Are You a Good Partner?

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Are You a Good Partner?

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What Makes a Good Partner?

In this journey of life, finding a good partner can have a profound impact on our happiness and well-being. But what exactly makes a good partner? What qualities should we be looking for in a potential companion? In this blog post, we will explore the essential aspects that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling partnership. So whether you’re single, in a relationship, or simply curious, let’s dive in and discover what makes a good partner.

Choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions we make in life. A good partner can provide love, support, and companionship, while enriching our lives in countless ways. But what exactly does it mean to be a good partner? Let’s explore the key qualities that contribute to a strong and lasting relationship.

Effective Communication Skills

Effective communication is the foundation of any successful partnership. It involves not only expressing ourselves but also actively listening to our partner. By fostering open and honest communication, we create an environment where both partners feel heard, understood, and valued.

Trust and Honesty

Trust forms the bedrock of a healthy relationship. It is built upon honesty, reliability, and integrity. When we trust our partner, we feel safe and secure, knowing that they have our best interests at heart. Being transparent and trustworthy strengthens the bond between partners and fosters a deep sense of emotional security.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of our partner. It involves empathy, compassion, and the capacity to navigate complex emotional landscapes. Partners with high emotional intelligence can support each other through challenging times and foster a deep sense of connection and understanding.

Shared Values

While partners may have different personalities and interests, shared values form the foundation of a strong partnership. When our core beliefs, goals, and aspirations align, we can build a life together that is rooted in mutual respect and understanding. Shared values provide a sense of purpose and create a solid framework for decision-making and problem-solving.

Respect

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It means valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and autonomy. Partners who respect one another treat each other with kindness, consideration, and dignity. They create an environment where both partners feel safe to express themselves authentically and grow as individuals.

Conflict Resolution Skills

No relationship is immune to disagreements or conflicts. However, it’s how we navigate these challenges that determines the strength of our partnership. Good partners possess conflict resolution skills, such as active listening, empathy, and the willingness to find common ground. They approach conflicts with a problem-solving mindset, striving for compromise and maintaining the health of the relationship.

Supportiveness

A good partner is someone who is there for you through thick and thin. They provide emotional support, encouragement, and a shoulder to lean on. Whether it’s celebrating successes or offering a comforting presence during difficult times, a supportive partner is your greatest cheerleader and confidant.

Want to do better?

A good partner possesses a combination of qualities that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Effective communication, trust and honesty, emotional intelligence, shared values, respect, conflict resolution skills, and supportiveness create the foundation for a strong and lasting connection.

Relationships are complicated. Remember to embrace these qualities in both ourselves and our partners. If you are able to work on this it will foster a partnership that brings joy, growth, and fulfillment. So, whether you’re in search of a partner or seeking to strengthen your existing relationship, these qualities will help you have a more connected and satisfying relationship.

Remember, building a good partnership takes time, effort, and a willingness to grow together. Some people need couples or marriage counseling (or even individual therapy ) to help them improve and work on these skills. If you need help, reach out.

Five Relationship Tips Every Couples Needs

Relationships

5 Relationship Tips Every Couple Needs

Building a Stronger Relationship

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5 Relationship Tips Every Couple Needs

5 relationship tips that can help strengthen any couple’s bond

Effective Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings while also being good listeners.
Quality Time Together: Spending meaningful time together is essential. Whether it’s date nights, shared hobbies, or simply relaxing and enjoying each other’s company, prioritizing quality time helps maintain a strong connection.
Mutual Respect: Respect forms the foundation of a successful relationship. Both partners should value each other’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality.
Support and Understanding: Being supportive and understanding during both the good times and the challenging times is vital. Showing empathy and being there for each other creates a secure and nurturing environment.
Shared Goals and Compromise: Couples should work towards common goals and be willing to compromise. Finding a balance between individual aspirations and shared objectives can help build a harmonious and fulfilling relationship. Implementing these tips can contribute to a healthy and thriving relationship.

If you are looking to improve any of these areas in your relationship, working on the tips above will help tremendously. If you need more help with building a stronger relationship, reach out to us. We’re here to help.

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How to Avoid Getting Hooked

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Get Hooked Easily?

Need Help Managing Your Reactions?

Do you get hooked easily?

Getting hooked can lead to some pretty destructive reactions internally and externally regarding interactions with others. This awful feeling can change.

The problem with getting hooked…

Many of us get can get hooked when things don’t go the way we want or expect, often resulting in very angry and negative reactions. You’re not alone. Most of us struggle with what to do when situations and people “hook” us. Your partner does something upsetting, your children, a driver pisses you off, your family…all of it can be very challenging.

Getting hooked not only causes problems and unhappiness for you, but for those around you. From a health perspective, getting hooked results in an internal reaction that actually causes a contraction in the body as well, increasing blood pressure and/or heart rate as well. Getting hooked is bad for your mental and physical health. The emotional reactivity from getting hooked can cause a chain reaction leaving you feeling more angry, unhappy, shocked, guilty, misunderstood, and alone.

Why is it so important to (work on) not getting hooked?

It’s bad for you and those around you. Getting hooked causes a strong, emotional reaction which can cause people to blow up, criticize, name call, devalue, and can destroy close relationships. It is possible you are misunderstanding others, feelings they did this or that on purpose to cause you to feel so lousy. It is another problem when both people in a relationship get hooked, or even you child pushes back when you get hooked. In the end, getting hooked can eventually erode your close relationships.

The skill is learning how to work with triggers and eventually containing the response. Pausing for a period of time to interrupt that negative energy and not allow it to pick up. We understand this is not easy and takes practice, but it will improve your life, health, and relationships exponentially over time.

The reality for all of is …life is a series of challenges and there are so many things we cannot control. It’s all about how we handle plan B when things don’t go the way we wanted or expected. Inner peace is the goal regardless of so many external circumstances beyond your control. You can do this and it will make so many things better. Attitude is everything.

So how can you work on this?

Developing more awareness is key. When people start to dip into more primitive (unaware or unconscious) ways of functioning, it might lead to acting out in very destructive ways. This can cause ther hooked person to become verbally abusive, yell and scream, name call, criticize, and want the source of your “hook” to hurt the way you are. As it to say “you are making me feel this way- this is your fault”. When people start to dip into the most primitive ways of functioning when they get hooked, thr result is physical violence and abuse. The work is trying to help people come up out of that primitive way of reacting to the difficult or challenging situation (again awarenees and slowing things down is key) , and eventually develop the skills to communicate more effectively. Working on and understanding this will eventually allow you get to healthier responses when dealing with challenges. You deserve more peace and this will help you get there.

Start by practicing with the small things. For example, become more aware of your reaction if you spill spomething or if you are in a hurry to get somewhere and you hit every red light on your way. Notice and become aware of what you feel. Slow down and take a deep breath to help you start chanigng the auto-pilot response of anger and “this should not be happening” or “this should not have happened”. A wiser response to something like this would be understanding that life is a series of challenges, and there are so many things we can’t control. Practicing with the small things will definitely help as well as pracicing the pause.

Practice the pause.

Although an initial short pause will help slow down and evcntually stop our own reaction, it can take longer for our nervous system and emotional reactivity to subside. Sometimes it can take as much as 20 minutes, sometimes longer. At first, this is challenging since you will be working on developing more awareness and breaking a pattern or habit, but the more you practice, the easier it will be.

The end result will be more peaceful, connected, and accepting relationships and better health overall.

Anyone can develop this skill over time and it will be exponentially rewarding.

Need help?

Therapy can help you work on reducing your reaction to getting hooked. If getting hooked is causing big problems in your relationships and or for you personally, please reach out for help. You can break these painful patterns. We can help.

Need help managing your reactions to challenging people and situations?

Have questions for us? Get in touch

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

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Does Marriage Counseling Work?

See How Effective Counseling Can Be

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Does Marriage Counseling Work?

What is the success rate of marriage counseling?

The best marriage counselors know it takes both partners to be open and willing to make some important changes. According to statistics for traditional types of marriage counseling, success rates can be 70-80%. It does, however, depend on the ability of a couple to work through and heal past painful issues – both people – in order for the counseling to be effective.

Can counseling fix a marriage?

Effective marriage counseling can always help a couple that is willing learn how to improve the relationship and heal painful experiences. This includes improving communication, healing betrayal and infidelity, and working through difficult family issues such as in-law problems, parenting style differences, blended and stepfamily problems and more.

What does a marriage counselor do?

A trained and experienced marriage counselor will assess your situation by hearing about your specific issues and struggles, get a sense for your communication style and dynamic and help a couple reduce certain ineffective and hurtful patterns. We help couples lern better ways to relate and resolve conflict to deepen their conenction.

Are marriage counselors worth it?

If you are stuck in a bad place, cannot resolve issues on your own, and are committed to making things work better, marriage counseling with the right therapist can be very worth it.

Is online marriage counseling effective?

Online marriage counseling can be as, if not more effective than marriage counseling in-person. Not only can it as effective as going to the office, it may also be a better option for many couples. If has been studied and reported that online marriage counseling can improve and help with a wide range of relationship issues.

When should you seek marriage counseling?

If you are unhappy and stuck in a bad place, cannot get to a better place on your own, need better ways to communicate and resolve conflict, after infidelity or an affair, or have painful family conflict.

Do marriage counselors ever recommend divorce?

Some therapists might recommend divorce and others would never suggest getting divorced and help a couple come to their own decisions. Sometimes one person wants to get divorced (leaning out) and the other is leaning in and wants to work on the marriage. Even the best marriage counselor cannot help a couple if one person if both people are not both committed to working on things together.

How do you know when marriage counseling isn’t working?

If one person or both are not willing to do what it takes to improve the relationship. Or if one person thinks the other person has to change something and is not open to reflecting on their own part in a marital problem. Or if there is a tremendous amount of contempt, criticism, stonewalling, or defensiveness that one person or the other ( or both) is not open to reducing and working on.

How do you know when your marriage is over?

When one person wants to end the marriage and is not willing to work through issues anymore. When issues cannot be resolved and/or there is a lack love, interest, or desire to make things work.

Can people fall back in love?

Experienced marriage therapists know anything is possible. It helps if both people are open, willing, and determined to get back to something positive and loving.

How do you know when it’s time to end your marriage?

Some of the most common reasons people get divorce are constant arguing and conflict, infidelity, and lack of commitment. The last straw reasons relationships end in divorce are unresolved infidelity and domestic violence.

What is the difference between marriage counseling and couple therapy?

Many experienced therapists will have a similar approach to couples struggling with issues and need help. Couples that are married and ones that are not still need help with the same types of issues. The difference might be whether or not there are children and extended family issues. However, many couples have these issues even if they are not married.

Should you go to counseling before divorce?

Many couples want to try counseling before considering divorce. Sometimes they consider discernment counseling to decide if they should stay or separate. After discernment counseling, which is maybe 4-5 sessions, some decide to commit to marriage counseling and others may separate.

Want to see if our qulity, short term marriage counseling can help? Get in Touch.

Looking for Ways to Improve Your Relationship?

Relationships

Improve Your Relationship

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Looking for Ways to Improve Your Relationship?

Tools for couples

The good news is that there are ways to improve your relationship, and we can provide you with the tools.

It’s common for people to hit bumps in the road, whether as a couple or in other family relationships.

Getting started with new tools

While there are a number of ways you can work on improving your relationship, we will focus on a few, mostly dealing with communication.

Practice mindfulness when communicating. Being mindful about what you say often means keeping a positive perspective. You can work on saying something in a positive light as opposed to expressing it negatively. Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” you could say, “I appreciate it so much when you help around the house.” Instead of saying, “We need to talk,” you could say, “Whenever we take a few minutes to talk, we have great conversations.”
Be appreciative and do things to show your satisfaction. Everyone appreciates an acknowledgement. When your partner does something, you can thank them and praise them for a job well done. You can give your partner a small gift occasionally. Also, frequent physical touch, such as taking their hand, giving them a hug or putting your arm around them lets them know you care.

Tools for stressful Situations

No couples agree on everything, so trying to avoid disagreement is next to impossible. In fact, airing your views can give you a fresh start and actually strengthen your relationship. Learning how to argue amicably helps you resolve your conflicts.

Manage your arguments. Try to approach a subject in a way that is not offensive. Rather than pointing out a fault, express your idea with love. For example, avoid saying something in a critical manner, such as, “Tomorrow is my birthday and please make some time for me.” You could say instead, “I’ve love to plan something fun to do with you on my birthday.” If you find yourself in an argument that is growing intense, there is a graceful way to exit. You could say, “You’ve brought up some important ideas and I understand you concerns. I need some time to think about them.” Or you could say something like, “I trust you and appreciate your opinion. We’ll get through this.”
Get some space and take time for yourself. There is a saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” This is true for relationships. You don’t have to go on a long vacation but a little time spent on yourself, even if only a day or a few hours a day, can go a long ways. Whether you like to work out, have a hobby or do meditation, it gives you some breathing room. Physical activity such as jogging or involvement in a sport helps relieve stress. Some people enjoy reading, playing music or keeping a journal. They find it lifts their spirits. Meditation can clear your mind and help you become more aware of things you are grateful for.

Rebuilding your relationship

Just as it’s important to spend time apart, it’s also important to spend time together. You can also make the time you spend higher quality. Here are some tips:

Spend time with each other. Do something together that you both enjoy. Perhaps have a date night where you go out to eat or watch a movie together. Take some time to have a meaningful conversation about something you both feel is important. Maybe take time together where it’s just the two of you, alone. Show your partner affection and create greater intimacy with each other. Or, try something new together that you both have an interest in, such as dancing or rock climbing. Head out on a new adventure.
Open up your communication. Set time aside each day to talk. Ask your partner about how their day went. Find out what your partner would like to talk about. Then, show interest and listen carefully. Working on becoming a good listener can enhance your communication with each other. Strengthening communication builds more stable interactions.

Seek Outside Help from Counseling for ways to improve your relationship

Couples do not have to wait until their relationship is in dire straits before trying counseling. According to Webmd.com, the idea that marriages tend to break down after seven years is supported statistically. The “seven year itch” is a stage where couples argue more, share less time together, become less affectionate, and in general, feel dissatisfied with their relationship. It is wise to head off conflict before it arises or worsens.

Want to give counseling a try?

Give me a call or text 973-793-1000 to discuss your situation. Try counseling and see. Discover for yourself if it’s right for you.

Are You a High Conflict Couple?

Relationships

High Conflict Couple?

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Conflict in Couples: High Conflict

Guidance for dealing with high conflict in your relationship

Conflict in couples relationships is something that many people experience. Even normally healthy relationships. In fact, because people are different, they’re bound to disagree at times. Furthermore, arguing can release pent up emotions and bring problems to light. When couples iron out their differences, it can result in re-establishing rapport. And in some instances, it actually strengthens bonds.

However, keep in mind that with high conflict, you need to develop some safety valves.

Knowing what to do about conflict is what matters most. When it occurs, being able to regain your calmness and re-establish productive communication is vital. Doing so can bring relief.

How to recognize high conflict

There are physical and emotional signs you can become aware of. Recognizing that your interaction is shifting into high conflict is the first step toward resolving it. The following are some physical and emotional signs of high conflict:

Physical signs. Your body muscles tighten up. You may start clenching your jaw or notice your hands balling into fists. This is part of the fight-flight reaction that kicks in. On a physical level, it is a self-defense mechanism. Furthermore, your heart might start pounding, and your breathing might speed up. A flush of heat could stream up your neck and into your cheeks. Your stomach might feel like it has twisted into a knot. These are bodily reactions that come with adrenaline release and the fight-flight reaction.
Emotional signs. You feel anxious, confused or angry. You’re having trouble thinking straight and feel compelled to strike out or run away. You find yourself saying things you normally would never say. Your attention scatters, and listening to what your partner is saying becomes difficult. You wish they would stop talking, so you could say your piece.

When conflict escalates into aggressive name-calling, exchanging blame and insults or throwing things, this is high conflict.

Conflict can be a sign that a relationship is maturing and partners are voicing their views. However, with extreme conflict, the situation can become toxic. Unresolved aggression and power struggles can damage a couple’s relationship.

How can you regain control over your mind and emotions?

You should take a break. Let your partner know you need some time to cool off and will finish the conversation later.

To achieve a calmer state of mind, there are a number of things you can do:

Deep breathing. One approach is to take deep breaths. Find a safe spot and do a breathing exercise. Exhale first and push the air out of your lungs. Inhale for about four seconds. Hold your breath for two seconds. Then exhale for six seconds. Do this a number of times for two to five minutes. Afterward, you will notice you feel more relaxed.
Taking walks. Another thing you can do is take a walk. Look around your environment and notice the sounds and smells. Pick out the visual details of objects in your surroundings. Simply be in the moment, without judgement.
Listening to music. Calming music can also have a relaxing effect. Choose some soothing music and listen to it.
Take warm bath. An Epsom salt bath can settle your nerves and give your body a chance to wind down.
Do meditation. People who do guided meditation can put their bodies and minds into a state of relaxation.

Resolve the conflict in couples relationships

When you and your partner are both calmer, resume your discussion. This time make an effort to be mindful. Listen, be fully attentive and in the present moment. Doing this will help you reduce the likelihood of entering into a reactive response. Be interestedand curious about your partner’s experience. Find out how they are feeling and show compassion.

We can also help you through couples counseling if you feel a need for greater support with resolving high conflict.

Want to give counseling a try?

Give me a call or text 973-793-1000 to discuss your situation. Try counseling and see. Discover for yourself if it’s right for you.