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The End of A Relationship

Grief, Relationships

End of A Relationship

Hope After The End of A Relationship

“I just can’t believe it,” said Emily. She was shocked that Rob wanted a separation. Her feelings alternated between grief and rage, which was not easy to hide from her two children.  She could not understand… “How could he do this to me?”

It was not a surprise to their family and friends when Rob and Emily separated. Emily criticized and devalued Rob more and more over time. He never felt like he could do anything to please her and it was impossible to make her happy.

Everyone witnessed their misery….for years. Actually witnesses (including their children) were relieved when Rob left.

Staying together is better for the kids. Isn’t it? No. It can do much more harm than good. After all, you are teaching your children how to treat or be treated in a relationship.  As much as she loved her children and wanted the best for them, Emily could not see how sad they were because of her own pain and anger. Rob’s leaving helped her step back to see how their relationship had affected their kids. It was painful to recognize how little she had appreciated Rob, and even more painful to admit that the relationship was hurting their kids. She was determined to do whatever it took to make things better for them – and herself.

After some work in therapy, she saw several connections between her parents’ relationship and her own. She had learned well how to hurl insults, snipe and endure misery. With that awareness, she was able to make some very important changes in her life over time. She even came to understand how Rob must have felt, and after an initial period of rage and nastiness between them, they were able to speak and maintain respectful interactions, which was better for everyone.

Over time, Emily became more aware of their unhealthy and destructive dynamic and her part in it. She felt confident that understanding was going to help her change and would lead to more successful relationships (love and otherwise) in the future.

If you need help coping with the end of a relationship or marriage contact a licensed and experienced therapist in your area.

note: This end of a relationship story is fiction and not based on actual facts or events.

Coping with a Break Up or Divorce

Depression, Grief, Relationships

Coping with a Break Up

NJ Counseling Services

Maplewood Counseling

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Coping with a Break Up or Divorce

( The following is fiction and not based on actual people or events)

She was feeling deeply depressed over a recent separation. Her husband had left two months earlier and she felt so alone, scared and “empty.” It was hard to hold it together for her children and to function at work.

She married after finishing college 21 years ago. It was her first long term, serious relationship and she described it as blissful.  She got pregnant right after graduation, and it made sense to them both to “tie the knot.”

At first, things were wonderful. But they struggled with what most relationships struggle with –communication problems, fights over money, sex, household chores and parenting. Her hsuband complained that she did not make the relationship a priority and that he was feeling neglected. She said they didn’t discuss their differences– they fought about them instead. Not capable of hearing, understanding or listening to one another, the relationship gradually deteriorated.

She begged her husband to go to marriage counseling with her. Over and over again, he refused. “The problem is you, not me,” he would say. She became very depressed and unhappy, and the result was that she began pulling away from her husband and becoming very cold and distant. She had so much resentment and anger that she began hating her husband. At that point she could not even remember ever feeling love for him. She felt trapped and was not sure how she could survive financially on her own with the kids if she were to leave the marriage.

She felt she had no choice but to separate when she realized how her toxic relationship was affecting their children. The children suffered witnessing their parents misery. They were not the role models she wanted for her children – there was no way she wanted them to end up in a loveless, unhamark relationship. They had to separate for the sake of everyone.  The separation would be painful, but that it would allow everyone to have a chance at a fulfilled life. Next came figuring out how to cope with a break up…

Coping with a Break Up – Expect the Unexpected

She was so confused by the deep sadness she was feeling. It made no sense to her based on how miserable she was in the relationship. During the first few weeks after they separated, she felt relief. A break from fighting and being around someone she hated felt pretty good – at least initially. So why was it becoming so painful? Did she make a mistake?

Going through a divorve or break up can be extremely painful. Grieving the end of a relationship is bound to happen for people who were emotionally invested and really tried hard to make it work. As unpleasant (and incapacitating) as it is sometimes, don’t be surprised by the pain, self doubt, grief, and confusion you feel.

For some people reaching out to a support system of family and friends is a great way of getting through a difficult time. Others may need the help of a mental health professional to help them understand, recover and not fear finding a new path.

 

Looking for Help with Grief?

Grief, Therapist

Need Help with Grief?

New Jersey Grief Counseling

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Need Help with Grief?

 

“Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion for people, regardless of whether their sadness stems from the loss of a loved one or from a terminal diagnosis they or someone they love have received” (more…)

“Grieving is the process of emotional and life adjustment you go through after a loss. Grieving after a loved one’s death is also known as bereavement.” (more…)

Grief is deep sorrow that can be caused by any of the following situations:

  • The death of your child, wife, husband, partner, spouse, mother, father or friend
  • Traumatic grief due to a death caused by a sudden or traumatic accident or disaster
  • A break up, diovrce or end of a relationship
  • Job loss of extreme finanical problems leading to loss of home, etc…
  • Dealing with serious and/or terminal illness

If you need help with grief, get in touch.

Contact Maplewood Counseling

Grief Bereavement and Traumatic Grief

Grief

Grief & Bereavement

Help with Traumatic Grief

Grief, Bereavement and Traumatic Grief

What is Grief?

Grief  is a natural response to a deep and significant loss – the death of a loved one,  divorce or a breakup, serious health issues or the loss a home or job. How you or your family cope with the loss is very personal.

What is Bereavement?

Bereavement is the period of grief and mourning after the death of a family member or loved one.  How long your bereavement lasts can depend on many factors, such as how close you were to the person who died, if the person died unexpectedly or after a long illness and how the person died.

Many people also experience grief at the loss of an beloved pet such as their dog or cat.

What is Traumtatic Grief?

Traumatic Grief resulting from the sudden (and severe) loss of a loved one in a traumatic situation (natural or auto accident, transportation disaster, act of terrorism or murder, etc.). Traumatic or complicated grief can involve violent suffering, mutilation, and/or multiple deaths. The symptoms of traumatic grief are similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), acute stress disorder and major depression which a doctor or mental health professional can access.

What are the Effects of Grief and Bereavement?

Grieving is a normal response to a very painful loss that can include physical, mental and emotional reactions.  Physical responses can include difficulty sleeping or eating, illness or other physical problems.  Mental and emotional responses can include sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety and despair.

Grieving is painful, confusing, difficult and exhausting. It is much more complicated than just the emotional reaction.  Often people experience depression and anxiety and are affected spiritually, physically, psychologically and socially.

Healing from Grief

Grieving may feel unbearable at first and make it very difficult to function. With  the help of support groups and sometimes grief counseling, you can get help coping with your loss.

Looking for New Jersey Grief Support Groups?

When coping with grief, support groups are very helpful because they provide compassion, support, and companionship from people who understand grief and loss and what you are going through. Below are some NJ support groups that might be of help to you. We recommend people coping with cancer or another serious or terminal illness find grief counseling and support through their local hospital support services.

Compassionate Friends can help if you are dealing with the death of a child

Compassionate Friends NJ or a local group here or find more information on Facebook The-Compassionate-Friends USA.

Are you having a rough time dealing with divorce, a break up or separation?

Need help dealing a divorce or breakup? Support groups and/or individual therapy may help. Find a support group that helps women and men after a break-up or divorce here or find a divorce support group here.

We hope this information helps.

Call our office at 973-793-1000 or if it’s easier for you email us if you need grief counseling.

Grief Bereavement and Traumatic Grief

How to Avoid a Nasty Divorce

Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

Avoid a Nasty Divorce | NJ Therapy

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How to Avoid a Nasty Divorce

Are you going through a divorce and trying to keep you pain and anger from making things worse for yourself and your kids? Are you reeling from years of unhappiness, an affair or an abusive ex? Fantasizing your ex would just die or spending a lot of time wanting revenge?

If you’re not able to process your grief and anger in a productive way on your own – seek professional help and support.

Here are some helpful articles and videos to help you survive and/or avoid a nasty divorce.

  • Do You Have an Impossible Ex? Has your ex turned your divorce into a minefield? Read More
  • From Powerless to Power: Surviving a Malignant Divorce – Do you feel helpless with your ex? Therapy can help. Read More
  • The Malignant Divorce – Some divorces are like cancers, so how do we deal? Read More
  • Can You Forgive? Do you know how to forgive others and yourself? Read More
  • How to Evaluate Your Options When Contemplating a Divorce- Options available when considering divorce. (more …)

If you need help to avoid a nasty divorce find a support group in your area (support groups in NJ below) and counseling from a licensed mental health professional. Maplewood Counseling is located in Essex County in Northern NJ. Contact us if you need help with anger, grief and forgiveness.

Here a several resource to help women and men (and gay divorce LGBT) deal with a break-up or divorce:

Divorce Support Groups in New Jersey