Maplewood Counseling
Dealing with Relationship Conflict

Dealing with Relationship Conflict

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

A Compassionate Guide to Resolving Relationship Conflicts

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW at Maplewood Counseling

Maplewood Counseling Navigating Intercultural Conflict

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages, especially when disagreements arise? It’s a common feeling. Every relationship, no matter how strong, faces moments of conflict. These challenges, whether they’re about finances, chores, parenting, or how you spend your time, are not signs of failure. Instead, they are opportunities to connect, understand, and empower your partnership.

Feeling misunderstood or stuck in a cycle of arguments can be disheartening, but please know you’re not alone in this. What if you could transform these challenges into moments of growth and reignite your bond? With the right tools and a shared commitment, it is entirely possible to navigate these disputes with empathy and emerge stronger together.

This guide provides a clear, step-by-step path to help you and your partner resolve conflicts constructively and build a more resilient connection.

Common Areas of Conflict in Relationships

It’s completely normal for couples to disagree. Recognizing the common sources of friction can be the first step toward understanding and resolution. Many couples find themselves navigating conflicts related to:

  • Financial Decisions: Disagreements over spending habits, saving goals, or unexpected expenses can create significant stress. One partner might be a saver, while the other prioritizes immediate enjoyment.
  • Household Responsibilities: An unequal distribution of chores and mental load can lead to feelings of resentment and being undervalued.
  • Parenting Styles: Differences in disciplinary approaches or core parenting philosophies can cause tension and undermine a united front.
  • Time Management: Disputes over how to spend leisure time, balancing social events with personal time, or feeling like you’re not getting enough quality time together can be a recurring issue.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? If so, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore how to handle these moments with grace and collaboration.

Your Step-by-Step Guide to Effective Conflict Resolution

Navigating a disagreement requires creating a safe space for connection where both partners feel heard and respected. Here are five essential steps to guide you through the process, complete with dialogues to help you put them into practice.

Step 1: Practice Active Listening

The first and most crucial step is to truly listen. This means putting aside your own defense or desire to respond and giving your partner your full, uninterrupted attention. The goal here is not to agree, but to understand their perspective.

What this looks like in conversation:

Partner A: “I feel like we’re always arguing about money. It’s really starting to worry me. Can we talk about it?”

Partner B: “Okay, I’m listening. Tell me what’s on your mind, and I promise to just listen and try to understand where you’re coming from.”

How to do it effectively:

  • Put away distractions (phones, TV).
  • Make eye contact to show you’re engaged.
  • Nod or use small verbal cues (“I see,” “uh-huh”) to show you’re following.
  • Resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your rebuttal while they’re speaking.

Step 2: Express Your Feelings and Needs Respectfully

Once you’ve listened, it’s your turn to share. The key is to speak from your own experience using “I” statements. This approach avoids blame and helps your partner understand the emotional impact of the situation on you, rather than feeling attacked.

What this looks like in conversation:

Partner A: “I feel stressed when we spend so much on eating out because I’m worried we won’t be able to save for the vacation we talked about.”

Partner B: “I hear that. From my side, after a long day at work, I feel like I need that time to decompress and enjoy a nice meal without the stress of cooking.”

How to do it effectively:

  • Start sentences with “I feel…” or “I need…”
  • Focus on the specific behavior, not on your partner’s character.
  • Be calm and clear about your emotions and what’s driving them.

Step 3: Identify the Core Issue Together

Often, the thing you’re arguing about isn’t the real issue. A fight about dishes might actually be about feeling unappreciated. A disagreement about spending might be rooted in different values around security and freedom. Gently dig deeper to uncover the underlying emotions and needs.

What this looks like in conversation:

Partner A: “It seems like the real issue isn’t just about eating out. I think we have different priorities when it comes to money.”

Partner B: “Yes, I think you’re right. I value immediate enjoyment and relaxation, while you’re focused on our long-term goals. Both feel important.”

How to do it effectively:

  • Ask open-ended questions like, “What is this really about for you?”
  • Show empathy for your partner’s underlying feelings.
  • Acknowledge that both perspectives hold validity.

Step 4: Brainstorm Mutually Acceptable Solutions

Now it’s time to shift from being opponents to being a team. The goal is not for one person to “win,” but for the relationship to win. Work together to find a compromise that honors both of your needs.

What this looks like in conversation:

Partner A: “How about we create a budget together? We could allocate specific funds for both our needs—saving for the trip and having some fun now.”

Partner B: “That sounds fair. Maybe we can set a specific amount for eating out each month. That way, I can still get my treat, and you’ll know our savings are on track.”

How to do it effectively:

  • Be open to all suggestions at first, without judgment.
  • Focus on collaboration (“we” instead of “you” or “I”).
  • Look for a win-win solution where both partners feel their core needs are being met.

Step 5: Implement and Evaluate Your Solution

A solution is only as good as its implementation. Agree on a plan and commit to trying it for a set period. It’s also important to check in with each other to see how it’s working.

What this looks like in conversation:

Partner A: “Okay, let’s try this budget for one month and see how it feels. It might reduce the stress for both of us.”

Partner B: “Agreed. We can check in at the end of the month and adjust it if we need to. Let’s give it a fair shot.”

How to do it effectively:

  • Be specific about the plan and when you will start.
  • Schedule a follow-up conversation.
  • Be flexible and willing to adjust the plan as needed. Relationships are dynamic, and so are their solutions.

Empower Your Partnership Today

Conflict is an inevitable part of sharing a life with someone, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. By approaching disagreements with empathy, respect, and a commitment to understanding, you can transform challenges into opportunities for deeper connection.

If you find that navigating these conversations is still difficult, or if the issues feel too complex to handle on your own, please remember that seeking support is a sign of strength. Our counseling services provide a safe, non-judgmental space to help you and your partner develop these skills with expert guidance.

Are you ready to transform your relationship? Contact us today to learn how we can help you reignite your bond and empower your partnership.

 

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Trauma Therapy Help You Recover from PTSD

Trauma Therapy Help You Recover from PTSD

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Therapist

Trauma Therapy

Help with PTSD using EMDR

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How EMDR Trauma Therapy Help You

PTSD Treatment with Excellent Results for Many People

In terms of trauma therapy, EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing. It’s a long phrase. But broken down, you can understand better what it means. It’s a type of trauma therapy that uses eye movement while recalling a traumatic experience. The treatment addresses portions of the incident at a time. And it desensitizes the experience. In other words, it lessens your emotional and physical reaction to it.

When anyone experiences trauma, there are typically three reactive responses: fight, flight or freeze. All three are very uncomfortable responses. Fight triggers aggressive emotions like anger or antagonism. Flight immerses you in fear—you can’t escape fast enough. And freeze—well, that’s awful too because freeze traps you in numbness or fear, making you feel powerless. Meanwhile the threat continues, consuming all of your energy and attention.

Long after the trauma is over, the negative emotions and memory of it can remain. PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is often the result. In everyday life, when a stressor triggers the trauma, you keep reliving the negative responses. These responses impact your life in one form or another.

Are you a candidate for EMDR?

Here are some questions that may help you consider whether EMDR might be right for you:

  • Have you ever faced a life threatening situation that left you depressed, afraid or numb afterward?
  • Has a doctor diagnosed you with PTSD?
  • Have you experienced PTSD as a result of serious medical problems, war or mass violence, sexual assault, a natural disaster or a car accident?
  • Are you having flashbacks or nightmares?
  • Do guilty, angry or worrisome feelings linger and bother you?
  • Do you have out-of-body experiences where the world doesn’t seem real anymore?
  • Did you experience something terrible that stripped you of all your confidence and you’ve never been the same since?
  • Is anxiety or depression a pressing problem?
  • Do you suffer from panic attacks?

How does EMDR work?

The therapist targets a particular traumatic experience for processing. Then, you follow the horizontal movement of their finger while recalling part of the traumatic experience. Or the therapist may use hand tapping or audio stimuli instead of trauma therapy eye movement.

The treatment unblocks you and frees you from the trauma. This allows healing to take place. Given the chance, it is natural for your mind to heal.

EMDR was developed 25 years ago and since then millions of people have experienced success using this treatment. Here are some EMDR statistics from various studies:

  • 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer experienced PTSD after three 90-minute sessions
  • 100% of single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims were no longer diagnosed with PTSD after six 50 minute sessions.
  • 77% of combat veterans overcame PTSD in 12 sessions

Of course we can’t promise a particular result. Even so, the success this type of treatment has brought to many people is encouraging. Also, some people have said they ended up feeling empowered by the end of the therapy. They felt stronger, more present, more transformed.

Find out more about EMDR trauma therapy

We’re glad to answer your questions. Our NJ trauma therapist can explain the EMDR therapy approach in greater depth.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

INFIDELITY THERAPY NEAR ME NJ 

 

Coping with Infidelity?
Get Help Recovering & Trusting Again
In-Person & Online Therapy

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Why Does Infidelity Happen?

 

Understanding and dealing with infidelity

Infidelity is common in today’s society, and yet, it’s a taboo that has existed for centuries. Relationships and marriages suffer when infidelity occurs. The deceived partner generally feels hurt and lost, or perhaps angry and betrayed. The partner having the affair might feel guilty and terrible about the harm and hurt feelings they’ve caused.

It’s a fact that many people have been exposed to affairs. Perhaps they experienced it as a child, seeing affairs occur in their parent’s marriage. Or, perhaps they found out about friends or relatives involved in affairs. Or, maybe they took part in an affair themselves. Then, there’s the flip side, being the one whose partner had an affair.

So…why do people cheat?

Esther Perel, a psychotherapist, who is a leading expert on relationship counseling, raises meaningful questions in her TED Talk video entitled “Rethinking Infidelity…a talk for anyone who has ever loved.”

The questions she raises dig deep into the reasons that affairs occur. Her talk also offers hope for those who want to restore their relationship after an affair. Of course, the reasons for an affair can vary from couple to couple. However, infidelity often shares common denominators.

Questions that help provide guidance during counseling

A question for both partners of a couple to answer:

Does the affair have to be the end of your relationship?

Questions for the partner who had the affair:

  • What made you want to have an affair? Was it for the sex? Or was it for the attention, the desire to feel special or important?
  • Did you experience a loss prior to having the affair—for example the loss of a parent, a friend, a career, or bad news from a doctor?
  • Were you happy with your partner but looking for a deeper emotional connection, for novelty, autonomy or sexual intensity?
  • Was your marriage already dying and the affair was simply the final straw?
  • Did the secretive relationship make you feel more alive? Were you attracted because it was a taboo, something you shouldn’t do?
  • Were you trying to find a different aspect of yourself, perhaps be a different or better version of yourself in a new relationship?
  • Are you sorry that having an affair hurt your partner?

For the partner deceived by the affair:

  • Did discovering the affair make you doubt yourself? Did you wonder who you were and if you had value?
  • Could you no longer trust your partner? Did you start distrusting other people in general?
  • Were you upset because you thought you had a happy relationship and didn’t understand why your partner would stray?
  • Do you wonder what your partner found through the affair that they believed they couldn’t experience with you?
  • Did you feel like you were no longer special—you weren’t “the one” anymore?
  • After discovering the affair, did you feel a loss of identity, like you didn’t know who you were?
  • Did you feel your partner lied to you, “you’re crazy, nothing is happening” and feel gaslighting was making you doubt yourself and your gut?
  • Even though you never had an affair, did you betray your partner in other ways? Through condemnation, criticism, neglect, indifference or perhaps even violence?

Find out how relationship counseling can help

With any difficulty that arises in life, it’s possible to emerge from it with a broader perspective and a deeper understanding. Finding ways to rediscover joy and meaning in life is vital for everyone.

Whether or not you stay together and recreate your relationship is a decision that you as a couple will make. Either way, exploring the issues underlying infidelity can offer an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals.

Contact us about relationship counseling and discover what answers are true for you.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Five Reasons People Avoid Going to Therapy

Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

Five Reasons People
Avoid Therapy

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Avoiding Getting Help?

Five reasons people avoid going to therapy

1. I’m nervous about going to therapy

A lot of people get anxious and nervous about going to therapy. Maybe they don’t know how it works or feels there must be something wrong with me/us if we need professional counseling. Some people feel like it’s “weak” to ask for professional help.
2. I/we should be able to fix things on our own
Feeling like you can fix things on your own or at least you should be able to fix things on your own. This it is another big reason people avoid going to therapy. When it comes to relationship issues, sometimes one person is asking their partner or spouse to go to therapy and the other person Continues to say no.
3. How can therapy help me/us?
A lot of people are not sure how therapy works or how it can actually help. They might hesitate because they don’t understand the process and how it can actually help them get to a better place personally or in the relationship.
4. I don’t believe in therapy
Some people just don’t believe in therapy. They don’t believe it can help or they don’t believe they need it. Sometimes it takes a person being in a very vulnerable and painful situation to be open to the idea of getting professional help.
5. I/we can’t afford it
Many people who need or want therapy feel they can’t afford it.  There are a few places, such as a local church that may offer free counseling and there are also many nonprofit counseling services that offer more affordable, lower fees. When you are looking for a highly trained professional most likely the fee will be higher and unfortunately not accessible for some people. However, there are local nonprofit counseling centers that can offer counseling at a more affordable rate.
There are many reasons people avoid therapy. Some people find their way to therapy after going through a very painful situation emotionally or in their relationship. For people that are open to the process, it can be very helpful with many personal and relationship challenges.
At Maplewood Counseling, we offer professional, confidential, and experienced counseling services in New Jersey for couples, families, and individuals. If you are in need of help, get in touch

 

 

 

 

Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Online Therapy NJ | Maplewood Counseling

Online Therapy NJ | Maplewood Counseling

Anxiety, Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships

Online Therapy NJ

Virtual Counseling for Couples, Individuals & Families
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Effective Online Therapy NJ

Are you looking for online therapy to help you with a relationship, personal, or family challenge? Online therapy is just as effecitve as in person and offers convenience and accessibility. We have several options to help you. 

Maplewood Marriage Counseling NJ

Online Couples Therapy

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Online Therapy for Individuals

Maplewood Counseling NJ

Online Marriage & Family Therapy

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The Many Benefits of Online Therapy NJ

All of our therapists offer online sessions. Here is Marina Fried talking about how we help with online therapy.

Online therapy or virtual counseling can help if you’re struggling with mental health issues or simply need someone to talk to. The process of online therapy involves communicating with a licensed therapist through digital platforms like video calls, phone calls, or messaging.

Get in Touch with Maplewood Counseling in NJ

There are numerous benefits to seeking therapy through online means, including:

Convenience:

One of the biggest advantages of online therapy is the convenience of doing sessions from home or work. as well as other places. You no longer need to take the time to drive to an office, which saves time and money as well. and money.

Accessibility:

Online therapy is much more accessible for coiples, individuals, and families who may be abke tiaccess face-to-face or in-person sessions due to living at a distance, mobility issues, as well as busy schedules. You can also find specialized therapists who may not be available in your local area.

Flexibility:

Online therapy offers flexibility in terms of scheduling. With traditional therapy, you may have to work around your therapist’s availability and may even have to take time off work for appointments. However, with online therapy, you can schedule sessions at a time that works best for you.

Comfort:

For some people, the thought of sitting in a therapist’s office can be daunting or uncomfortable. Online therapy allows you to receive therapy in a space where you feel most comfortable, which can make the experience less intimidating and more effective.

Issues online therapy in NJ can help with:

Some common issues that can be addressed through online therapy in NJ include depression, anxiety, stress, relationship problems, parenting, relationships, trauma, and grief. Additionally, online therapy can also assist with managing chronic health conditions or navigating major life transitions.

Does online therapy help with couples therapy or relationship coaching?

Yes, online therapy can be effective for couples therapy or relationship coaching. Through video conferencing, couples can have sessions together with a therapist and work on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and building a stronger relationship. Online therapy also offers the added benefit of being able to schedule sessions at a time that works for both partners, even if they are in different locations.

In addition, it is important to note that online therapy may not be the best option for individuals with severe mental health concerns or those in crisis situations. In these cases, it may be necessary to seek immediate in-person treatment. It is always best to consult with a licensed therapist to determine the most appropriate form of therapy for your specific needs.

Online therapy nj can help couples who need marriage counseling, couples therapy and help for relationship and family issues. We also help individuals looking for counseling to help with depression, anxiety, grief and loss, divorce or a break up, LGBT gay relationship and personal issues and more.

Online Therapy NJ | Virtual Sessions

Is this you?

  • You need online counseling since you cannot make sessions in person.
  • You are going through a rough time and need a therapist that can offer remote session so you can get help from home or work.
  • You’re struggling with relationship or family issues and need help asap.
  • You’re struggling with parenting issues or other family conflict.

We offer online therapy NJ session for couples and individuals who are in need of professional counseling and are not able to attend sessions in person for any reasons and want the convenience of accessing help from home or work.

We are licensed and skilled therapists who can help with personal and relationship problems. Common issues we can help with include:

  • Communication problems
  • Long term disconnect and unhappniness
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Arguments about children, step children
  • Infidelity and affairs
  • Resolving conflict more effectively
  • Family problems, in-law challenges, paenting issues
  • Anxiety, depresison, grief, self esteem, being a better patner or parent
  • Deciding whether you can work things out

If you are in need of online therapy, which we can offer flexibly by phone, video, FaceTime, Telehealth and other formats if you live in New Jersey and even if you are in NY since one of our therapists are licensed in New Jersey and New York. If you need help now, get in touch. We are here to help.

Get in Touch with Maplewood Counseling in NJ 

Need Online Therapy in NJ? Get in touch

CoronaVirus Fears | NJ Counseling

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

CoronaVirus Fears & Challenges

Online Therapy NJ

Help From Home or Work

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CoronaVirus Fears and Challenges

COVID-19 Crisis. We can reduce the cost of therapy for couples and individuals that need a lower fee during this difficult time. If you need a reduced fee, please let us know.

Doctors, nurses, hospital workers and other front line heros/workers please let us know if counseling would help. We thank you for your sacrifice and hard work during this pandemic and are here to help you in whatever ways we can.

Are you and loved ones coping with Coronavirus fears and challenges? Do you need help to manage the anxiety and stress on yourself, relationship or family dynamics?

Does this sound familiar?

  • You and possibly your spouse are trying to work from home and it is stressful
  • You are afraid of what will happen to your parents or grandparents during this time.
  • You have already been struggling in your relationship and now things are more challenging.
  • Your kids are now home making it very difficult to manage everything without outside help, especially since you are limiting play dates.
  • You are worried about not being able to work or make money if you are unable to get to work.
  • Your kids are home from college and it is stressing you out.
  • You are a college student struggling with anxiety and depression and this is making things worse for you.
  • You run a local business and people are not coming in and you are struggling with how to run your business and take care of employees.

Coronavirus fears and challenges are making things very difficult in so many ways.

Managing this new normal can be difficult for so many individual, couples and families. It is a stressful time for us all.

If you are in need of help we can provide phone, video and in-person sessions in New Jersey and phone and video sessions if you live in NY. This will pass and you just need to manage the stress until it does.

Call 973-902-8700 Maplewoood Counseling
 
 
 
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