Shame Issues and Getting Help

Dealing with Shame

Getting Help Now

Shame Issues and Getting Help

Shame Issues and How to Get Help

Shame. Such a very complicated and painful feeling. Dr. Brené Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher, and she has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, shame, courage, and worthiness. She defines shame as “is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.”

It is such an awful place to be. On the one hand, you desperately want to connect with others and get their support (something we ALL need). On the other hand, you don’t dare risk becoming vulnerable because it does not feel (or never has never felt) safe. The end result? You end up feeling isolated and very, very alone. According to Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, shame can destroy lives.

Dr. Brené Brown: “Shame Is Lethal”

Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives. Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow—and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks.

This next video is on of the most popular TED talks

Listening to Shame

Common Shame Issues:

Is this you? You’re ashamed of:

the way you are treated by your spouse, partner or others.
the way you treat your spouse, partner or others.
a failed relationship, being single, going through a divorce, making bad relationship choices.
the way you look (weight issues, too short, too tall, not attractive or desirable enough, etc..).
losing your job, financial struggles or making enough money to make ends meet.
your intelligence or not feeling smart enough.

Shame makes us feel like we’re not good enough- a general sense of being unlovable and unworthy. If you need help dealing with shame, therapy can help. You may also find these books and resources by Dr. Brene Brown very helpful.

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brown, Brene(Sep 11, 2012)
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brown, Brene(Sep 20, 2010)
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” by Brown, Brene(Feb 1, 2007)

We hope you find this information helpful. Contact us if we can help you in Essex County, NJ at 973-902-8700.

Coping Skills

Anxiety, Depression

Develop Coping Skills

Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Grief

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Coping Skills

Coping skills can help us all at certain times in our lives. Whether you’re dealing with depression, stress or anxiety, these skills can help you in develop helpful ways of coping with day to day challenges.

Improve Your Coping Skills

Helpful Coping Skills

Take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet and get plenty of sleep.
Learn ways to relax and manage your stress. Activities such as deep breathing exercises, yoga, listening to music and meditation to name a few.
Time to Yourself: It is important to set aside time everyday to allow yourself to relax and escape the stress of life.
Simplify your life. Make sure your expectations are realistic and avoid too many commitments when you are feeling depressed.
Stay Connected. Don’t Isolate. Make sure you stay connected socially and with family and friends.
Join a support group. Talking to people going through similar experiences can be helpful. You can find local and online support groups for depression.
Writing/journaling. Journaling can be very helpful – it allows you can express a wide range of thoughts and emotions.
Plan your day. You may find it helpful to organize and plan out your day.

We hope you find this information helpful.

Feeling Isolated and Alone?

Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships

Feel Isolated and Alone?

Not Sure What to DO?

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Feeling Isolated and Alone?

Are you feeling isolated and alone? Is isolating causing you to feel depressed and ashamed or is it the other way around? Social or emotional isolation can have very painful consequences. It can even affect your health.

Alone Time – Is it Helping or Hurting?

Spending time alone can be a very healthy way to deal with a busy, stressful life. It’s a way of emotionally and mentally recharging. It’s great to have some quiet time to relax, deal with stress and do things you enjoy. After all, everyone could use a break from day to day responsibilities, whether it’s work, family or household responsibilities. There are many benefits to finding time for yourself.

However, if spending time alone is more about avoiding others and fearing interacting with others ( friends, family, at work), it can hurt you. Isolating might feel like the safer option, but it can make you feel worse.

Why do people isolate?

you feel sad ( and/or ashamed) and learned it’s safer to withdraw rather than risk reaching out to others for help
you feel ashamed or struggling with low self esteem or self worth
you feel depressed and have never felt like anyone can help or cares
you’re grieving over the loss of a family member or going through a painful divorce or break up
you’re in a painful marriage or relationship and feel very alone and can’t let people know how awful you’re feeling
you don’t feel like you have people who can you can trust to be there for you
social interactions feel more painful than isolating
you struggle making friends or dealing with others in social situations
you’ve moved to a new area ( common in Maplewood and South Orange ) and it’s hard to make new friends and get connected
you have a new baby and the change feels isolating
you’re an introvert and/or a highly sensitive person ( HSP ) that is finding it more difficult, overwhelming and draining to put yourself out there

If you’re feeling isolated and alone and have pulled away from people in your life, find out what may help connect. You have to feel safe enough to reach out and stop isolating.

Therapy and support groups can help deal with the issues that make you isolate. You can find ways to deal with your fears and anxiety to get more connected and socially engaged. For some people, it might mean learning how to reconnect with family and friends you can trust, and with others, it might mean finding a support group or other support network to help you.

Feeling Isolated and Alone

Reach out for help when you’re ready. Get in touch here contact us.

We hope you find this helpful.

Source: Uploaded by user via Maplewood on Pinterest

Aging and Mental Health

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Aging and Mental Health

Coping With Aging

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Aging and Mental Heath

Coping with Getting Older, Depression, Aging Care Resources

Dealing with aging and mental health issues can be rough. Hitting 50 for many of us is a time when we reflect on our lives and think about our mortality. Even if you feel healthy, you start to wonder about the inevitable and issues such as heart problems, strokes, and the big “C.”

Add to that dealing with elderly parents, a sick spouse or partner, financial struggles, divorce and dealing with adult or adolescent children. Getting older can feel very overwhelming. Depression is a common aging and mental health issue.

Need Aging and Mental Health Resources?

So how can you deal with feeling depressed? Aging care services, psychotherapy and support groups can help with feelings of isolation, depression, grief, hopelessness, and anxiety. Try to reach out to your doctor, a mental health professional and local support groups. If you’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, try calling a few licensed mental health professionals in your area to see who you might feel most comfortable talking to.

You can also find some helpful resources here.

Find Elder and Aging Care Resources to Help You

Aging and Mental Health | Psychotherapy Articles on AARP

We hope you find these aging and mental health resources helpful. We’ll be adding many more resources. Feel free to let us know what information might be of interest or help to you and your family.

Depressed About Being SIngle? You’ve Got Company

Anxiety

Depressed About Being Single?

Feel Alone & Sad?

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Feeling Depressed About Being Single?

If you’re depressed about being single you are not alone. Far from it. So many people feel sad about being alone and not in a relationship. If you are struggling to find the right person or feel anxious about rejection and hesitate to even get out there and date, counseling or coaching can help.

Is this you?

You keep dating the wrong people who are not committed or do not treat you well.
You are awkward in a relationship and can’t get past the first date.
You don’t feel you are good enough, attractive enough, and low self esteem keeps you stuck.
You give way more in a relationship than your partners have and want to meet the right person
You are too scared to get in a relationship and anxiety and fears keep you from trying.

Dating does take a level of bravery since it does often involve rejection. In addition, unless you are able to learn how to enjoy being alone you will be vulnerable to making poos relationship choices.

Need to talk to a counselor or coach?

Coping with a Break Up or Divorce

Depression, Grief, Relationships

Coping with a Break Up

NJ Counseling Services

Maplewood Counseling

Coping with a Break Up or Divorce

( The following is fiction and not based on actual people or events)

She was feeling deeply depressed over a recent separation. Her husband had left two months earlier and she felt so alone, scared and “empty.” It was hard to hold it together for her children and to function at work.

She married after finishing college 21 years ago. It was her first long term, serious relationship and she described it as blissful. She got pregnant right after graduation, and it made sense to them both to “tie the knot.”

At first, things were wonderful. But they struggled with what most relationships struggle with –communication problems, fights over money, sex, household chores and parenting. Her hsuband complained that she did not make the relationship a priority and that he was feeling neglected. She said they didn’t discuss their differences– they fought about them instead. Not capable of hearing, understanding or listening to one another, the relationship gradually deteriorated.

She begged her husband to go to marriage counseling with her. Over and over again, he refused. “The problem is you, not me,” he would say. She became very depressed and unhappy, and the result was that she began pulling away from her husband and becoming very cold and distant. She had so much resentment and anger that she began hating her husband. At that point she could not even remember ever feeling love for him. She felt trapped and was not sure how she could survive financially on her own with the kids if she were to leave the marriage.

She felt she had no choice but to separate when she realized how her toxic relationship was affecting their children. The children suffered witnessing their parents misery. They were not the role models she wanted for her children – there was no way she wanted them to end up in a loveless, unhamark relationship. They had to separate for the sake of everyone. The separation would be painful, but that it would allow everyone to have a chance at a fulfilled life. Next came figuring out how to cope with a break up…

Coping with a Break Up – Expect the Unexpected

She was so confused by the deep sadness she was feeling. It made no sense to her based on how miserable she was in the relationship. During the first few weeks after they separated, she felt relief. A break from fighting and being around someone she hated felt pretty good – at least initially. So why was it becoming so painful? Did she make a mistake?

Going through a divorve or break up can be extremely painful. Grieving the end of a relationship is bound to happen for people who were emotionally invested and really tried hard to make it work. As unpleasant (and incapacitating) as it is sometimes, don’t be surprised by the pain, self doubt, grief, and confusion you feel.

For some people reaching out to a support system of family and friends is a great way of getting through a difficult time. Others may need the help of a mental health professional to help them understand, recover and not fear finding a new path.