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Marriage Therapist | Are You in Crisis?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Find a Marriage Therapist

Help Improving Your Relationship

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Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000

Searching for a Marriage Therapist in NJ?

Has your spouse or partner been asking to go to therapy? Did you feel like you could handle things on your own? Did you not realize how much pain and disappointment your partner has been feeling sometimes for years? Are you feeling pain now and decided it’s time to go to therapy? Are you the one who’s been feeling pain for a long time – show this to your spouse or partner so they don’t wait until it’s too late. It’s important to try and get into therapy sooner and not wait until things are in crisis and it’s hard to come back from feeling so sad, alone, angry and disappointed for so long.

This happens all too often when I hear from someone looking for marriage or couples therapy. They are no the one feeling tremendous pain and, as a result, very motivated to go to counseling – finally. What they are feeling most likely is what their spouse or partner has been feeling for sometimes a very long time. That’s where it gets difficult.

In a way – in a big way,  you can sense how distant and checked out your partner is. Maybe they’re even saying they want a divorce and that they’re done. You can somehow sense how much you don’t matter anymore. So at this point, the wall is up very high. I do see a lot of couples that are in this place – some can come back and some cannot. It’s hard for me to know unless I meet with each person and the couple to assess what has been going on in the relationship and how both people are feeling at this point. I carefully assess the person that has had to build up a wall to protect themselves from ongoing pain in a relationship. Feeling like he or she doesn’t matter, they i’ve been feeling very alone in the  relationship. And feeling like they have not been able to count on their spouse or partner to be there emotionally for a very long time.

So if this is where you’re at right now in your relationship – not sure how this is going to end up, but desperately trying to save your relationship, counseling can help you figure out what the next step is in a safe place. Safe for both people.

If you are looking for marriage therapist in NJ or couples counseling to help you figure this out, feel free to reach out to me to see how therapy can help.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Trying to Heal After An Affair? Need Help?

Trying to Heal After An Affair? Need Help?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Therapy After An Affair

Helping Couples Heal

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How to Heal Your Relationship After an Affair

Need marriage or relationship therapy after and affair? Can your relationship heal after this level of betrayal? Is it really possible for the relationship to survive cheating, or is a divorce or a break-up inevitable?

The news is better than you might think. It is possible to heal your relationship after an affair, but only if you both are willing and committed to doing the work necessary to fix the damage: both the damage that the affair caused, as well as the damage which caused the affair. According to “Surprised by Love” by Jay Kent-Ferraro Ph.D., MBA, “Marriages don’t end because of infidelity; they end because of how infidelity is dealt with.” Is your love and commitment strong enough to overcome the profound failure of cheating? Here are ten critical steps couples must take to survive the damage of an affair and emerge with a stronger relationship.

  1. Honesty

When cheating is brought to light, it is important that the wronged member of the relationship talks openly and honestly to their partner. Overcome with feelings of grief and distrust, this member must put their pain and hurt into words to let their partner know what they are feeling. By the same token, the partner who had the affair must respond to questions truthfully; attempting to minimize your partner’s pain by understating the facts will only lead to more distrust when they inevitably learn the truth.

  1. Bear Witness

Just as significantly, if not more so, the cheating partner must prepare to face the pain and heartache that their behavior has brought on. In many situations, the unfaithful party can feel paralyzed with guilt, and see the affair as damage that cannot be repaired. This causes them to push their partner to put the pain behind them rather than take the time to grieve to help heal. Dr. Janis A. Spring, clinical psychologist and author, insists that the offender “bear witness” to the pain they have brought on instead of trying to defend or deflect. Taking responsibility of this wrongdoing is vital to rebuilding trust in the relationship.

  1. Atone

After bearing witness to the hurt and pain they have caused, the unfaithful partner must express remorse. This is key to rebuilding a relationship after an affair, and without this step there is no way the relationship can be repaired.

  1. Get it in Writing

After the person who had the affair has listened and understood the pain they caused their spouse or partner, Spring suggests that they write out their apology in their own words. This detailed letter to their loved one can help prove to their partner that they understand the pain that they have caused. Spring explains, “Verbal reassurances, promising you won’t do it again, that means nothing after cheating. They have to prove they’ve heard and understood their partner on the deepest level, and that means citing very specific examples of how they’ve hurt them and then taking actions to prove they will not do so in the future.”

  1. Forgiveness Isn’t Cheap

Sometimes, the offended partner—desperate to salvage the relationship or too scared to be alone–will forgive before they have had any chance to grieve. This “cheap forgiveness” actually can hurt the relationship by interrupting the healthy grieving process. Avoid this “cheap forgiveness” as it can set you up in a place where you do not deal with the hurt, your partner does not come to understand your pain, and in turn they can continue to be unfaithful in the future.

  1. Who’s Responsible?

In relationships where one person has strayed, both parties may bear some measure of responsibility for the problems which led to the affair. While the unfaithful person must own up to 100% of the guilt, the wronged member of the relationship must accept some responsibility for cultivating an unhappy relationship. Not only the cheater, but the hurt person has to see how their role played a part that made their significant other decide to have an affair, and take progressive steps to provide more emotional intimacy in the future. That being said, no matter what the couples’ problems were, only one partner cheated, and this step cannot be used to deflect responsibility for that conscious and deliberate decision.

  1. Full Disclosure

After the cheater understands their significant other’s feelings and owns up to their 100% of the guilt for cheating without being defensive, the cheater must fully disclose everything. While uncovering all secrets may be painful, this allows for a blank slate where both parties have been transparent and vulnerable.

Couples that are healing after an affair need to get insight in what went wrong without just blaming each other. During this step, some partners will feel anger, hurt, pain, and betrayal when they learn what their lover has done, but full disclosure and honesty is the best way to get back trust and intimacy.

  1. No “Second Chance”

Not only does the person who is responsible for the affair need to end the affair, they need to end all contact at all with his or her lover. This “no second chance” rule may seem over-the-top, but it will discourage cheating.

  1. Gain Support

Once both partners have forgiven and are ready to rebuild their relationship, they both must make the relationship a top priority. As part of this new obligation to value each other, the couple should go public with the state of their relationship and gain support from the people closest to them. Let these people know that, despite the affair, they are recommitted and are rebuilding trust.

  1. Get Physical

The last step is about being able to reconnect with your partner physically. If the couple wants to stay together, the rebuilding must reach the bedroom, too. According to Dr. John Gottman, “Without the presence of sexual intimacy that is pleasurable to both, the relationship can’t begin again.”

Healing your relationship after an affair is a difficult process, but it can be done. The process can be helped along with an experienced therapist to help you repair and strengthen your relationship. Call 973-902-8700 if you are a couple needing help in Essex County, New Jersey.

Understanding Shame | How It Impacts Your Life

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Shame Can Be Debilitating

Healing Shameful Feelings
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Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000

This video explains how shame is lethal and what you need to do to reduce shame.

According to Brene Brown,shame is defined as the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. She says we all have it and it is one of the most human primitive emotions. She also says the less we talk about it, the more we have it

Shame needs these 3 things to grow exponentially:

1) Secrecy
2) Silence
3) Judgement

To get rid of shame – EMPATHY. Shame cannot survive empathy. So talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love about something that triggers your shame or reach out to someone you trust and tell your story. Empathy is the way to reduce and get rid of same.

DR. BRENE BROWN: “SHAME IS LETHAL”

Couples Therapy

Maplewood Counseling provides relationship counseling for couples who are struggling with communication problems, an affair, a crisis or other issues. Marriage counseling and couples therapy is provided to help for all types couples with relationship issues.

Anxiety, Depression, Grief

Get help for depression, anxiety, grief, or low self esteem. Therapy can help if you are going through a difficult time such as coping with a divorce or break-up. A good therapist can help you improve the way you feel and work on making positive changes in your life.

Coping With a Life Crisis

Do you need help getting through a painful time in your life? Are you dealing with an affair or infidelity? Trying to survive a lonely, painful time? Is your child struggling? Are you or a loved one coping with a crisis, serious health issues, or helping aging parents?

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling

10 Benefits of Meditation

Anxiety, Depression

10 Benefits of Meditation

Improve Your Life
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Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000

10 Benefits of Meditation

We all experience stress, strain, and anxiety, often on a daily basis. Because these feelings are often caused by factors we cannot control, many people find themselves buried under their emotional weight as they pile on top of each other.  Our negative thoughts and thinking can make matters worse.

Practicing meditation can help in many ways and lead to better overall health.  All it takes is 12-20 minutes a day  each day of the week, to really tune in and train your mind to focus on the present moment by way of the breath and quiet our non-stop thinking mind. Learning to stay still and focus on the present has tremendous benefits.

Here are 10 ways that meditation can improve your quality of life.

1. Good Night’s Rest

Meditation helps to detach you from your negative thoughts and the issues that tend to run through your head, especially when you lay down to sleep. Letting go of these thoughts allows you to get a deeper, more restful sleep, so you wake up with more energy and feel more alive.

2. “Do you remember when…”

Research proves that practicing meditation can physically alter a person’s brain by strengthening the cerebral cortex, improving memory, concentration, and the ability to learn. Just as it is important to exercise daily, meditation is the best way to exercise your mind!

3. Creativity Boost

Have you ever experienced the frustration of being stuck in the middle of a crossword or Sudoka puzzle? Research shows that meditation can boost your creativity and innovation skills by eliminating the internal hurdles that prevent us from reaching our natural creative potential.

4. Anxiety and Depression

Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Incorporating meditation into your daily regimen can help those suffering from depression and anxiety. Although it is not a magical potion that can just zap your worries away, meditation helps you focus on the now. It helps to calm and relax an overactive brain and breaks the cycle of focusing on worrisome thoughts and fixating on the past and future.

5. The Key to Kindness

Research has shown that meditation can also help people become more virtuous and kind. Meditation allows us to turn our focus away from ourselves and recognize the emotional needs of others. Meditation can be a key used to unlock our compassion and empathy.

6. Physical Health

When most people think of meditation, they immediately associate it with their mind, but meditation is the simplest way to improve your overall health, including your body! Research shows that meditation can help reduce pain, boost your immune system, ease inflammation, help infertility, and even reduce risk for high blood pressure and heart issues.

7. Lighten the Load

One of the most well-known benefits of meditation is stress relief. In today’s world, stress is virtually unavoidable. However, meditation can help us manage and reduce the stresses that we face every day. It allows us to be more mindful of ourselves. Once we are aware of the factors that cause stress,and the ways in which stress affects our emotions, we are in a better place to reach a solution to address them.

8. Thinking Clearly

Our lives are filled with distractions. With cell phones buzzing, television blasting, endless email, and ads popping up everywhere, how is one ever supposed to have a clear thought process? Meditation can assist in calming down the mind and clearing it of wasteful and invasive thoughts. This can improve a wide range of cognitive skills including focus, stress management, impulse control, concentration, self-awareness, attention, and detail-oriented strengths. Studies show that meditation not only changes these functions, but it actually can rewire and change the structure of the brain.

9. Meditation a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Never mind eating an apple every morning, did you know that meditation is a holistic way to boost your immune system? Research shows a clear connection between the immune system and thoughts. Your immune system responds to both good and bad thoughts—can you guess which can make your immune system stronger? Studies have also shown that meditation can increase antibodies, decrease demanding stress that puts pressure on the immune system, and even boost activity in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls the immune system.

10. Don’t Worry, Be Mindful

Like exercise, meditation can boost your levels of serotonin and endorphins, and help you find inner peace. That, combined with the nine other benefits outlined above, will help you manage day to day experiences which can sometimes very very challenging.

Meditation is a great way to improve your life emotionally, mentally, and physically. You can ease into it slowly by setting aside just ten minutes in the morning and in the evening. Keep track on your calendar and see if you can see and feel yourself experiencing these life-changing effects. The only way to tell is if you give it a try!

Teach Girls Bravery, Not Perfection

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Teach Girls Bravery, Not Perfection

In Support of Girls
Get in Touch

Maplewood Counseling
Offering Online & In-person Sessions
169 Maplewood Ave Suite 4
Maplewood, NJ 07040
Call Now (973) 793-1000

Teach Girls Bravery, Not Perfection

We at Maplewood Counseling support teaching girls bravery, not perfection. Coping with failure is challenging for us all, but knowing how to manage the feelings and negative thoughts is important. It is a wonderful TEDTalk that explores this very important topic.

We know how important it is to help girls with self esteem. It takes courage and bravery to keep on going in spite of obstacles.  Teenage girls can work on this and become more and more courageous over time.

In support of this goal and girls of all ages. 

 

Get in Touch with Maplewood Counseling in NJ

Infidelity Therapist to Help You Tell Your Partner

Infidelity Therapist to Help You Tell Your Partner

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

INFIDELITY THERAPIST NEAR ME
HOW TO TELL YOUR PARTNER
MAPLEWOOD, NEW JERSEY 

 

Need a Infidelity Therapist
to help you tell your partner?
We Can Help

 

Contact Us | Trusted Infidelity Therapy

Get in Touch Today

Need an Infidelity Therapist?

Want to tell your partner about an affair, but don’t know how?

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How an Infidelity Therapist Can Help

Coming Clean and Being Honest

Want to know what to do about infidelity and how to tell you partner or spouse before they find out? Infidelity is extremely difficult to admit to, but continuing to be dishonest, lie and deny things can be even more harmful not only to the relationship, but the person having the affair. So many men and women who start affairs can’t even believe the Made such. mistake. “It is never something I thought I would do”, “I can’t believe I’m here”, “I’ve always been faithful and thought affairs happened to other couples”. And now you find yourself in an affair and the guilt is destroying you.  You may need an infidelity therapist to help.

Understanding Infidelity

Is this You?

  • you were vulnerable to infidelity because of lack of connection, passion and feeling like you don’t matter
  • the kids, work, everything but the realtionship was a priority
  • we became so distance in your marriage over the years and felt unhappy and alone
  • there is/was some kind of thrill and adrenaline rush – maybe feeling alive again
  • it just felt good to be wanted for the first time in a long time
  • the infidelity may be masking an underlying issue such as depression, grief or trauma from the past

When things aren’t going well at home other things can happen. The insidious effects of the lack of connection can often start the process with what feels like is harmless flirting, texting and talking. Slowly you start wanting to do it more and more. Secretly you find ways to connect with the other person. Sometimes your spouse or partner senses something and starts questioning you, but you deny things when your spouse questions you, which really feels lousy.

When couples feel disconnected, forming a connection with someone else can (unfortunately) happen. Some couples realize they have lost the connection and choose therapy to help them and work on reconnecting before it goes down that path. Others may not really be aware of what they’re doing. Not feeling good about the marriage or relationship and then someone else pays attention to them – it can happen easily in these situations.

Once lines are crossed…

The toll an affair takes on the person having the affair can be huge. Good marriages and people do end up here. It usually happens over time – a couple becomes disconnected. Circumstances of busy lives, raising children, pressures at work, and trying to manage it all. Finding it difficult to maintain your connection and giving the relationship the attention it needs is very challenging. Depression, disappointment, anger, loneliness, not feeling like a priority, no sex or intimacy, frequent fights can all take a toll on your relationship.

How do I Tell My Wife, Husband or Partner About Current or Past Infidelity?

It’s not an easy thing to do. You may need an infidelity therapist to help.

Are you still having the affair? Are you trying to end it? Is the affair in the past, but guilt about the betrayal is eating away at you?

Fear of losing your marriage and family is the biggest reason people don’t want to admit to infidelity. So much pain it will cause and so much to lose if things can’t be worked out. Also, ending something that has given you much needed attention can be very difficult. It can cause men and women to feel grief, especially if you formed an attachment to the other person. You find yourself in a really hard place to be. Letting go of the affair may be painful (or not) and telling your spouse will be painful.

You may be ready to take the steps to end an affair and/or tell your spouse about the infidelity. You may need help doing this in the most sensitive and safe way possible. An infidleity therapist can help you do this in a safe place. You can take the steps to repair the damage, understand, talk and reconnect.

Need help healing your relationship? Contact Maplewood Counseling in Essex County New Jersey and let an experienced infidleity therapist help you take the steps to heal infidelity.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling