What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

Create More Meaningful Relationships

What is Your Relationship Attachment Style?

Why is Matters to Create a More Connected & Meaningful Life.

What is Your Relationship (Attachment) Style?

There are various relationship style tests available, ranging from quick online quizzes to more in-depth assessments. The results of these tests may categorize a person as having a secure attachment style, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, or disorganized attachment style.

Secure Attachment Style:

Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthy and positive views of themselves and their partner. They value intimacy and are open to emotional expression, trust, and honesty in a relationship. They also have effective communication skills and are able to resolve conflicts in a respectful manner.

Anxious Attachment Style:

Those with an anxious attachment style often struggle with self-doubt and fear of abandonment. They may crave constant reassurance from their partner and have difficulty expressing their needs or setting boundaries. This can lead to frequent arguments and a lack of trust in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment Style:

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to value independence and may have difficulty forming deep emotional connections. They may be dismissive or distant in their relationships, avoiding vulnerability and intimacy. This can create a sense of detachment and emotional unavailability in the relationship.

Disorganized Attachment Style:

A less common attachment style is disorganized attachment, where an individual may display a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. This can be the result of traumatic experiences or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. Those with a disorganized attachment style may struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships, as they may have difficulty understanding and regulating their emotions. They may also have a fear of intimacy or struggle with trust, making it challenging to build a strong and secure bond with their partner.

Understanding one’s own attachment style can be helpful in identifying patterns and behaviors that may impact the quality of a relationship. It can also provide insight into how to address challenges and improve communication with a partner.

It’s important to keep in mind that attachment styles are not fixed and can change over time, especially through self-reflection and therapy. Additionally, people may have different attachment styles in different relationships or situations. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and to work together on creating a healthy, secure attachment in the relationship.

Attachment styles play a significant role in shaping our relationships and interactions with others. By understanding our own attachment style and being aware of its impact, we can work towards building healthier and more fulfilling connections with our partners.

Need help working towards secure attachment?

Therapy can help you understand how to get on a path of creating more secure relationships. If your relationship style is causing big problems in your relationship or for you personally, please reach out for help.

Have questions for us? Get in touch

How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting

Relationships

Someone Gaslighting You?

Coping with Relationship Gaslighting?

How to Recognize and Stop Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves making someone question their own thoughts, feelings, and reality. It often occurs in abusive relationships or toxic environments where the gaslighter wants to gain power and control over their victim.

But how can you recognize if you’re being gaslighted? And more importantly, how can you stop it?

Signs of Gaslighting

Constantly being told that your thoughts and feelings are wrong or invalid.
Doubting your own memory and perception of events.
Feeling confused, overwhelmed, or anxious in the presence of a certain person.
Apologizing excessively for things you didn’t do or say.
Making excuses for the gaslighter’s behavior to others.

How to Stop Gaslighting

Set boundaries and stick to them: Clearly communicate what behavior is not acceptable and enforce your boundaries if they are crossed.
Trust yourself: Don’t let the gaslighter make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. Trust in your perception of events.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what

People resort to gaslighting for various reasons, primarily revolving around the desire to maintain control, perpetuate power imbalances, or evade accountability. They often fear losing their position of power, so they manipulate others’ perceptions of reality to keep them second-guessing and reliant. Could you be dealing with someone who is afraid of being challenged or held responsible for their actions? It’s essential to remember, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth or credibility. You deserve to trust in your own experiences and feelings. It’s okay to seek help and step away from manipulative dynamics. You’re not alone in this journey, and there’s support available for you.

The long-term effects of gaslighting can be profoundly damaging, often leading to a diminished sense of self and impaired trust in one’s own judgment. Over time, you may begin to question your own reality and doubt your perceptions, significantly eroding your self-confidence. This constant self-doubt can seep into all areas of your life, making you feel insecure and unsure in making decisions, both big and small. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in severe cases.

You might start to isolate yourself, pulling away from family and friends out of a fear of not being believed or understood. But remember, it’s not your fault. You’re not alone and it’s okay to reach out for help. Don’t let the gaslighter’s manipulation cloud your sense of self or your faith in your own experiences. Seeking professional help, like therapy or counseling, can be a crucial step in healing from the long-term effects of gaslighting. Always trust in your strength and resilience – remember, you’ve got this!

If you need help with gaslighting, reach out below.

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Relationships

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

See How Effective Counseling Can Be

Get in Touch

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

What is the success rate of marriage counseling?

The best marriage counselors know it takes both partners to be open and willing to make some important changes. According to statistics for traditional types of marriage counseling, success rates can be 70-80%. It does, however, depend on the ability of a couple to work through and heal past painful issues – both people – in order for the counseling to be effective.

Can counseling fix a marriage?

Effective marriage counseling can always help a couple that is willing learn how to improve the relationship and heal painful experiences. This includes improving communication, healing betrayal and infidelity, and working through difficult family issues such as in-law problems, parenting style differences, blended and stepfamily problems and more.

What does a marriage counselor do?

A trained and experienced marriage counselor will assess your situation by hearing about your specific issues and struggles, get a sense for your communication style and dynamic and help a couple reduce certain ineffective and hurtful patterns. We help couples lern better ways to relate and resolve conflict to deepen their conenction.

Are marriage counselors worth it?

If you are stuck in a bad place, cannot resolve issues on your own, and are committed to making things work better, marriage counseling with the right therapist can be very worth it.

Is online marriage counseling effective?

Online marriage counseling can be as, if not more effective than marriage counseling in-person. Not only can it as effective as going to the office, it may also be a better option for many couples. If has been studied and reported that online marriage counseling can improve and help with a wide range of relationship issues.

When should you seek marriage counseling?

If you are unhappy and stuck in a bad place, cannot get to a better place on your own, need better ways to communicate and resolve conflict, after infidelity or an affair, or have painful family conflict.

Do marriage counselors ever recommend divorce?

Some therapists might recommend divorce and others would never suggest getting divorced and help a couple come to their own decisions. Sometimes one person wants to get divorced (leaning out) and the other is leaning in and wants to work on the marriage. Even the best marriage counselor cannot help a couple if one person if both people are not both committed to working on things together.

How do you know when marriage counseling isn’t working?

If one person or both are not willing to do what it takes to improve the relationship. Or if one person thinks the other person has to change something and is not open to reflecting on their own part in a marital problem. Or if there is a tremendous amount of contempt, criticism, stonewalling, or defensiveness that one person or the other ( or both) is not open to reducing and working on.

How do you know when your marriage is over?

When one person wants to end the marriage and is not willing to work through issues anymore. When issues cannot be resolved and/or there is a lack love, interest, or desire to make things work.

Can people fall back in love?

Experienced marriage therapists know anything is possible. It helps if both people are open, willing, and determined to get back to something positive and loving.

How do you know when it’s time to end your marriage?

Some of the most common reasons people get divorce are constant arguing and conflict, infidelity, and lack of commitment. The last straw reasons relationships end in divorce are unresolved infidelity and domestic violence.

What is the difference between marriage counseling and couple therapy?

Many experienced therapists will have a similar approach to couples struggling with issues and need help. Couples that are married and ones that are not still need help with the same types of issues. The difference might be whether or not there are children and extended family issues. However, many couples have these issues even if they are not married.

Should you go to counseling before divorce?

Many couples want to try counseling before considering divorce. Sometimes they consider discernment counseling to decide if they should stay or separate. After discernment counseling, which is maybe 4-5 sessions, some decide to commit to marriage counseling and others may separate.

Want to see if our qulity, short term marriage counseling can help? Get in Touch.

On the Brink of Divorce?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

On the Brink of Divorce

Marriage & Discernment Counseling

Essex County NJ

Marriage on the Brink of Divorce ?

Is your relationship on the brink of divorce? Are you at a serious point and know something has to give. Do you wonder if you can break out of these negative patterns or if you need to split up? Certainly, you know you need to make a change – one way or the other.

If you’re at this point, it makes sense to sit down with a professional before you make matters worse. Marriage counseling is a good option when both people are open and willing to work on the relationship. In contrast, discernment counseling is an option for couples stuck in bad place and not sure they are committed to working on the marriage. Both parties may not be open and willing to work on the marriage or feel hopeless, so that’s what discernment counseling can help with. It helps a couple sort through issues in a safe place so you can make some decisions.

On the Brink of Divorce

You’re not alone if you’ve had trouble turning things around on your own. Possibly you waited too long before getting help even tough your partner asked repeatedly to go to couples therapy. You may not have been ready at that time. Maybe you tried therapy once or twice before – it might have helped a little or not at all. Regardless, your both ready to take the next step.

Questions and Concerns about Divorce

How will it affect the kids
How will it affect our lifestyle and finances
I’m scared of being alone and fear the end of the marriage
I still love my spouse and don’t want a divorce
I don’t love my spouse anymore (or maybe you never really did)
I don’t love my partner anymore and wonder if I should stay for the sake of the kids

Stay Together or Separate?

Is it at all possible to feel good about each other again? Is it possible to get back to a good place again? Maybe there has been too much damage, neglect, abuse over time. If the disconnect has gone on too long or one spouse does not want to work on the relationship anymore, it is important to see what to do at this point.

A good therapist can make it safe enough for both people to really be open and honest discussion about the next step. If you need help, get in touch.

Being There During Hard Times

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

NJ Counseling for Challenging Times

Couples, Individuals, Families

Essex County New Jersey

Being There – How to Support Your Loved One

Wondering the best ways to be there for a family member that is going through a hard time? Maybe you’re not clear on how what to do if a spouse, partner or child needs support. For that reason, there are some helpful things you can do to help a loved one going through a hard time.

Maybe you think it is best to try to “fix” their emotional or physical pain. Seems like some advice or suggestions about what will help is what he or she needs. Certainly, it’s not easy to when someone you love is suffering. Even more, it feels pretty awful to feel so powerless when a family member struggles.

Best Ways to Be There

First of all, one of the best ways to be there is to be present and listen. So, allowing your loved one to talk and share without interruption will help. Secondly, you can ask what if there is anything you can do rather than offer advice. Because most people just want someone to listen and make it safe to share.

In contrast, how can you really be there when someone is struggling and not open to help. After all, some men, women and children do not want to talk. Whether he or she is suffering with depression, anxiety, some people are not open to help. Therefore, you have to know what to do with your own fear, feeling of powerlessness and emotional pain. Certainly, these situations are incredibly painful.

Getting Help for Your Own Feelings and Fear

There is something that will help deal with fear, worrying, judgment and struggle with acceptance of your circumstance and what your loved one is dealing with. Mindfulness is a very effective way of working with all of the thing that you can’t control and find more peace even in the most difficult circumstance. Furthermore, developing a better way of dealing with your own emotional and physical pain will help you manage all of life’s challenges.

If you want help developing the skill of mindfulness, get in touch.

Mindfulness Deepens Connections

Do You Fight Over Your In-Laws?

Anxiety, Relationships

Problems With In-Laws?

Family & Marital Therapy

Fights over in laws?

Do you need help resolving in-law issues?

You’re not alone if you struggle and fight about your parents or your spouses parents. Even if in-laws mean well, it doesn’t always translate into their actions.

So many couples struggle dealing with a mother-in-law or father-in-law. It can be so complicated and cause one spouse to feel like they’re in the middle and they want their partner to get along with their parent (s)

Easier said than done.Are you constantly hearing “you didn’t protect me”, “ you didn’t stand up for me me “, “Your mom or parents are awful to me and you say nothing”. Do you feel your wife or husband does things that offend your family? Do you fear saying something to your family even though you can understand what your spouse feels? Do you struggle understanding and see what your parents are doing that might bother your wife or husband? It does make sense if you are used to the way your parents do things and your spouse is not, then you might not really understand why they are having such a hard time. These situations are delicate and you can work through them so that there isn’t so much pain and anger and disconnect.

There are somethings you both can do to get better at understanding and being there for each other through these in-law ups and downs. Discussing in a safe place with a trained and experienced marital therapist (or coupes counselor) for starters. A place where you can get help listening and understand and validating the experience rather than defending against or arguing.

Get in touch if you’re having a lot of problems dealing with a mother-in-law or Other in law’s. It’s common in relationships and there is something you can do.

In a Disconnected Relationship?