Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000
In a Sexless Marriage or Relationship?
Are you in a sexless marriage? Does your husband, wife or partner never seem to be interested in sex? Have you gone for months (or years) without sex? Have you been trying to accept the lack of intimacy (and rejection), but feel you can no longer bear it.
If your marriage lacks intimacy and sex, your relationship is at risk. A couple is clearly vulnerable to the crisis of an affair, divorce or a break-up. Most couples struggle with sexual desire issues for a number of reasons.
In a sexless marriage or relationship?
Here are some common reasons for lack of sex in a marriage or relationship:
You feel overwhelmed by responsibilities at work and home and have no energy left
You don’t feel understood in a way that makes you feel safe
You are angry at your spouse and have a wall up
You feel alone and not emotionally connected
You get angry when your spouse or partner rejects you and you react making things worse
You no longer feel attracted to your spouse or partner
Watching pornography can change the way you feel about sex with your partner
Sex is boring, you’re partner is selfish and it is not satisfying
You need to feel the emotional connection before you can want to have sex
You need sex to feel the connection
You may have ED erectile dysfunction and struggle with performance problems
You may have hormone or other medical problems
You had a hysterectomy and your libido has changed
Sex has become painful and peri-menopause or menopause
It’s never the right time
You feel like you’re being used for sex and your partner or spouse really doesn’t care about you
There are so many reasons that couples struggle with sex and intimacy. It can be extremely difficult when the needs of each partner are not met or fully understood. Anger, disappointment and frustration can create even more distance and make it even harder to connect leading to less intimacy and sex.
If you are living in a sexless marriage, see how marriage counseling for couples therapy can help you create more intimacy. It would take both people are willing to discuss this in a different way.
If you are in New Jersey and you want to discuss the lack of connection in your relationship, get in touch and let us know how we can help.
Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000
Need help with communication?
Improve communication in your marriage or relationship
Most couples call looking for help with communication.
However, even an affair and infidelity are often a symptom of a problem – lack of connection- stemming from poor communication skills.
What is really important in a relationship is getting better at listening. True listening is one of the greatest gift you can give your partner or spouse. It means trying to reallyunderstand what your spouse needs.
Everyone in a relationship may have different needs in terms of what makes them feel like they matter and what makes them feel important. Many times their feelings and needs can be discounted or dismissed leaving to further problems and disconnect. Learning to pay attention to and respond what they are feeling and the expression of that struggle rather than getting caught up in all of the details of what the other person is saying. It can come out as a complaint, but the feeling underneath might be feeling alone or misunderstood resulting in sadness, anger or distancing. It is si important to learn how to help your spouse or partner feel safe to show he or she mateers and that you are really trying to there ( in the way the other person really needs) emotionally.
If you are in a relationship that needs to get better at communication – to really really be there ways that your partner needs – find a therapist that can help you get the message across.
A well trained therapist can help. Feel free to reach out via phone or email if you’d like to discuss your situation. It’s a step in the right direction to understanding one another to make your relationship better and more satisfying.
When you’re unhappy and trying o figure out the best path forward, counseling can help. Sometimes the relationship can improve and other times, it might best to separate. We help couples trying to decide wha tis best.
Can We Resolve Our Issues?
Disconnected? Been through so much and not sure you can heal from all that has not been working in your marriage or relationship? Need a professional to help you discuss? We can help.
Can We Work Things Out?
Maybe one of you wants to work things out and the other is on the fence or feeling “done”. Counseling can provide a safe place to have this discussion to help you figure things out.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discerment counseling is a type of counseling that offers disconnected , unhappy, and/or frustrated couples a safe space to discuss what makes sense in terms of the future of their relationship. Couples at a point asking “should we stay together or not” can benefit from discernemnt counseling. Some will decide to commit to therapy for a period of time to see if things can change for the better. Others might decide the best thing is to separate, divorce, or slit up. Typically it is a short term 4-5 session process that helps couples (married and sometimes coupled) decide on a the best path forward. In Discernment Counseling, your therapist will spend some time together with the couple as well as some individual sessions to gain and undestanding of each person’s feelings, experiences, and thoughts about realtionship to fully assess and assist the couple in the decision process.
Discernment Counseling
Helping You Discern the Best Path Forward
Should We Stay Together or split up?
Are you unhappy in your marriage? Are you and your spouse looking for a therapist to help you make some important decisions? Wonder if you should stay and work on marriage or figure out the best way of calling it quits and moving on?
Discernment counseling is a type of therapy couples do when they’re trying to decide whether they need to let go of the marriage. Most couples go to marriage counseling to deal with issues in the marriage and as hard as it’s been, both are committed to working on the relationship. Maybe they are looking to improve communication, find ways to get more connected and deal with conflict. Some men or women are feeling so frustrated, disappointed, sad or angry that divorce becomes a frequent topic. Usually one person has lost hope that things will even be different.
Why Discernment Counseling ?
Discernment counseling helps a couple figure out whether they can stay together or not. Some couples don’t discuss splitting up or divorce on their own and need a safe place to discuss difficult issues. The therapist can help you explore the relationship and where each person is at and why.
Most of the time a couple is not on the same page when it comes to wanting to split up, so it’s important to discern whether there’s anything they can do or if the couple is going to be taking the next step. Discernment counseling is a different approach to working with couples than marriage counseling. Couples sometimes meet up to five times but can stop whenever they feel like they’ve come to a decision. Therapy will involve spending some time together and apart during appointments to discuss what the issues have been in the marriage (good and bad) and what you’ve done to work out your differences. And then there are discussions about staying in the marriage as it is, deciding to move in the direction of divorce or even trying to work with a marriage therapist for several months to see if there’s a way to repair the relationship and reconnect.
Is Discernment Counseling for You?
If you’re grappling with issues such as infidelity, lack of communication, profound loneliness, or indetermination about whether to divorce or reconcile, then Discernment Counseling could be a beneficial step for you.
Distinct from traditional marriage counseling, Discernment Counseling is a unique approach that aids not in mending the marriage, but rather in assisting both partners to discern the best path forward: should you seek marriage counseling to attempt reconciliation, or should you part ways and seek a divorce? This process can lead some couples to commit to relationship improvement over a set period, hoping to alter destructive patterns and rejuvenate their union. Alternatively, others might conclude that it’s in their best interest to part ways.
Even in circumstances where both partners have contrasting desires – one yearning for reconciliation and the other leaning towards divorce – Discernment Counseling can be instrumental. It can guide you through open and clear discussions about your current situation, assisting you in making informed decisions about the fate of your marriage.
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING : What do we do Next?
1. You can keep things status quo and do nothing
2. Take steps to divorce
3. Commit to intensive marriage counseling to see if you can work on issues that have lead you to such a bad place to see if the marriage can be saved.
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING Can Even Help Couples That Disagree:
the therapist listens to both partners and not forcing any outcome
this type of counseling assists couples dealing with conflict
this is not marriage counseling
If you are trying to decide to work on your marriage or feeling like you may need to separate or divorce, discernment counseling may help you figure out the next step.
Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000
Is Your Marriage in Trouble?
Are you really scared about the status of your relationship? Are you feeling like your wife or husband has completely shut down? Are they now discussing wanting a divorce or breaking up? Are you feeling terrified and not sure what to do?
I hear from many men and women who are really scared of losing their marriage or relationship. They are feeling abandoned emotionally by their spouse. There has probably has been ongoing problems in the relationship that have never been dealt with properly and it has caused a great amount of distance and disconnect in the relationship. Often times one person has been asking (or begging ) to go to a couples or marriage counselor and those requests were ignored. Unfortunately, ignoring someone’s pleas to get help can cause great damage to the relationship. Sometimes that damage can be repaired and sometimes not.
So what should you do? Certainly, discussing what you are going through with a trained and experience therapist can help you figure out your next step. Fear or feelings of abandonment can cause people to struggle with sleep and lose their appetite and be unable to eat.
When Your Relationship or Marriage is in Trouble
The worse things are in the marriage, the more help you will need (if both people are willing) to turn things around. Each situation is different.
If you want to know what to do with your intense emotions and struggle, feel free to get in touch.
Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000
Need Relationship Help?
Learn what it means to be there for your spouse or partner
Over and over I hear from couples about the struggle with one (or both) people feeling alone in the marriage or relationship. Feeling sad or angry about your spouse not responding the way you need them to – with empathy, understanding and compassion. Maybe they even put up a wall, dismiss your feelings, criticize you, distance or check out. I’ve heard people describe hearing “get over it” or “don’t be weak” or “you’re too sensitive” from their partner if they are feeling sad or upset.
The result? The relationship suffers. There is disconnect, distance, unhappniness, less sex, more arguing or other symptoms. What most people really need is for their partner to listen to them, to be there, to be present and not judge your feelings as good or bad. All too often I work with couples where the wife or husband want to express sadness, disappointment and/or anger. Instead of understanding, the response is eye rolling, “don’t be weak”, “get over it”, or just dismissing the feelings completely. This is where couples find they grow very far apart and really need relationship help to reconnect.
As a relationship therapist who works with many couples, I see this pattern quite often. What I’m hoping to achieve in couples therapy is helping each person understand the importance of being there and what it actually looks like.
I assess what each person brings to the relationship from their past. Reflecting on the past helps men and women understand why they respond (or don’t respond) in certain way. For people that grew up in a household where it was hard for a mother or father to be there for them, someone who told him to stop crying, made them feel shame for expressing emotions, it is natural to defend against feeling this in your relationship as an adult. Becoming aware of how past relationships influence your ability or lack of ability to be there is where a good couples counselor can help.
If you want a loving, healthy and more secure marriage or relationship, you will need to learn how to be there. Be there in ways your spouse really needs. You want to let your partner or spouse know they matter, and let them know that they can count on you to be there. If you can do this successfully an ongoing, your connection will be and remain strong.
You will still have disagreements and not always be on the same page, all couples have to deal with these types of things. But knowing how to really respond rather than react is key. KNowing how to be there in ways that your partner needs is important.
Need Realtionship Help in NJ?
Are you looking for an experienced therapist in New Jersey? Feel free to get in touch.
Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000
Strengthening Your Marriage During Stressful Times
There is nothing like the stress of a new baby, children and managing work and family responsibilities. The demands of your job and feeling pulled in so many ways can put the relationship on the back burner. If you don’t feel like a priority or struggle making your relationship a priority, the result may be anger, ongoing conflict and disconnect. This stress can cause one partner to find ways of coping, which sometimes means online cheating, an affair and infidelity. Disconnect and anger is never an excuse for having an affair, but most of the time this level of betrayal is a symptom of a problem in your relationship that needs attention.
Common complaints for people seeking marriage or couples counseling:
Not feeling like a priority
An affair, infidelity, online cheating and other betrayal
Communication problems
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed managing work and family responsibilites
Feeling like you don’t matter to your spouse
Feeling like you can’t count on your partner
Feeling alone and disconnected
Lack of sex and intimacy
It is certainly understandable that balancing things at home and work is very challenging for most families these days. Not feeling like you can communicate in a productive ways can only make matters worse. Maybe you feel like you don’t matter, like you’re not important. Maybe you feel like you can’t count on your partner or spouse to be there for you emotionally and otherwise.
What is an very important – and we will discuss these things in counseling- is reflecting on all the things that influence the way you relate to one another. This includes what you’ve been through in your early significant relationships – how your role models treated each other and treated you will influence your behavior and expectations to a great extent. Is important in understanding your present day dynamic to understand how these have influence the way you communicate, respond or react to your significant other. The same will be for them, so understanding that your spouse or partner has their own paradigm and issues will significantly impact your dynamic and not necessarily in a positive way.
Strengthening Your Marriage During Stressful Times
Need couples or marriage counseling to help in strengthening your marriage or relationship!? See how therapy can help you understand your spouse and get better at responding to their needs rather than reacting. Learn how to communicate in ways that your spouse or partner will be more likely to hear rather than get defensive. Get in touch if you are looking for a skilled and experienced therapist in Northern New Jersey.
