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Should I Break Up? Relationship Counseling for Couples | NJ

Should I Break Up? Relationship Counseling for Couples | NJ

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Navigating the Crossroads: Should You Stay or Go?

Navigating the Crossroads: Should You Stay or Go?

Deciding the future of a relationship is one of life’s most challenging crossroads. You might feel caught in a loop of uncertainty, weighing happy memories against present pain. Questions like, “Can we fix this?” or “Is it time to let go?” can feel overwhelming, leaving you feeling stuck and alone. Whether you’re in a marriage or a committed partnership, this period of questioning is a sign that something needs to change.

Feeling uncertain is a valid and common experience. Perhaps you are grappling with the aftermath of an affair, trying to heal from broken trust. Maybe you feel a deep sense of disconnect, as if you and your partner are living separate lives. These moments of pain and confusion deserve to be met with compassion and clarity. This guide is here to help you explore your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental way, empowering you to find the path that is right for you.

Understanding the Doubts in Your Relationship

When a relationship is in crisis, it’s natural to question everything. The path forward feels foggy, and you might not be sure if you can find your way back to each other.

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • You are struggling to forgive your partner for infidelity or a betrayal of trust.
  • You feel a lingering hurt from times your partner wasn’t there for you when you needed them most.
  • You find it difficult to move past old arguments or painful events that keep resurfacing.
  • There’s a constant feeling that your needs are not being met, or that you’ve been deprioritized for other people or obligations.

These are significant emotional hurdles. They create a heavy burden that can make it hard to feel positive about your partner and your future together. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward addressing them. The pain you feel is real, and it’s important to acknowledge it without judgment.

The Complex Path of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often discussed as a key to moving forward, but it’s rarely a simple act. It is a complex, personal journey. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or condoning the actions that caused you pain. Instead, it is a process of releasing the hold that anger and resentment have on you, primarily for your own well-being.

Can forgiveness save a relationship? Sometimes. When both partners are willing to engage in honest, open, and sometimes difficult conversations, it is possible to heal and rebuild. It requires a shared commitment to understanding each other’s perspectives and working collaboratively to create a new foundation.

However, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. You can forgive someone for your own peace of mind and still decide that the healthiest choice is to end the relationship. The goal is to make a decision that honors your well-being, whether that means staying together and healing, or parting ways with mutual respect.

What is Discernment Counseling?

When you’re on the brink of a major relationship decision, Discernment Counseling offers a unique and supportive path. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which is often aimed at fixing the relationship, discernment counseling helps you gain clarity and confidence about the future of your partnership.

This short-term approach is designed for couples where one person is leaning towards ending the relationship while the other wants to save it. The primary goal is not to solve your problems, but to help you decide if your problems can be solved.

Over one to five sessions, a therapist will help you and your partner:

  • Look honestly at your relationship, including what has worked and what hasn’t.
  • Understand each person’s contributions to the current challenges.
  • Explore three potential paths forward: ending the relationship, committing to six months of intensive couples therapy, or maintaining the status quo.

Discernment counseling provides a safe, structured space to slow down and make a thoughtful, deliberate decision, free from pressure. It empowers you to move forward with a clearer understanding of your own needs and the dynamics of your relationship.

Finding Your Way Forward

Feeling stuck in a painful place is exhausting. You don’t have to navigate this uncertainty alone. Seeking professional support can provide you with a safe, confidential space to explore your feelings, understand your options, and find the clarity you need to move forward.

Whether you choose to work on your relationship or decide it’s time to part ways, therapy can help you process your emotions and develop the tools for a healthier future. We are here to support you in exploring your next steps with empathy and guidance. Reaching out is a brave and powerful step toward finding peace and resolution.

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: How do I know if my relationship is truly over?
A: There is no single sign, but consistent indicators include a lack of emotional or physical intimacy, feeling indifferent rather than angry during conflicts, imagining a future without your partner that brings relief, and feeling that your core values and life goals no longer align. If attempts to communicate and reconnect consistently fail, it may be a sign that the relationship has run its course.

Q: My partner doesn’t want to go to therapy. What can I do?
A: This is a common challenge. You can start by expressing your feelings in a non-blaming way, explaining that you want to go to therapy to improve the relationship for both of you. If they remain resistant, consider individual therapy. Working on yourself can still positively impact the relationship dynamics and provide you with the clarity and support you need to make decisions about the future.

Q: Is it normal to still love someone but know you have to break up?
A: Yes, it is very normal. Love is complex and doesn’t just disappear. You can deeply care for someone while recognizing that the relationship is unhealthy or no longer serving your well-being. Ending a relationship in this context is a difficult but often necessary act of self-compassion.

Q: How can we break up amicably, especially if we have children?
A: An amicable split requires mutual respect and a commitment to open communication. Focus on shared goals, like co-parenting effectively. Agree to communicate respectfully, avoid blaming each other, and set clear boundaries. A therapist or mediator can be incredibly helpful in facilitating these conversations and creating a healthy post-breakup plan.

Q: How long will it take to get over a breakup?
A: There is no set timeline for healing, as it’s a deeply personal process. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the future you envisioned. Factors like the length of the relationship, the circumstances of the breakup, and your support system will influence your healing journey. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.

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Helpful Resources for Couples Seeking Counseling

Do You Fight Over Your In-Laws?

Anxiety, Relationships

Problems With In-Laws?

Family & Marital Therapy

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Fights over in laws?

Do you need help resolving in-law issues?

You’re not alone if you struggle and fight about your parents or your spouses parents. Even if in-laws mean well, it doesn’t always translate into their actions.

So many couples struggle dealing with a mother-in-law or father-in-law. It can be so complicated and cause one spouse to feel like they’re in the middle and they want their partner to get along with their parent (s)

Easier said than done.Are you constantly hearing “you didn’t protect me”, “ you didn’t stand up for me me “, “Your mom or parents are awful to me and you say nothing”. Do you feel your wife or husband does things that offend your family? Do you fear saying something to your family even though you can understand what your spouse feels? Do you struggle understanding and see what your parents are doing that might bother your wife or husband? It does make sense if you are used to the way your parents do things and your spouse is not, then you might not really understand why they are having such a hard time.  These situations are delicate and you can work through them so that there isn’t so much pain and anger and disconnect.

There are somethings you both can do to get better at understanding and being there for each other through these in-law ups and downs.   Discussing in a safe place with a trained and experienced marital therapist (or coupes counselor) for starters. A place where you can get help listening and understand and validating the experience rather than defending against or arguing.

Get in touch if you’re having a lot of problems dealing with a mother-in-law or Other in law’s. It’s common in relationships and there is something you can do.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 
 

In a Disconnected Relationship?

In a Disconnected Relationship?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Disconnected Relationship ?

Couples & Marriage Counseling

Maplewood Counseling

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

In a Disconnected Relationship?

Unable to listen or understand one another?

What causes disconnect?

  • When you resort to constant criticism when you can’t get through and feel heard
  • If you feel like you don’t matter and are not important
  • Because you don’t feel safe enough emotionally to hang in there when one of you are upset and argue
  • If you hold back and do not share how you feel since it seems gets you nowhere
  • When you defend yourself instead of really trying to understand and listen to you partner’s concerns
  • Since you need help approaching rather than avoiding dealing with issues
  • Because you are not kind, empathetic and compassionate

The Disconnected Relationship

If you understand what makes it difficult it will help you do a better job in your relationship. Maybe there is a lack of awareness of how past experiences and role models are influencing the way relate today. So if you are both open and willing, you can get better at these very important things…listening, understanding, accepting, supporting and forgiving.

Most importantly, the very things that helps couples feel more connected are feeling important, safe, and comforted in times of need. Therefore, this is what will help improve communication, intimacy, heal from infidelity and many other difficult issues. Also this will hep you deal with parenting, in-law or other family conflict. Understanding your patterns and breaking habits will help you move in the right direction. It is not an instant process and takes work learn how be there (in ways your partner needs not what you think they need), be open (listen, reflect on the past to become more aware, and try to understand) , be honest (saying how your really feel in ways the other person will be more inclined to hear it) and be kind (see what makes it difficult to be kind, empathetic and compassionate) .

From disconnected relationship to secure, connected relationship.

If you are willing and open, you can work on the things that will make you feel more connected and “wanted”.  It will be very worthwhile in connecting in your relationship in ways that feel good to both of you.

Need help making this happen? Are you both open to change? Get in touch and let us know. We’re here when you’re ready.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How to Forgive: Healing in Your Relationship

How to Forgive: Healing in Your Relationship

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

The Path to Forgiveness in Your Relationship

 

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW and Robert Jenkins LCSW

How to Forgive: Healing in Your Relationship

Has your relationship been shaken by a deep hurt? Whether you’ve recently discovered an affair, are still grappling with a past betrayal, or feel a growing resentment because your partner wasn’t there for you when it mattered most, the pain can feel overwhelming. You might find yourself stuck in a cycle of anger and sadness, wondering if you’ll ever feel at peace again.

Struggling to forgive doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. When someone you love and trust hurts you, the wound is profound. But holding onto that pain indefinitely can become a heavy burden, impacting your well-being long after the initial event. Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It is not about condoning the behavior or letting the other person “off the hook.” It is a process of releasing yourself from the grip of resentment so that you can heal.

At Maplewood Counseling, we understand how difficult this journey can be. We are here to provide a supportive space where you can explore these complex feelings and decide what moving forward looks like for you.

If you’ve experienced infidelity or serious breaches of trust, you may find our Guide to Couples Counseling especially helpful as you work through what comes next.

Understanding What Forgiveness Really Means

Before you can even consider forgiving someone, it’s important to understand what it is—and what it is not. Many people resist forgiveness because they believe it means they have to forget what happened or act as if everything is fine. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

  • Forgiveness is not forgetting. The memory of the hurt will likely always be there. Forgiveness is about reducing the emotional charge of that memory so it no longer controls you.
  • Forgiveness is not reconciliation. You can forgive someone without choosing to continue the relationship. Deciding to forgive is a personal act of healing, while reconciliation is a mutual decision that requires both partners to be committed to rebuilding trust. For guidance on rebuilding trust after hurt or infidelity, consider our page on Types of Couples Counseling for Communication Problems.
  • Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It takes immense strength to look at your pain, process it, and choose to let go of the anger that is tying you to it.
  • Forgiveness is primarily for you. While it can benefit the relationship, the main purpose of forgiveness is to free yourself from the negative emotions that can harm your mental and physical health over time.

When you hold onto anger, you are the one who continues to suffer. Forgiveness is the act of taking your power back.

Your Experience is Valid Here

The journey of forgiveness is unique for every person and every couple. We recognize that your background, culture, and personal values shape how you navigate hurt and healing. At Maplewood Counseling, we offer inclusive care to individuals and families of every race, culture, and background—including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. Our team’s lived experiences and specialized training help us create a safe, affirming environment where every client feels seen and supported. Your pain is real, and your path to healing will be honored here.

If you’re also working through anger as part of the forgiveness process, our Anger Management Counseling offers supportive tools and professional guidance tailored to couples and individuals.

Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a switch you can flip; it is a gradual process with ups and downs. There is no set timeline, so be patient with yourself. Here are some steps to guide you on the path.

1. Acknowledge Your Pain and Anger

You cannot heal a wound you pretend doesn’t exist. Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of your emotions—the anger, the betrayal, the sadness. Write them down in a journal or talk to a trusted friend. Giving these feelings a voice is the first step to releasing their power over you.

  • Actionable Tip: Try the “empty chair” technique. Imagine the person who hurt you sitting in a chair opposite you. Say everything you need to say without interruption. Don’t hold back. This can be a powerful way to express pent-up emotions in a safe space.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by persistent sadness or loss as you process forgiveness, you might benefit from our Grief Counseling services.

2. Understand the “Why” Without Condoning the “What”

This step involves trying to understand the circumstances or mindset that led to the hurtful action. This is not about making excuses for the behavior. It is about shifting your perspective from seeing the person as purely malicious to seeing them as a flawed human who made a terrible mistake. Understanding can help depersonalize the hurt, making it less of a constant, personal attack.

When trauma is part of your history or your relationship, consider our Trauma-Informed Couples Care for compassionate strategies to support both yourself and your partner.

3. Make a Conscious Decision to Let Go

At some point, you must make an active choice to release the grudge. This doesn’t mean the pain will vanish overnight. It means you are committing to stop replaying the event in your mind and allowing it to define your present.

  • Try This: Create a small ritual to symbolize letting go. You could write down your feelings of anger and resentment and then safely burn the paper, or imagine placing the heavy weight of the grudge into a balloon and letting it float away.

Building self-esteem might be an important part of releasing resentment. Our Guide to Self-Esteem and Personal Growth includes practical tools to help you regain confidence on your forgiveness journey.

4. Decide on the Future of the Relationship

Forgiveness and reconciliation are two separate paths. Once you begin to find peace for yourself, you must decide if the relationship can be saved. This depends heavily on your partner’s willingness to take responsibility, show remorse, and actively participate in rebuilding trust.

If your partner is committed to healing, couples counseling can provide the structure and guidance needed to repair your bond. If they are not willing to do the work, forgiveness may mean letting go of the relationship in order to protect your own well-being.

If you’re not sure whether to stay or leave, our Individual Therapy options can support you in making choices that honor your needs.

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions About Forgiveness

Q: How do I forgive when my partner hasn’t apologized or taken responsibility?
A: This is incredibly difficult, but it’s important to remember that forgiveness is for you. You can choose to release the anger and resentment for your own peace, even if the other person never acknowledges their wrongdoing. This type of forgiveness is about freeing yourself, not about absolving them.

Q: What if I forgive them and they just hurt me again?
A: Forgiveness does not mean you have to be naive or abandon your boundaries. In fact, a crucial part of the process is setting firm boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt in the same way again. Forgiveness can coexist with the clear understanding that the hurtful behavior is unacceptable.

Q: How long is this supposed to take? I feel like I should be over it by now.
A: There is no deadline for healing. The time it takes to forgive varies widely depending on the severity of the hurt and your own emotional process. Be compassionate with yourself and avoid putting pressure on your healing journey. It takes as long as it takes. If your healing feels stuck, consider reaching out for individual or couples therapy.

Q: Is it possible to truly forgive infidelity?
A: Yes, many couples not only survive infidelity but go on to build a stronger, more honest relationship. However, it requires a tremendous commitment from both partners. The person who had the affair must be completely transparent and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, and the betrayed partner must be willing to eventually let go of the need for punishment. Professional guidance is often essential in this process. Learn more about healing from infidelity.

Are You Ready to Heal?

Feeling stuck in a place of hurt and anger is exhausting. Whether you want to save your relationship or simply find peace for yourself, you don’t have to walk this path alone. Forgiveness is a journey, and taking the first step is an act of courage.

If you are ready to explore what forgiveness could mean for you, we are here to provide expert guidance and a compassionate ear.

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Honesty in Your Marriage and Relationship

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Honesty

Helping Couples Build Trust

Maplewood Counseling

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Relationships and Honesty

Do you struggle with honesty in your relationship?  Are there things you don’t share with you spouse or partner?  Are you afraid to tell things with your spouse or partner something?

Being dishonest does not necessarily mean your are deliberately lying – in the case of someone directly asking if something is wrong or sensing something is wrong and directly asking. But lying to avoid getting caught in something potentially very damaging to your relationship – an affair, is a different type of dishonesty. Men and women are dishonest for different reasons sometimes.

Is this you?

  • You’re having an affair and are feeling stuck in a very bad situation
  • You’re texting other women or men and flirting and it’s hard to stop
  • You don’t tell your spouse or partner important things because you don’t want to hurt him or her
  • You don’t say how you really feel about sex and end up going through the motions and feeling unhappy
  • You don’t feel you can share what you want or need because you’re spouse won’t understand or care
  • You’re afraid your husband or wife will get angry if you say how you really feel about something

Lack of honesty will eventually lead to bigger problems, A couples can get very disconnected over time if they don’t share how unhappy they are about certain things and just accept it will never change. To deal with the disconnect, sometime one partner will find some relief in the attention from someone else. Disconnection and unhappiness at home can make many people very vulnerable to the smallest amount of attention from the outside.

It is important to be honest more now to reduce bigger problems down the road. If you need help to prevent bigger problems or if have already crossed over into infidelity or other bigger problems, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 
 
 
Unhappy Marriage or Relationship?

How to Improve Your Relationship | Maplewood Counseling

How to Improve Your Relationship | Maplewood Counseling

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

How to Improve Your Relationship: A Guide to Deeper Connection

 

How to Improve Your Relationship | Maplewood Counseling

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages? Perhaps small disagreements escalate into larger fights, or a quiet distance has crept in where closeness used to be. It’s a common experience for couples to face periods of disconnection, conflict, or dissatisfaction. These challenges don’t mean your relationship is failing; they are often signs that it’s time to learn new ways to connect and understand one another.

Building a strong, resilient partnership requires effort and a willingness to grow together. Whether you are navigating constant arguments, the sting of infidelity, or simply a desire to feel closer, there are practical steps you can take. This guide will explore proven strategies to help you transform challenges into opportunities for growth, reignite your bond, and build a partnership grounded in empathy and mutual respect.

Understanding the Cracks in Your Connection

Every relationship has its own unique rhythm and set of challenges. Often, the issues that cause the most distress are rooted in common patterns that can be addressed with the right tools and support. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward positive change.

Do any of these situations feel familiar?

  • Communication Breakdowns: You feel misunderstood, or conversations quickly turn into arguments. You might avoid certain topics altogether to keep the peace, leaving important issues unresolved.
  • Constant Conflict: It seems like you and your partner are always at odds, arguing over the same things without finding a resolution. The cycle of conflict can leave you both feeling exhausted and resentful.
  • Lack of Intimacy: The emotional and physical closeness you once shared has faded. You may feel more like roommates than partners, longing for a deeper connection.
  • Betrayal and Broken Trust: Infidelity or other forms of betrayal have damaged the foundation of your relationship, and you’re unsure if trust can ever be rebuilt.
  • Navigating Life Transitions: Major changes like having a baby, blending families, or career shifts can put immense stress on a partnership, disrupting your established dynamic.

Acknowledging these struggles is a sign of strength. It shows you care enough about your relationship to seek a better way forward. You are not alone in these feelings, and there is hope for healing and reconnection.

Practical Strategies to Empower Your Partnership

Improving your relationship doesn’t happen overnight, but small, consistent efforts can lead to significant transformation. By focusing on key areas, you can begin to rebuild your connection and create a safer, more loving environment for both partners.

1. Master Constructive Communication

Effective communication is more than just talking; it’s about listening to understand, not just to reply. When arguments become destructive, it’s often because one or both partners feel unheard or attacked.

  • Use “I” Statements: Frame your feelings from your perspective instead of placing blame. For example, say “I feel hurt when I’m interrupted,” instead of “You always interrupt me.” This approach invites empathy rather than defensiveness.
  • Practice Active Listening: When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and listen without planning your rebuttal. Reflect back what you hear by saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling…” to ensure you understand their point of view.
  • Schedule Time to Talk: Set aside dedicated time each week to discuss important topics without distractions. This prevents serious conversations from erupting during stressful moments and shows that you are prioritizing your relationship.

2. Turn Conflict into Connection

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. The goal isn’t to avoid disagreements but to handle them in a way that strengthens your bond instead of eroding it.

  • Take a Time-Out: If a discussion becomes too heated, agree to take a break. A 20-minute pause can help both of you calm down and approach the conversation with a clearer mind. The key is to commit to returning to the discussion later.
  • Look for the Underlying Need: Behind every complaint is often an unmet need or a vulnerable feeling. Try to look past the surface-level anger and ask, “What is my partner really trying to tell me?” This shifts the focus from winning an argument to understanding each other.
  • Find Common Ground: Even in a disagreement, there is usually a shared goal, such as wanting to feel respected or secure. Identifying this common ground can help you work together as a team to find a solution.

3. Reignite Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Intimacy is the emotional glue that holds a partnership together. It’s about feeling seen, valued, and connected on a deep level. When intimacy fades, it’s important to be intentional about bringing it back.

  • Share Appreciations: Make a daily habit of telling your partner something you appreciate about them. This simple act can shift the emotional climate of your relationship and foster a sense of being valued.
  • Plan Quality Time: Life gets busy, but quality time doesn’t have to be elaborate. It could be a walk after dinner, cooking a meal together, or simply 15 minutes of conversation without screens. The goal is to create shared positive experiences.
  • Discuss Desires Openly: Talk about what makes you feel loved and connected, both emotionally and physically. Don’t assume your partner knows. Open, honest conversations about intimacy can build trust and deepen your bond.

When to Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the patterns of conflict and disconnection are too deeply ingrained to solve on your own. That’s when seeking professional guidance from a couples therapist can make all the difference.

Couples counseling provides a safe, neutral space where you and your partner can explore your challenges with the support of an expert. A therapist can help you:

  • Identify and break negative communication cycles.
  • Heal from past hurts, including infidelity.
  • Learn proven tools for conflict resolution.
  • Develop a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.
  • Navigate major life transitions as a united team.

Taking the step to start therapy is an investment in the future of your relationship. It’s a powerful declaration that your partnership is worth fighting for.

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What if my partner is hesitant to go to therapy?
This is a very common concern. It can be helpful to frame therapy not as a sign of failure, but as an opportunity to learn new skills for your relationship. You can suggest an initial consultation to see how it feels, emphasizing that it’s a collaborative process where both partners will be heard and supported. Our therapists specialize in creating a comfortable environment for everyone.

Can our relationship really recover from infidelity?
Yes, many relationships can and do heal after infidelity, but it requires commitment from both partners and often the guidance of a trained therapist. The process involves rebuilding trust, addressing the root causes of the betrayal, and learning to communicate openly about hurt and needs. It is a challenging journey, but healing is possible.

Are virtual sessions as effective as in-person therapy?
Absolutely. Virtual sessions offer the same level of professional support and have been proven to be just as effective as in-person meetings. They provide the added benefits of convenience, comfort, and flexibility, allowing you to connect with a therapist from the privacy of your own home.

Our issues feel too big and complicated to fix. Can you still help?
Every relationship is unique, and so are its challenges. There is no issue too “big” or “small” for therapy. Our counselors are trained to handle a wide range of complex situations with empathy and expertise. We tailor our approach to your specific needs, providing a supportive space to navigate your challenges together.

How long does couples counseling take?

The duration of counseling varies for every couple. Some partners may find that a few sessions are enough to get back on track, while others may benefit from longer-term support to address deeper issues. Your therapist will work with you to establish goals and a timeline that feels right for your relationship.

Take the Next Step Toward a Stronger Bond

Your relationship is one of the most important parts of your life, and it deserves to be nurtured. If you are ready to transform challenges into growth and build a more connected, resilient partnership, we are here to help.

Contact Maplewood Counseling today to schedule a consultation. Let us provide you with a safe space to heal, connect, and empower your relationship for a happier future together.

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