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Depression Affecting Your Relationship?

Depression Affecting Your Relationship?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Is Depression Impacting Your Relationship? 

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Is Depression Impacting Your Relationship?

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When Depression Impacts Your Relaitonship

Maplewood Counseling Therapist for Couples

Is Depression Impacting Your Relationship?

Living with depression can feel like navigating a storm, and when you’re in a relationship, it’s a storm that both partners must weather. It can cast a shadow over everything, making connection feel distant and leaving both of you feeling lost. You might wonder if your relationship can survive the strain. It’s a valid concern, and it’s one you don’t have to face alone.

Understanding how depression impacts a partnership is the first step toward finding a path forward. This article will explore the ways depression can show up in your relationship, affect communication and intimacy, and take an emotional toll. Most importantly, we will provide guidance on how to support each other and where to turn for help.

How Depression Impacts a Relationship

Depression isn’t just a feeling of sadness; it’s a persistent mental health condition that can change how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. When one or both partners are dealing with depression, the entire dynamic of the relationship can shift. The once easy and joyful connection can become strained, filled with misunderstanding and frustration.

It’s common for the partner without depression to feel helpless, confused, or even resentful. They may misinterpret their partner’s withdrawal as a lack of love or interest. Meanwhile, the partner with depression is often wrestling with feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and overwhelming fatigue, making it difficult to engage in the relationship as they once did. Recognizing these challenges is crucial for building empathy and finding a way to move forward together.

Common Signs in Your Partnership

Depression manifests differently for everyone, but there are common signs you might notice within your relationship. Seeing these signs is not about placing blame; it’s about understanding what’s happening so you can address it with compassion.

  • Emotional Distance: One partner may seem withdrawn, distant, or emotionally unavailable. They might stop sharing their feelings or seem uninterested in yours.
  • Increased Irritability: Small disagreements can quickly escalate into major fights. The partner with depression may have a shorter fuse or seem constantly on edge.
  • Loss of Interest in Shared Activities: Hobbies and activities you once enjoyed together may fall by the wayside. The desire to go out, see friends, or even spend quality time at home can diminish.
  • Changes in Physical Intimacy: A decreased libido is a common symptom of depression. This can lead to a lack of physical affection and intimacy, creating further distance between partners.
  • Shift in Responsibilities: The non-depressed partner might find themselves taking on more household chores, emotional labor, and decision-making, which can lead to burnout and resentment.

If these signs feel familiar, know that you are not alone. Many couples face these exact struggles. The key is to recognize them not as signs of a failing relationship, but as symptoms of an illness that requires care and attention.

The Toll on Communication and Intimacy

At the heart of any strong partnership are communication and intimacy. Depression can directly undermine both, creating a cycle of disconnection that is difficult to break.

Communication Breakdown

Healthy communication requires energy, focus, and emotional vulnerability—all of which depression can deplete. A partner with depression may struggle to articulate their feelings, often because they are overwhelmed or don’t understand them themselves. This can lead to silence and withdrawal.

Conversely, they might express their pain through anger, criticism, or negativity, which can feel like a personal attack to the other partner. The non-depressed partner may start walking on eggshells, avoiding certain topics to prevent an argument or an emotional shutdown. This breakdown in open, honest dialogue can leave both individuals feeling profoundly lonely within the relationship.

Fading Intimacy

Intimacy is more than just physical; it’s the emotional closeness, the shared jokes, the quiet moments of understanding. Depression can create a wall that blocks this connection. The person experiencing depression might feel unworthy of love or affection, pushing their partner away. Their self-esteem may be so low that they can’t accept or reciprocate loving gestures.

For the other partner, repeated attempts to connect that are met with rejection or indifference can be deeply hurtful. Over time, they may stop trying, fearing more pain. This erosion of both physical and emotional intimacy can be one of the most painful consequences of depression in a relationship.

How to Support Each Other and Move Forward

When depression enters a relationship, it can feel like an unwelcome third party. But it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. With patience, empathy, and the right support, you can learn to navigate this challenge together and even strengthen your bond.

Practice Open and Compassionate Communication

It’s essential to create a safe space to talk about what’s happening. Instead of making accusations, use “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, instead of saying “You never want to do anything with me anymore,” try “I feel lonely and miss spending time with you.” This approach is less likely to trigger defensiveness and opens the door for a more honest conversation. Listen without judgment and validate each other’s feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them.

Educate Yourselves About Depression

Understanding depression as a medical condition can help depersonalize its effects. Read books, look at reliable online resources, and learn about the symptoms and treatments. This knowledge can foster empathy and reduce blame. When the non-depressed partner understands that irritability or withdrawal is a symptom, not a personal failing, it becomes easier to respond with compassion instead of anger.

Support, Don’t Fix

If your partner has depression, it’s natural to want to fix the problem. However, your role is not to be their therapist. Your role is to be their supportive partner. Encourage them to seek professional help, and offer to assist them in finding a therapist or going to appointments. Celebrate small victories, like getting out of bed on a tough day or completing a small task. Your unwavering support can make a world of difference.

Prioritize Self-Care

Supporting a partner with depression can be emotionally draining. It is vital that the non-depressed partner prioritizes their own well-being. Make time for your hobbies, connect with friends, and consider seeking your own therapist. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for you to continue being a supportive partner.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Dealing with depression in a relationship is a significant challenge, and it’s okay to ask for help. Professional counseling can provide you with the tools and guidance to navigate this difficult time. A therapist can help the partner with depression manage their symptoms while also helping both of you improve communication, rebuild intimacy, and develop healthy coping strategies as a couple.

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space for couples to transform their challenges into opportunities for growth. Our experienced therapists understand the complex interplay between depression and relationships and are here to guide you with empathy and expertise.

If you recognize your relationship in this article, please know that hope and healing are possible. Taking the first step can be the hardest part, but it leads to a path of reconnection and understanding.

Ready to strengthen your partnership and navigate these challenges together? Reach out to Maplewood Counseling today to schedule a consultation. We are here to help you reignite your bond and build a healthier, more connected future.

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Parent of a Struggling Child?

Parent of a Struggling Child?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Parenting Counseling

Parent of a Struggling Child?
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Parent of a Struggling Child?

Do you feeling sad about what your child is going through? Are you feeling unable to find ways to effectively help your child?

When you’re a parent of a struggling child, it’s incredibly painful. Especially if the struggle seems to be ongoing and lasts for a period of time. Also, it can make you feel powerless, upset and even depressed. Maybe you’ve tried to help, offer advice or even resorted to criticizing your child in an attempt to make their situation better.

Parenting struggles with an adult or younger child

Do you have an adult son or daughter that is struggling? Are they dealing with life challenges that are also causing emotional pain, anger or fear? Is that affecting you?  Do you have a younger child that is struggling? Do you feel angry and disappointed with your child?

Does this sound familiar?

Mental health issues – Your child struggles with anxiety, depression, bipolar OCD  or a a serious mential health dianosis, such as psychosis or schizophrenia . Maybe they are in therapy or seeing a psychiatrist to try and manage and maybe they’re not open to treatment yet. Their behavior may be very hard for you as well.
 
Relationships – You don’t like the person your child is dating or married to. You have a hard time not making it known and it causes tension and stress in your family. Your child is in a gay or lesbian relationship and you struggle accepting his or her lifestyle.
 
Behavioral issues –   You’re younger child acts and it causes problem at home and in school.  It causes a lot of stress in the family and it is exhausting and overwhelming.
 
Sexuality – You child is gay, lesbian or transgender or identifies as bi or pansexual? Is it is hard to accept the lifestyle and support your child? Does you child feel isolated and struggle with sexuality or gender identity?
 
Dependency  –  Is an adult child having trouble launching? Do you wonder how to help? Do you feel he or she is being lazy or taking advantage of you? Do you fight with your spouse about how to handle the situation (one of you wants to make your child leave and the other doesn’t)?
 
Illness – Is your daughter or son dealing with serious, chronic or other illness? Have they been injured and are recovering and you are the caregiver? Are they struggling with serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, bipolar, psychosis or another severe mental illness?

 

Being the parent of a struggling child can be very challenging. Some situations trigger sad and powerless feeling and others trigger anger and disappointment.  Knowing how to cope with your own emotional reactions will help. If you are looking for help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

On the Brink of Divorce?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

On the Brink of Divorce

Marriage & Discernment Counseling

Essex County NJ

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Marriage on the Brink of Divorce ?

Is your relationship on the brink of divorce? Are you at a serious point and know something has to give. Do you wonder if you can break out of these negative patterns or if you need to split up? Certainly, you know you need to make a change – one way or the other.

If you’re at this point, it makes sense to sit down with a professional before you make matters worse.   Marriage counseling is a good option when both people are open and willing to work on the relationship. In contrast, discernment counseling is an option for couples stuck in bad place and not sure they are committed to working on the marriage. Both parties may not be open and willing to work on the marriage or feel hopeless, so that’s what discernment counseling can help with. It helps a couple sort through issues in a safe place so you can make some decisions.

On the Brink of Divorce

You’re not alone if you’ve had trouble turning things around on your own. Possibly you waited too long before getting help even tough your partner asked repeatedly to go to couples therapy. You may not have been ready at that time. Maybe you tried therapy once or twice before – it might have helped a little or not at all.   Regardless, your both ready to take the next step.

Questions and Concerns about Divorce

  • How will it affect the kids
  • How will it affect our lifestyle and finances
  • I’m scared of being alone and fear the end of the marriage
  • I still love my spouse and don’t want a divorce
  • I don’t love my spouse anymore (or maybe you never really did)
  • I don’t love my partner anymore and wonder if I should stay for the sake of the kids

Stay Together or Separate?

Is it at all possible to feel good about each other again? Is it possible to get back to a good place again? Maybe there has been too much damage, neglect, abuse over time. If the disconnect has gone on too long or one spouse does not want to work on the relationship anymore, it is important to see what to do at this point.

A good therapist can make it safe enough for both people to really be open and honest discussion about the next step. If you need help, get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Relationship Deal Breakers

Relationship Deal Breakers

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Understanding Relationship Deal Breakers

Helping Couples & Individuals Figure Things Out

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Understanding Relationship Deal Breakers

 

Relationship deal breakers, according to Terry Real, relationship expert and founder of RLT Relational Life Therapy, can make or break your relationship. It is important to understand these if you are going to be able to improve your marriage or relationship. As a result, you will want to know what gets in the way of creating a healthy and more connected relationship. More importantly, if certain issues are not addressed it may lead to divorce or a break-up. There is only so much one person can do on their own to fix things.

What are Deal Breakers for Couples?

Firstly, if one partner has an untreated mental health issue.  Possibly depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD or another mental diagnosis can be causing that person to suffer. As a result, it can affect the relationship. Also, you or your spouse or partner may not know there is a diagnosis or may not want to ask about it. Maybe you think your wife or husband suffers and it affects the relationship, but he or she is not willing to get help. It is not an easy subject to broach since no-one wants to feel like the “identified problem”. However, untreated mental health issues can make it very difficult to effectively work on your marriage or relationship.

Secondly, if one partner acts out sexually or is aggressive physically. Couples therapy is contraindicated and should not be used when there is domestic violence. If your partner acts out physically, then he or she needs to get help through a domestic violence program to address acting out anger in physically aggressive ways. Domestic violence is a legal issue, not a relationship issue. You cannot resolve your issue if it is not safe enough for both people to express their honest feelings about issues. Also, if your spouse or partner acts out sexually with infidelity, prostitutes, massage parlors, or online cheating, this must stop if the relationship can heal.

Finally, if you don’t or never loved your partner or want out.  So, if you got married young, to please a parent, your spouse or because of a pregnancy, and you never loved your spouse, it may not be possible to create a loving connection. Terry Real says he would rather see one partner let go of the other so he or she can find someone that can love them.  Also, if one person wants out and they are 100% done, they may come to therapy to get help ending the relationship. Maybe they feel badly about the pain they are causing by wanting to separate and get divorced, but it is a relationship deal breaker if both people are not invested in the trying to make it work.

Things that will be a huge challenge for couples and can also break your relationship are :

  • Lack of communication:

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without effective communication, misunderstandings can arise and lead to conflicts. It’s important for both partners to keep an open line of communication and be able to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear or judgment.

  • Disrespect:

Respect is a fundamental aspect of any successful relationship. Without respect, the relationship can quickly deteriorate. This includes respecting each other’s boundaries, opinions, and feelings. If one partner constantly disrespects the other, it can create resentment and damage the trust in the relationship.

  • Infidelity:

Infidelity is a major breach of trust in a relationship. Whether it’s emotional or physical, cheating can cause irreparable damage to a relationship. It’s important for both partners to be faithful and committed to each other in order for the relationship to thrive.

  • Lack of trust:

Trust is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. Without trust, there will always be doubts and insecurities that can lead to conflicts and even breakups. Building and maintaining trust takes time and effort from both partners, but it is necessary for a strong and lasting relationship.

  • Control issues:

Being overly controlling or possessive can also harm a relationship. No one wants to feel like they are constantly being monitored or have their actions dictated by their partner. It’s important for both individuals in a relationship to have their own autonomy and trust in each other’s decision making.

  • Neglect:

Neglecting your partner’s needs, whether it be emotional or physical, can create a rift in the relationship. It’s important for both partners to prioritize each other and make time for one another. Neglect can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, ultimately driving a wedge between partners.

  • Lack of effort:

Relationships require effort from both parties. If one person is constantly putting in all the effort while the other becomes complacent, it can cause strain on the relationship. Both individuals should be willing to put in the work to keep the relationship strong and healthy.

  • Incompatibility:

Sometimes despite our best efforts, relationships just don’t work out due to incompatibilities. This can be in terms of values, goals, or personalities. It’s important for both individuals to recognize when a relationship is not working and be willing to accept it and move on, rather than trying to force something that isn’t meant to be.

  • Lack of compromise:

Compromise is necessary in any relationship as no two people will agree on everything all the time. Without compromise, conflicts may arise and create tension between partners. Both individuals should be open to finding a middle ground and understanding each other’s perspectives.

  • Poor conflict resolution:

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how they are resolved can make or break a relationship. If conflicts are not handled properly, they can escalate and cause more damage. It’s important for both partners to be able to communicate effectively, listen to each other, and find a resolution that works for both parties.

  • Financial problems:

Money can also be a source of strain in a relationship if not managed properly. Disagreements over finances, debt, and spending habits can cause conflicts. It’s important for couples to have open and honest discussions about money, set financial goals together, and find ways to manage their finances as a team.

It’s essential for couples to be aware of these potential issues in order to prevent them from breaking their relationship. Communication, respect, trust, effort, and compromise are key factors in maintaining a healthy and successful relationship. Both individuals should continuously work on these aspects and address any issues that arise in a timely and effective manner to keep their relationship strong and thriving.

Money can also be a source of strain in a relationship if not managed properly. Disagreements over finances, debt, and spending habits can cause conflicts. It’s important for couples to have open and honest discussions about money, set financial goals together, and find ways to manage their finances as a team.

It’s essential for couples to be aware of these potential issues in order to prevent them from breaking their relationship. Communication, respect, trust, effort, and compromise are key factors in maintaining a healthy and successful relationship. Both individuals should continuously work on these aspects and address any issues that arise in a timely and effective manner to keep their relationship strong and thriving.

Call us if you need help figuring out how to handle any of these relationship deal breakers.

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Simple, Loving Attention

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Relationship Need Attention?

Feeling Neglected & Unhappy?

Couples Counseling NJ

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Attention is the Key to a Connected Relationship

Simple, loving attention is the very thing that most people need in their relationship. So, what makes it so difficult for most people to give this to their spouse or partner?

What Makes it Difficult

Habit and conditioning get in the way of giving your partner positive attention. As a result, most men and women sincerely struggle with knowing how to do this. Maybe something about this does not feel right or “normal”.  Also,  it’s possible that fear about other issues get in the way, such as trying to provide for your family.   Some people sincerely think they’re doing their job if they’re making money. That’s what they learned growing up, and that’s the way they think it supposed to be done.

As a result, you may be working like crazy and spending all of your time trying to provide for your family. The problem is, you are not paying enough attention to your spouse and family.  The result is unhappiness all the way around.

 What (You and) Your Partner Really Needs

Your partner needs your attention. It’s what will help both of you feel closer and more connected. Attention by way of appreciation, noticing the smallest things and expressing your gratitude.

How you both benefit from this type of attention and appreciation:

When you notice your wife or husband had a hard day, whether at home or work. When you actually listen to your partner about his or her day…the good and the bad. Really listening and being there. Maybe responding with:

“I’m sorry you had a bad day at work. Is there anything I can do to help? I really appreciate how hard you work and everything you do for us.  I know it’s not always easy. ”  If you are paying attention and aware enough, notice a what your partner has done around the house, new blouse, haircut or long commute. Also, consciously paying your partner a complement or commenting on things that are not easy. It also takes noticing if your partner is struggling and conveying that “I am here, how can I help? “.

If you are in a pattern of feeling neglected in alone, learning to be more attentive will help. It’s not easy to change patterns, progress takes steady, hard work.  But, if you can move in this direction, you will have much more happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.

If you need help with positive attention and your relationship, get in touch

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

How Attention Helps Us To Succeed

Fighting About Money

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Fighting About Money

NJ Relationship Counseling
Couples Therapy

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Fighting About Money in Your Relationship?

Are you struggling in your marriage or relationship with financial issues? Do you have conflict about your different approaches to saving and spending? Maybe your arguments have been leading nowhere?

A lot of couples argue about money.  For that reason, you both may feel angry and frustrated. When ongoing issues are not resolved, it can create more and more distance over time.  So what can you do?

Couples counseling can help you both move away from bickering and resolve you repeated arguments about money.

When You Feel Stuck Fighting About Money

Does this sound familiar?

one of you was a saver and the other is a spender.

there is a fear regarding financial security that isn’t fully understood and discussed.

one of you needs a lot of control to manage your anxiety and fear of financial insecurity.

you can’t stand that you can’t count on your spouse or partner in this way

you end up feeling alone and sad

Better ways to discuss, listen and understand

Issues regarding money that cause the most problems in relationships is having a very different approach and feelings about security. Possibly, one of you grew up in a family situation where money was really tight and there was obvious and ongoing financial struggle. So, if you went through some difficult experiences growing up, you may fear that same type of financial deprivation. As a result, you may be very controlling about money, which causes more problems.

In contrast, you may have grown up in a situation where your parents were not responsible with finances, or struggled with job loss, made irresponsible choices or dealt with other circumstances that were very challenging. Maybe, your roles models never valued money and did not teach you how to mange finances, create a budget or save money.

As a result, it’s important to really understand what’s at the heart of your arguments regarding money. In addition, communicating from this place of vulnerability can help both of you understand and work together more on issues related to finances.

If you keep getting stuck in this place and need help, get in touch

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling