Maplewood Counseling

Becoming a Better Listener

Just LISTEN To Me – Don’t Try and Fix It”

This video says it all. She just wants him to become a better listener and not “fix it”. It’s a funny video, but the truth is she wants to be heard. To have her partner really just let her talk about what’s bothering her – without trying to fix it. Well meaning men and women can struggle with wanting to help.  It certainly comes from a good place. However, most people just want to be heard, not fixed.

It’s such a strong impulse for some people to solve a problem when what will really help is allowing your spouse or partner to just talk.  You have to make a conscious effort to listen. Just listen.

Becoming a Better Listener – what to say, what not to say:

When you wife or husband is upset, can you make it safe enough for him or her to express their feelings? Whether it is sadness, disappointment, anger or frustration, it is important to allow space (listen) without trying to fix anything, interrupt, ignore or walk away. If you listen it conveys you car about your partners struggle, want to understand, want to help. You may be angry yourself and not want to do this since you feel misunderstood and frustrated yourself. This is where couples get stuck and it’s also where a good couples therapist can help you.

If you need help developing this very important skill – and one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, get in touch. There are many ways you can improve your ability to stay present and listen.