Maplewood Counseling

Anxiety Resources

Maplewood Counseling

Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences

Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences

Coping with Painful Experiences

How to Manage

Do you Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences?

We all go through difficult experiences in our lives that can cause deep and intense physical or mental pain. Some struggle with the tragic death of a loved one, others a serious, chronic or terminal illness.  Then there are people that struggle with a child, spouse or parent struggling with issues, a very painful divorce or another catastrophic life event.

When things are so intense and painful that it makes sense (at least temporarily) to run from, resist and fight the reality of the situation. Even though nothing is permanent, it feels as though things will never change. It seems you’ll be stuck in this painful place forever when you are going through it. “This shouldn’t be happening”, blaming others or ourselves for where we are at. Many can feel stuck in anger, resentment, and bitterness, wanting to find ways to escape the painful experience. Running from the extreme discomfort can ultimately make us all suffer even more, turning damaging behaviors to avoid the painful reality of our situation.

“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves

We all have to face events like these at one time or another in our lives. It is a part of life and what it is to be human. Even therapists have to cope with tragedies, serious health issues, struggling family members and other painful life events. We all, unfortunately, suffer more when we run from the pain rather than finding ways to accept, allow and work with the emotions that come up. Accepting and allowing our experience can help us attain more wisdom and a deeper sense of compassion for one another.

It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to be open to and allow the experience, and accepting and working what is and trying not to make things worse.  Going through a catastrophic event that seems insurmountable?

It has been a tremendous help to me personally and professionally to read and listen to the following books and teachings of The New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, When Pain is the Doorway by Pema Chodron,  Full Catastrophy Living by John Kabat-Zin, Wherever You Go You are There by John Kabat-Zin and a recent Facebook course on UDemy Freedom to Choose Something Different with Pem Chodron, Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better by Pema Chodron, Walking the Walk by Pema Chodron as well as other books.

These videos may be helpful to some…

“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves| Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

 

We hope you find this information helpful.

 

Help with a Difficult Time

Help with a Difficult Time

You Don't Have to Do it Alone
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Help with a Difficult Time When Things are Painful

We all go through periods in our lives that can be painful and difficult.

Does this sound familiar?

  • You are going through treatment for cancer or another serious medical illness
  • You are grieving the deathof a loved one and having a very hard time coping with the loss
  • You are going through a painful and/or bitter divorce.
  • You teenager or adult child is really struggling and you are not sure how to help them
  • You are very unhappy in your marriage or relationship
  • You’ve been struggling with depression or anxiety
  • You or a loved one is dealing with serious mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar or schizophrenia
  • You are struggling with fear over finances, health issues, issues related to aging and feel alone

Compassion and Help with a Difficult Time

We all have or will have to face some really painful challenges at one time or another in our lives. Many of us (therapists included) that have experienced a great deal of suffering can understand how hard it is to really get through.

Compassion and understanding can connect us all during these times. Knowing we are not alone in our suffering – that many others out there are experiencing deep suffering, can be healing.

Finding that connection and support from others going through that shared experience can help you get through difficult times. Also finding help via therapy, friends and family, support or therapy groups, meditation, and/or faith can help you get through difficult times.

Compassion and Support

Hoping you can connect with the shared experience and find support out there to help you. We all need to help one another through difficult times.

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples

Marriage Couples for Older Couples and Seniors

Long Term Marriages, Mid-life Relationships and Second Marriages

Are you an older couple looking for help with a relationship issues?

Does this sound familiar?

  • You’ve been marriage over 20 years and your not in a great place
  • You’re in a second marriage (or third) and things are complicated
  • You’re in a new relationship after divorce or death of a spouse and need help adjusting
  • You’re single and starting over and want help with you relationship style and choices
  • You’re dealing with your partner or spouse’s young or adult children
  • You’re trying to get over infidelity or other betrayal

We work with older couples who need help with relationship issues whether they come in together or alone. Whether it is communication problems, infidelity, trust or other issues from the past that have been hard to recover from, we can help. It will help to sort through your marital issues with an experienced marriage therapist.

 

Need help with a long-term marital problems?

Are you a couple that has been married over 20 years? Are you empty nesters facing new challenges in your marriage since your kids are in college or on their own? (**We also help people in a new relationship after divorce, in a second marriage and single starting over).

Many couples have been so busy focusing on the needs of their teens during high school and getting ready for college, there has been less time for the marriage.   For couples like this it isn’t until children kids are gone that many realize how much is really missing in their relationship. Now it’s just the two of you – and for some couples that’s not a good thing. Many couples at this point struggle with a lack of connection and wonder what to do.

Years of Issues – Can We Reconnect?

Like many couples, maybe you’re in a marriage that has been neglected due to work and family responsibilities.  The relationship was clearly not a priority. And in other cases, it seemed better to avoid each other because you just couldn’t seem to get what you need or get along anymore. You’ve accepted the distance and lack of connection because you just didn’t know what else to do.

Can anything be done to turn things around? After all, this is the time you can finally focus on one another. Can you get back to something more meaningful in your marriage? Can you slowly rebuild what has been lost? Or do you have to make other decisions?

Marriage or discernment counseling can help you figure things out.  Are you are both committed to the process and hopeful about the outcome? Do you both want to see if you can work on regaining your connection? Or do you wonder if you can come back from what feels like the point of no return.

Counseling can help you discuss long-standlng issues and feelings to see what can be done. It can also help you explore next steps in your marriage.  Are you both open to understanding, talking, listening, and repairing? Are you both committed to working through hurt, anger, and past disappointments? Or will be hard to do this…these are the questions we will explore in sessions.

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples and Seniors

Nurturing Relationships in Mid-Life and Beyond

Marriage is often described as a journey, one entered with hopeful hearts and a vision for a shared lifetime. Yet as time transforms youth into middle age and beyond, the journey’s terrain shifts as well, quite often bringing unexpected challenges and transformative moments. For many older couples, these moments can lead to a reevaluation of their relationship, raising important questions about what they want for the rest of their lives. Marriage counseling, a resource often associated with the younger demographic, plays a crucial role in guiding these couples in maintaining and strengthening their bond. In this comprehensive guide, we explore the heart of marriage counseling for older couples, understanding the unique landscape of mid-life relationships and the benefits of seeking therapeutic support.

Importance of Marital Satisfaction in Older Age

With increasing life expectancies, the concept of being ‘old and married’ has shifted to encompass more years and, consequently, more life to be lived together. A fulfilling and satisfying marriage in older age is not just a luxury; it’s a significant contributor to overall health and happiness. Research consistently demonstrates that strong marital relationships can lower the risk of chronic health conditions and act as a buffer against the stresses of aging. Thus, investing in the marital bond post-retirement and beyond can be seen as an investment in one’s quality of life.

 

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples

Marriage Counseling for Older Couples, Couples in Midlife, Empty Nesters, Baby Boomers | In-Person & Telehealth Virtual Sessions

Compassionate Marriage Counseling for Older Couples, Seniors, Caretakers

We provide marriage counseling for older couples from ages 50 plus in need of help with family and relationship challenges.  We offer sessions 7 days a week virtually and in person.

Challenges Faced by Older Couples

The golden years often bring with them a new set of challenges that can test the endurance of any relationship. Older couples frequently grapple with transitions such as retirement, the ’empty nest’ phenomenon, health concerns, and the natural process of aging, which collectively can strain communication and intimacy.

Transitioning into Retirement

The structure of daily life changes drastically upon retirement, with spouses suddenly spending the majority of their time together. This shift in dynamic can be both exhilarating and overwhelming, leading to the discovery of new shared interests or exposing previously unnoticed differences.

Empty Nest Syndrome

After decades of child-rearing, the silence left by adult children moving on can leave couples feeling disconnected and unsure of how to redefine their relationship without the primary focus on family.

Health Concerns and Aging

The reality of aging often brings with it health issues that can significantly impact individual well-being as well as the couple’s ability to enjoy activities together.

Communication and Intimacy Issues

As bodies and minds change, so do the ways in which couples communicate and express intimacy. In the hurried years of raising a family and building careers, these foundations may have been inadvertently neglected, requiring a renewed focus in the years of retirement.

Benefits of Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling offers a structured, supportive environment for older couples to unpack these challenges and work toward a more fulfilling relationship. The benefits are manifold, from improved communication to the development of new coping mechanisms for life’s inevitable changes.

Enhancing Communication Skills

Counseling equips couples with tools to communicate effectively, ensuring that they can express their needs and emotions constructively.

Addressing Unresolved Issues

Years can pass with unresolved conflicts that subtly erode the marriage. Counseling provides a platform to address these issues directly.

Reinforcing Emotional Connection

As daily life evolves, so must the emotional connection between partners. A counselor can guide couples in reconnecting and deepening their emotional bond.

Developing Coping Strategies

Therapy can help couples anticipate and plan for the challenges of aging, ensuring they have effective strategies to navigate this new phase of life.

Specific Considerations for Older Couples

Marriage counseling tailored to the specific needs of older couples navigates the nuances of second marriages, blended families, financial management, adult children, and the preservation of intimacy.

Second Marriages and Blended Families

For couples entering into a second marriage or managing a blended family, counseling can help establish new family dynamics and co-parenting strategies.

Dealing with Grief and Loss

Older couples may face the loss of close family and friends or the challenges of personal health; counseling provides a space to grieve and heal together.

Managing Financial Changes

The financial impact of retirement and aging can be substantial; counseling can help couples navigate these changes with open and honest communication.

Nurturing Intimacy and Sexual Satisfaction

Counseling for intimacy is an essential focus for many older couples, helping them rediscover and effectively communicate their desires and needs, ensuring mutual satisfaction.

Choosing the Right Counselor

The success of marriage counseling for older couples often hinges on the expertise and experience of the therapist. Maplewood Counseling specializes in couples’ therapy and has experienced and licensed therapists who work frequently with older adults.

Experience and Expertise with Older Couples

We have experience working with older couples and understand the unique challenges faced by aging individuals will ensure the sessions are fruitful and relevant.

Compatibility and Trust

Establishing a rapport with the counselor is vital. Ensure that both spouses feel comfortable with the therapist and are able to trust their guidance and expertise.

Conclusion

Marriage counseling for older couples presents a powerful opportunity to rejuvenate and strengthen relationships. As the fabric of life changes with age, investing in one’s marriage can ensure that the journey continues to be fulfilling and meaningful. I encourage older couples to explore the possibilities that counseling offers, to bridge the communication gaps, address unresolved issues, and foster a deep sense of connection that endures the tests of time. Nurturing your relationship post-midlife is not just about longevity; it’s about the richness and quality of the years you have left together.

Whether you are in a long-term marriage, second marriage or new relationship or second marriage – we can provide a safe place to explore these important questions, please get in touch.

Helpful Resources

 

At Maplewood Counseling, we are dedicated to supporting individuals, couples, and families in achieving mental wellness. Based in Maplewood, NJ, we proudly serve the Essex County, NJ community and offer statewide telehealth services to ensure accessible care for all. Whether you’re seeking help for anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, or personal growth, our experienced team is here to guide you every step of the way.

We Use HIPAA Compliant Telehealth Platform SimplePractice for our Telehealth Sessions