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Working Toward Couples, Marriage Counseling success

Working Toward Couples, Marriage Counseling success

Relationships, Therapist

Marriage Counseling Success

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Working toward couples, marriage counseling success

How early should you start couples counseling?

Are you working toward couples marriage counseling success? People sometimes wonder whether they could’ve saved their relationship through marriage counseling or couples therapy. If they had done something sooner, would it have made a difference?

Let’s compare a couple’s relationship with maintaining your car. By the way, there’s no intention to objectify your spouse or partner with this comparison. The purpose is to compare how much time and attention people spend on their vehicles to keep them in good working order. For example, you inspect your tires, add air, and get them turned or aligned. You routinely check fluids—brake fluid, water and oil. And every several thousand miles, you change oil and filters.  You also recognize the warning signs if something that needs to be fixed. You know what to watch out for and what to repair right away. Why all the maintenance? Maintenance is important because it can avert a major breakdown. It can help you avoid disaster, such as a tire blowout, an engine seizure or a car crash.

Just the way vehicles need maintenance, so do relationships. Obviously, they require a different kind of maintenance. Thoughtful communication, attention and tender care can do a lot to repair a relationship.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t consistently devote the time and care that relationships need. In fact, this is evident in the 50% divorce rate that exists in the U.S. Perhaps, all too often, we take relationships for granted. If so, we might not see the warning signs that our relationship is falling apart. By the time we consider taking action, it might be too late to salvage it.

Tackling problems early on is best. When you deal with problems before they mount up, chances are you can restore the loving relationship you started out with.

Warning signs that a relationship is in trouble

The following are some indications that your relationship is faltering:

  • Fault-finding? Do you find yourself continuously aware of your partner’s faults? Do you often voice criticisms? Is your partner often critical of you?
  • Aggressive? Are your interactions with each other riddled with sarcastic remarks, arguments, knitted eyebrows and grimaces?
  • Feeling defensive? Do you or your partner take what the other says the wrong way, even when trying to turn over a new leaf or revitalize your relationship?
  • Drifting apart? Are you spending less and less time with each other, finding other interests and people to hang out with?
  • Envisioning a different life? Do wonder what life would be like with a different partner? Do you spend time daydreaming about being with someone else that you know?

If the above sounds familiar and is prevalent in your life, couples counseling can help. To get involved in couples therapy, you don’t have to wait until your relationship is falling apart. In fact, most couples are wise to seek counseling before their relationship reaches the stages described above.

What can trigger the above types of behavior?

Life changing experiences are often the beginning of downturns in a couple’s life together. Examples of triggers may include: childbirth, caring for elderly parents, relocation, career changes, death of a loved one or serious health issues. 

How can you plan for couples marriage counseling success?

The best way to avert disaster is to get help early on. Counseling can help you manage stress and communicate more effectively. Devote the time and attention to your relationship that it deserves. Learn how to nurture trust, intimacy, and gratitude. When you do, then you can also watch your lives improve.

Find out more about marriage counseling

If you have questions, we’re glad to answer them. Take the first step by reaching out to us.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

 

Working Toward Couples, Marriage Counseling success

Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

Relationships

Time for Couples Therapy?

Feeling Unhappy?

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Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

Struggling with Conflict?

Have you considered couples therapy for a while? Struggling with conflict can be a long and painful road before couples decide to do something about it. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re experiencing conflict in your relationship. All couples go through conflict.

You have different experiences and different triggers than your partner has. Perhaps when growing up you developed different expectations of how life should be. Or maybe your idea of how relationships worked is different than your partner’s. You’re bound to clash at some point. However, disagreeing isn’t necessary a bad thing.

Granted, in a perfect world, there wouldn’t be any conflict. But the truth is that real life is full of conflict. Given that fact, the goal of couples therapy is learning how to better deal with conflict, to resolve matters more easily and more quickly. What counseling can do for you is provide some effective tools. With these tools, you can survive the conflict and come out the other side having grown as a person. You’ll acquire an approach to life that can make it better.

A Step by Step Approach to Counseling

Counseling determines what your obstacles are. From your perspective, what problems are most pressing in your relationship? Also, what are your needs? And your triggers? What are your partner’s most pressing problems, needs and triggers? Can you tell us what dynamics arise when you interact with each other? Are there unhelpful behaviors that arise?

As a first step, to get a sense of your relationship as a couple, we’ll talk about your history—how you met, your dating experiences and how you view your successes and difficulties together. After that, we’ll ask you to talk about a specific problem you’ve had trouble solving. That may feel difficult at first. If so, that’s okay. But the more you open up, the better we’ll be able to address the issues.

You’ll each have the chance to talk with your therapist alone. This way you can vent your emotions without worrying about badly affecting your partner. Your side of the story can come out, and you can help your therapist fully understand your perspective.

By the way, your therapist won’t take sides. Therapists remain neutral. But a deep understanding of the issues helps us provide couples with the right tools.

A Roadmap for a Better Relationship

The treatment plan your therapist devises is your roadmap to creating a more satisfying relationship. You’ve been honest and laid it all out. So has your partner. The roadmap helps you implement different behaviors and use specific tools to resolve the problems you’ve struggled with.

You see—your problem never was—that you had problems. Everyone has problems. Your problem was finding the right tools to resolve them. And that’s where we come in.

Find out more about couples therapy

We’re glad to answer your questions. Reach out to us and take the first step.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

 

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

Why Does Infidelity Happen?

Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Relationships

INFIDELITY THERAPY NEAR ME NJ 

 

Coping with Infidelity?
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Why Does Infidelity Happen?

 

Understanding and dealing with infidelity

Infidelity is common in today’s society, and yet, it’s a taboo that has existed for centuries. Relationships and marriages suffer when infidelity occurs. The deceived partner generally feels hurt and lost, or perhaps angry and betrayed. The partner having the affair might feel guilty and terrible about the harm and hurt feelings they’ve caused.

It’s a fact that many people have been exposed to affairs. Perhaps they experienced it as a child, seeing affairs occur in their parent’s marriage. Or, perhaps they found out about friends or relatives involved in affairs. Or, maybe they took part in an affair themselves. Then, there’s the flip side, being the one whose partner had an affair.

So…why do people cheat?

Esther Perel, a psychotherapist, who is a leading expert on relationship counseling, raises meaningful questions in her TED Talk video entitled “Rethinking Infidelity…a talk for anyone who has ever loved.”

The questions she raises dig deep into the reasons that affairs occur. Her talk also offers hope for those who want to restore their relationship after an affair. Of course, the reasons for an affair can vary from couple to couple. However, infidelity often shares common denominators.

Questions that help provide guidance during counseling

A question for both partners of a couple to answer:

Does the affair have to be the end of your relationship?

Questions for the partner who had the affair:

  • What made you want to have an affair? Was it for the sex? Or was it for the attention, the desire to feel special or important?
  • Did you experience a loss prior to having the affair—for example the loss of a parent, a friend, a career, or bad news from a doctor?
  • Were you happy with your partner but looking for a deeper emotional connection, for novelty, autonomy or sexual intensity?
  • Was your marriage already dying and the affair was simply the final straw?
  • Did the secretive relationship make you feel more alive? Were you attracted because it was a taboo, something you shouldn’t do?
  • Were you trying to find a different aspect of yourself, perhaps be a different or better version of yourself in a new relationship?
  • Are you sorry that having an affair hurt your partner?

For the partner deceived by the affair:

  • Did discovering the affair make you doubt yourself? Did you wonder who you were and if you had value?
  • Could you no longer trust your partner? Did you start distrusting other people in general?
  • Were you upset because you thought you had a happy relationship and didn’t understand why your partner would stray?
  • Do you wonder what your partner found through the affair that they believed they couldn’t experience with you?
  • Did you feel like you were no longer special—you weren’t “the one” anymore?
  • After discovering the affair, did you feel a loss of identity, like you didn’t know who you were?
  • Did you feel your partner lied to you, “you’re crazy, nothing is happening” and feel gaslighting was making you doubt yourself and your gut?
  • Even though you never had an affair, did you betray your partner in other ways? Through condemnation, criticism, neglect, indifference or perhaps even violence?

Find out how relationship counseling can help

With any difficulty that arises in life, it’s possible to emerge from it with a broader perspective and a deeper understanding. Finding ways to rediscover joy and meaning in life is vital for everyone.

Whether or not you stay together and recreate your relationship is a decision that you as a couple will make. Either way, exploring the issues underlying infidelity can offer an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals.

Contact us about relationship counseling and discover what answers are true for you.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Five Reasons People Avoid Going to Therapy

Depression, Grief, Relationships, Therapist

Five Reasons People
Avoid Therapy

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Avoiding Getting Help?

Five reasons people avoid going to therapy

1. I’m nervous about going to therapy

A lot of people get anxious and nervous about going to therapy. Maybe they don’t know how it works or feels there must be something wrong with me/us if we need professional counseling. Some people feel like it’s “weak” to ask for professional help.
2. I/we should be able to fix things on our own
Feeling like you can fix things on your own or at least you should be able to fix things on your own. This it is another big reason people avoid going to therapy. When it comes to relationship issues, sometimes one person is asking their partner or spouse to go to therapy and the other person Continues to say no.
3. How can therapy help me/us?
A lot of people are not sure how therapy works or how it can actually help. They might hesitate because they don’t understand the process and how it can actually help them get to a better place personally or in the relationship.
4. I don’t believe in therapy
Some people just don’t believe in therapy. They don’t believe it can help or they don’t believe they need it. Sometimes it takes a person being in a very vulnerable and painful situation to be open to the idea of getting professional help.
5. I/we can’t afford it
Many people who need or want therapy feel they can’t afford it.  There are a few places, such as a local church that may offer free counseling and there are also many nonprofit counseling services that offer more affordable, lower fees. When you are looking for a highly trained professional most likely the fee will be higher and unfortunately not accessible for some people. However, there are local nonprofit counseling centers that can offer counseling at a more affordable rate.
There are many reasons people avoid therapy. Some people find their way to therapy after going through a very painful situation emotionally or in their relationship. For people that are open to the process, it can be very helpful with many personal and relationship challenges.
At Maplewood Counseling, we offer professional, confidential, and experienced counseling services in New Jersey for couples, families, and individuals. If you are in need of help, get in touch

 

 

 

 

Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Feel Misunderstood?

Relationships

Want To Feel Understood?

Need Counseling?

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When you feel understood

How good does it feel when someone gets you? When someone truly  listens and understands you and is there for you emotionally? How wonderful does it feel when someone responds to you rather than reacts? How awful does it feel that the person you’re sharing a home with, a bed with cannot do that for you?

Feeling understood and seen is where a deeper connection starts. It also were disconnect and unhappiness starts – if you repeatedly feel misunderstood and not seen.

In some cases a spouse or partner truly does not understand what you’re upset about or what you need. But there is a difference between trying to fix something and the intention of trying to help, than being dismissive, eye rolling out of frustration. Some people don’t know how to respond in a compassionate way and and respond. It will help your spouse or partner hear “I see you are (angry, sad, frutrated, etc…) and I understand (or want to understand) – I am sorry you feel that way…what do you need from me (or how can I help?) ”

Want to get better at respnding in more compassionate and positive ways? Want to repair your fights in more effective ways? Get in touch.

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Couples Therapy

Maplewood Counseling provides relationship counseling for couples who are struggling with communication problems, an affair, a crisis or other issues. Marriage counseling and couples therapy is provided to help for all types couples with relationship issues.

Relationships & Families

Get relationship help for communication problems, affairs and infidelity, deciding to stay or leave your marriage or relationship, family and parenting relationships and more.  We specialize in helping couples with marital, family and relationship counseling.

Making Decisions

Are you unhappy in your marriage? Need help with your relationship and want to come in alone to talk?  Partner or spouse won’t come with you? Struggling to make some decisions to deal with painful relationship, parenting, step, blended or other family problems?

Contact Maplewoood Counseling

Where We’re Located

In an Unhappy Marriage?

Relationships

Unhappy Marriage?

Leave or Stay?

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Depressed About an Unhappy Marriage?

Are you afraid to leave an unhappy marriage? Are you staying for the kids or for other reasons? Are you trying to figure out what to do?

Many couples struggle in an unhappy marriage or relationship. A new baby definitely complicates your relationship and has a certain set of challenges. Some couples can work through these difficulties and other feel a new baby has only brought out the worst in the relationship and sometimes feelings change. And you’re not sure you can get your feelings back.

Having kids can also cause a lot of problems in a relationship and also make it more challenging to leave or divorce. Many people feel it can hurt their children if they get divorced and hurt their financial situation. Is staying always best for the kids? Maybe not.

What happens to some relationships after a child or children enter the picture is the relationship is put on the back burner. To feel like you are not a priority anymore in your marriage for an extended period of time can lead to a pretty big disconnect and unhappiness.

The truth is some people are raised by a parent that totally focuses on the children. Either it is a single parent household or someone that was conditioned to give the child or children most of the attention. It can feel wrong to do it any other way and sometimes frustrating to have your spouse want more attention. The result? The relationship suffers and over time a couple can get very disconnected. One person needing and wanting more attention, and the other not understanding why they just can’t put the children first. This can be a complicated issue.

Are you in an unhappy marriage and wonder what to do? Afraid to leave and can’t imagine staying? We are here to help if you are wondering what to do about an unhappy marriage.

 

Contact Maplewoood Counseling