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10 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble & How to Fix It

10 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble & How to Fix It

10 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble

 

  10 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble

Every relationship has its seasons. There are times of effortless connection and joy, and there are times when things feel distant or difficult. But how do you know if you are just in a temporary rough patch or if your relationship is showing signs of deeper trouble?

It can be unsettling to admit that your partnership feels strained. You might worry about what it means or if things can ever feel good again. This uncertainty is a heavy burden to carry alone.

At Maplewood Counseling, we believe that recognizing a problem is the first, most courageous step toward healing it. Whether you are feeling a subtle shift or facing constant conflict, understanding these warning signs can empower you to take action. You are not failing; you are simply at a point where your relationship needs attention and care to thrive.

Is Your Connection Fading? 10 Warning Signs to Watch For

These signs often start small and can build over time. See if any of them resonate with the dynamic between you and your partner.

1. Communication Has Broken Down

You used to talk for hours, but now conversations feel shallow or forced. You might avoid difficult topics altogether because you know they will lead to a fight. When communication becomes a minefield, it’s a clear sign that the foundation of your connection is weakening.

2. Arguments Are Constant and Unproductive

Disagreements are normal, but in a troubled relationship, they become frequent, intense, and cyclical. You have the same fight over and over, with no resolution. Instead of feeling heard, you both walk away feeling misunderstood, angry, and resentful.

3. There Is a Lack of Physical Intimacy

Intimacy is more than just sex; it’s the hand-holding, the casual hugs, and the physical closeness that reinforces your bond. When this physical connection dwindles or disappears, it often reflects a deeper emotional distance that has grown between you.

4. You Feel Emotionally Disconnected

Do you feel like you are living with a roommate instead of a partner? If you no longer share your feelings, celebrate successes, or turn to each other for comfort, an emotional gap has formed. This feeling of being alone in the relationship is one of the most painful signs of trouble.

5. Criticism and Contempt Have Replaced Kindness

Kindness and respect are essential. When conversations are filled with criticism (“You always…”), sarcasm, eye-rolling, or outright contempt, the relationship has entered a destructive cycle. This behavior erodes respect and makes both partners feel devalued and unsafe.

6. Trust Has Been Eroded

Trust is the bedrock of a secure partnership. Whether it’s due to a major betrayal or a series of smaller broken promises, a lack of trust creates a climate of suspicion and anxiety. You might find yourself checking their phone, questioning their stories, or constantly worrying about their actions.

7. You No Longer Spend Quality Time Together

Life gets busy, but in a healthy relationship, partners make time for each other. If you find that you are consistently prioritizing other things—work, hobbies, friends—over spending meaningful time together, it may be a sign that you are subconsciously avoiding the relationship.

8. You Feel Unsupported Emotionally

When you are struggling, is your partner the first person you want to tell? If you feel like your partner dismisses your feelings, minimizes your problems, or doesn’t have your back, you lose a critical source of support. A partnership should be a safe harbor, not another source of stress.

9. You Fantasize About a Life Without Them

It’s normal to have fleeting thoughts, but if you find yourself regularly daydreaming about what it would be like to be single or with someone else, it’s a significant red flag. It suggests that your needs are not being met and you are mentally checking out of the relationship.

10. You Stop Trying

Perhaps the most telling sign is when one or both of you simply give up. You stop making an effort to connect, resolve conflicts, or show affection. Apathy is often more dangerous than anger because it signals that the motivation to save the relationship is gone.

What to Do When You See the Signs

Recognizing these signs can feel overwhelming, but it does not mean your relationship is doomed. It means it’s time to act.

  • Communicate Gently: Choose a calm moment to share your feelings. Use “I” statements to express your experience without blaming your partner. For example, “I feel lonely when we don’t talk in the evenings.”
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Navigating relationship challenges is emotionally draining. Taking care of your own well-being through exercise, hobbies, and social support is crucial. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
  • Take Small Steps Together: You don’t have to solve everything at once. Start small. Try setting aside 15 minutes each day for a phone-free conversation or planning one date night a week.

How Therapy Can Help Rebuild Your Connection

Sometimes, the patterns are too deep or the hurt is too significant to fix on your own. That’s where professional help can make all the difference. Couples therapy provides a neutral, structured space to address these issues constructively.

A therapist can help you:

  • Learn new, effective communication tools.
  • Understand the root causes of your conflicts.
  • Heal from past hurts and rebuild trust.
  • Rediscover the emotional and physical intimacy you have lost.

Maplewood Counseling offers an inclusive, affirming space for all couples and individuals. We welcome people of all backgrounds, cultures, races, and identities, including LGBTQIA+, interracial, and blended families. We believe every relationship deserves the chance to heal and thrive.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: Can a relationship recover if many of these signs are present?
A: Yes, absolutely. The presence of these signs indicates a need for intervention, not an automatic end. If both partners are willing to do the work, healing and reconnection are very possible. The sooner you seek help, the better the chances of success.

Q: What if my partner refuses to go to therapy?
A: This is a common challenge. You cannot force your partner to participate. However, you can still seek individual counseling for yourself. Therapy can help you understand your role in the dynamic, develop coping strategies, and decide on the best path forward for your own well-being.

Q: How do we know if we should break up?
A: This is a deeply personal decision. Therapy can provide clarity by helping you determine if the issues are resolvable and if both partners are committed to change. A therapist will not tell you whether to stay or go but will empower you to make the decision that is right for you.

Q: We fight constantly. Is there any hope?
A: Constant fighting is a sign of distress, but it also shows that both partners are still engaged enough to fight. This energy, when channeled correctly in therapy, can be transformed into productive communication and problem-solving. Apathy is often a more concerning sign than conflict.

Q: Is a lack of sex a big enough reason to be worried?
A: A change in sexual intimacy is often a symptom of a deeper emotional disconnect. While every couple has a different “normal,” a significant and sustained drop in intimacy is worth exploring. It’s a sign that something is creating distance between you, whether it’s stress, resentment, or unresolved conflict.

Your relationship is one of the most important parts of your life. It is worth fighting for. If you are ready to transform your challenges into an opportunity for growth, we are here to guide you.

Helpful Resources 

10 Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble & How to Fix It

Understanding and Overcoming Controlling Behaviors

Causes and Ways to Change Controlling Behaviors 

By Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Robert Jenkins, LCSW (Reviewed by Senior Level Therapists)

Understanding and Overcoming Controlling Behaviors

Are you struggling with the need to control things in your life? Do you find that this need affects your relationships? Understanding the reasons behind controlling behaviors is the first step toward finding a healthier balance.

Get in Touch for Support

What Does It Mean to Be Controlling?

Controlling behaviors often come from a feeling of being out of control. It can be a way to cope with deep-seated fears or insecurities. A person might feel inadequate or afraid of being seen as a fraud. This can lead to actions like gaslighting or guilt-tripping to maintain a sense of power.

However, the desire for control isn’t always negative. Sometimes, it comes from a genuine place of concern. A parent might want to protect their child, or a friend may try to keep a loved one from making a mistake.

In relationships, a strong need for control can be damaging. It creates an imbalance of power and can lead to resentment, anger, and mistrust. The person being controlled may feel like they have lost their independence. Letting go of control, on the other hand, is a sign of trust and respect. It allows for open communication and a more equal partnership.

To break free, it’s important to understand what drives the need for control. This might involve exploring past experiences or insecurities. Learning to communicate your needs clearly without trying to control others is key. It’s also about learning to accept that some things are simply out of our hands. Embracing this uncertainty can open you up to new experiences.

5 Common Reasons People Are Controlling

The need to control others can make relationships with a partner or children very challenging. Here are some of the most common reasons why people develop controlling behaviors.

  1. Insecurity: Deep-seated insecurities are a primary cause. When people feel they are not good enough, they may try to control others to feel more powerful and important.
  2. Fear of Losing Control: Some people fear losing control in their own lives. This often comes from past situations where they felt helpless. They try to control others to create a sense of stability.
  3. A Need for Perfection: Controlling people often need things to be perfect. They can become anxious when things don’t go according to plan and may try to manage others to ensure a perfect outcome.
  4. Lack of Trust: A lack of trust in themselves or others can also be a factor. They might feel they are the only ones who can do things correctly and fear that others will let them down.
  5. Relationship Insecurity: People with low self-esteem may fear being abandoned. They might try to control their partner’s actions to prevent the relationship from ending.

Past trauma can also lead to controlling behaviors. If someone grew up in a household where control was used to maintain power, they may learn to use it themselves as a way to feel safe.

What If People Call You a “Control Freak”?

Being seen as controlling can cause a lot of friction in your relationships. It can lead to anger, resentment, and frequent conflicts. This behavior might show up as being manipulative, demanding, or overly critical.

It’s important to remember that being controlling doesn’t make someone a bad person. Often, it comes from a fear of losing control or a need for security. However, since this behavior can damage relationships, it’s important to address it.

Open communication is one of the most effective tools. Both people in a relationship need to be able to express their feelings without fear of confrontation. Setting and respecting boundaries is also vital. This means recognizing your partner’s right to make their own choices.

Learning to let go is also a part of the process. Trying to manage every situation will only lead to frustration. Accepting that some things are out of your control can lead to healthier, happier relationships.

How to Reduce the Need to Control Others

  1. Acknowledge the Behavior: The first step is to recognize that you are being controlling. This can be hard, as you may not see your actions in that light or may feel they are justified.
  2. Practice Letting Go: Understand that you can’t control everything. Trying to do so only leads to disappointment. Accepting things as they are can reduce the need to control others.
  3. Build Your Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem can fuel the need to control. Working on your confidence will help you feel more secure in yourself, so you won’t need to rely on controlling others.
  4. Communicate Better: Often, controlling behavior is a substitute for effective communication. Learn to express your needs and concerns clearly and respectfully.
  5. Seek Professional Help: If the behavior is deeply ingrained or stems from past trauma, therapy can be very helpful. A therapist can help you work through the underlying issues.

Ready to Find a Healthier Balance?

The need to control others may come from a place of fear, but it can harm your relationships and your own personal growth. By understanding your motivations, practicing healthy communication, and respecting others, you can break free from controlling patterns.

Working on these tendencies can help you build fulfilling relationships based on mutual trust and understanding. It’s an ongoing process, but the reward of healthier connections is worth the effort.

Therapy can help you understand and reduce your need to control things around you. If this behavior is causing problems in your life or relationships, please reach out for help.

Frequently Asked Questions About Controlling Behaviors

 

What are the signs of controlling behavior in a relationship?
Controlling behaviors can include telling someone what to do, needing to know where they are at all times, or making decisions without including others. You might also notice patterns of criticism, threats, or guilt-tripping.

Why do people become controlling?
This often starts from deeper feelings like insecurity, fear, or a need for stability. Some people learned controlling habits from tough experiences or past relationships.

How can controlling behaviors impact my relationship?
These behaviors can hurt trust, cause resentment, and make partners or loved ones feel small or unheard. Over time, relationships can become strained or distant.

Can controlling behaviors be changed?
Yes. With self-awareness, practice, and support, most people can learn to manage these habits. Therapy is a safe place to work on this, either individually or as a couple.

Is it normal to want some control in relationships?
It’s normal to want to feel secure and understood. Healthy relationships respect each person’s boundaries and need for independence, while allowing for compromise and shared decisions.

What should I do if someone says I’m controlling?
Try to listen openly. It might hurt to hear, but their feedback can help you see things from their perspective. Working with a therapist can help you explore new ways to communicate and support each other.

When should I seek professional help?
If controlling behaviors are causing pain, frequent arguments, or isolation, seeking help can make a big difference. Therapists can guide you through understanding and changing these patterns to support a healthier connection for everyone involved.


Ready to take the next step?

If you’re looking to break free from controlling patterns and create stronger, more satisfying connections, we’re here for you. Contact Maplewood Counseling today to learn how compassionate guidance can support you and your relationships. Book your confidential session now—we’re ready to help you move forward.

Comprehensive Guides from Maplewood Counseling:

  • Anxiety Guide
    Understand anxiety and explore effective strategies to manage and reduce its impact on your daily life.

  • Depression Guide
    A supportive guide to recognizing depression and finding the help you need to feel better.

  • Couples Counseling Guide
    Learn how couples counseling can help improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your relationship.

  • Personal Growth Guide
    A guide to self-discovery and building the life you want through personal development.

  • Parenting Teens Guide
    Support and strategies for building strong, healthy relationships with your teen.

What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

Create More Meaningful Relationships
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What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

Why is Matters to Create a More Connected & Meaningful Life.

What is Your Relationship (Attachment) Style?

There are various relationship style tests available, ranging from quick online quizzes to more in-depth assessments. The results of these tests may categorize a person as having a secure attachment style, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, or disorganized attachment style.

Secure Attachment Style:

Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthy and positive views of themselves and their partner. They value intimacy and are open to emotional expression, trust, and honesty in a relationship. They also have effective communication skills and are able to resolve conflicts in a respectful manner.

Anxious Attachment Style:

Those with an anxious attachment style often struggle with self-doubt and fear of abandonment. They may crave constant reassurance from their partner and have difficulty expressing their needs or setting boundaries. This can lead to frequent arguments and a lack of trust in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment Style:

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and may have difficulty forming deep emotional connections. They may be dismissive or distant in their relationships, avoiding vulnerability and intimacy. This can create a sense of detachment and emotional unavailability in the relationship.

Disorganized Attachment Style:

A less common attachment style is disorganized attachment, where an individual may display a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. This can be the result of traumatic experiences or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. Those with a disorganized attachment style may struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships, as they may have difficulty understanding and regulating their emotions. They may also have a fear of intimacy or struggle with trust, making it challenging to build a strong and secure bond with their partner.

Understanding one’s own attachment style can be helpful in identifying patterns and behaviors that may impact the quality of a relationship. It can also provide insight into how to address challenges and improve communication with a partner.

It’s important to keep in mind that attachment styles are not fixed and can change over time, especially through self-reflection and therapy. Additionally, people may have different attachment styles in different relationships or situations. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and to work together on creating a healthy, secure attachment in the relationship.

Attachment styles play a significant role in shaping our relationships and interactions with others. By understanding our own attachment style and being aware of its impact, we can work towards building healthier and more fulfilling connections with our partners.

Need help working towards secure attachment?

Therapy can help you understand how to get on a path of creating more secure relationships. If your relationship style is causing big problems in your relationship or for you personally, please reach out for help.

Have questions for us? Get in touch

How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting

How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting

Someone Gaslighting You?

Coping with Relationship Gaslighting?
 

Get in Touch with Maplewood Counseling in NJ

How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting

Online Therapy NJ Maplewood Counseling

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves making someone question their own thoughts, feelings, and reality. It often occurs in abusive relationships or toxic environments where the gaslighter wants to gain power and control over their victim.

But how can you recognize if you’re being gaslighted? And more importantly, how can you stop it?

Signs of Gaslighting

  • Constantly being told that your thoughts and feelings are wrong or invalid.
  • Doubting your own memory and perception of events.
  • Feeling confused, overwhelmed, or anxious in the presence of a certain person.
  • Apologizing excessively for things you didn’t do or say.
  • Making excuses for the gaslighter’s behavior to others.

How to Stop Gaslighting

  1. Set boundaries and stick to them: Clearly communicate what behavior is not acceptable and enforce your boundaries if they are crossed.
  2. Trust yourself: Don’t let the gaslighter make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. Trust in your perception of events.
  3. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what

People resort to gaslighting for various reasons, primarily revolving around the desire to maintain control, perpetuate power imbalances, or evade accountability. They often fear losing their position of power, so they manipulate others’ perceptions of reality to keep them second-guessing and reliant. Could you be dealing with someone who is afraid of being challenged or held responsible for their actions? It’s essential to remember, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth or credibility. You deserve to trust in your own experiences and feelings. It’s okay to seek help and step away from manipulative dynamics. You’re not alone in this journey, and there’s support available for you.

The long-term effects of gaslighting can be profoundly damaging, often leading to a diminished sense of self and impaired trust in one’s own judgment. Over time, you may begin to question your own reality and doubt your perceptions, significantly eroding your self-confidence. This constant self-doubt can seep into all areas of your life, making you feel insecure and unsure in making decisions, both big and small. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in severe cases.

You might start to isolate yourself, pulling away from family and friends out of a fear of not being believed or understood. But remember, it’s not your fault. You’re not alone and it’s okay to reach out for help. Don’t let the gaslighter’s manipulation cloud your sense of self or your faith in your own experiences. Seeking professional help, like therapy or counseling, can be a crucial step in healing from the long-term effects of gaslighting. Always trust in your strength and resilience – remember, you’ve got this!

If you need help with gaslighting, reach out below.

Get in Touch with Maplewood Counseling in NJ

 

 

Does Relationship Therapy Work? | Effectiveness & Benefits

Does Relationship Therapy Work? | Effectiveness & Benefits

Does Relationship Therapy Work? Finding Hope for Your Partnership

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Does Relationship Therapy Work? Finding Hope for Your Partnership

By Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Robert Jenkins, LCSW (Reviewed by Senior Level Therapists)

How Can Marriage Counseling Really Help? 

 

Understanding the Impact of Therapy on Relationships

Marriage counseling can be a transformative experience for couples facing challenges, but its success depends on several factors, including the willingness of both partners to engage in the process. Whether you’re navigating communication breakdowns, infidelity, or family dynamics, counseling offers a structured, supportive space to address issues and rebuild your connection.

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive, compassionate care for couples of all backgrounds, including LGBTQIA+, multicultural, and neurodiverse relationships. Our goal is to help you and your partner find clarity, healing, and a path forward—together or apart.


How Marriage Counseling Can Help

Marriage counseling is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s a collaborative process tailored to your unique relationship dynamics. Here’s how it can make a difference:

1. Improving Communication

Many couples struggle with communication, leading to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. Counseling provides tools to express needs, listen actively, and foster mutual understanding.

2. Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

Recovering from betrayal is one of the most challenging situations a couple can face. A skilled therapist can guide you through the healing process, helping you rebuild trust and redefine your relationship.

3. Navigating High-Conflict Dynamics

For couples stuck in cycles of criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling, counseling offers strategies to de-escalate conflicts and create healthier patterns of interaction.

4. Strengthening Emotional Intimacy

Over time, many couples feel emotionally distant. Therapy helps you reconnect by addressing underlying issues and fostering vulnerability and closeness.

5. Supporting Life Transitions

Major life changes—such as becoming parents, blending families, or facing retirement—can strain relationships. Counseling provides guidance to navigate these transitions with empathy and teamwork.


Complicated Marriage Counseling Situations

Marriage counseling often involves addressing complex and deeply rooted issues. Here are some examples of challenging scenarios and how therapy can help:

1. One Partner Is “Leaning Out”

In some cases, one partner may be unsure about continuing the relationship while the other is fully committed. Discernment counseling can help couples explore their options and decide whether to work on the marriage or separate amicably.

2. Cultural or Religious Differences

Couples from different cultural or religious backgrounds may face unique challenges. Inclusive counseling provides a safe space to navigate these differences and find common ground.

3. Neurodiverse Relationships

When one or both partners are neurodivergent (e.g., ADHD, autism), relationships can face unique dynamics. Therapy helps couples understand and adapt to these differences, fostering empathy and connection.

4. Blended Family Challenges

Blending families can create loyalty conflicts, parenting disagreements, and other challenges. Counseling helps families establish new roles, build trust, and create a sense of unity.

5. Recovering from Emotional or Physical Abuse

In cases where past abuse has occurred, therapy focuses on creating safety, addressing trauma, and determining the best path forward for both partners.

Frequently Asked Questions About Relationship Therapy

Can couples therapy help if only one of us is open to participation?
Absolutely. While the most growth happens when all partners are engaged, positive change can begin with just one person’s willingness. You may discover new ways to interact, set boundaries, or nurture the relationship, even if your partner is apprehensive about joining. Many people find that their involvement encourages their partner’s participation over time.

Do you offer support for non-traditional, blended, or LGBTQ+ relationships?
Yes—our services are designed to be affirming and inclusive of all relationship structures, cultural backgrounds, and identities. Whether you’re in a blended, same-gender, or non-monogamous partnership, we honor your lived experience and tailor support to your unique needs.

What if we’re experiencing cultural or religious differences in our relationship?
We understand that relationships are shaped by diverse values and beliefs. Our therapists strive to respect and incorporate your cultural and religious perspectives, opening a compassionate dialogue to address differences and foster understanding—while ensuring each individual feels heard and respected.

Will therapy pressure us to stay together, even if we’re unsure?
Our focus is on supporting your wellbeing and helping you make the best choice for your unique situation. Therapy is a safe space to explore questions about your future as a couple. Whether you decide to heal together or part ways, we honor your decision and provide guidance for either path.

Is counseling confidential and judgment-free?
Absolutely. Everything you share in session is held in strict confidence. We are committed to providing a judgment-free space where each person’s concerns and feelings are treated with the utmost respect.

How can therapy help if we face barriers like schedules or accessibility?
We offer flexible options, including virtual appointments, to fit a variety of lifestyles and comfort levels. Our goal is to meet you where you are, making it as easy as possible to access the support you need, when you need it.


Is It Time to Reach Out?

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. In fact, many healthy couples use therapy as a form of preventative care—a “tune-up” to keep their connection strong.

If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, if your arguments go in circles without resolution, or if you simply miss the closeness you used to have, we invite you to reach out.

Asking for help is not an admission of failure. It is a courageous act of love. It says, “This relationship matters to me, and I am willing to fight for it.”

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive, compassionate, and skilled support for partnerships of all kinds. We are here to help you navigate the complexity of love and build a future where you both feel secure and cherished.

Are you ready to see what is possible for your relationship?

Helpful Resources 

On the Brink of Divorce?

On the Brink of Divorce

Marriage & Discernment Counseling

Essex County NJ

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Marriage on the Brink of Divorce ?

Is your relationship on the brink of divorce? Are you at a serious point and know something has to give. Do you wonder if you can break out of these negative patterns or if you need to split up? Certainly, you know you need to make a change – one way or the other.

If you’re at this point, it makes sense to sit down with a professional before you make matters worse.   Marriage counseling is a good option when both people are open and willing to work on the relationship. In contrast, discernment counseling is an option for couples stuck in bad place and not sure they are committed to working on the marriage. Both parties may not be open and willing to work on the marriage or feel hopeless, so that’s what discernment counseling can help with. It helps a couple sort through issues in a safe place so you can make some decisions.

On the Brink of Divorce

You’re not alone if you’ve had trouble turning things around on your own. Possibly you waited too long before getting help even tough your partner asked repeatedly to go to couples therapy. You may not have been ready at that time. Maybe you tried therapy once or twice before – it might have helped a little or not at all.   Regardless, your both ready to take the next step.

Questions and Concerns about Divorce

  • How will it affect the kids
  • How will it affect our lifestyle and finances
  • I’m scared of being alone and fear the end of the marriage
  • I still love my spouse and don’t want a divorce
  • I don’t love my spouse anymore (or maybe you never really did)
  • I don’t love my partner anymore and wonder if I should stay for the sake of the kids

Stay Together or Separate?

Is it at all possible to feel good about each other again? Is it possible to get back to a good place again? Maybe there has been too much damage, neglect, abuse over time. If the disconnect has gone on too long or one spouse does not want to work on the relationship anymore, it is important to see what to do at this point.

A good therapist can make it safe enough for both people to really be open and honest discussion about the next step. If you need help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling