Are you feeling stuck in a state of relationship limbo? Perhaps you aren’t sure if you should keep trying to work on your marriage or if it’s time to separate. It is an incredibly painful and confusing place to be. One of you might be leaning out of the relationship, feeling “done,” while the other is desperate to save it. Or maybe you both feel exhausted, unsure if there is enough left to salvage.
If you are asking yourself, “Should we stay together or split up?”, you are not alone, and you don’t have to make this decision in isolation. Discernment Counseling offers a safe, specialized space to pause, reflect, and find the confidence to choose your next step.
Navigating the “Stay or Go” Dilemma
Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners are ready to work on the relationship. But what happens when you aren’t on the same page? What if one partner is ambivalent or has lost hope?
Entering marriage counseling when one person has one foot out the door can often lead to frustration. The partner who wants to save the marriage may push too hard, while the hesitant partner may feel pressured, leading to a standstill.
This is where Discernment Counseling is different. It is not about fixing the relationship immediately; it is about figuring out if the relationship can—or should—be fixed. It provides a structured process to help you gain clarity and confidence about the future of your partnership, honoring the feelings of both the “leaning out” and “leaning in” partners.
What Is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a short-term therapeutic approach designed specifically for couples on the brink. It typically consists of 1 to 5 sessions, focused purely on decision-making.
The goal isn’t to solve your marital problems right now. Instead, the goal is to see if those problems are solvable.
In these sessions, your therapist will help you:
- Create a Safe Space: We provide a non-judgmental environment where both partners can speak openly without the pressure to commit to a specific outcome immediately.
- Understand Your Dynamics: We help you look at the relationship objectively to understand what happened to get you to this point and what each partner has contributed to the current dynamic.
- Explore All Options: We guide you through looking at three specific paths: staying as you are, moving toward separation/divorce, or committing to an all-out effort in couples therapy.
The Three Paths of Discernment
During the process, you will explore three potential outcomes for your relationship:
- Path One: Status Quo. You decide to keep the relationship exactly as it is for now. This is rarely chosen, but it is an option if you aren’t ready to make a change.
- Path Two: Separation or Divorce. You decide that the healthiest path forward is to end the relationship. If this is your choice, the counseling can help you move toward that transition with greater understanding and less animosity.
- Path Three: A Six-Month Commitment. You agree to take divorce off the table for six months and commit fully to couples therapy. This is an “all-in” effort to see if the relationship can be revitalized, with a clear understanding of what needs to change.
Is Discernment Counseling Right for Us?
This approach is specifically helpful for “mixed-agenda” couples—where one person wants to preserve the relationship and the other is considering ending it.
It might be the right fit if:
- You have experienced a major breach of trust, such as infidelity, and aren’t sure if you can recover.
- You have grown apart over the years and feel more like roommates than partners.
- One partner has threatened divorce, but you aren’t sure if it’s truly what you want.
- You have tried traditional couples counseling before, and it didn’t work because your goals weren’t aligned.
- You want to be able to look back and say you did everything possible to understand your options before making a life-altering decision.
It is important to note that Discernment Counseling is inclusive. Regardless of your background, orientation, or family structure, we honor your unique relationship dynamics. Our role is not to judge or steer you toward a specific outcome, but to empower you with the insight you need.
The Process: What to Expect
Because the goals are different from traditional therapy, the format is also unique. A significant portion of the session time is spent one-on-one with the therapist.
Why separate time? Because when tensions are high, it’s often difficult to be honest in front of your partner without triggering an argument. Individual time allows each of you to explore your own feelings, fears, and contributions to the relationship problems safely. The therapist then helps you bring key insights back to the joint conversation.
This structure respects both partners. The “leaning out” partner gets space to express their doubts without being pressured to “try harder.” The “leaning in” partner gets support in managing their anxiety and learning how to bring their best self to the crisis, rather than acting out of panic.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Living in uncertainty is exhausting. It drains your energy and affects every other area of your life, from your parenting to your career. You deserve clarity.
Whether you decide to reignite your bond and work through the hard stuff, or you decide to part ways with mutual respect, Discernment Counseling gives you the tools to make that choice with your eyes wide open.
If you are ready to find a way out of the limbo and determine the best path for your future, we are here to help.
