Need Help Reducing Judgment & Criticism?

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Need Help Reducing Judgment & Criticism?

We Can Help with Judgment Detox

Get Started

Need a Judgment Detox?

Judgment detox will help you reduce judgment and criticism.

On This Page

Help Reducing Judgment for Couples & Individuals

Need Help Reducing Judgment & Criticism?

Judgment detox will help you reduce judgment and criticism and also cultivate compassion and emotional well-being.

In our fast-paced, judgment-laden world, the idea of a ‘judgment detox’ might sound as refreshing as it does radical. But what does it really involve, and how can it transform not just the way we view others, but also how we see ourselves? This short read is more than a nudge to rethink how we engage with the world; it’s your guide to reclaiming your emotional well-being. Let’s dive into the pool of non-judgmental living and explore the ripples it creates in the waters of our relationships, personal growth, and mental health.

Understanding Judgment: More Than Meets the Eye

Before we can detox from judgment, we should understand its roots. Judgment often acts as a defense mechanism—a quick and often unconscious process by which we categorize things and people based on our experiences, beliefs, and cultural norms. However, this instinctive process isn’t without cost. The impact of negative judgment can be harmful to relationships and our mental space. It’s the silent killer of empathy and the barricade to connection.

The Detox Process: Walking Away from the Judge’s Bench

Just like a physical detox, a judgment detox isn’t about a sudden and complete removal—we’re not wired that way. Instead, it’s a gradual process that revolves around mindfulness and the cultivation of empathy and understanding. Here’s a 4-step guide to begin your judgment detox:

Step 1: Awareness and Self-Reflection

The journey begins with self-awareness. Start by noticing the moments when judgment arises and the feelings that accompany it. This is the first step toward change—bringing unconscious patterns into the light.

Step 2: Cultivating Empathy and Compassion

As you become more aware of judgment, replace cynicism with curiosity. Explore the stories and circumstances that might lead someone to act the way they do. This shift is the gateway to compassion, for others and for yourself.

Step 3: Letting Go of Judgment

This is the challenging part: to not act on the judgments you’ve acknowledged. It’s a daily discipline, akin to a mental workout. Practice reframing your initial reactions and watch your emotional freedom grow.

Step 4: Practicing Mindfulness

To make the detox permanent, integrate mindfulness into your daily routine. Mindfulness allows you to observe without reacting, to be in the present without the cloud of judgments past. Regular practice here can work wonders for your peace of mind and the depth of your relationships.

Benefits of a Judgment Detox: A Life Transformed

Embarking on a judgment detox is not just an act of courage; it’s a step toward a more fulfilling life. The benefits spill into every aspect of our being, from our internal dialogue to our most intimate relationships. Embracing a non-judgmental approach rewards us with:

Improved Relationships and Communication

By approaching others with curiosity instead of condemnation, we break down barriers and create an atmosphere of trust. Our communication becomes more open, and the quality of our relationships, more profound.

Increased Self-awareness and Emotional Intelligence

As judgment loosens its grip, we gain insights into our own emotions and motivations. This self-awareness is the compass for a more aligned and authentic life.

Reduced Stress and Anxiety

When we release judgment, we’re also setting ourselves free from the self-imposed pressure to conform to our own unrealistic standards or projections. It’s a liberating experience that lifts the weight off our shoulders, allowing us to breathe and be.

Applying Judgment Detox in Relationships: A Flourishing Eden

Now, let’s unpack the role of judgment in the context of relationships. Applying the detox in our interaction with loved ones brings about profound changes that blossom into love, understanding, and support.

Nurturing Healthy and Non-Judgmental Relationships

When we see beyond labels, we begin to appreciate the uniqueness of every individual in our lives. This appreciation transforms mere associations into relationships that sustain and fulfill.

Communicating with Empathy and Understanding

Non-judgmental communication is the bridge that connects hearts and minds. It’s rooted in empathy and speaks the language of the soul.

Building Trust and Connection

As judgment takes a back seat, trust and connection move to the forefront. Our relationships become the safe havens where we grow and where our quirks and qualities are celebrated rather than critiqued.

Parenting and Judgment Detox: Raising the Future with Wisdom and Heart

In the fertile ground of a non-judgmental environment, children can grow to their full potential – rooted in confidence and nurtured by love.

Creating a Non-Judgmental Environment for Children

Toxic judgments have no place in a child’s world. By role-modeling non-judgmental behaviors, we give our children the key to a positive self-concept and the ability to empathize with others.

Practicing Mindful Parenting and Positive Discipline

Discipline without judgment is discipline that educates. It creates a clear understanding of boundaries without the confusion of shame.

Fostering Emotional Intelligence and Self-esteem

When we let go of judgment, we create space for our children’s emotional intelligence to develop. They learn to navigate the world with self-assurance and grace.

Embracing the Non-Judgmental Journey

The judgment detox is an ongoing journey, not a destination. As you commence or continue this transformation, remember that at its core, this is a journey of self-compassion and empathy. Each step you take is a step towards a richer inner life and more meaningful connections with the rest of the world.

What the judgment detox ultimately offers is a life filled with the beauty of human experience, unclouded by the shadows of harsh assessment. It’s an open-hearted way of being that not only transforms our relationships and communication but also ensures that we’re kinder, more understanding, and more peaceful beings.

So, are you ready to take back your mind from the clutches of judgment? To see others—and yourself—with new eyes? If your heart is saying yes, your judgment is already on its way to a transformation. Your ‘detoxed’ life begins with the next choice you make. Will you choose judgment, or will you choose love? Your future self—and your relationships—can’t wait to find out.

Need help reducing judgment?

Therapy can help you understand how to get better at reducing judgment and criticism (including taming yoru own inner critic). If judgment and criticism are causing big problems in your relationship or for you personally, please reach out for help.

Have questions for us? Get in touch

Need Help with Judgment Detox

Find us on Psychologytoday.com and Marriage.com

Things Not Going the Way You Expected?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Things Not Going the Way You Want?

Now sure what to do about it?

Get Started

Things Not Going the Way You Want?

Not sure what to do about it?

Things not going according to plan in your life or relationship?

Are you feeling frustrated and unhappy because things aren’t going the way you want them to in your life or relationship? Many situations are unpredictable and relationships are complex, so it’s natural to experience bumps along the way. Life is all about how we handle plan B when things don’t go the way we wanted or expected.

If you find yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure of what steps to take next. But don’t let these challenges discourage you – they can actually be opportunities for growth and improvement.

The good news is that there are steps you can take to help get things back on track. Here are some tips to keep in mind when things aren’t going according to plan:

Invite yourself to take a step back and reflect on the situation. Ask yourself why things aren’t going according to plan and what you can do to improve the situation.
Remember that it’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s normal to face challenges and setbacks in life, but they don’t define you or your future.
Seek support from friends, family, or a professional. It’s always helpful to have someone to talk to and offer guidance during tough times.
Take small actions towards your goals every day. Sometimes progress may seem slow, but even small steps can add up over time.

How to manage getting through hard times

During difficult times, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and lose sight of how to move forward. Here are some additional tips for managing getting through hard times:

Practice self-care: It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being during tough times. Make sure to take care of yourself by eating well, staying hydrated, and engaging in activities that bring you joy or help you relax.
Be kind to yourself: Remember that it’s okay to make mistakes and face challenges. Don’t be too hard on yourself and instead offer yourself compassion and understanding.
Focus on the present: While it’s natural to worry about the future during tough times, try to focus on the here and now. Take things one day at a time and try not to let anxiety take over.
Seek out positive influences: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. This can be friends, family, or even online communities that share similar interests or experiences.
Remember that setbacks are temporary: No matter how difficult things may seem now, know that this too shall pass. Keep reminding yourself that the tough times won’t last forever and there is hope for a brighter future.

Getting through hard times can be challenging but with the right mindset and support, you can overcome any obstacle. Remember to take care of yourself, stay positive, and keep moving forward. And always remember that tough times don’t define you – your resilience and determination do. You got this! So keep pushing through and know that better days are ahead. No matter how tough or bleak things may seem, always hold onto hope and believe in yourself. You are capable of overcoming anything that comes your way. Keep in mind these tips and continue to practice self-care, kindness, and positivity during difficult times. You’ll emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before.

When you need extra support to get through a challenging time.

If you need additional support or guidance along the way, we’re here for you. Our services provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to work through your struggles and find solutions. Take the first step towards a happier life by reaching out to us today for more information or to schedule a consultation. There is always hope things can improve.

At Maplewood Counseling, we understand the difficulties that come with navigating life and relationships. Our team of experienced professionals is here to offer you support and guidance through compassionate counseling services.

Together, we can work towards finding solutions to your challenges and creating a plan for moving forward in a way that aligns with your values and goals. Don’t hesitate to reach out – let us help you navigate through this rough patch and come out stronger on the other side.

Ready to take the first step? Contact us today and schedule a session with one of our counselors. We’re here for you, every step of the way towards a happier and more fulfilling life.

Get Started

How to Avoid Getting Hooked

Anxiety, Depression, Relationships

Get Hooked Easily?

Need Help Managing Your Reactions?

Do you get hooked easily?

Getting hooked can lead to some pretty destructive reactions internally and externally regarding interactions with others. This awful feeling can change.

The problem with getting hooked…

Many of us get can get hooked when things don’t go the way we want or expect, often resulting in very angry and negative reactions. You’re not alone. Most of us struggle with what to do when situations and people “hook” us. Your partner does something upsetting, your children, a driver pisses you off, your family…all of it can be very challenging.

Getting hooked not only causes problems and unhappiness for you, but for those around you. From a health perspective, getting hooked results in an internal reaction that actually causes a contraction in the body as well, increasing blood pressure and/or heart rate as well. Getting hooked is bad for your mental and physical health. The emotional reactivity from getting hooked can cause a chain reaction leaving you feeling more angry, unhappy, shocked, guilty, misunderstood, and alone.

Why is it so important to (work on) not getting hooked?

It’s bad for you and those around you. Getting hooked causes a strong, emotional reaction which can cause people to blow up, criticize, name call, devalue, and can destroy close relationships. It is possible you are misunderstanding others, feelings they did this or that on purpose to cause you to feel so lousy. It is another problem when both people in a relationship get hooked, or even you child pushes back when you get hooked. In the end, getting hooked can eventually erode your close relationships.

The skill is learning how to work with triggers and eventually containing the response. Pausing for a period of time to interrupt that negative energy and not allow it to pick up. We understand this is not easy and takes practice, but it will improve your life, health, and relationships exponentially over time.

The reality for all of is …life is a series of challenges and there are so many things we cannot control. It’s all about how we handle plan B when things don’t go the way we wanted or expected. Inner peace is the goal regardless of so many external circumstances beyond your control. You can do this and it will make so many things better. Attitude is everything.

So how can you work on this?

Developing more awareness is key. When people start to dip into more primitive (unaware or unconscious) ways of functioning, it might lead to acting out in very destructive ways. This can cause ther hooked person to become verbally abusive, yell and scream, name call, criticize, and want the source of your “hook” to hurt the way you are. As it to say “you are making me feel this way- this is your fault”. When people start to dip into the most primitive ways of functioning when they get hooked, thr result is physical violence and abuse. The work is trying to help people come up out of that primitive way of reacting to the difficult or challenging situation (again awarenees and slowing things down is key) , and eventually develop the skills to communicate more effectively. Working on and understanding this will eventually allow you get to healthier responses when dealing with challenges. You deserve more peace and this will help you get there.

Start by practicing with the small things. For example, become more aware of your reaction if you spill spomething or if you are in a hurry to get somewhere and you hit every red light on your way. Notice and become aware of what you feel. Slow down and take a deep breath to help you start chanigng the auto-pilot response of anger and “this should not be happening” or “this should not have happened”. A wiser response to something like this would be understanding that life is a series of challenges, and there are so many things we can’t control. Practicing with the small things will definitely help as well as pracicing the pause.

Practice the pause.

Although an initial short pause will help slow down and evcntually stop our own reaction, it can take longer for our nervous system and emotional reactivity to subside. Sometimes it can take as much as 20 minutes, sometimes longer. At first, this is challenging since you will be working on developing more awareness and breaking a pattern or habit, but the more you practice, the easier it will be.

The end result will be more peaceful, connected, and accepting relationships and better health overall.

Anyone can develop this skill over time and it will be exponentially rewarding.

Need help?

Therapy can help you work on reducing your reaction to getting hooked. If getting hooked is causing big problems in your relationships and or for you personally, please reach out for help. You can break these painful patterns. We can help.

Need help managing your reactions to challenging people and situations?

Have questions for us? Get in touch

Need Help Coping with Emotional Pain?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

Coping with Painful Emotions
Trauma, Dysregulation, Coping Skills

Trying to Cope with Difficult Emotions?
Need Better Way to Manage?

Serving Our Community 20+ Years

Get in Touch Today

Get Help Coping with Emotional Pain

Need help managing deep and ongoing emotional pain in your relationship and personal life? You are not alone…

We all have to deal with emotional pain at different points in our lives. Life unfolds in ways we never expected (or wanted) and finding ways to get throught these painful times is important. Deep emotional pain is the most challenging for us all.

Does this sound familiar?

You lost a loved one and feel like you are in the grips of deep sorrow, trauma, shock, and ongoing grief.
You are feeling lost after divorce or the end of a relationship and don’t know how to handle your intense emotions.
Maybe you’re feel ongoing emotional pain due to problems in your relationship or family.
Or are you’re just feeling empty and a deep pain in your gut is painful and hard to manage.

How can you cope better with this deep emotional pain?

Maybe you could use to find better way of managing the pain so you can lessen the impact emotionally and otherwise. Understanding the source of the pain and what to do with it can help. Emotional pain, which is also referred to as the “pain body” (by Eckhart Tolle) and also referred to as old emotional pain or undigested pain, can be extremely challenging to cope with. This type of pain can be very intense and cause strong emotional reactions, especially in relationships. Pain that is “unconscious” (meaning you are unaware of the true source) can cause intense fear, sadness, anger, confusion, or other unpleadsant emotions that are hard to process. Working through emotional pain means becoming more aware and conscious of the difference between the pain and the negative thoughts about the pain which can make things a lot worse for most people.

As therapists, we also experienced emotional pain as well and have to work through our pain, so we really understand how hard it is when going through it. We have a great deal of compassion and help others with their pain by focusing on the difference between emotional pain and the negative houghts about the situation. Negative thoughts make the pain feel worse, so a big part of helping is making people aware of the emotional pain and thoughts about it. Helping people increase their awareness and noticing the pain and trying to accept it’s there without making it into a mental concept, such as, “ this shouldn’t be happening” , “ oh, I’ll never get through this”, “it’s someone else’s fault that I’m feeling this way”. These are all examples of what can make your situation prolonged and much worse for you and others. Many people unortunately take out their uncoscious emotional pain on others since they are not feeling well and assume the reason is something others have done to cause you to feel this way. Others will trigger your old emotinoal pain, but developing the skills to work with the pain without lashing out at others will help tremendously. You will not be able to work through old pain if you lash out at others.

Helping people process deep emotional pain takes developing more awareness about what’s going on internally in the body and paying attention to and trying to stop negative thoughts and “stories” about the experience. We can help you work on this to find the relief and peace you deserve.

If you are coping with emotional pain right now that’s been hard to manage, reach out and let us help.

Get in Touch

Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Anxiety, Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships

Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Therapy Sessions Online

Get in Touch

Maplewood Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Would it be more convenient to do therapy online?

Many clients used telehealth online counseling services instead of in-person counseling at a physical location during the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact, for some people, this service was very effective and provided extra benefits by allowing greater convenience along with more flexibility.

How does teletherapy work?

Just as you make an appointment for an in-office session, you’ll make an appointment to meet online. Through devices such as computers, iPads/tablets, and smartphones, you can have interactive sessions with your therapist. Many online conference tools are available. Software apps such as Zoom, FaceTime, Skype, and Google Meet are a few. You still see each other face-to-face. However, your meeting is virtual.

Can you get as much out of telehealth online counseling as in-person therapy?

As a matter of fact, you can. Your therapist uses the same therapy tools that are used during in-person sessions. According to several of our existing clients who have been in marriage counseling, couples therapy, individual therapy, or family counseling, it is very effective at addressing issues and concerns.

Does the therapy online provide advantages?

There are a number of advantages. For one, you don’t have to drive to the therapist’s office for sessions. You don’t have to deal with scheduling issues, traffic, cost of gas, getting sitters, and much more. In fact, if one partner is at work and the other is at home, the Telehealth session link can bring us all together to work on issues.

Virtual remote therapy is private and secure. Yet, you continue to have a close one-on-one connection with your therapist. Or, if involved in group therapy, your group sessions can also take place online. You’ll still be able to see and hear the other participants in the group.

You may find that therapists can often provide greater accessibility through teletherapy. After all, you both can save time by not having to travel to their office, deal with parking, or arrive late due to traffic.

In addition, there’s an added advantage for clients who feel self-conscious about physically traveling and walking into a therapist’s office. In that respect, you may experience a greater sense of privacy.

Are there extra costs for online therapy?

Typically, no. Costs vary from one therapist to the next. But, most charge the same hourly rates whether in-person or online.

Is there anything you should do to prepare for an online session?

To avoid interruptions, ensure:

You have a private, quiet spot for your session
Your device is fully charged
The location has a strong internet connection

Maplewood Counseling Online

If you visit Psychology Today, you’ll see many therapists are now offering telehealth online services. In fact, you’ll find me listed in their teletherapy directory.

Want to give it a try?

Give us a call or text at 973-793-1000 to discuss setting up an online session. While some people might miss the feel of an in-person encounter, other people prefer the advantages of online counseling. Try it out and see. Discover for yourself if it’s right for you.

Have questions for us? Get in touch

Dealing with Relationship Conflict

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

A Compassionate Guide to Resolving Relationship Conflicts

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW at Maplewood Counseling

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages, especially when disagreements arise? It’s a common feeling. Every relationship, no matter how strong, faces moments of conflict. These challenges, whether they’re about finances, chores, parenting, or how you spend your time, are not signs of failure. Instead, they are opportunities to connect, understand, and empower your partnership.

Feeling misunderstood or stuck in a cycle of arguments can be disheartening, but please know you’re not alone in this. What if you could transform these challenges into moments of growth and reignite your bond? With the right tools and a shared commitment, it is entirely possible to navigate these disputes with empathy and emerge stronger together.

This guide provides a clear, step-by-step path to help you and your partner resolve conflicts constructively and build a more resilient connection.

Common Areas of Conflict in Relationships

It’s completely normal for couples to disagree. Recognizing the common sources of friction can be the first step toward understanding and resolution. Many couples find themselves navigating conflicts related to:

Financial Decisions: Disagreements over spending habits, saving goals, or unexpected expenses can create significant stress. One partner might be a saver, while the other prioritizes immediate enjoyment.
Household Responsibilities: An unequal distribution of chores and mental load can lead to feelings of resentment and being undervalued.
Parenting Styles: Differences in disciplinary approaches or core parenting philosophies can cause tension and undermine a united front.
Time Management: Disputes over how to spend leisure time, balancing social events with personal time, or feeling like you’re not getting enough quality time together can be a recurring issue.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? If so, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore how to handle these moments with grace and collaboration.

Your Step-by-Step Guide to Effective Conflict Resolution

Navigating a disagreement requires creating a safe space for connection where both partners feel heard and respected. Here are five essential steps to guide you through the process, complete with dialogues to help you put them into practice.

Step 1: Practice Active Listening

The first and most crucial step is to truly listen. This means putting aside your own defense or desire to respond and giving your partner your full, uninterrupted attention. The goal here is not to agree, but to understand their perspective.