial Strain

Money troubles can place a heavy burden on couples. Financial strain often leads to conflict, but by managing finances collaboratively, you can mitigate stress and build a stable future together.

Unrealistic Expectations

While it’s vital to have hopes and dreams, unrealistic expectations can put undue pressure on your partner and the relationship. According to relationship therapists, “Harmony is achieved when expectations meet reality.” Setting achievable goals and celebrating small victories together strengthens bonds.

Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy goes beyond physical aspects; it’s about connecting emotionally. Keep the spark alive by prioritizing affectionate gestures, deep conversations, and shared experiences.

Resentment and Unresolved Conflicts

Unresolved conflicts can fester into resentment if not addressed timely and constructively. Implement strategies for effective conflict resolution, like counseling or therapy, before resentment takes root.

When Your Relationship is at Risk

These seven risks are formidable, but they also offer an opportunity for growth when confronted with care and concerted effort. Marriage counseling or couples therapy can provide a neutral ground to address these issues professionally. By approaching these potential pitfalls proactively, couples can deepen their connection and build a more resilient partnership that withstands the test of time. With mutual love, respect, and dedication to working through challenges, couples can create a lasting and fulfilling marriage. So don’t shy away from addressing these risks head-on; your relationship is worth it. So keep learning, growing together, and nurturing your love for each other every day.

To Recap – Here are Signs Your Relationship is at Risk

Communication Challenges

Do simple conversations feel strained or turn into arguments?
Are serious topics being avoided or misunderstood?
When you talk, does it feel forced rather than honest and open?

Emotional Distance

Does the connection between you feel less intimate or affectionate?
Are you feeling lonely even when you’re physically together?
Has giving or receiving emotional support started to fade away?

Trust Concerns

Is there secrecy, dishonesty, or a feeling like things are being hidden?
Have jealousy or constant doubts started becoming a pattern?
Are past betrayals creeping into your present dynamic?

Decline in Effort

Does showing appreciation for each other feel like it’s been forgotten?
Has making an effort to prioritize the relationship taken a backseat?
Are those special gestures or moments becoming few and far between?

Ongoing Conflicts

Do the same arguments keep coming up without resolution?
Is there more criticism than kindness, or does it feel defensive in conversations?
Are you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around each other?

Separate Future Goals

Are your major life plans (marriage, children, career) misaligned?
Is there resistance to compromise when planning your future together?
Do you feel like you’re on separate paths, growing apart instead of together?

Shifting Attractions

Have emotional or physical connections been sought outside the relationship?
Are comparisons with others becoming more frequent?
Has physical intimacy significantly decreased or disappeared?

If several of these situations resonate with you, it could be time to have an open, honest conversation with your partner. Relationships have their ups and downs, but understanding where you both stand can help bring clarity. Have you been noticing any of these in your relationship lately? If so, you’re not alone, and addressing these issues together could help create a path forward.

Need to make sure you address issues that are putting your relationship at risk? We can help.

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