What is the most gut wrenching wake up call any of us will experience?
Coping with a serious health problem or terminal illness – this one usually puts everything into perspective. If you’re dealing with (or ever had to deal with) a serious illness or coping with a loved one who is going through life a threatening illness, you know what it’s like. From shock to an intense range of emotions– grief that is beyond description, anger, sadness, “aloneness,” and pain beyond any you’ve ever experienced.
For some people, dealing with serious illness triggers a microscopic look at your life – people, relationships, mistakes, regrets. Examining what and who is really important to you, and shifting priorities and attention to what really matters.
Why does it take something like this to get us to wake up? Why is it so hard to wake up earlier in our lives?
Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse, wrote “The Top Five Regrets of The Dying,” which describes the most common regrets of the dying. See what made the list of regrets – and what many of us struggle to do in our lifetimes.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Most of us take our health for granted. We get concerned or overcome with work and family responsibilities and just dealing with our day to day busy lives. We end up losing connection with ourselves, partners, friends and with what really matters. Dealing with serious health issues is a powerful lesson we’d all like to avoid, but eventually we will all face one way or another. Can you wake up now, and not wait for serious illness to trigger changes that will make your life better?
Are you coping with an affair? Wondering if your relationship can survive the infidelity? If you found out that your spouse or partner ( boyfriend or girlfriend ) cheated on you, it makes sense you’d feel completely devastated. How you found out also complicates things. And you are no doubt going through a range of feelings from shock, anger, hurt, sadness to confusion. It can also be a huge blow to your self esteem, sometimes making it hard to eat, sleep, or function at work or home. The betrayal of a spouse or partner is so incredibly painful.
Is this you?
you’re in shock and you just don’t know what to do or whom to turn to
you don’t want to tell family or friends and you feel all alone
your feelings of shame are unbearable and you just feel like hiding from people
you’re not sure if you can stay in the marriage or relationship
you put up a wall and want to distance or lash out (or both)
you can’t be around your spouse or partner without feeling an incredible amount of pain
you’re getting obsessed with, and focused on, wanting to know all the details, but that only hurts more
you keep asking “why?” over and over
you feel like somehow it’s your fault
Coping with an affair is so very difficult. Of course you feel angry, of course you feel hurt. So what’s the next step? Can your relationship heal from the damage of an affair?
Coping after an affair can be very difficult and take a long time to heal. We hope this information helps you understand the healing process and what steps you can take to recover from infidelity.
Getting married soon? Need premarital counseling? There are few undertakings more critical than premarital counseling. This insightful and proactive step can help cement the foundation of your marriage, setting the stage for a lifetime of understanding, communication, and shared growth. If the notion of counseling seems foreign or intimidating, put those fears aside. This is not about fixing something that’s broken; it’s about enhancing what’s already beautiful. So, let’s embark on an exploratory journey that could very well transform your relationship in profound ways.
Premarital counseling is a deliberate process of exploration and growth. It’s designed for couples who desire a deep understanding of each other and are committed to building a robust partnership. The benefits are numerous and the insights are invaluable. Let’s explore the pillars that make premarital counseling a must for those on the marital path.
Improved Communication Skills
Communication is far more than mere words—it’s the lifeblood of any successful relationship. In premarital counseling, couples are equipped with practical tools to improve the art of listening, speaking honestly, and understanding non-verbal cues. These skills are transformative, laying the groundwork for a relationship where no thought is left unexpressed and no feeling is misunderstood.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
Conflicts are an inevitable part of marriage, but how you navigate them can make all the difference. Premarital counseling offers a safe space for couples to identify and practice healthy ways to resolve disputes. Learning to embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat to the relationship is a powerful revelation.
Understanding Expectations and Roles
Every individual carries a unique set of expectations and perceptions into marriage, often shaped by experiences, upbringing, and cultural influences. Premarital counseling facilitates open discussions that clarify each partner’s hopes, dreams, and the roles they envision in their shared life. By aligning on these aspects, you’ll significantly reduce the potential for future misunderstandings and resentment.
Strengthening Intimacy and Connection
Emotional and physical intimacy are at the heart of a fulfilling marriage. Premarital counseling delves into the intricacies of intimacy, fostering a richer connection between partners. Through discussion and exploration, couples can deepen their bond and build a relationship that is a source of security and happiness.
Selecting the Right Premarital Counselor
The partnership with your premarital counselor is one of trust and guidance. Finding the right person to facilitate this journey is crucial. Look for professionals who not only have the credentials and experience but also possess qualities like empathy, cultural sensitivity, and a non-judgmental approach.
Qualities to Look For in a Premarital Counselor
Your counselor should be a skilled facilitator, adept at guiding you through difficult conversations. Look for those who are licensed, experienced in marriage counseling, and have a track record of working with diverse couples. Compassion and a neutral stance are also essential attributes that create a safe and welcoming environment for open dialogue.
What to Expect in Your Premarital Counseling Sessions
The structure and content of premarital counseling sessions can vary, but there are overarching themes that most sessions will cover. Understanding what’s ahead can alleviate any apprehension and help you approach the process with an open mind and ready heart.
Typical Premarital Counseling Session Structure
Sessions are typically weekly or bi-weekly, lasting from 60 to 90 minutes. Your initial session may involve an assessment of your relationship, after which a custom plan of discussion topics and exercises will be outlined. Subsequent sessions will delve into these areas to foster growth and understanding.
Topics Covered in Premarital Counseling
Healthy premarital counseling will touch on various topics, including individual values, roles as partners, family-of-origin matters, communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy. Each of these is dissected to reveal complexities and opportunities for unity, ensuring that no stone is left unturned before the wedding.
Addressing Common Challenges
Premarital counseling shines a light on potential hurdles that might arise in the course of your marriage, most of which have their roots in unspoken or misaligned expectations. By bringing these issues into the open, couples can devise strategies to meet challenges head-on and emerge stronger.
Financial Management
Money is a leading cause of marital strife. Through premarital counseling, couples explore their financial attitudes, anxieties, and long-term objectives. The aim is not just to create budgets and savings plans but to lay a financial groundwork that reflects the couple’s shared values and future aspirations.
Family Dynamics and In-Laws
Families are the tapestries from which we are cut and, as such, play a significant role in a marriage. Premarital counseling helps couples navigate potentially tricky family dynamics, boundaries, and the role of in-laws. The goal is to find harmony that respects the relationship without alienating the familial support structure.
Decision-Making and Goal-Setting
Mutual decision-making and goal-setting are key components of a successful marriage. Counseling encourages couples to constructively work towards common aims, ensuring that each partner feels heard and valued in the process. This shared approach lays the groundwork for a unified life.
Real-Life Transformations Through Premarital Counseling
To truly understand the potential of premarital counseling, let’s look at a couple who benefited from the experience. Julie and Michael entered counseling with excitement about their upcoming wedding but soon realized that their communication styles were vastly different, causing repeated misunderstandings. Through counseling, they learned to listen with empathy and express their needs more clearly. The result was a relationship with a newfound depth of understanding that served them well in both joys and trials.
Embracing the Investment in Your Relationship
The decision to partake in premarital counseling is an investment in your relationship’s future. It’s an ally and a guide that champions the strengths of your union while providing tools to navigate the challenges that will inevitably arise. As you embark on the beautiful journey of marriage, embrace the opportunities for growth that come with premarital counseling. In doing so, you honor not just the institution of marriage, but the unique love and bond you share with your partner.
Schedule Your Premarital Counseling Session Today
The wisdom gained from premarital counseling is immeasurable, and the time to act is now. Take the leap and schedule your first session. Your commitment to this process is a testament to the strength and promise of your love. It’s a step that opens the door to a lifetime of fulfillment in marriage. The journey begins with a single session—make it count.
If you need help with premarital counseling in NJ, please feel free to get in touch.
Do you know what’s it’s like to feel supported? Cared about? Understood? Supportive relationships have several things in common. They’re about being there when someone is in need, whether they’re feeling sad or excited about something. Supportive relationships are comforting, caring and warm. They can make you feel you’re not alone when things are not going well and help you get through life’s ups and downs.
The photo below shows a man showing support, kindness and compassion. He is comforting his wife, who is feeling sad or in pain. Some people find it hard to be there for their spouse or partner. Some find it easy to show kindness and compassion to their children, but not their partner. What makes it so hard for some people to be there?
Supportive Relationships – Trying to Get More Support?
What makes it hard for you to be more supportive?
Is this you?
It feels like my partner or spouse
doesn’t understand me
never listens to me
doesn’t care about me
isn’t there for me
can’t be trusted
always criticizes me and I can never do anything right
always try to fix something when I’m sad, which doesn’t help
just wants me to “get over it”
doesn’t understand emotions and says “I shouldn’t feel sad or angry”
It is possible for some couples to develop more supportive relationships. It is something we all want and deserve. If you’re having trouble being supportive to or feeling supported by your partner, counseling may help.
