Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences
Coping with Painful Experiences
How to ManageDo you Resist or Yield to Painful Experiences?
We all go through difficult experiences in our lives that can cause deep and intense physical or mental pain. Some struggle with the tragic death of a loved one, others a serious, chronic or terminal illness. Then there are people that struggle with a child, spouse or parent struggling with issues, a very painful divorce or another catastrophic life event.
When things are so intense and painful that it makes sense (at least temporarily) to run from, resist and fight the reality of the situation. Even though nothing is permanent, it feels as though things will never change. It seems you’ll be stuck in this painful place forever when you are going through it. “This shouldn’t be happening”, blaming others or ourselves for where we are at. Many can feel stuck in anger, resentment, and bitterness, wanting to find ways to escape the painful experience. Running from the extreme discomfort can ultimately make us all suffer even more, turning damaging behaviors to avoid the painful reality of our situation.
“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves
We all have to face events like these at one time or another in our lives. It is a part of life and what it is to be human. Even therapists have to cope with tragedies, serious health issues, struggling family members and other painful life events. We all, unfortunately, suffer more when we run from the pain rather than finding ways to accept, allow and work with the emotions that come up. Accepting and allowing our experience can help us attain more wisdom and a deeper sense of compassion for one another.
It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to be open to and allow the experience, and accepting and working what is and trying not to make things worse. Going through a catastrophic event that seems insurmountable?
It has been a tremendous help to me personally and professionally to read and listen to the following books and teachings of The New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, When Pain is the Doorway by Pema Chodron, Full Catastrophy Living by John Kabat-Zin, Wherever You Go You are There by John Kabat-Zin and a recent Facebook course on UDemy Freedom to Choose Something Different with Pem Chodron, Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better by Pema Chodron, Walking the Walk by Pema Chodron as well as other books.
These videos may be helpful to some…
“Not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want” quote from Pema Chodron in Coming Closer to Ourselves| Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network
We hope you find this information helpful.
Mindfulness and technology: Do they mix?
Mindfulness and Technology
Mindfulness and technology: Do they mix?
What to Do When Your Life Falls Apart
When Your Life Falls Apart
What to Do When Your Life Falls Apart | Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network
Help with a Difficult Time
Help with a Difficult Time When Things are Painful
We all go through periods in our lives that can be painful and difficult.
Does this sound familiar?
- You are going through treatment for cancer or another serious medical illness
- You are grieving the deathof a loved one and having a very hard time coping with the loss
- You are going through a painful and/or bitter divorce.
- You teenager or adult child is really struggling and you are not sure how to help them
- You are very unhappy in your marriage or relationship
- You’ve been struggling with depression or anxiety
- You or a loved one is dealing with serious mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar or schizophrenia
- You are struggling with fear over finances, health issues, issues related to aging and feel alone
Compassion and Help with a Difficult Time
We all have or will have to face some really painful challenges at one time or another in our lives. Many of us (therapists included) that have experienced a great deal of suffering can understand how hard it is to really get through.
Compassion and understanding can connect us all during these times. Knowing we are not alone in our suffering – that many others out there are experiencing deep suffering, can be healing.
Finding that connection and support from others going through that shared experience can help you get through difficult times. Also finding help via therapy, friends and family, support or therapy groups, meditation, and/or faith can help you get through difficult times.
Compassion and Support
Hoping you can connect with the shared experience and find support out there to help you. We all need to help one another through difficult times.
Blaming Others for Your Problems
The Blame Game
We all have a tendency to blame others for our problems in one way or another. Or, we blame ourselves.
Spiritual leader Pema Chodren discusses how we all have a tendency to blame others for our problems – or ourselves for our pain or suffering. We all get triggered by have certain things – without our awareness. You know how it is when you or someone you know goes from 0 to 60 when certain things happen. It’s auto pilot and you don’t even know what happened or what was triggered, but you’re sure they other person has done something to cause you to feel the way you do. It’s their fault you feel the way you do. It really, really feels like they did something to you to completely justify your response. They did it to you and it’s their fault you are in pain or suffering.
Some of us have a tendency to blame ourselves when certain things go wrong. When your child disappoints you in one way or another, “I’m not a good mother” or when your relationship is really struggling or you’re going through a divorce – “I’m worthless, inadequate, a failure”.
When it comes to blaming ourselves or others, she talks about the importance of understanding and recognizing the difference between the trigger and the source of whatever unpleasant emotion was triggered. She describes the source for all of us – seeds in our unconscious based on conditioning. She has them, I have them, we all have them.
Even though it somehow feels that blaming others for your problems will help you in some way, it actually makes things worse. The more your “strengthen” the habit, the tendency to blame when you’ve been triggered, the more you will do it and the worse you will feel.
You can work on changing the way you blame others or yourself. It can slowly happen over time in a way that helps relieve your suffering, rather than make things worse for you and others around you.
Understanding your triggers will help you do a better job of managing how you feel and not blame others.
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