What Are Relationship Deal Breakers for All Couples

Identifying and Addressing Relationship Deal Breakers

by Debra Feinberg LCSW ( Reviewer)

Understanding Relationship Deal Breakers for All Couples

Every close relationship comes with its share of ups and downs. Navigating disagreements and difficult times is a shared human experience, no matter who you are or whom you love. Yet some challenges can go beyond ordinary conflict and become true deal breakers—issues that may signal a partnership is unable to move forward in a healthy way. Understanding what these look like is the first step toward building a stronger, more connected relationship.

If certain fundamental concerns are left unaddressed, they can create distance that feels impossible to bridge. Recognizing these signs is not about blame, but about gaining clarity on what might need to change to help everyone involved thrive.

Core Issues That Can End a Relationship

Some situations make it especially challenging for a relationship to heal or improve. These concerns often require support beyond couples or relationship therapy and may be considered deal breakers if not handled with care and respect for all individuals.

Untreated Mental Health Conditions

When someone in a relationship is living with an untreated mental health condition—such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or OCD—it affects both their own wellbeing and the health of the partnership. You might notice a loved one is struggling, yet feel unsure how to bring it up. No one wants to be singled out or feel like “the problem.” But without professional support, it’s difficult to make meaningful progress as a couple. Encouraging each other to seek help in a caring, non-judgmental way is often a vital first step.

Aggressive or Unsafe Behaviors

A safe partnership is essential for honest communication and trust. When any form of physical aggression or domestic violence is present, couples therapy is not the solution. Safety must come first: this is a serious legal and personal matter, not just a relational challenge. A person engaging in unsafe behavior needs specialized help to address those actions. No relationship can grow in an environment where anyone feels endangered.

Similarly, repeated patterns of infidelity, chronic online cheating, or other sexual boundary violations undermine trust at the foundation of every relationship. Addressing these patterns is essential if healing is to take place.

When One Person Has Already Left Emotionally

Relationships sometimes reach a point where one partner, regardless of their gender or role, is completely done. For some, the original bond may not have included love or the relationship began for reasons such as external pressure or life circumstances. Others might find themselves emotionally checked out and participating in counseling to ease feelings of guilt about ending things. If both individuals are not invested in making the relationship work, it cannot be forced. Sometimes the most compassionate option is to allow each person space to find fulfillment, whether together or apart.

Common Challenges That Erode Connection

In addition to these core deal breakers, many ongoing issues can gradually wear down a relationship. Recognizing these patterns early gives everyone the best chance to address them and build a partnership that allows each person to flourish.

Communication and Conflict

• Lack of Communication: When thoughts, feelings, and needs can’t be expressed openly, misunderstandings and resentment may take root.
• Poor Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are normal, but how they’re handled matters. If conflicts go unresolved, frustration can grow. Learning to really listen and seek solutions that honor both people is key.
• Disrespect: Every individual deserves to have their boundaries, opinions, and feelings respected. Constant criticism or contempt can sap the life out of any partnership.
• Lack of Compromise: No two people will agree on everything. Healthy relationships thrive on a willingness to find common ground and show flexibility.

Trust and Effort

• Lack of Trust: Trust is essential to emotional safety. When it’s missing, insecurity and uncertainty set in. Trust-building is an ongoing, mutual process.
• Infidelity: Any breach of agreed-upon relationship boundaries, physical or emotional, is a challenge that calls for accountability and healing.
• Lack of Effort: Relationships require shared commitment. If one person carries all the emotional labor while another disengages, it can cause deep exhaustion and imbalance.
• Neglect: Feeling unseen or unimportant can create loneliness even within a relationship. Making time for each other matters.

Incompatibility and Control

• Control Issues: No one should feel monitored or have their choices dictated by another. Healthy autonomy and mutual trust give everyone space to be themselves.
• Financial Problems: Disagreements over finances are common. Open dialogue and collaborative planning help keep money from becoming a wedge between partners.
• Incompatibility: Sometimes, despite everyone’s best intentions and effort, values, life goals, or personalities diverge. Accepting fundamental differences may be the healthiest choice for everyone involved.

If you recognize any of these challenges in your relationship, please know you are not alone. Many people face similar issues, and it’s never a sign of weakness to reach out for support. When you’re ready, our experienced therapists can offer a safe, affirming space to discuss your unique situation and explore practical steps forward.

Looking for Support?

If you are struggling with any of these relationship challenges, consider reaching out for guidance. We are here to listen, understand, and work with you—regardless of background, identity, or relationship structure.

Contact us today to start a conversation.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can a relationship survive a deal breaker?

It depends on the deal breaker and the willingness of both partners to do the work. Issues like untreated mental health or past infidelity can be overcome if the person responsible takes accountability, seeks help, and commits to change. However, issues like a lack of love or ongoing disrespect are much harder to resolve.

What if my partner refuses to get help for their issues?

This is a very difficult position to be in. You cannot force someone to change. Your responsibility is to your own well-being. It may be helpful to seek individual counseling to figure out your own boundaries and decide what you are and are not willing to live with.

How do I know if it’s a rough patch or a real deal breaker?

A rough patch is usually temporary and situational (e.g., stress from a new job or a new baby). A deal breaker is a fundamental, ongoing issue that violates your core needs for safety, respect, or trust. If the same major problem keeps recurring without resolution, it may be a deal breaker.

Ready to Take the Next Step Toward a Healthier Relationship?

If you’re facing difficult crossroads or simply want to strengthen your partnership, our experienced therapists are here to help. Reach out for a confidential conversation or schedule a consultation with us today. Together, we can work toward a more fulfilling and connected future.

Helpful Resources

• Individual Therapy: Personalized support for managing depression and stress.
• Understanding Anxiety: Learn how therapy can help manage anxiety.
• Grief Counseling: Support for processing loss and navigating grief.
• Guide to Self-Esteem: Build confidence and self-worth.
• Trauma-Informed Therapy: Support for Couples healing from past trauma.