Conflict in Your Relationship
New Jersey Couples Counseling
Conflict in Your Relationship?
Conflict in your relationship or marriage? We all have to deal with conflict in our relationships. When two people come together from different needs and backgrounds, there is bound to be conflict. We all have different abilities to really take in and understand the other person. It can be very difficult to communicate effectively when things get hard. Couples sometimes have unrealistic expectations and an inability to understand what the other person need. This causes great disappointment. We can all get hooked by unconscious triggers based on our conditioning. The end result? Conflict that leads to great disappointment, hurt and anger.
Ruptures are bound to happen in all relationships. It’s not the ruptures that become the problem as much as how well a couple can “repair” the rupture and understand one another.
What is Your Pattern When You Have Conflict?
- We get very angry at one another and hurl insults and criticism
- One of us goes on the attack and the other withdraws and puts up a wall, which only makes things worse
- We both used to fight and it got us nowhere so now we just both just give up and stop talking, sometimes for days or weeks
Author, psychiatrist and therapist Daniel Siegel explores relationships and attachment in detail in his books. Here refers to the 4 Ss and what is needed for healthy attachment and relationships. How very important it is for us all to feel:
- SEEN
- SAFE
- SOOTHED
- SECURE
How our early attachment figures responded to us emotionally (or didn’t respond in many cases) will most likely be the way we end up relating in our romantic relationships. It has a lot to do with the ability (or inability) to understand one another and repair problems in our relationships. If a person did not any or all of the combination of seen, safe, soothed or secure, they might most likely will struggle with similar issues in their adult relationships. Reliving the past over and over is extremely painful. It can cause rage, anger, deep sadness and feelings of rejection, and ultimately like you don’t matter.
Getting Help with Conflict in Relationship
With help, a couple can learn how to take in the external experience of the other person and help them feel seen, safe, soothed and secure. Learning to emotionally respond to your spouse or partner can help you connect in deeper and more meaningful ways.
If you’re looking for a relationship or marriage therapist in New Jersey, contact us now at 973-902-8700 or email us if that’s easier for you.