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Dealing With An Emotional Affair

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Dealing With An Emotional Affair

The Emotional Affair

An emotional affair can be devastating for a couple. The same feelings can get triggered as an actual sexual affair. For the same reasons. 

When you are the one having emotional affair – Emotional affairs can cause a lot of damage to your relationship. Maybe you think it’s not so bad since you were just having conversations with other women or men. What’s the big deal if it’s not a physical or sexual affair. However, lying and hiding things, being dishonest and sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone else is betrayal.  Infidelity usually starts with flirting and can always lead to more involvement. Especially when both people are on the same page. You’re definitely playing with fire.

Letting go of the attention is hard sometimes – It may be hard to stop the affair since you are enjoying the attention and the way it makes you feel. It might be especially hard thing to give up if you’ve been feeling distant or having other issues affecting your marriage. This also goes for couples that are not married.

The Emotional Affair 

When your partner had or is having an emotional affair  – Maybe you felt there’s something wrong for a long time. You noticed different behavior. Maybe it was with a coworker or an online affair. Something was off. You may even have confronted your partner about your suspicions only to have him or her deny anything is going on. But your gut continued to tell you something was mot right.

So what should you do?

If possible, sitting down with an experienced therapist can help you sort through these issues. Sometimes one person will not cooperate and go to counseling, but don’t let that stop you from getting help if you need it. Even by yourself.

If you just found out about the emotional affair by finding something like an inappropriate text or if your partner finally confessed, it’s time to think about the next step. Of course it’s completely devastating to find this out and/or finally have it validated. And in a way it also feels good that you weren’t crazy after all if you suspected.

Step-by-step healing.

First of all, the emotional affair must stop immediately if you are going to start working on building trust back again. For the person having the affair, this might be challenging if you will feel pain giving up something that made you feel good. If you don’t want to lose your marriage or relationship over it, it’s important to think about how much more pain you’ll be in if you don’t stop.

Why did I do it? This is a question many people ask when they have done something like an emotional affair and even infidelity that involves a sexual component. Many trustworthy, good people end up in this place. It’s something that they would never ever have thought they would do and always judge other people. Now you know it can happen to good people and good relationships. 

Important to understand why this happened and what you can do to heal your relationship. Sometimes the person who had the emotional affair can benefit from his or her own individual counseling to understand what happened and/or to get help letting go.

If you need help with an emotional affair as a couple or individual, please get in touch with us.

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Made a Mistake?

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Made a Relationship Mistake?

Relationship Counseling NJ

Infidelity, Affairs, Cheating

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When a Mistake Causes Suffering

Have you made a huge mistake in your life that’s causing you and another person in a lot of pain? Seems like you may have screwed things up so much that you’re not sure if the relationship will survive?

What should you do now? Maybe you lied and betrayed your spouse and know a sincere apology just won’t be enough. We are human and we all make mistakes. However, some can lead to devastating consequences.

If the relationship its going to heal there are a few things that will help. First of all, A genuine, empathetic apology is important. Admit you made a mistake and ask for forgiveness. Also, you must take responsibility. So if you were thoughtless, selfish, admit it. Your partner may not be ready to hear anything and you must respect the pace he or she needs.

In addition, this is not a one time deal when it comes to repairing broken trust. Healing is going to take time and patience. Even if you are both willing to work on things, progress will take steady, hard work. Over time, reflecting on the understanding prior relationship problems is important. But, not at first.

Repair After a Mistake

Many good people make mistakes. Sometimes you end up doing something you never thought possible. You were never the type of man or woman that would have an affair or betray your spouse. Maybe you judged others harshly thinking it would never happen to you. Then, you realize it can happen to good people – with strong family values.

Most couples need help recovering from such a painful event. If you need help, get in touch.

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Steps for An Unfaithful Spouse

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Unfaithful Spouse
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Counseling After An Affair

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Unfaithful Spouse in Need of Help?

Are you an unfaithful spouse or partner that wants to save your marriage or relationship? This can be very painful and many some relationships may not recover. Therefore, it is very important to understand the steps you can take and things to avoid if you want to help your partner heal over time.

Most importantly, the affair must stop for any healing to begin. You must stop seeing your lover immediately and if you need help doing this, seek professional help. If you continue the affair there can not be any authentic healing.

What can an Unfaithful Spouse do?

Answer any questions you wife, husband or partner may have. Because, it is not an easy process and will take time. Some couples want a safe place such as a therapy office to help navigate the emotions that will get triggered by answering the questions in an honest way. Besides, some questions may not help the relationship heal so there are certain ways to approach these conversation.

Listen and validate, validate, validate. Listening and showing empathy is very important. Because it will not help your marriage if you defend yourself. You want to listen to your partner talk about his or her anger, sadness, disbelief, and any other feelings. Most importantly creating a very safe space for these emotions to be expressed, heard and validated.

An example of validation and this has to be done each and every time your partner brings up the affair. if your relationship can heal, it will be a process and it will take a tremendous amount of patience.

“I can’t believe you cheated. I am so angry”

Validation
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I screwed up and I’m very sorry. What do you need from me? Is there anything I can do?’

“What do you mean? This is your fault, you betrayed me and lied”

Validation
“I did and I’m so sorry. You have every right to be angry and hurt. I don’t know what else to say, but I do want us to work through this together”

How long does it take?

Don’t expect your spouse to forgive you right away. Besides=, If you can recover, forgiveness will take a long time. The grief from the affair is going to come up for a long time for most people. Therefore, You want to take responsibility and be there by listening to your partner take about his or her feelings and make sure you don’t convey you are tired of hearing it that will lead to greater disconnect than you are both already experiencing. Most importantly, Be there, listen and show empathy and understanding as long as it takes.

Continue to check in and ask your spouse or partner what they need, how they are doing, what they need from you. Initially you might hear ” what do you mean? you did this” and want space from you. Therefore, understand that as well and yeah out for professional help if you are both struggling to heal.

If you are an unfaithful spouse in need help get in touch.

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 Help After Marital Infidelity

Surviving Infidelity With Effective Relationship Therapy

Surviving Infidelity With Effective Relationship Therapy

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need help surviving infidelity and Healing from Betrayal ? We offer in person session in Maplewood near South OrangeWest OrangeLivingstonMillburnSummitSpringfieldMaplewoodWest CaldwellMontclairBloomfieldCranfordChathamCliftonNewarkShort HillsRoselandJersey CityUnion. We can also provide therapy wherever you are located in New Jersey.

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8 Ways to Heal and Move Forward After Infidelity

Infidelity can disrupt the very foundation of a relationship, leaving deep emotional wounds that may feel insurmountable. Whether discovered through confession or happenstance, the pain is profound for everyone involved. But here’s the truth you need to hold onto: healing is possible. You can move forward, and you don’t have to do it alone.

This guide shares eight thoughtful steps for processing the hurt, rebuilding trust, and determining the best path forward—whether that leads to repair or turning the page. However you’re feeling right now, know that your emotions are valid, and recovery is within reach.

Understanding Infidelity

Infidelity comes in many forms and is rarely straightforward. It can be physical, emotional, or even stem from breaches of trust that don’t fit neatly into traditional ideas of cheating. Understanding the causes behind infidelity, though painful, often provides clarity and helps both partners make sense of the betrayal.

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

While there’s never an excuse for breaking trust, understanding the reasons can sometimes open the door to healing. Common causes include:

  • Lack of emotional connection: Feeling unheard or invisible in the relationship can drive one partner away.
  • Unresolved personal struggles: Low self-esteem, stress, or unmet needs can lead someone to seek external validation.
  • Temptation and opportunity: Loose boundaries may create opportunities for unfaithful behavior.
  • Relationship challenges: Ongoing conflict, lack of intimacy, or unmet expectations can strain a partnership.

It’s imperative to recognize that while external factors may play a role, infidelity is ultimately a choice. Accountability lies with the partner who broke the trust, and healing requires addressing these actions head-on.

Immediate Steps After Discovering Infidelity

The moment infidelity comes to light is often filled with overwhelming emotions such as heartbreak, anger, and confusion. Here are three steps to ground yourself in the immediate aftermath:

1. Pause and Breathe

Take a moment to process what’s happened. Your emotions are valid, but resist acting impulsively. Giving yourself time for reflection can pave the way for meaningful conversations and decisions later.

2. Establish Open Dialogue

If both partners are ready, start talking about the infidelity—but set boundaries for respectful communication. Focus on expressing feelings rather than placing blame. Kindness can be an anchor in even the stormiest conversations.

3. Delay Major Decisions

It’s tempting to make snap decisions about whether to stay or leave, but big choices need time and thoughtful consideration. Take time to weigh your feelings and evaluate the long-term health of your relationship.

Seeking Professional Support

A neutral third party can make a world of difference when emotions are running high and the road to understanding feels blocked. Counseling offers a safe space to unpack the issues and begin the healing process.

Why Therapy Helps

  • Express yourself freely: Share feelings honestly in a space that prioritizes understanding and avoids judgment.
  • Identify root issues: Work through personal or relational factors that contributed to the situation.
  • Learn tools to rebuild: Gain strategies for communication, trust-building, and emotional healing.

Remember, therapy isn’t just for couples. Individual sessions can help you process your personal emotions and uncover what you need to move forward, alone or together.

Rebuilding Trust

The foundation of healing a relationship after infidelity is trust. Restoring it is hard work that demands vulnerability, consistency, and grace—from both partners.

4. Be Transparent

The partner who broke trust must commit to openness. This includes clarity around intentions, consistent communication, and, if needed, a willingness to share access (e.g., passwords) to rebuild confidence.

5. Celebrate Progress

Rebuilding trust is not an overnight process. Look for small wins, like open conversations or moments of shared vulnerability, and celebrate the steps toward healing.

Practicing Self-Care

Healing from infidelity isn’t just about fixing your relationship; it’s about nurturing yourself, too. Prioritize your emotional and physical well-being during this challenging time.

6. Address Your Emotional Health

  • Allow yourself to grieve fully.
  • Explore your feelings through journaling to better understand and release them.
  • Lean on trusted friends or family for support in moments of vulnerability.

7. Care for Your Body

Physical wellness can have a surprisingly strong influence on emotional healing. Eat well, stay active, and prioritize rest. Simple self-care habits can help you find strength and stability within.

Deciding the Future of Your Relationship

Infidelity often leads to a crossroads. Determining whether to stay and rebuild or move on separately is deeply personal, and there’s no single “right” answer. What matters is making a decision rooted in what’s best for both partners in the long run.

8. Evaluate the Relationship’s Foundation

Ask yourself tough but necessary questions:

  • Are both partners committed to healing and moving forward?
  • Can forgiveness be genuine, or will resentment linger?
  • Is this relationship built on a foundation that can be strengthened, or do deeper issues run too deep?

Both reconciliation and separation can lead to growth and happiness. For some couples, working through infidelity can solidify a stronger bond. For others, moving apart opens the door to healthier opportunities for the future.

Finding Hope After Infidelity

Infidelity doesn’t have to define your relationship or your life. Healing is an ongoing process that requires patience, honesty, and both partners working toward a brighter future. And remember, recovery doesn’t happen in isolation. Whether through counseling, loved ones, or trusted resources, support is always available.

If you’re struggling to find the next step forward, a licensed counselor or relationship therapist can guide you. Infidelity may feel like the end, but it can also mark a new beginning for growth, understanding, and hope.

You are not alone. Healing is possible. Trust in the next step, wherever it leads.

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Help After Marital Infidelity

Help After Marital Infidelity

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Coping with Relationship and Marital infidelity

Are you a couple dealing with marital infidelity? Are you feeling desperate to get help after an affair? Do you realize you made a huge mistake and don’t know what to do?

Many people involved in an affair feel trapped in lies, covering up for selfish reasons and for fear losing their relationship. Even though it is initially painful and devastating once an affair comes out, most couples can work through these issues if both are open and willing to the healing process. It does take time.

After Marital infidelity

It’s never an excuse, but most affairs are usually a symptom of a problem in a relationship – a lack of connection or not communicating what you need and feel. This is not an excuse, but feeling disappointed, neglected, angry or alone can make up a couple very vulnerable in this way. Sometimes it is other issues and many times we hear “I don’t know why I did it” and for many people, this is true.

Honesty is certainly the best policy when it comes to many things in life and marital infidelity is no exception. Most people fear coming clean and will lie and hide things even when their spouse or partner senses something is wrong. Some people actually will say “you’re crazy” or “you’re paranoid” or “you are ridiculous”, when questioned and accused. Lying can do a number on both people – and the betrayal is very damaging to the relationship.

So it is harmful for you to lie and harmful to your relationship to not be honest and tell your spouse about the marital infidelity. It’s understandable because you certainly don’t want to risk losing the marriage or relationship over it, but the damage done by the lying makes things much more painful and harder to work through when the truth is revealed.

Finally, admitting the affair – how did your partner find out?

Sometimes people feel so guilty and want to be honest they tell their partner about the affair. Other times, the affair is discovered by seeing something on your cell phone bill, credit card charges or just tracking device or even private investigators. Even worse, the person you are or had an affair with has threatened to email or call your wife or husband and tell them – and followed through on that threat.

When you find out from the person who your spouse or partner has been having an affair with, You literally feel shocked, numb, devastated, in a rage – any number of things. As a result, your marriage or relationship is truly in crisis for a period of time and you’re not sure what to do. Also, relationship and marital infidelity causes such extreme pain when it is discovered. Maybe your wife or husband might even demand you take a polygraph or lie-detector test since they have lost all trust in anything you say and cannot trust even themselves.

Most couples turn to a trained and experienced therapist the help them get through the shock, anger, sadness, need for space – a range of intense emotions. They need help with the next steps.

If you need counseling for relationship and marital infidelity, feel free to get in touch.

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Can We Survive Marital Infidelity

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Relationships

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

How it Can Help

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How does marriage counseling work?

If you’ve never done marriage or couples counseling, you might wonder how it works. The way I work with couples is this – I like to take the first session and meet with a couple together. I assess the way you interact, listen, respond or react and the reasons you are coming to therapy. I want to understand each person’s perscpective and get a sense for the issues you are struggling with. At the same time, I will assess what happens when you are discussing the problems and to see if you interrupt, agree, disagree and understand. The second and third appointments I like to meet with each person individually to get a sense for their background and experience. It helps me to connect one-on-one to learn more about what each person feels and needs and what they are not getting in the relationship.

I also like to understand what each person experienced growing up when it comes to roll models for relationships. I will often ask how did your parents or other significant caretakers treat one another and how did they treated you. It gives me a good idea of how each person was “conditioned” to relate and how tow people from different backgrounds can have different views and expectations around relationships. You may want to repeat or avoid they way people treated each other when you were growing up. It is impoprtnt to undestanding how the past affects the present when it comes to relationships.

Many people that have gone through traumatic experiences growing may face have more challenges in their love relationships and therefore may need more help creating a more satisfying and stable relationship. I do want to understand attachment style and how secure or insecure you felt growing up how secure or insecure you feel in your marriage or relationship now. Understanding all of this and then helping you both understand the patterns and dynamic of your relationship is what we work on in the couples therapy.

Many people ask how long is couples therapy or how long will it take. Without knowing each of you and your dynamic…without knowing what each of you bring to the relationship from your past, it’s hard for me to answer that question other than to say the work that we do is short term in nature. Anywhere between 8-20 appointments for most couples. Some couples are in therapy longer. Typically session one is together with the couple so your therapist can assess you communication style and dynamic. Then th therapists will meet with each person individually to assess each person to leanr more about each person. Then the couples will meet together again session 4 on to work on issues. So I hope this helps as you’re searching for a couples therapist and trying to understand how therapy works if you are new to the process.

Just know that changing patterns and behavior takes time, awareness and consistent effort. Pain is a great motivator and usually people are much more willing to change something when there is a threat of losing your spouse or partner. Ultimatums like “i want a divorce” or “I can’t do this anymore” will make many people very scared and ready for counseling. The real challenge is staying what is most importnat to your partner or spouse – learning what they really need and responding rather than reacting. We do this together to help each person really understand and respond to needs of the other person without discounting, neglecting, defending, criticizing or invalidating when you don’t understand. Understanding and responding to each other rather than reacting is critical to building a stronger and ongoing connection with one another. I hope this helps as you’re searching for a therapist to understand the process of marriage counseling or couples therapy.

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