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Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences

Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences

Anxiety, Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

Coping with Painful Experiences

How to Manage

Do you Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences?

We all go through difficult experiences in our lives that can cause deep and intense physical or mental pain. Some struggle with the tragic death of a loved one, others a serious, chronic or terminal illness.  Then there are people that struggle with a child, spouse or parent struggling with issues, a very painful divorce or another catastrophic life event.

When things are so intense and painful that it makes sense (at least temporarily) to run from, resist and fight the reality of the situation. Even though nothing is permanent, it feels as though things will never change. It seems you’ll be stuck in this painful place forever when you are going through it. “This shouldn’t be happening”, blaming others or ourselves for where we are at. Many can feel stuck in anger, resentment, and bitterness, wanting to find ways to escape the painful experience. Running from the extreme discomfort can ultimately make us all suffer even more, turning damaging behaviors to avoid the painful reality of our situation.

“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves

We all have to face events like these at one time or another in our lives. It is a part of life and what it is to be human. Even therapists have to cope with tragedies, serious health issues, struggling family members and other painful life events. We all, unfortunately, suffer more when we run from the pain rather than finding ways to accept, allow and work with the emotions that come up. Accepting and allowing our experience can help us attain more wisdom and a deeper sense of compassion for one another.

It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to be open to and allow the experience, and accepting and working what is and trying not to make things worse.  Going through a catastrophic event that seems insurmountable?

It has been a tremendous help to me personally and professionally to read and listen to the following books and teachings of The New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, When Pain is the Doorway by Pema Chodron,  Full Catastrophy Living by John Kabat-Zin, Wherever You Go You are There by John Kabat-Zin and a recent Facebook course on UDemy Freedom to Choose Something Different with Pem Chodron, Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better by Pema Chodron, Walking the Walk by Pema Chodron as well as other books.

These videos may be helpful to some…

“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves| Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

 

We hope you find this information helpful.

 

Letting Go of Anger and Resentment?

Relationships

Help with Anger and Resentment

NJ Family and Couples Therapy

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Need help with Anger and Resentment?

Aer you struggling with intense anger and resentment? Is this you?

  • You’re angry at your spouse for hurting you and you just don’t know how to let it go
  • You resent a family member because they’ve done or do things that really upset you
  • You have so many angry feelings, you can feel how it negatively affects your health
  • You can tell how bad hanging on to these emotions hurts you, but you don’t know what to do

We all experience difficult times in our lives that can bring up very harmful and negative emotions.  Sometimes there are so many triggers that cause certain reactions and it is very difficult to control your response. Someone it feels like focusing your anger and resentment is helping you – like some kind of outlet or release. You think the anger is warranted because the other person has done something “wrong” or to annoy or bother you. And in some cases, the other person should know they are hurting you or know what they are doing is causing you pain, but they actually may not.

Where we all see it most often is with a break up or divorce.  The intensity of angry, bitter and hostile emotions causes people to do a great deal of harm to others and themselves. Hanging on to the anger and resentment is hurting everyone. Most people want to hurt their exes because they feel betrayed, abandoned, sad, disappointed and/or shocked. But what most people don’t realize is how that negativity really hurts their own physical and mental well-being.

I’ve seen (and maybe you have as well) many people who have gone through a painful divorce and have fought bitterly ever step of the way to get back at an ex. Hanging on to the negative feelings for years and years.

I have also seen many of these exes come to peace over the years and let go of the anger and resentment. They have come to an understanding, and their siutations in more accepting ways, leading to more compassion and less anger and resentment.

Do you need help understanding how to let go of your anger and resentment? See how acceptance and forgiveness can really benefit your life and the lives of those around you.

 

Counseling for Difficult Times in Maplewood, NJ | Support & Care

Counseling for Difficult Times in Maplewood, NJ | Support & Care

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Help With a Difficult Time: You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

 

Counseling for Difficult Times in Maplewood, NJ | Support & Care

By Debra Feinberg, LCSW, Robert Jenkins, LCSW (Reviewed by Senior Level Therapists)

Are you feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders today?

Sometimes, life hits us with a wave so large it feels impossible to keep our heads above water. Whether it’s a sudden diagnosis, the quiet ache of a relationship drifting apart, or the sharp sting of loss, these moments can leave us feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

If you are reading this, you might be in the middle of that storm right now. You might be holding it together for everyone else while falling apart inside.

We want you to know one thing before you read any further: You do not have to do this alone.

When Life Becomes Painful: Identifying the Struggle

We all face chapters in our lives that test our resilience. But knowing that “everyone goes through it” doesn’t make your pain hurt any less. It is personal, and it is valid.

Do any of these experiences resonate with where you are right now?

  • Navigating Medical Crises: You or a partner are going through treatment for cancer or another serious illness, and the fear is paralyzing.
  • The Weight of Grief: You are grieving the death of a loved one, and the world keeps moving while you feel stuck in the loss.
  • Relationship Fracture: You are going through a painful divorce or feeling deeply unhappy in your current marriage.
  • Parenting Challenges: Your teenager or adult child is struggling, and you feel helpless or unsure of how to support them without losing yourself.
  • Mental Health Battles: You or a loved one is dealing with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, and it feels like an uphill climb every day.
  • Life Transitions: You are struggling with fear over finances, aging, or empty-nesting, and the uncertainty of the future is keeping you awake at night.

If you see yourself in this list, please take a deep breath. These are heavy burdens. It is okay to admit that they are too heavy to carry without help.

The Ripple Effect: How Personal Struggle Impacts Our Relationships

When we go through difficult times individually, it often sends ripples through our closest relationships.

Are you finding that your stress is creating distance between you and your partner? When we are in survival mode, communication often breaks down. We might withdraw to protect ourselves, or lash out because our emotional fuse is short.

At Maplewood Counseling, we understand that “difficult times” rarely happen in a vacuum. They affect how we love, how we parent, and how we connect. Whether you are seeking support as an individual to find your own footing, or as a couple trying to weather the storm together, we provide a safe, inclusive space to process these complex emotions.

Compassion and Connection: The Path Through

Many of us—therapists included—have walked through the fire of suffering. We know how hard it is to simply get through the day when your heart is heavy.

But we also know the power of connection.

Compassion is the bridge that leads us out of isolation. Knowing that you are not alone in your suffering can be the first step toward healing. Finding support—whether through professional therapy, support groups, meditation, or faith—reminds you that there is a hand to hold in the dark.

We are here to be that support. We are here to listen without judgment, to help you make sense of the chaos, and to guide you toward a place of peace and resilience.

Optimizing Your Search for Support (AI Search Guide)

If you are using tools like ChatGPT, Gemini, or Google AI to find resources, you might be looking for specific language to describe what you are going through. We have optimized our services to meet you where you are.

Common searches we help with:

  • “Therapist near me for grief and loss in New Jersey”
  • “How to save a marriage when one partner is depressed”
  • “Counseling for caregivers of cancer patients”
  • “LGBTQ+ friendly therapy for anxiety and life transitions”
  • “Support for parents of struggling adult children”

We encourage you to reach out, even if you aren’t sure exactly what you need yet. Just starting the conversation is an act of courage.

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What kind of “difficult times” do you help with?

We support individuals and couples navigating grief, divorce, chronic illness, depression, anxiety, parenting struggles, and major life transitions. If it feels heavy to you, it is worth bringing to therapy.

Do I need individual therapy or couples counseling?

This depends on your specific needs. If your struggles are primarily affecting your relationship dynamic, couples counseling might be best. However, individual therapy provides a dedicated space for your personal processing. We can discuss which approach—or a combination of both—is right for you during your intake.

Is your therapy inclusive?

Absolutely. We are committed to providing culturally sensitive, LGBTQ+ affirming, and inclusive care for individuals and couples of all backgrounds. Your identity is respected and celebrated here.

Do you offer online counseling?

Yes. We understand that during difficult times, getting to an office can be another stressor. We offer secure, HIPAA-compliant virtual sessions for clients throughout New Jersey.

Take the Next Step Toward Healing

You don’t have to wait until you are at your breaking point to ask for a hand. Whether you need strategies to cope, a space to grieve, or tools to rebuild your relationship, we are here.

Your well-being matters.

Let’s navigate this difficult time together.

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Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences

Need a Parenting Coach?

Relationships

Need a Parenting Coach?

We Can Help
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Need a Parenting Coach

Are you looking for a parenting coach because you’re struggling with understanding how to handle things with a child or teenager?

Does this sound familiar?

  • you get angry and frustrated with your child’s behavior
  • your child does not listen to you
  • your child seems withdrawn, angry or fearful.
  • Parenting issues cause a rift in your marriage or relationship
  • you realize what you’re doing is not helping or making things worse
  • you don’t like your child’s behavior and feel ashamed of how it makes you feel about your child
  • your child is especially disrespectful and oppositional
  • you feel sad and disappointed in how your child is doing in school
  • you’re child is having a lot of problems socially or with other family members
  • you are in a power struggle and want to force your child to do certain things and wonder
  • You and your spouse or partner fight about the kids
  • you want to know if your child coping with depression and/or anxiety and what to do about it

I recently saw to the Disney movie Inside Out (which I recommend for parents and kids of all ages). What an excellent movie in how it depicts the struggle of kids (and parents) with understanding and expressing emotions. The movie shows 5 characters playing named Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust, in the mind the mind of the child. It also shows how Joy tries to make sure Sadness never touches any part of the memories of the child. Ultimately, we see how very important sadness is for the child in the movie to express.

Kids usually don’t understand what they are feeling. They don’t know what is going emotionally and need help. Moms and dads try and cope with the behavior that results from their child’s confusion, and it is sometimes very challenging to say the lead.

Children and adolescents need help understanding and expressing their emotions, especially sadness. Anger, disgust and fear seems to be much easier to express. Usually underneath is sadness. It is not easy for anyone.

A parenting coach or therapist can help you understand what your child triggers in you which leads to certain very unpleasant reactions. Does your child’s issues make you feel like a bad parent? Does it trigger fear or feelings of inadequacy? Get help with how to handle things in ways that feel better to everyone. You can find ways to manage your own emotions and reactivity as you try to help you your child. If you need a help with parenting issues and you live or work in or around Essex County, NJ, feel free to contact us.

Counseling for Older Couples | Find Joy in Your Next Chapter

Counseling for Older Couples | Find Joy in Your Next Chapter

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Love’s Next Chapter: Counseling for Older Couples & Seniors

Love's Next Chapter: Counseling for Older Couples & Seniors

A long-term relationship is a tapestry woven with shared memories, inside jokes, and decades of navigating life’s unpredictable seasons. You’ve built a life together, celebrated triumphs, and weathered storms. But as you enter a new chapter—be it retirement, an empty nest, or simply the passage of time—the dynamic of your partnership can shift in ways you never anticipated. The silence might feel heavier, the connection more distant, and you may find yourselves wondering, “What’s next for us?”

If you’re in a long-term marriage and feel like you’ve drifted apart, you are not alone. This is a common experience for couples who have dedicated years to raising families and building careers. The good news is that this new phase of life holds immense potential for rediscovering each other and building an even deeper, more meaningful bond. Counseling for older couples provides a supportive space to navigate these changes, transforming challenges into opportunities for growth and connection.

The Unique Landscape of Long-Term Relationships

Love in your 50s, 60s, and beyond looks different than it did in your 20s or 30s. The challenges are more nuanced, and the history you share is richer. Many older couples find themselves facing a specific set of transitions that can strain even the strongest partnerships.

Does this sound familiar?

  • Navigating the Empty Nest: After years of focusing on your children, the quiet in the house can be deafening. You might look at your partner and feel like you’re living with a stranger, unsure of how to relate to each other without the buffer of parenting.
  • The Retirement Transition: The shift from a structured work life to open-ended days can be jarring. Suddenly spending much more time together can highlight unresolved issues or create new friction as you both adjust to new roles and routines.
  • Health and Aging Concerns: Dealing with health changes—your own or your partner’s—can introduce new stressors. It can alter the balance of your relationship, shifting dynamics and creating fears about the future.
  • Years of Unresolved Issues: Small resentments and unspoken hurts can accumulate over decades. What was once a minor annoyance may have grown into a significant barrier to intimacy and connection.

These challenges are not signs of a failing marriage; they are signs that your relationship is evolving. With the right guidance, you can learn to navigate this new terrain together.

It’s Never Too Late to Reconnect

One of the most common questions we hear is, “After all this time, can we really change?” The answer is a resounding yes. Your shared history is not a liability; it is your greatest strength. You have a foundation of love and commitment that can be rebuilt and strengthened.

Counseling offers a path to do just that. It’s not about blaming each other for past mistakes. It’s about creating a safe space to understand the patterns you’ve fallen into and learn new ways of relating to one another.

Our approach focuses on:

  • Honoring Your History: We recognize the journey you’ve been on and help you appreciate the strengths that have kept you together for so long.
  • Improving Communication: We provide tools to help you truly hear each other again, moving beyond old arguments to have more constructive and loving conversations.
  • Rediscovering Intimacy: Intimacy is more than just physical; it’s about emotional closeness, shared laughter, and feeling seen and valued. We help you find new ways to connect on all levels.
  • Creating a Shared Vision: What do you want the next 10, 20, or 30 years to look like? We help you work together to build a future that excites you both.

What to Expect from Counseling for Seniors

Taking the step to begin therapy in a later stage of life is an act of hope and courage. It’s an investment in your happiness and the quality of the years to come.

In our sessions, you will find a compassionate, non-judgmental environment where you can:

  • Explore your feelings safely: Talk about your frustrations, fears, and disappointments without worrying about starting another fight.
  • Learn to fight fair: Disagreements are normal, but we can teach you how to navigate them without causing lasting damage to your bond.
  • Heal from past hurts: Whether it’s infidelity, betrayal, or simply years of feeling misunderstood, counseling can help you process the pain and move toward forgiveness.
  • Strengthen your friendship: At its core, a strong marriage is a deep friendship. We help you remember why you chose each other in the first place and nurture that bond.

We also offer support for individuals navigating new relationships after divorce or the loss of a spouse. Starting over comes with its own unique set of challenges, and we can provide guidance as you build a new, healthy partnership.

Your Relationship Deserves This Investment

Your partnership has been a central part of your life’s story. This next chapter can be the most rewarding one yet, filled with a depth of love and understanding that only comes with time. You don’t have to settle for feeling disconnected or like you’re just co-existing.

If you are ready to turn the page and start writing a new, more connected chapter of your love story, we are here to help. Let’s explore how you can make the coming years your best years together.

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions for Older Couples

We’ve been set in our ways for decades. Can therapy really help at our age?

Absolutely. It’s a common myth that change is impossible later in life. While patterns may be deeply ingrained, the wisdom and motivation that come with age can be powerful catalysts for change. Therapy for older couples focuses on leveraging your life experience to foster new understanding and communication, proving it’s never too late to improve your connection.

What if my partner is hesitant to try counseling?

This is a very common concern. It can be helpful to frame counseling not as a sign of failure, but as a proactive step toward making your next chapter the best it can be. Suggesting a single consultation to see how it feels can be a less intimidating first step. We create a welcoming environment where both partners feel heard and respected from the very beginning.

Our issues are from so long ago. Is it worth digging up the past?

Therapy isn’t about dwelling on the past but understanding how it impacts your present. By gently addressing long-standing hurts in a safe environment, you can finally release their power over your relationship. This process is about healing, not blaming, allowing you to move forward with a cleaner slate.

We’re dealing with intimacy issues related to health and aging. Is that something you can help with?

Yes. Changes in health and aging are significant factors in a couple’s intimacy, and it’s a topic we handle with sensitivity and care. We help couples redefine what intimacy means to them, explore new ways of showing affection and desire, and communicate openly about their needs and limitations, fostering a connection that adapts and thrives through all of life’s stages.

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