Need a Relationship Counselor?

Can a relationship counselor really help?

Are you feeling disconnected in your marriage or relationship? Have you given up on trying to fix things yourself? Wonder how an experienced relationship counselor can help?

There are several issues that cause couples to feel disconnected. Struggling with communication issues – knowing how to repair small and serious issues is key. Even more difficult relationship “ruptures” like infidelity and affairs, dealing with family problems such as in-laws, parenting, step-family or blended family problems, dealing with an ex, etc… Learning what will help your break habits and patterns that are not working will help.

Communication Problems

Do you treat your partner with disrespect? Are you being verbally abused or treated poorly by your partner, husband or wife? Do one or both of you get into name-calling, criticism or devaluing your partner or spouse? Do one or both of you end up withdrawing, putting up a wall and end up with the silent treatment?

When you struggle over and over, it can cause disconnect.  Disconnect causes so many painful emotions. When you don’t feel understood (depending on your relationship style) it can cause one person to get louder and louder ( “I want you to hear me and understand me!”) or it can cause someone to withdraw because there is little hope to get anywhere or it does not feel safe . Becoming more aware of patterns or habits of defending, criticizing, ignoring or putting up a wall is going to help.  Learning how to listen and allow space for one another to express concerns and feelings is key to creating safety and reconnecting.

Understanding Yourself and Your Partner

How can an experienced marriage and  relationship counselor can help?

It will also take reflecting on an understanding your own part in your relationship struggles. Meaning, most people learn from their role models how people to treat others.

In addition, people that grew up in loving and nurturing and excepting homes, find it easier to respond and feel more connected in their adult relationships. On the other hand, people that grow up in homes where adults didn’t listen or they were disrespectful, critical, neglectful to another parent or adult and/or you, that will definitely inform the way you relate to people you love.

However, this is not meant to blame anyone since understanding and making sense of the past as well as accepting what you can’t change is important. Because, parents and role models do the best they can. Also, they certainly did what they knew how to do even if it wasn’t very good for anyone else around them.

How a relationship counselor can help

Firstly, understanding past experiences, conditioning and how these habits and patterns developed will help you work on breaking them. Secondly, if you are both open and willing to do this, you can create a much more loving, satisfying and connected relationship.

As a result, a skilled relationship counselor can help you understand what gets in the way of truly listening and understanding each other.  In addition, it’s important to understand all of the different aspects of your dynamic that are problematic. Therefore,  once you become more aware and pay more attention to what you’re doing or not doing, it can make a huge difference.

If you are in a bad place in your relationship and you are both willing and open to getting help, a skilled relationship counselor can help. So If you’re ready to take that step – or I have done some marriage or couples therapy in the past, and need more help now – get in touch.