Simple, Loving Attention

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Feeling Neglected & Unhappy?

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Attention is the Key to a Connected Relationship

Simple, loving attention is the very thing that most people need in their relationship. So, what makes it so difficult for most people to give this to their spouse or partner?

What Makes it Difficult

Habit and conditioning get in the way of giving your partner positive attention. As a result, most men and women sincerely struggle with knowing how to do this. Maybe something about this does not feel right or “normal”. Also, it’s possible that fear about other issues get in the way, such as trying to provide for your family. Some people sincerely think they’re doing their job if they’re making money. That’s what they learned growing up, and that’s the way they think it supposed to be done.

As a result, you may be working like crazy and spending all of your time trying to provide for your family. The problem is, you are not paying enough attention to your spouse and family. The result is unhappiness all the way around.

What (You and) Your Partner Really Needs

Your partner needs your attention. It’s what will help both of you feel closer and more connected. Attention by way of appreciation, noticing the smallest things and expressing your gratitude.

How you both benefit from this type of attention and appreciation:

When you notice your wife or husband had a hard day, whether at home or work. When you actually listen to your partner about his or her day…the good and the bad. Really listening and being there. Maybe responding with:

“I’m sorry you had a bad day at work. Is there anything I can do to help? I really appreciate how hard you work and everything you do for us. I know it’s not always easy. ” If you are paying attention and aware enough, notice a what your partner has done around the house, new blouse, haircut or long commute. Also, consciously paying your partner a complement or commenting on things that are not easy. It also takes noticing if your partner is struggling and conveying that “I am here, how can I help? “.

If you are in a pattern of feeling neglected in alone, learning to be more attentive will help. It’s not easy to change patterns, progress takes steady, hard work. But, if you can move in this direction, you will have much more happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.

If you need help with positive attention and your relationship, get in touch

How Attention Helps Us To Succeed

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Does this sound familiar?

You are unhappy and do not know what to do
You’ve tried to get your wife or husband t go to therapy for a long time and they brushed it off
You’re having an affair and need help telling your spouse or partner
You’re scared you’re going to have to get divorced or separated due to your problems
You want to leave your marriage or relationship and are not sure what to do
You need a safe place to discuss your issues and concerns
Your spouse or partner just found out about an affair and your fear the end of the marriage
You wife, husband or partner wants out and you’re not sure what to do.

There’s a reason you want to talk to professional – maybe to discuss how unhappy or scared you are, infidelity that hasn’t been discussed yet, an affair or other issues that have never been resolved and you are just feeling like you need some kind of direction. Maybe you’re at a point that you know something has to change and you’re not sure what to do.

Need marriage counseling by yourself?

If you need to sort through some issues in your marriage or a relationship and you want a compassionate, experienced and non-judgmental professional to help, get in touch.

Unhappy Relationship or Marriage?

Find an Experienced Relationship Counselor

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Need a Relationship Counselor?

Can a relationship counselor really help?

Are you feeling disconnected in your marriage or relationship? Have you given up on trying to fix things yourself? Wonder how an experienced relationship counselor can help?

There are several issues that cause couples to feel disconnected. Struggling with communication issues – knowing how to repair small and serious issues is key. Even more difficult relationship “ruptures” like infidelity and affairs, dealing with family problems such as in-laws, parenting, step-family or blended family problems, dealing with an ex, etc… Learning what will help your break habits and patterns that are not working will help.

Communication Problems

Do you treat your partner with disrespect? Are you being verbally abused or treated poorly by your partner, husband or wife? Do one or both of you get into name-calling, criticism or devaluing your partner or spouse? Do one or both of you end up withdrawing, putting up a wall and end up with the silent treatment?

When you struggle over and over, it can cause disconnect. Disconnect causes so many painful emotions. When you don’t feel understood (depending on your relationship style) it can cause one person to get louder and louder ( “I want you to hear me and understand me!”) or it can cause someone to withdraw because there is little hope to get anywhere or it does not feel safe . Becoming more aware of patterns or habits of defending, criticizing, ignoring or putting up a wall is going to help. Learning how to listen and allow space for one another to express concerns and feelings is key to creating safety and reconnecting.

Understanding Yourself and Your Partner

How can an experienced marriage and relationship counselor can help?

It will also take reflecting on an understanding your own part in your relationship struggles. Meaning, most people learn from their role models how people to treat others.

In addition, people that grew up in loving and nurturing and excepting homes, find it easier to respond and feel more connected in their adult relationships. On the other hand, people that grow up in homes where adults didn’t listen or they were disrespectful, critical, neglectful to another parent or adult and/or you, that will definitely inform the way you relate to people you love.

However, this is not meant to blame anyone since understanding and making sense of the past as well as accepting what you can’t change is important. Because, parents and role models do the best they can. Also, they certainly did what they knew how to do even if it wasn’t very good for anyone else around them.

How a relationship counselor can help

Firstly, understanding past experiences, conditioning and how these habits and patterns developed will help you work on breaking them. Secondly, if you are both open and willing to do this, you can create a much more loving, satisfying and connected relationship.

As a result, a skilled relationship counselor can help you understand what gets in the way of truly listening and understanding each other. In addition, it’s important to understand all of the different aspects of your dynamic that are problematic. Therefore, once you become more aware and pay more attention to what you’re doing or not doing, it can make a huge difference.

If you are in a bad place in your relationship and you are both willing and open to getting help, a skilled relationship counselor can help. So If you’re ready to take that step – or I have done some marriage or couples therapy in the past, and need more help now – get in touch.

Need a Counselor for a Disconnected Marriage or Relationship?

Starting Over After Divorce | Dating Again

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Need Dating Help?

Picking A Better Partner

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Want Counseling for an Existing Relationship?
Are you dating or in a new relationship? Have you struggled with relationship issues in the past and wonder what you can do so you don’t recreate the same problems?

Does this sound familiar?

You didn’t get what you needed from your partner or spouse
Your ex always complained about certain things and you never really understood why
You’re dating and need help finding the right type of person to date
You know somethings have to change, but you’re not quite sure what and how to do it
You’re in a new relationship and you think things should be going better than they are
You’re really unhappy in your relationship And are not sure what part you play in the problems

You’re not alone if you’re struggling trying to connect in positive ways in a relationship or find someone that has the ability to do the same. There are many things you can learn to understand that will help in your present or future relationships if you are open. Healthy, and connected couples approach things a certain way with one another and are good at responding rather than reacting. A trained counselor can help you become aware of and pay more attention to what would help in making your existing or future relationship more satisfying – or finding the type of person that is willing to work together with you to make the relationship better. You can come in as a couple or attend sessions alone to learn more about the important skills that will help any relationship. If you need help making this happen, get in touch.

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Need Help With Forgiveness?

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Help With Forgiveness

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Relationship Forgiveness is Important

Forgiving Your Spouse or Partner
Are you having trouble forgiving your spouse or partner?

Does this sound familiar?

You recently found out about an affair
You’re still struggling with infidelity that happened in the past
You’re unable to forgive your husband or wife for not being there in important ways
You’re struggling and feel stuck in anger and resentment

Relationships can be very painful and challenging fir every couple, at times. We all make mistakes and some mistakes are very difficult to forgive. Forgiveness, however, is more for the person they get stuck in those negative emotions. When you forgive, you are actually freeing yourself from something that ultimately is bad for you.

Forgiving and letting go

When your spouse or partner has done something that has hurt you deeply, finding peace again through forgiveness is important. We also know how challenging and difficult it can be.

We all make mistakes

Understanding that people do the best they can and their behavior may cause others tremendous pain. It’s really a matter of understanding what to do – how to handle things yourself when you feel that pain, hurt, the trail in anger.

Can the relationship be saved?

This is up to you and your significant other. Some situations – many – can be worked through and healed. Some cannot. If your partner or spouse is willing to learn what it takes to help you heal, your relationship will have a good chance of surviving. If your partner does not seem willing – it doesn’t mean that you don’t work on forgiveness for yourself, but it means you may have to make some decisions about staying in or leaving the relationship or marriage.

If you are feeling stuck in a bad place and unable to move in one direction or the other, get in touch. We are very experienced with helping couples heal and forgive if you’re committed too the process. We also help other couples and individuals (married and partnered) decide if they can work things out,

Get in touch and let us know how we cab help you.

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What it Takes to Improve Your Marriage

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Improve Your Marriage

What Will Help

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Improve Your Marriage or Relationship

What will it take to improve any relationship? Learning to be there emotionally, be open and willing to make necessary changes, be honest and trustworthy and be compassionate. Men and woman who are determined can get better at understanding, making it safe emotionally, and knowing how to sooth or comfort your spouse or partner when they are expressing sadness, disappointment or anger..

What makes it difficult to improve your marriage or relationship is truly having difficulty understanding your spouse or partner – not really getting where he or she is coming from. What gets in the way are all of the negative habits or patterns you’ve developed over your lifetime when it comes to relationships. It’s also difficult if you feel like your wife or husband doesn’t listen to you or understand you.

Improving Your Relationship

Reflecting on the past – they way you were conditioned growing up and how your role models taught you how people treat each other. If your role models did not treat one another with love and respect, it will help you bring those negative patterns into awareness and slowly let go of any negative types of behaviors so you don’t have to keep reliving them now. For example, if you watched and heard your role models argue and yell, treat one another with disrespect, get defensive and not know how to listen and respond to one another, then most likely you picked up those habits. Even if you were raised by single parent or parents that got divorced, how they treated you informs the way you think relationships work.

Understanding past relationships and experiences will help you improve your relationship tremendously. You can learn to create a more loving and connected relationship throughAnd make your relationship understanding, awareness, presence, compassion and kindness.

Getting Relationship Help

If you need help breaking out of negative relationship patterns and creating more positive ways of interacting, reach out to us or any experienced marriage and couples therapist.

You just have to take that step. It does take courage and commitment to work on breaking a pattern or habit, but any person or couple that is determined can make it happen. It will be well worth the effort.

Let us know when you’re ready. We are here to help.

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