Looking for Ways to Improve Your Relationship?

Relationships

Improve Your Relationship

We Can Help

Get in Touch

Looking for Ways to Improve Your Relationship?

Tools for couples

The good news is that there are ways to improve your relationship, and we can provide you with the tools.

It’s common for people to hit bumps in the road, whether as a couple or in other family relationships.

Getting started with new tools

While there are a number of ways you can work on improving your relationship, we will focus on a few, mostly dealing with communication.

Practice mindfulness when communicating. Being mindful about what you say often means keeping a positive perspective. You can work on saying something in a positive light as opposed to expressing it negatively. Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” you could say, “I appreciate it so much when you help around the house.” Instead of saying, “We need to talk,” you could say, “Whenever we take a few minutes to talk, we have great conversations.”
Be appreciative and do things to show your satisfaction. Everyone appreciates an acknowledgement. When your partner does something, you can thank them and praise them for a job well done. You can give your partner a small gift occasionally. Also, frequent physical touch, such as taking their hand, giving them a hug or putting your arm around them lets them know you care.

Tools for stressful Situations

No couples agree on everything, so trying to avoid disagreement is next to impossible. In fact, airing your views can give you a fresh start and actually strengthen your relationship. Learning how to argue amicably helps you resolve your conflicts.

Manage your arguments. Try to approach a subject in a way that is not offensive. Rather than pointing out a fault, express your idea with love. For example, avoid saying something in a critical manner, such as, “Tomorrow is my birthday and please make some time for me.” You could say instead, “I’ve love to plan something fun to do with you on my birthday.” If you find yourself in an argument that is growing intense, there is a graceful way to exit. You could say, “You’ve brought up some important ideas and I understand you concerns. I need some time to think about them.” Or you could say something like, “I trust you and appreciate your opinion. We’ll get through this.”
Get some space and take time for yourself. There is a saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” This is true for relationships. You don’t have to go on a long vacation but a little time spent on yourself, even if only a day or a few hours a day, can go a long ways. Whether you like to work out, have a hobby or do meditation, it gives you some breathing room. Physical activity such as jogging or involvement in a sport helps relieve stress. Some people enjoy reading, playing music or keeping a journal. They find it lifts their spirits. Meditation can clear your mind and help you become more aware of things you are grateful for.

Rebuilding your relationship

Just as it’s important to spend time apart, it’s also important to spend time together. You can also make the time you spend higher quality. Here are some tips:

Spend time with each other. Do something together that you both enjoy. Perhaps have a date night where you go out to eat or watch a movie together. Take some time to have a meaningful conversation about something you both feel is important. Maybe take time together where it’s just the two of you, alone. Show your partner affection and create greater intimacy with each other. Or, try something new together that you both have an interest in, such as dancing or rock climbing. Head out on a new adventure.
Open up your communication. Set time aside each day to talk. Ask your partner about how their day went. Find out what your partner would like to talk about. Then, show interest and listen carefully. Working on becoming a good listener can enhance your communication with each other. Strengthening communication builds more stable interactions.

Seek Outside Help from Counseling for ways to improve your relationship

Couples do not have to wait until their relationship is in dire straits before trying counseling. According to Webmd.com, the idea that marriages tend to break down after seven years is supported statistically. The “seven year itch” is a stage where couples argue more, share less time together, become less affectionate, and in general, feel dissatisfied with their relationship. It is wise to head off conflict before it arises or worsens.

Want to give counseling a try?

Give me a call or text 973-793-1000 to discuss your situation. Try counseling and see. Discover for yourself if it’s right for you.

Therapy for High-Conflict Couples: Finding Peace and Connection

Relationships

Breaking the Cycle: Hope and Help for High-Conflict Couples

by Debra Feinberg LCSW ( reviewer)

At Maplewood Counseling, we provide inclusive care for people of all races, cultures, and backgrounds, including interfaith, interracial, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and blended families. Our therapists bring lived experiences and specialized training to create a safe, affirming space for all.

Help for High-Conflict Couples

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Two people with unique histories, values, and perspectives are bound to disagree. However, for some couples, disagreement doesn’t just feel like a bump in the road; it feels like living in a war zone. If you find yourself walking on eggshells or feeling like every small conversation explodes into a major argument, you might be in a high-conflict dynamic.

It is exhausting to live in a state of constant defense. You might feel misunderstood, lonely, and hopeless about ever getting back to the “good times.” We want you to know that you are not alone in this feeling, and more importantly, this dynamic does not have to be your permanent reality. Support is available, and change is possible.

This guide explores what it means to be a high-conflict couple, how professional support can transform your partnership, and the steps you can take today to reclaim your connection.

Beyond “Normal” Arguing: Recognizing the Patterns

Every couple argues. But high-conflict relationships are often defined not just by the frequency of the arguments, but by the intensity and the aftermath. Do you feel like you are stuck in a loop?

In high-conflict dynamics, the issue at hand—whether it’s dishes, finances, or parenting—often gets lost. Instead, the focus shifts rapidly to character attacks, defensiveness, or shutting down completely. This is often referred to by therapists as “The Four Horsemen”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. When these four behaviors take the driver’s seat, safety leaves the room.

Recognizing these signs is an act of bravery. It requires honesty to look at your relationship and admit, “We are hurting each other.” Common indicators include:

Rapid Escalation: Zero to sixty in seconds. A question about the schedule turns into a fight about respect.
Lack of Repair: After the fight, there is no resolution or soothing. You simply retreat until the next explosion.
Negative Sentiment Override: You view your partner’s neutral actions through a negative lens because trust has eroded.
Emotional Flooding: You feel physically overwhelmed (racing heart, sweaty palms) during conflicts, making it impossible to listen.

If this resonates with you, please take a deep breath. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It means your current tools for communication aren’t working for the complex challenges you are facing.

The Role of Therapy: Moving from Battleground to Sanctuary

Many couples wait an average of six years after problems arise before seeking help. That is a long time to suffer in silence. The hesitation is understandable; opening up your private life to a stranger can feel daunting. However, therapy offers a neutral, safe space designed to de-escalate tension.

Creating a Safety Container

The first goal of therapy for high-conflict couples is to stop the bleeding. We work to create a “container” where difficult topics can be discussed without the conversation spiraling out of control. Your therapist acts as a skilled mediator, slowing down the interaction so you can actually hear one another rather than just reacting to triggers.

Decoding the deeper needs

Beneath every scream, criticism, or silent treatment is usually a desperate plea for connection. We often fight because we are terrified of losing each other, or because we feel invisible. Therapy helps you translate “You never help me!” into “I feel overwhelmed and I miss your support.” When we can speak from a place of vulnerability rather than attack, the walls begin to come down.

Tools for the Real World

Insight is wonderful, but you need practical strategies for Tuesday night when the baby is crying and dinner is burning. Therapy equips you with actionable tools to:

Take effective “time-outs” before damage is done.
Identify your physiological triggers.
Practice “soft start-ups” to raise issues without blame.
Rebuild the “emotional bank account” with positive interactions.

Inclusive Support for Diverse Dynamics

Love looks different for everyone, and so does conflict. We recognize that high-conflict dynamics can be influenced by factors outside the relationship itself.

Cultural backgrounds, for instance, play a huge role in how we express anger or affection. In some cultures, loud expression is normal; in others, it is seen as disrespectful. Neurodiversity (such as ADHD or Autism) can also impact communication styles and emotional regulation, leading to misunderstandings that fuel conflict. Furthermore, LGBTQ+ couples may face unique external stressors that impact their internal dynamic.

A truly supportive therapeutic approach is inclusive. It does not enforce a “one-size-fits-all” model of a healthy relationship. Instead, it honors your unique identities and seeks to understand how your specific backgrounds influence your partnership. Your therapist is there to validate your lived experience and help you find a rhythm that works for you.

Reignite Your Bond: It’s Not Too Late

The presence of high conflict often means there is still high passion and a deep desire to make it work. Apathy is usually the end of a relationship, not anger. The fact that you are fighting—and the fact that you are reading this—shows that you care deeply.

Transforming a high-conflict relationship into a secure, loving partnership is hard work. It requires patience, humility, and the willingness to try something new. But imagine a future where you come home to a partner who feels like a teammate rather than an adversary. Imagine resolving a disagreement in ten minutes rather than three days. This future is attainable.

Are you ready to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for your relationship?

Book Your Session

Frequently Asked Questions

We know you likely have questions about starting this journey. Here are answers to some common concerns we hear.

“My partner refuses to go to therapy. Can I come alone?”

Absolutely. While we ideally want both partners in the room to work on the dynamic together, “relationship therapy for one” can be incredibly powerful. You can learn to change your own reactions, set healthier boundaries, and de-escalate conflict from your end. Often, when one partner changes their steps in the dance, the other partner naturally has to adjust.

“Will the therapist just take my partner’s side?”

This is a very common fear. A professional, ethical therapist is “on the side of the relationship,” not on the side of either individual. Our job is to remain neutral and objective. We will validate both of your perspectives and help you see how you both contribute to the cycle. We are here to support your union, not to judge.

“We fight constantly. Is there any hope for us?”

High conflict does not equal “broken beyond repair.” In fact, many high-conflict couples have incredible potential for intimacy once they learn how to manage the fire. Success depends less on how bad the fighting is now, and more on your willingness to learn new skills and commit to the process. If you are both willing to show up and do the work, there is absolutely hope.

“How long does therapy take?”

Every couple is unique. Some couples see significant improvement in communication within 8-10 sessions as they learn immediate de-escalation tools. Others may choose to work longer to address deeper, childhood wounds or ingrained patterns. We will work with you to establish goals and a timeline that feels right for your specific needs.

Take the Next Step Toward Peace

You do not have to navigate this storm alone. If you are tired of the constant battles and are yearning for a deeper, safer connection, we are here to guide you.

Let us help you transform your challenges into growth. Your relationship deserves to be a safe harbor.

Get Care Now

Helpful Resources

Individual Therapy: Personalized support for managing depression and stress.
Understanding Anxiety: Learn how therapy can help manage anxiety.
Grief Counseling: Support for processing loss and navigating grief.
Guide to Self-Esteem: Build confidence and self-worth.
Trauma-Informed Therapy: Support for Couples healing from past trauma.

Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Anxiety, Depression, Gay Issues, Grief, Relationships

Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Therapy Sessions Online

Get in Touch

Maplewood Telehealth Online Counseling Services

Would it be more convenient to do therapy online?

Many clients used telehealth online counseling services instead of in-person counseling at a physical location during the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact, for some people, this service was very effective and provided extra benefits by allowing greater convenience along with more flexibility.

How does teletherapy work?

Just as you make an appointment for an in-office session, you’ll make an appointment to meet online. Through devices such as computers, iPads/tablets, and smartphones, you can have interactive sessions with your therapist. Many online conference tools are available. Software apps such as Zoom, FaceTime, Skype, and Google Meet are a few. You still see each other face-to-face. However, your meeting is virtual.

Can you get as much out of telehealth online counseling as in-person therapy?

As a matter of fact, you can. Your therapist uses the same therapy tools that are used during in-person sessions. According to several of our existing clients who have been in marriage counseling, couples therapy, individual therapy, or family counseling, it is very effective at addressing issues and concerns.

Does the therapy online provide advantages?

There are a number of advantages. For one, you don’t have to drive to the therapist’s office for sessions. You don’t have to deal with scheduling issues, traffic, cost of gas, getting sitters, and much more. In fact, if one partner is at work and the other is at home, the Telehealth session link can bring us all together to work on issues.

Virtual remote therapy is private and secure. Yet, you continue to have a close one-on-one connection with your therapist. Or, if involved in group therapy, your group sessions can also take place online. You’ll still be able to see and hear the other participants in the group.

You may find that therapists can often provide greater accessibility through teletherapy. After all, you both can save time by not having to travel to their office, deal with parking, or arrive late due to traffic.

In addition, there’s an added advantage for clients who feel self-conscious about physically traveling and walking into a therapist’s office. In that respect, you may experience a greater sense of privacy.

Are there extra costs for online therapy?

Typically, no. Costs vary from one therapist to the next. But, most charge the same hourly rates whether in-person or online.

Is there anything you should do to prepare for an online session?

To avoid interruptions, ensure:

You have a private, quiet spot for your session
Your device is fully charged
The location has a strong internet connection

Maplewood Counseling Online

If you visit Psychology Today, you’ll see many therapists are now offering telehealth online services. In fact, you’ll find me listed in their teletherapy directory.

Want to give it a try?

Give us a call or text at 973-793-1000 to discuss setting up an online session. While some people might miss the feel of an in-person encounter, other people prefer the advantages of online counseling. Try it out and see. Discover for yourself if it’s right for you.

Have questions for us? Get in touch

Need Marriage Counseling Before Divorce?

Relationships

What to Do Before Divorce?

Trouble Deciding? Unhappy?

Before Divorce: Why Marriage Counseling Is Helpful

Are you undecided about divorce?

Marriage counseling before divorce can help in a variety of ways. It can help with:

Improving communication with your spouse
Bettering conditions for your children
Easing financial stress
Making decisions about divorce
Regaining a more fulfilling life

Improving communication with your spouse

Communication problems or a lack of communication is the source of many upsets. Through communication, you and your spouse can address issues in your marriage that are making life difficult. There are ways of communicating that can benefit you both. This is true whether you end up staying married or decide to divorce. In particular, couples with children will have ongoing contact between spouses. Learning to understand each other’s wishes, needs and emotions can improve how you get along.

Bettering conditions for your children

Like it or not, how you and your spouse treat each other sets an example for your children. Your children learn by watching, and they learn to mimic their parents’ behavior. If family life is stressful, dysfunctional or combative, they are likely to show the same type of behavior themselves when adults. Developing healthy communication can help your children now and the future.

In fact, studies show that high-conflict marriages harm children. Divorce is one way to reduce conflict. However, even when divorced, parents need to find a way to minimize their conflict.

Easing financial stress

A divorce can be costly. If counseling helps you improve your relationship and you can avoid divorce, then it can ease financial stress. In addition, if you do decide to divorce, you may be able to do so amicably and avoid an expensive legal battle.

In fact, working together to resolve future problems is healthier for everyone. Parents and children, both mentally and physically. Reducing this type of stress can also reduce medical care costs, which can mount up quickly.

Making decisions about divorce

Some marriages can be fixed. Other marriages were a mismatch the start. In such cases, divorce may make life better for both spouses.

However, until you open up communication and address the issues in your relationship, it is difficult to know if you can resolve your marital problems. A counselor can help you uncover the truth and arrive at the right decisions.

In many instances, couples are not ready to end their relationship until they’ve done all they can in an attempt to repair it. This is where counseling comes in.

Regaining a more fulfilling life

Can you find happiness again after marriage? You may feel weighed down by problems involving your relationship. This can lead to depression and worries that life isn’t enjoyable anymore.

However, through counseling, a skilled therapist can help you rediscover a happy life. It’s possible to rekindle the joy and happiness you once felt.

Considering marriage counseling before divorce?

At Maplewood Counseling we can help you address marital problems before divorce and give you tools to repair your relationship. Find out how we can help.

Dealing with Relationship Conflict

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

A Compassionate Guide to Resolving Relationship Conflicts

Reviewed by Debra Feinberg LCSW at Maplewood Counseling

Do you ever feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages, especially when disagreements arise? It’s a common feeling. Every relationship, no matter how strong, faces moments of conflict. These challenges, whether they’re about finances, chores, parenting, or how you spend your time, are not signs of failure. Instead, they are opportunities to connect, understand, and empower your partnership.

Feeling misunderstood or stuck in a cycle of arguments can be disheartening, but please know you’re not alone in this. What if you could transform these challenges into moments of growth and reignite your bond? With the right tools and a shared commitment, it is entirely possible to navigate these disputes with empathy and emerge stronger together.

This guide provides a clear, step-by-step path to help you and your partner resolve conflicts constructively and build a more resilient connection.

Common Areas of Conflict in Relationships

It’s completely normal for couples to disagree. Recognizing the common sources of friction can be the first step toward understanding and resolution. Many couples find themselves navigating conflicts related to:

Financial Decisions: Disagreements over spending habits, saving goals, or unexpected expenses can create significant stress. One partner might be a saver, while the other prioritizes immediate enjoyment.
Household Responsibilities: An unequal distribution of chores and mental load can lead to feelings of resentment and being undervalued.
Parenting Styles: Differences in disciplinary approaches or core parenting philosophies can cause tension and undermine a united front.
Time Management: Disputes over how to spend leisure time, balancing social events with personal time, or feeling like you’re not getting enough quality time together can be a recurring issue.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? If so, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore how to handle these moments with grace and collaboration.

Your Step-by-Step Guide to Effective Conflict Resolution

Navigating a disagreement requires creating a safe space for connection where both partners feel heard and respected. Here are five essential steps to guide you through the process, complete with dialogues to help you put them into practice.

Step 1: Practice Active Listening

The first and most crucial step is to truly listen. This means putting aside your own defense or desire to respond and giving your partner your full, uninterrupted attention. The goal here is not to agree, but to understand their perspective.